DJ

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DJ *tjsikkatjikkatjikaa* Sa-Damn! Live!

Disc jockeys exist only to destroy what is otherwise perfectly good music. While the term refers to vinyl records, it's common knowledge DJ's only download and cut up mp3 files with their midi controllers. The actual art of placing a needle on a piece of vinyl has been long gone, and nothing of value was lost.

Most DJs have self indulgent personality, and jack off to pictures taken in the mirror by themselves. That is, at least, according to Henry Rollins. Another myth is that DJ's get girls easily, which is entirely untrue since DJ's are nerds.

Playing Beatmania doesn't make you a DJ. In addition, playing DJ Hero makes you miss the point entirely. Here is an overview of various kinds of DJ's, which you might or might not relate to. We don't care. FUCK THATS SO GOOD!

This is how you DJ.


Types of DJ's[edit]

beat goes boom boom boom.

Radio DJ[edit]

Known for their irritating banter and completely static playlists, radio DJs don't do any work anymore. Their job consists out of checking if the next song starts in time. When it fails, they'll cry about it while *LIVE ON THE AIR*. Being a radio DJ requires the least skill and talent of all DJ variants. Basically anyone makes a great candidate for becoming the most popular DJ on international radio. glenn beck managed to do it, and that says all. Most broadcasting companies have given up on DJs completely and simply plugged an iPodShuffle and a voice synthesizer into their transmitters. At least voice synthesizers can make funny jokes all by themselves.

College Radio DJ[edit]

Russians do it different.

Radio DJ + stuttering + eating with an open mic *LOUD* + swearing + being generally more uncool. Not really worth mentioning, but this is an Encyclopedia, so we pretty much have to.

Rave DJ[edit]

If you want to hear the same drumbeat for eight hours straight, then you're looking for a rave DJ. They play many styles of repetitive music which are essentially the same but they fight over which is which, so much that they never have time to make up a playlist and just spin whatever they find in their record crate. Rave DJs only use vinyl and will argue about it for hours, since vinyl sounds "warmer" which is audiophile for "I think I listen to better music than you do." The *actual* reason vinyl sounds "warmer" is because vinyl sucks balls at reproducing higher frequencies, but don't tell them.

This sort of vinyl vs not vinyl argument can be found on every page any DJ forum, where oldfagdjs will whine incessantly about how new technologies are killing djing, and people should stop using them. Just fucking download your MP3's and mix them together in anything: sounds better.

For more information, please visit Ibiza.

Armchair DJ[edit]

With the advent of incredibly powerful computer technology (such as DDR) it's become possible for just about anyone to be a DJ. Pirate some software and make your own mixes out of shitty J-Pop and Punk while not paying any attention to the tempo or melodies. You'll have people listening to your Shoutcast stream in no time! Note that armchair dj isn't plural: the other arm can be used to fap.

iPod DJ[edit]

While Radio DJ's might be a low breed of musicians, the lower class, the infinite low, the ones Scraping at the bottom of the shitbarrel. Using their ultimate attention whore accessory, they'll be the center of the club. Mostly they are just dumb fucks with no skillz and deserve to die alone. Protip: if you wanna become a DJ, just don't do this!

Popular DJ Names[edit]

If you wanna pick a DJ name just select one of these amazingly original examples, you'll be sure to stand out!

Typical DJ Videos[edit]


DJ Fuckhead... No nO nO NO talent...

Number One!

99% button mashing while nothing happens. Crappy transitions and boring songs.

DJ OTTO!!!))10101010)!))!!ONE!!

Gallery[edit]

DeadJournal[edit]

It's like LiveJournal with approximately 98.87656766576786870705816% more goths. As with Rave DJs, most goths also prefer vinyl, for different reasons. See also Girlvinyl.

See Also[edit]

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