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Colonel McBadass

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This page is about an attempted an hero.
Watch Out! Thumb ltd a189.gif This faggot waits for the child to make the first move in a sexual situation.
You can help by contacting Federal Authorities and alerting Chris Hansen.
He even has that classic autism face going on.

The internet is full of pasty, obese nerds who like to act tough. It's also full of pedophiles who spend all their time creeping on underage girls. What happens when those two groups are combined? You get Harold E Hall.

Harold E Hall (aka Colonel McBadass, The Voice, The Accuser, Shadow Joe, and about a billion other different usernames) is an internet tough guy, a social justice warrior, and a pedophile from the hive of degeneracy known as Madison, Wisconsin. (Coincidentally, that's also where Sarah Nyberg lives.) He is known for having colossal amounts of Unwarranted Self-Importance, constantly projecting his own personality flaws onto others, and for making death threats at the drop of a hat. He is also known for stalking an underage girl simply because she called him out for being a creepy fuck. To say that Harold is an internet tough guy is a complete understatement. This guy has such a thin hair trigger that almost anything anyone says to him will elicit an essay of death threats and butthurt. Like any good lolcow online, he expresses a desire to be a famous superhero. However, the only way he would get famous was for all the wrong reasons.

Early Life

Almost nothing is known about Harold's life before he was discovered by the internet at large, other than the fact that he was born to Kathryn C Hall, a single mother, sometime in 1990. No one knows who Harold's father was, but judging by his behavior on the internet, it's unlikely that he ever had any sort of male guidance in his life.

TV Tropes

Harold's life as a lolcow began on the sperg factory known as TV Tropes. He fit right in with the upstanding e-citizens of that site - for a while, anyway. He mostly spent his time whining about how statutory rape laws are unfair and how he should have the right to diddle any kiddy he wants. However, he did talk about a time when he tried to be a vigilante.

Colonel vigilante.png


One day, a teenage girl named lolacat stumbled upon the statutory rape thread where Colonel McFatass frequently whined about how The Man was keeping him away from his quest to obtain some underage ass. She immediately got creeped out over how everyone wanted to abolish said laws and chimed in:


   
 
I would be very uncomfortable with a grown man banging someone my age and he should be placed on the register for that.

Yeah, the 15 year old is in the wrong but not even close to being as wrong as the adult!
 


 
 

Colonel McBadass replied:


   
 
Do you even do anything here besides use bias in place of actual reasons?
 

 
 

He actually told an underage girl that she is "biased" for not wanting to be raped by a creepy man. Unnerved by her encounter with the internet vigilante, lolacat reported him to the mods and he got permabanned. Of course, this is TV Tropes, so they also permabanned her because she was being mean to a pedo. This was the catalyst that launched a thousand tard rages from Harold and he quickly declared lolacat his arch-nemesis. Unable to get over the loss off his favorite internet hangout, he proceeded to stalk lolacat across the internet. While he was stalking her, he encountered Something Awful's TV Tropes thread where he found this comment from a guy named Roland Jones:


   
 
Okay, this guy? This guy right here? This guy is a horrible person and needs to be put on a watchlist or something. He's in full-support of having sex with kids, to the point that he is telling a kid that she should not have any problems with an adult wanting to have sex with her. Nothing has made me want to break the prime directive more than this scumbag right here; someone needs to arrest him. I am more angry and disgusted now than at any point in the past reading these threads. He is, I repeat, telling a fifteen year old girl that her being against adults having sex with kids like her is "bias". Yes, dirtbag, most people tend to be biased against being raped; it's just that you're such a horrible piece of garbage that you can't realize it.
 

 
 

Colonel McBadass quickly responded by making a video.


   
 
You're probably just mad because I got you banned, you hideous asshole.
 

 
 

—lolacat


   
 
Nigga look like a condom full of Crisco
 

 
 

—redmercer

After he got torn apart in the comment section of his video, he immediately caved and swiftly took it down. Luckily, someone managed to save it and mirrored it for all to enjoy. Unfortunately, most of the other videos on his channel were lost.

The Drama-fight with shinkaito

Colonel McBadass continued to bitch at people in the comments as well as make death threats against lolacat. He was also constantly bragging about how strong he was and was challenging people to fight him. (Unfortunately, most of these conversations have been lost.) A YouTube user named shinkaito called his bluff by accepting his challenge for a fight. The Colonel made plans and told him to meet him at a middle school parking lot. shinkaito, wisely knowing that this creep shouldn't be allowed anywhere near children, offered to fight him at the Pheasant Branch Creek Conservancy instead. Colonel McBadass agreed, and proceeded to go on and on about how he was going to destroy him. When the day of the fight finally came, shinkaito brought along his video camera to make a record of the fight. So what happened? Did Colonel McBadass utterly destroy shinkaito like he said he would?

NO. Colonel McBadass never showed up.

After being called out on his cowardice, Colonel McBadass disappeared off the face of the internet, never to be seen again...

Or so it would seem...

