The Dan Lirette Story

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Info non-talk.png An extra special message to Dan can be found here.


   
 
The baby is only dead when I kick it in the head.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette, threatening to pwn his deceased malformed daughter

Ciao! Douchebag Danny
Danny sports his faggoty female-pubic-merkin style 'soulpatch'.
Indisputable scientific proof that Dan Lirette is a hypocrite and a douchebag. Breasts don't lie.

He thought he could run. He thought he could hide. He thought he could avoid responsibility after producing a zombaby.

But Something Awful connected the dots. In a show of sleuthing rivaling Maury, Goons put the pieces of Preacher Dan's internet history together and figured out that the Evangelical internet mogul was the father of an illegitimate (and now dead) retarded baby.

And so they set out to pray for him and show him the path to righteousness ruin his life.


Birth of a fundie[edit]

Dan's father and mentor.
Danny Sam Lirette was born in Moncton, New Brunswick, Canada on November 2nd, 1976. His mother, Carol, was a UNIONIZED mop lady at a school. His father Dullard Dollard was a handyman who couldn't hold a real job. As seen here, from these ambitious, high-achieving genetic examples our boy Danny was spawned.

(UPDATE: We have been informed by Dan that being a UNIONIZED Mop Lady in Canada is a job coveted by Harvard Law grads, such is the power and money his "setting the world on fire" mother has obtained in her esteemed and honored position. This explains why 33 year old Danny lives with his big ballin Mommy and makes her pay for his "lawyer" to e-sue people for making fun of him online.)

Danny wasn't just born in 1976. He was "Born Again" on October 27th, 1992; and yet again sometime in late 2008 or early 2009. In fact, he has been born again more times than Buddha.

Dan hugs a child's toy while fondly remembering his tryst with Gilles

After being incarcerated for almost 6 years (on and off) in kiddie jail, Dan Lirette engaged in a homosexual love affair with a guard named Gilles Goudreau. Gilles shared the love of penis with Dan on a constant basis until the day that Gilles wasn't enough for Dan anymore, and Dan turned to the holy cock of Jesus Christ for comfort.

According to the website 'Jesus Atlantic', the day that Gilles led Dan to Jesus Christ, the Presence of God fell into Dan's gaping manhole in such a powerful way that Dan recounts how he physically felt the Holy Spirit ejaculate into him in great "deliverance", and he recounts how he was instantaneously set free from the power of sin and the devil.

Called by Jesus[edit]

Danny boy stands a wee 5'4" and is a born-again (and again, and again, as many times as it takes) fundamentalist Ted Haggard-wannabe fanatic who resides in Moncton, New Brunswick. He has proclaimed himself the "tiniest open-air preacher" in Canada. This means that he stands around in public places shouting about Jesus and sin, generally annoying the living fuck out of anyone who encounters him in an effort to avoid getting stepped on.

It has been determined that Danny engages in this behavior because he suffers from a Napoleon Complex: he is overcompensating for standing only 5'4" tall and being hung like a raisin.

Did we mention that he's short?

Shorty Dan bought a gazebo and works from it all year round under the name dannytech. You have to be under 4 feet to enter. You can call dannyboy at (506)801-2018 and he'll talk dirty to you. He even got a few tats that are encrypted. This secret information was made available to us via dannyboy's own emails sent to his imaginary friends. Thanks dannyboy lulz.

Dannyboy can be found menstrabating on Fat Tuesday party nights while his three wives are out of town. Tuesdays are when dannyboy getz all of his homospecial fanatsies out in the open. Sit back, relax, get your ass infected while your computer is cleaned. The next 45 minutes will change your life!

He may have gotten rid the soulpatch but he didn't rid hismelf of his love for the bisex. Dannyboy enjoys spending his time at the local gay hangout, Triangles, and then takes his dates to Pastalli's, the Keg or preferably MacDonald's. On a good night, he'll even pay. With his mouth.

Danthedouche can be contacted on Facebook and if you're really lucky he'll give a signed autograph of his wanker. Just don't expect to be able to see it without special lenses lulz.

His 'gospel' is available for download online for anyone masochistic enough to voluntarily subject themselves to it, and he posts his Fundie batshittery on dozens of different forums and websites in hopes of becoming the puppet-master of a Christian Media Empire.

He has been banned from the public market in Moncton and all Wal-Marts in Canada. Seriously. How does anyone get banned from Wal-Mart? (PROTIP: don't scream about Jesus like a crazy hobo).

Where all da fundie wimminz at?[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: Myah Walker.
Dan, using a step ladder, signs the final installment check for his bride

Despite all 5 feet 4 inches of him being 100% douchebag,and living at home with his Mommy, Dan has managed to find at least a few women with low enough standards to allow him to stick his micro-penis in them, including his second and current wife Carolyn.

It is assumed that Dan's first fundie wife left when she saw pictures in medical textbooks and discovered that not all men's penises are a mere one inch long.

