Daniel A. Bailey, Jr. is a hobosexual internet celebrity who had his fifteen minutes of fame last Thursday when he was bitch-slapped by Angelo Mozilo, the CEO of his mortgage lender Countrywide, after his pathetic attempt to beg Countrywide to give him money. Being a whiny liberal fag, Comrade Bailey of course could not contain his butthurt and therefore posted his sob story on a forum, where it was picked up by various bloggers, who let their regulars in on the drama. Over 9000 blog commenters then proceeded to join in on Dan Bailey's bawwing, using his experience as definitive proof that capitalism is the root of all evil.
How it all went down
After realizing that he had spent entirely too much of his income on porn, DevianTART commissions, and Scientology fees to have anything left for house payments, Dan Bailey panicked and spammed twenty Countrywide employees with a hardship letter in a vain attempt to keep them from foreclosing on his ass. Having dulled what little intelligence he had with drugs and television, Bailey could not think of a single original thing to write to get sympathy. He ripped off a form letter from a random loan workout site in the belief that the boilerplate misfortunes described therein would help his cause.
[Click to collapse email] [Click to expand email] 0
—Unknown letter writer, being ripped off by Dan Bailey
Summary: Waaaambulance time!
Angelo Mozilo's reply
The CEO of Countrywide, Angelo Mozilo, called Dan Bailey on his copypasta bullshit, reacting as violently as if Bailey had accused him of not being tan enough. However, in a textbook example of failing at the internets, he pressed the Reply button instead of Forward, meaning that Dan Bailey could see exactly what Mozilo thought about his whiny email:
—Angelo Mozilo, discerning the truth
Oh lawd, is dis sum butthurt?
The confused and saddened Dan Bailey proceeded to sound off to the internet about his woes. Responses were fast, furious, and quite lulzy. Drama mainly came from the fight between righteous Republican capitalists with a healthy belief in individual responsibility and depraved leftists who hate business in general, Countrywide in particular, and America overall.
—catherine, making absolutely no sense
Countrywide covers its ass
Fearing that the extreme amounts of drama occurring on various financial blogs would escalate into a Communist revolution, Countrywide acted quickly to spread the minimum amount of bullshit needed to calm the angered proletarian masses.
Of course, for the truly butthurt, Countrywide's image has been ruined beyond all redemption and no good can ever come of their services again:
- Original forum post by Dan Bailey
- LA Times article
- Blog concerning the event - contains dozens of lulzy comments