TheVoice

Since Harold is not the kind of person who learns lessons easily, he simply changed his name to "TheVoice" and created a blog where he bitches and moans about every single internet person who wronged him and makes death threats against them, all mixed in with massive doses of projection, delusion, and unwarranted self-importance. He transmitted his messages to an empty house until he was discovered by 888chan. At first they expressed no interest in trolling him, but then TheVoice made the mistake of threatening to kill the people on 888chan simply because the OP linked to his blog. After witnessing how easy it was to piss him off, they saw a great opportunity for lulz and decided to become the Joker to his Batman. After some time of lashing out at their troll comments, he got scared and ran away. A mere one day later, he came back to his blog more defiant than ever. 888chan reminded him that Anonymous does not forget, so he got scared and ran away again. Thinking everyone left, he came back to his blog AGAIN, declared victory, and proceeded to go on and on about how he's going to prove all his detractors wrong. Spoiler warning: he never did.

RAGE QUIT

Even in this letter of surrender he manages to sound like a dick.

Eventually, Harold Hall discovered that someone wrote an ED article about him. Like all other spergs who have discovered they have become a laughingstock, he tried to blank it. Unsurprisingly, it didn't work. After realizing that his actions have consequences, he deleted his Facebook page and his YouTube account and wrote up a post on his blog where he said the trolls have won and proceeded to BAWWWWW about how much his life has gone down the shitter ever since lolacat got him perma-banned from TV Tropes.

;__;


The Colonel Tries to Become An Hero

Sometime near the end of July, someone e-mailed Harold Hall's mother informing her of all the death threats he had been sending people on the internet. On July 30, she replied:


   
 
Hello:


Who are you? How do you know my name and have my email address? What do you have to do with my son. I know nothing of death threats or harassing underage girls online that you are accusing my son of.



Are you aware that these videos are from last year? My son was harassed and bullied online. He engaged in inappropriate online interactions that caused him great distress. These videos are very disturbing and angry but they are not death threats or harassing underage girls.



Last year, someone, I can only assume was you, hacked into his account and found his phone number and address and starting sending pizzas to our home one after the other.



After these bullying events last year, my son tried to take his life. He was hospitalized and survived but has struggled since then to stay away from the bullying internet and not engage with these bullies. My son has autism and his reality is not the same as a neuro typical person. He believes that these people who are bullying him on line have some worth or can impact his life.


2 hours before you sent me this email, my son was taken by ambulance to the hospital and is now in the trauma life support center. So yes, I do want to know who you are, why you have information about me, what you have to do with my son, and why you are bring this all up after a year has gone by.


Please provide me with some answers. 


Kathryn
 


 
 

tl;dr version:
I'm not misbehaving i have autism.jpg

The guy spent so much time acting so tough, but when push came to shove, he tried to kill himself. Unsurprisingly, he failed. Why is it that spergs like him are so bad at committing suicide?

Shadow Joe

Everyone thought that Harold E Hall left the internet for good after his failed suicide attempt. But now he's back under the name Shadow Joe, and like anyone else with severe autism, he has learned nothing from his past experiences. He used to be a plain old internet tough guy. Now he's an internet tough guy who prides himself on being an anti-cyberbullying internet vigilante who threatens to kill people in the name of social justice, and although he claims to not be Harold E Hall, he behaves just like him, from his irrational hatred of TV Tropes to his obsession with age of consent laws to his habit of writing up long, rambling, incoherent, rage-filled diatribes whenever someone makes him butthurt. That, and his IP address shows that he lives in Madison, Wisconsin. (His IP address is 68.187.64.50, by the way.) He spends most of his time uploading the most retarded shit imaginable to YouTube. For example, here he is threatening reddit:

He blurred the video in order to hide the fact that he looks like a condom full of crisco. Scratch that, he set the video to private. What are you trying to hide, Harold?

He also made a video feebly attacking us, complete with voice changer and horrible recording quality. How cute.

Here are his autism-filled accounts:

His various shitty blogs:

It was also during this time that he tard raged at a redditor for three weeks straight because the guy "stole" his subreddit.

Harold E Hall, tacitly admitting that he has no life.

War with Kiwi Farms

On November 30, 2015, the faggoty spergs over at Kiwi Farms discovered Shadow Joe and proceeded to dig through his entire internet life and laughed at the mountain of autism they found. Harold created an account on the forums, yet he never posted once. Despite all his bravado, he crumbled instantly at the first sign of trouble. Shortly after the thread went up, he made this blog post:

Harold ragequits the internet again.png

Even Chris-chan put up more of a fight than that. Of course, like any good lolcow, he couldn't resist being the center of attention, so he decided to come back just three days later. He then spent all of December tard raging at the forums while uploading retarded cartoon clips to YouTube, and the residents of Kiwi Farms would respond by laughing at him. Near the end of December, Harold said that on New Year's Eve, he would create a video that would "utterly destroy" Kiwi Farms. The Kiwis eagerly awaited the release of this video, but when the big day finally came, the video was nowhere to be seen. After this, the Kiwis declared that not only was Harold more cowardly than Chris-chan, he was lazier than Chris-chan as well.

