Cooper Lawrence

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Cooper Lawrence is a butthurt bitch that publicly BAWWWWWED on Faux News over some video game that nobody cares about.

Full force in mouth to shut the bitch up.


One day, a bunch of butthurt republicans decided to make shit up on Faux News. Evidently, not enough niggers were making music at the time for these white assholes to criticize. As a result, they turned to video games as their scapegoat of the day. After a few rounds of mental masturbation, the Faux News crew attacked the game Mass Effect out of fucking nowhere. Lawrence was the main player for Faux News. She did a good job making stuff up and looked utterly fuckable. Anyways, Promptly after finishing their skit, the Faux News engaged in Satanic sexual rituals. Coopshit played the role of Beelzebub. Oh and the whole skit was dubbed "SE" XBOX. This gave rise to many lulz on a level that is over 9000.

After her expert opinion on the subject and getting pwned by the other gamer guy on TV, she asked the Faux Newz workers, "I can haz cock now?", not knowing that she was still on TV

The Great Butthurt Legacy

Cooper Lawrence is also a fine author of books like "The Cunt of Perfection
vidya gaem cretock.

The whole episode provided many lulz for sane individuals. However, Mass Effect fanboys decided to get butthurt over the issue and decided that spamming the shit out of vidya gaems message boards was the appropriate thing to do. The disease spread to /b/ eventually.

At first, David didn't really care about another Faux News article. But once anon noticed how lulzy it would be to fuck her shit up, all of /b/ united against Lawrencesuckscock.

For mere lulz, some brave /b/tards backed up the whole Cooper Lawrence/Faux News bullshit campaign to magically raid the bitch and fight for the greater good. The first wave of dickery on her call-in show however, provided many anti-lulz due to the fact that she was made aware of the impending shitstorm a day earlier through emails and MySpace faggory.

Anyways, the bitch has a book or some shit, so fags around the interwebz found its Amazon page and one-starred the piece of shit to oblivion. Shortly after doing so, Amazon joined in with the butthurting and decided to start deleting one star reviews. Many people have inquired why Amazon is censoring its chivalrous reviews but no one really knows why. The main theory is that Amazon is filled with dirty, conspiring Jews. And well, Jews have to look out for fellow Jews.

A fellow anon's thoughts on the issue:

"I'd like to skullfuck her, and then defecate in her mouth, while wearing a pink sweater and my favorite fushcia nail polish, and have her choke on my own filth while masturbating to cutting her toes open one by one

If you know what i mean"


—Anonymous, on poetic irony.

UPDATE: Seems like this fucktard saw the errors of her ways. She even admitted her butthurting antics on NY TIMES. Be proud, you stupid niggers.

The Ultimate Butthurtee

EA apparently got severly butthurt by Faux News' stupid display of ignorance. They even sent a Archive today-ico.png letter requesting an apology.

"Your headline above the televised story read: "New videogame shows full digital nudity and sex." Fact: Mass Effect does not include explicit or frontal nudity. Love scenes in non-interactive sequences include side and profile shots - a vantage frequently used in many prime-time television shows. It's also worth noting that the game requires players to develop complex relationships before characters can become intimate and players can chose to avoid the love scenes altogether.

FNC voice-over reporter says: "You'll see full digital nudity and the ability for players to engage in graphic sex." Fact: Sex scenes in Mass Effect are not graphic. These scenes are very similar to sex sequences frequently seen on network television in prime time.

FNC reporter says: "Critics say Mass Effect is being marketed to kids and teenagers." Fact: That is flat out false. Mass Effect and all related marketing has been reviewed by the Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB) and rated Mature - appropriate for players 17-years and older. ESRB routinely counsels retailers on requesting proof of age in selling M-rated titles and the system has been lauded by members of Congress and the Federal Trade Commission.]"


—EA, on poetic irony.

Once word of this spread on the intarbuttz, many newfag circlejerks were had to honor their flawless victory.

The Faux News Mass Effect Sex Debate


See Also

External Links

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