Cool Cat is the deformed lovechild of Derek Savage after he and some random feline he met during his days as a male stripper engaged in full-on sodomy. He has since abandoned his previous lifestyle to, for whatever reason, educate kids on bullying and other shit, and the best way to appeal to kids who're unknowingly learning more about pedophilia than what the movies try to teach is to use a character who you'd wish to strangle every time he comes on screen.
Who is Cool Cat?
Diagnosed with autism at the age of seven, Cool Cat has been fighting those dang dirty bullies for years. Rather than put his experiences towards something remotely amusing, or at the very least, becoming an hero, he followed the same path as past failures. Or if you want the TL;DR version, he's a pedophile who happens to be a fan of Bubsy Bobcat (the video game world's answer to Scrappy Doo) and wears a dime store cat costume all his life to hide the festering sores he received because of wearing said costume.
How To Be Cool Cat
Being Cool Cat is easy, because Cool Cat has absolutely no personality at all and was obviously made by a Hollywood Reject who wanted a quick buck. Just do the following things:
- Yell all the fucking time. To better emulate Cool Cat's way of talking, put a tight clamp on your balls.
- Give Children bad advice on bullying. Make sure you always run out in the middle of the street when kids are watching, especially if the kids are autistic (gotta weed out the next generation somehow).
- Make sure to always tell random children that you love them at absolutely random times.
- Make sure to get your parents to roleplay with you and frequently engage them in subtle erotic roleplay.
It's that fucking easy. The only hard part is acting both intentionally and unintentionally like a retard at all times. This shouldn't be hard though if you have the writing powers of Derek Savage.
Birth of a Legend
He confided with Derek due to them having the same issue and picked some random street whore to dress up like a female cat so they could fuck every Tuesday. Amidst one of their fuck sessions, Derek decided to make a movie to vent out his frustrations with the world and he convinced Cool Cat and the street whore to work with him. Derek then convinced Erik Estrada and Vivica A. Fox to appear in the movie, which was easy enough, since he got them while they were hammered. Cool Cat brought in the rest of the cast with promises of free candy and belly rubs. By their powers combined, they've created Cool Cat Saves the Kids and helped to bring Derek and Cool Cat into the brown light.
Your Movie Sucks
But of course, with every masterpiece, there's someone who'd criticize it. The first to do it was YourMovieSucks. Initially, Derek actually liked the review, and the two struck up a relationship
and Derek even offered YMS a cameo in a future movie. DISREGARD THAT Derek now hates YMS and took away the offer. Cool Cat was unable to provide his opinion on the movie because he was taking a seat in the back of an FBI van. He won't be missed.
Derek chucks a fit
It wasn't until I Hate Everything made a similar review of Cool Cat's COOOO-OOOLL movie that Derek and Cool Cat began to BAAAAAWWWW uncontrollably. In a desperate attempt to save his feline friend from doing the world a favor, Derek heroically flagged down the video. Not one to take a false flagging lightly, IHE responded to Derek and he eventually received an e-mail from him, which only gave IHE and others more of a reason to criticize him. Rather than turn tail and return to his house to yiff some moar, he made a video discussing copyright and why he believe him flagging down a review he didn't like was the right thing to do. He even went as far as e-mailing IHE again, pretending to be a team of lawyers representing the creators of another movie IHE reviewed, but even those creators didn't give a shit. But, to show that reality isn't entirely screwed, the review was revived and as a result of the internet’s obsession with trending drama and funny situations, Daddy Derek’s shitty DVD and sweatshop merchandise sales skyrocketed, so now the dilemma is over and the Savage doesn’t care because of his newly-obtained Jew Gold which he’ll mostly likely spend on hookers and blow. Cool Cat was too busy getting his assburgers thoroughly ruffled by his new best buds in prison to acknowledge any of this.
The Great Cool Cat Saga
Where is Cool Cat Now?
Derek has deleted his embarrassing videos and ditched Cool Cat for a team of bimbos to leech off of in a gun safety movie. Most sources say Cool Cat is sharing a cell with a man who smells like an un-wiped ass, though some people want to believe he died from a seizure out of fear from a bully
sending him an e-mail cyber raping him. We can only wonder what the hell Cool Cat will be like when he leaves prison 30 years later, assuming he even lasts 5 minutes surrounded by a pack of mean bullies in the prison showers.
The return of Cool Cat
Derek's newest project is "Cool Cat Stops School Shootings", a new movie he believes will end all school shootings. For the LULZ Mumkey Jones agreed to promote his movie if he lets him play the shooter, and Derek agreed. Not much about the movie is know other than it will be a Masterpiece
- /b/). Don't send a follow request unless you're a masochist (or
- Cool Cat section on Derek's website. Hasn't been touched since 1997.
- Cool Cat on IMDB. The reviews are about what you'd expect.
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