Harold didn't even try to rationalize his laziness and cowardice, instead claiming that the whole thing was just a publicity stunt. He later changed his story, claiming that shitting his pants and doing nothing was his master plain the whole time. He then proclaimed that he was invincible. Funny talk coming from a guy who disabled anonymous asks on his ask.fm account, blocks anyone who tweets at him, and continues to delete any and all comments people make on his blogs.

How to troll Colonel McBadass

Due to his internet tough guy personality, it's ridiculously easy to troll him. Here are some surefire ways to get him steaming mad.

  • Call him a pedophile.
  • Call him a fat fuck.
  • Call him a lazy fuck.
  • Call him a coward.
  • Remind him that he chickened out of fighting shinkaito.
  • Remind him that he still hasn't bothered to kill lolacat.
  • Tell him that he's not a real boxer.
  • Tell him to make a video showing off his "boxing skills".
  • Ask him his opinion on Sarah Nyberg.

If he makes a bunch of death threats or threats of physical violence against you, don't worry. Thanks to his laziness and general incompetence, he'll never be able to carry out any of his threats, even if he manages to find out where you live. He's like Eric Cartman, except violently unlikeable.

Choice Quotes from The Colonel

Here is a collection of some of the creepy and violent shit Harold Hall has said. May these quotes be used as evidence when his stupid ass is finally dragged into court.

   
 
Those are your girlfriends, huh? Not bad. After I send enough explosives to your house to fill an oil tanker, I will nuke you and your secret life partner to kingdom come. I will then move to wherever it is you live, so I can be there to comfort those two young ladies.


 


 
 

   
 
I will personally rip her heart out of her ass, and stuff it back down her throat!


 


 
 

   
 
It's not their fault Lola told them I sexually harrased her. I can forgive them for believing their lies. I will not forgive her for telling them, or the rest of the shit she's done. lolarobin, I swear to God, I don't care how long it takes me, or how seriously you take this threat, I nearly had myself killed because I couldn't stand the thought of being in a world with all this tragedy and bullshit, and billions of people like you who live your perfect lives not appreciating a Goddamn thing you've been given while contributing nothing but said bullshit to this fucked up system. I will make you pay for what you've done, you selfish, ignorant, twisted bitch.


 


 
 

—This guy is acting like simply because he got banned from a shitty internet forum, what the fuck?

   
 
I can't wait to hear you sobbing on the floor when I start snapping your fingers one by one.


 


 
 

   
 
Not too bad. Thanks to diverting my violent fantasies towards Celery Fag,(which I can say because I'm bisexual.) I'm free to focus my sexual ones onto lolacat.(16 is the actual age of consent in about half the world, so your "child" argument falls flat.) I'll bet she's nice and slender with plenty of curves. Right now I'm imagining giving her a tongue bath.


 


 
 

—Here he is threatening to rape a teenage girl.

   
 
They're not rape fantasies, either. In my mind, she's giving herself to me willingly.


 


 
 

—This guy. This fucking guy.

   
 
I will say this, though: If I ever run into any of you fuckers, and you're stupid enough to enough to call me pedo or potato man to my face, I'll beat you until you're a broken mess on the floor, jail time be damned. You'd be surprised how well this rather egg-shaped noggin is at smashing someone's nose into their face.


 


 
 

   
 
I will not have your lies, bias, and ignorance fill up my channels. I will never leave that "poor girl" (read: Psychotic, lying, bitch who refuses to acknowledge her overwhelmingly obvious mistakes long after they've been made apparent.) alone. I truly hope she feels uncomfortable and scared. I hope she thinks I'm every corner. That little bitch LIED about me. It doesn't matter that she thought I was harassing her. I said nothing that could have even remotely considered harassment, I pointed out that she wasn't using valid reasons, which she wasn't.. It was HER obsessive habit of thinking every conflict or argument has everything to do with her that started this mess, and that I will never forgive, even if she was actually sorry.


 


 
 

—Good god, this guy is delusional.

   
 
I will continue to harass lola as much as I possibly can. If I continue to do this for the rest of the year, it just might make up for everything she started. Halfway, at least.


 


 
 

—All of this just because the girl called him a creepy fuck.

   
 
Colonel McBadass's goals: 1. Meet shinkaito at the designated and beat the shit out of him. Allow word to spread, that unlike those cowards hiding behind their keyboards, safe from criticism, safe from harm, wasting the police's time with the obviously empty threats I made in response to something THEY started, I'm more than willing to back my words with actions. 2.Save up money for cool poo poo on Amazon. 3.Find someone suitable to be my Major. 4.Start and finish the videogames lying around. 5.Lose more weight, build more muscle.


 


 
 

—The phrases "obviously empty threats" and "back my words with actions" are right next to each other. How dense do you have to be to not notice the obvious contradiction!?

   
 
Corruption, bias, and ignorance is what has warped a great idea into a doctrine to punish both innocent and guilty. Physically capable, feels they and their partner are ready, and can certainly make a mature decision for THEMSELVES despite the presence of hormones, just as an adult can decide yes or no for themselves even if they're horny or a little buzzed. I fail to see the problem here.


 


 
 

—This guy just cannot figure out why it's bad to rape children.

McGallery

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See Also

External Links

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