Dan Bailey

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Angelo Mozilo. Sieg Heil!

Daniel A. Bailey, Jr. is a hobosexual internet celebrity who had his fifteen minutes of fame last Thursday when he was bitch-slapped by Angelo Mozilo, the CEO of his mortgage lender Countrywide, after his pathetic attempt to beg Countrywide to give him money. Being a whiny liberal fag, Comrade Bailey of course could not contain his butthurt and therefore posted his sob story on a forum, where it was picked up by various bloggers, who let their regulars in on the drama. Over 9000 blog commenters then proceeded to join in on Dan Bailey's bawwing, using his experience as definitive proof that capitalism is the root of all evil.

How it all went down[edit]

Quick! Find Dan Bailey!

After realizing that he had spent entirely too much of his income on porn, DevianTART commissions, and Scientology fees to have anything left for house payments, Dan Bailey panicked and spammed twenty Countrywide employees with a hardship letter in a vain attempt to keep them from foreclosing on his ass. Having dulled what little intelligence he had with drugs and television, Bailey could not think of a single original thing to write to get sympathy. He ripped off a form letter from a random loan workout site in the belief that the boilerplate misfortunes described therein would help his cause.

Original email[edit]

Dan Bailey's precious home.

The TL;DR emo letter that Dan Bailey copypasta'd and spammed Countrywide with:

   
 
To Whom It May Concern:

I am writing this letter to explain my unfortunate set of circumstances that have caused me to become delinquent on my mortgage. I have done everything in my power to make ends meet but unfortunately I have fallen short and would like you to consider working with me to modify my loan. My number one goal is to keep my home that I have lived in for sixteen years, remodeled with my own sweat equity and I would really appreciate the opportunity to do that. My home is not large or in an upscale neighborhood, it is a “shotgun” bungalow style of only 900 sq. ft. built in 1921. I moved into this home in May of 1992…this was the same year I got clean and sober from drugs and alcohol, and have been ever since, this home means the world to me.

The main reason that caused me to have a hardship and to be late is my misunderstanding of the original loan. I was told that after the first year of payments, I would be able to refinance to a better fixed rate- then the bottom fell out of the industry. My payments for that first year were on time. I also lost my second income due to physical conditions in a very physically demanding industry.

As my ARM payments increased, I have had less money to put towards making my business (income) work. I had been unable to generate business because all of my funds were going towards attempting to make my loan payments. This, coupled with major repairs to my vehicle (93 jeep) and paying out of pocket for medical and dental issues (I have no ins.) caused me to fall further and further behind, destroying my credit rating.

Now, it’s to the point where I cannot afford to pay what is owed to Countrywide. It is my full intention to pay what I owe. But at this time I have exhausted all of my income and resources so I am turning to you for help.

I feel that a loan modification would benefit us both. With that, and knowing my home will not be foreclosed, I would be able to obtain a roommate in order to generate more income, Jew and have a good working relationship with Countrywide. I would appreciate if you can work with me to lower my delinquent amount owed and payment so I can keep my home and also afford to make amends with your firm.

I truly hope that you will consider working with me and I am anxious to get this settled so we all can move on.

Sincerely and Respectfully,

Daniel A Bailey Jr.
 


 
 

Unknown letter writer, being ripped off by Dan Bailey


Summary: Waaaambulance time!

Angelo Mozilo's reply[edit]

The CEO of Countrywide, Angelo Mozilo, called Dan Bailey on his copypasta bullshit, reacting as violently as if Bailey had accused him of not being tan enough. However, in a textbook example of failing at the internets, he pressed the Reply button instead of Forward, meaning that Dan Bailey could see exactly what Mozilo thought about his whiny email:

   
 
This is unbelievable. Most of these letters now have the same wording. Obviously they are being counseled by some other person or by the internet. Disgusting.
 

 
 

—Angelo Mozilo, discerning the truth

Oh lawd, is dis sum butthurt?[edit]

Dan Bailey's defenders.

The confused and saddened Dan Bailey proceeded to sound off to the internet about his woes. Responses were fast, furious, and quite lulzy. Drama mainly came from the fight between righteous Republican capitalists with a healthy belief in individual responsibility and depraved leftists who hate business in general, Countrywide in particular, and America overall.

   
 
let me get this straight and I START BY SAYING SUPPLY CAUSED THIS NOT ANY TYPE OF LOAN, but you are saying that it is evil for the customer to get help from “anyone” ON A CONTRACT THAT “TANGELO” PAID BIG BIG ATTORNEYS TO WRITE, I know, those contracts are all WRITTEN BY THE BEST ATTORNEYS IN THE NATION, now the buyer can’t ask “anyone”. Here is the basis of the problem and you know what - more and more keys in the mail and these companies are going to go “poof” in the night……….Tangelo will be walking the “Enron” purp walk before this is thru but lots more blood on this horizon…………..
 

 
 

catherine, making absolutely no sense

   
 
So BS is saying that the onus is completely on the home owner for purchases and refinancing? Wow, that’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever read!!! While I agree that people should be responsible for their own actions, BS is making a very broad assumption that everyone who bought a home in the last five years was poor, greedy and deserved to rent.
 

 
 

Ridiculous, ruining his own argument

   
 
LOL personal responsibility is rhetoric.

America, land of the “it’s not my fault!”….it’s it’s it’s the bankers fault for forcing me to take a loan….yeah yeah….oh it’s the government’s fault for not watching out for me! Oh oh, it’s definitely not MY fault. Why should I have to read loan documents for hundreds of thousands of dollars? I shouldn’t have to do that, the government should read those documents for me!
 


 
 

Erik, thinking he is good at imitating the average American

   
 
SHAME on those of you who kick people when they are down. Look in your past you are not perfect !

Some of you have made mistakes personally or professionally that you would not want others to know. So I commend Mr. Dan Bailey for standing up for himself and his family !!!!!!!!
 


 
 

Pist, defending the children of the poor and punishing the wrongdoer

   
 
can’t support a “homeowner” who uses a “made up” form letter and tries to get HIS way with it. If I were you Dan I would have been terribly embarrassed about being caught plagiarizing (with or without permission from the original author, it is what it is).
 

 
 

Not Disgusted, threatening to bring in an attorney at lol

Countrywide covers its ass[edit]

Fearing that the extreme amounts of drama occurring on various financial blogs would escalate into a Communist revolution, Countrywide acted quickly to spread the minimum amount of bullshit needed to calm the angered proletarian masses.

   
 
Countrywide and Mr. Mozilo regret any misunderstanding caused by his inadvertent response to an e-mail by Mr. Bailey. Countrywide is actively working to help borrowers, like Mr. Bailey, keep their homes.
 

 
 

Countrywide, fending off the revolutionaries

Of course, for the truly butthurt, Countrywide's image has been ruined beyond all redemption and no good can ever come of their services again:

   
 
Compaines like coutrywide are basically robbing people of their hard work and their pride on what they accomplished so far in life. We are all suffering and these big corporations are taking all of that away. If you are rich then you can afford it, but if you are poor or in the middle class your screwed.
 

 
 

Crissie, whining

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External links[edit]

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