But Dan's pimple dick, tiny as it is, has an insatiable appetite, and one vagina was not enough for it. In early 2008, Dan found this largely incomprehensible 'wall-of-text' style message posted on a bulletin board and instantly popped a micro-boner:

 
 
Hey.. . My name is Myah and I was recently born-again into Christ (That's right, Whoohoo!). Right now I go to the Full Gospel Pentacostal Assembly in Antigonish, where I go to University. I love it there so much and I don't want to leave it.. . but summer is coming so I'll be heading home to Moncton soon. The problem is, there are about 210 churches in this city and I don't know where to begin! I'm in search of a congregation that is full of young, energetic Christ-followers that are serious about their walk with Jesus. A church that understands that this isn't about a religion.. . no no no.. . this isn't a religion. This is a personal relationship with God (Amen!). I'm not into churches that do a lot of rituals and traditions.. . not into churches that get all wrapped up in glorifying their "religion" while disregarding the Word of God.. . not into churches that are filled with the sound of yawns and mumbling prayer in unison.. . not into churches that take pride in separating themselves with other Christians (come on now.. . the Body of Christ is one).. .not into churches that distort Jesus into someone who's cool with you sinning and doesn't require sacrifice and repentence.. . not into churches that cherry-pick the bible and twist the Word into fitting their lifestyle.. . not into churches filled with people who worship God only one day a week.. . not into churches that lean on their own understanding instead of trusting in the Scripture! Amen :) But I am into churches that preach the Truth. I am into churches that put God first, that put Him right in the centre and on the throne of their lives -not in the background. I am into churches that are filled with people who worship the Lord with all their heart, all their strength, and all their mind.. .filled with people who want to grow in the Spirit of God by feeding themselves with the Word. I am into churches where I can feel free to throw my hands up in the air to openly worship my God. I am into churches that are led by the Spirit, not a set agenda. I am into churches that aren't afraid to tell people about HELL (yeah, I said it.. . the lake of fire.. . don't be sugar-coating the Truth haha). I am into churches that are just filled with people on-fire for God (just not literally ok?).. . Is there a church like that in Moncton? Hahaha.. okay now, can you tell the Holy Spirit is spilling out? Look, if you think I would fit into your church, then I would love to check it out. This is all for the Glory of God :) Give me a shout.. Peace Myah
 

 

—Myah is looking for some Christian lovin'

As Dan's got a permanent hard-on for all things Jesusy, he responded to Myah Walker's message and developed a relationship with the young woman. She became his understudy in the world of "open air preaching", and he found her a position as a staff member with Highfield Baptist Church. In his own words:


   
 
Of course I had to write and share about Highfield Baptist! HB is an amazing assembly with a family and community oriented atmosphere.

I wrote to Myah and spoke on our assembly and Pastoral Leadership and after chatting for a while she had mentioned she was also seeking employment.
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette, in response to Myah's ad

Dan Lirette, p-p-praising Myah being FOUR MONTHS OLD IN THE LORD.

The above radio interview was given just days after Dan had fucked Myah and started the horrific chain reaction that led to the zombaby being unleashed upon the world. The entire interview is worth listening to because Dan talks about how demons are literally real, Satan has visited him in person and that when Myah touches babies she starts talking in tongues - for real.

Dan The Dater[edit]

Dan appears all across the dating webz now under the nics dannyboyisgay, dan lirette, danielinmoncton,dantek4u,danread and a few other hot titles to choose from looking for puzzies and cocks to suck on. He's emailed over 9000 local men and women for free sex and porn. At this rate he'll be aborting 12 zombabies a day unless he sticks to the rod in his mouth. Here's the lowdown

Carnal Desires, or How Do I Formed Zombaby[edit]

Dan & Myah

At some point, after a long and arduous day of pissing people off by standing around pimping Jesus and condemning people to Hell, the ultra-godly Dan procured a ladder, climbed a few rungs, and began to plow Myah's fertile fundie fields. Meanwhile, Dan's second wife Carolyn sat home tending to the children and adoring her tiny husband for his piety and righteousness.

Date Rape Dan, the Holy Man[edit]

Recent unconfirmed reports have circulated that this most recent "adulterous affair" actually began when Dan poured copious amounts of Jesus Juice into Myah and then committed date rape after she passed out. According to this version of events, the next morning he blamed her for using her feminine wiles on him and causing him to stray from God. He denounced her as the Whore of Babylon and then used her shame and guilt to manipulate her into more praising of Jesus with the ritual sacramental wine, leading to more sloppy drunk fundie-fucking, complete with laying more blame on the sinful little Jezebel.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat, etc.

It's a plausible story, but some argue that Myah knew of Dan's intent and simply played along: since Dan has a micro-penis, she figured he'd never penetrate her and thus thought she had nothing to worry about. If anyone found out about the two of them giving into temptation, Myah would have the "I was drunk" excuse to fall back on. This is the most logical explanation for the affair, as empirical evidence demonstrates that crazy fundie women love to shed their panties after two vodka jello shooters and have no idea what a real penis is supposed to look or feel like. (This is why Dan can only seduce fundie women.)

It's also well-established as fact that rape is the number one secret fantasy of all women.

I Came![edit]

Regardless, Dan and Myah, being fundies, naturally eschewed any form of birth control so (as often happens when people regularly engage in unprotected sex) Myah eventually became impregnated by Dan's Jesus Jizz.

Dan preaching with a different 'assistant'. He likes 'em young.

In Dan's own words:

   
 
I became involved in an adulterous affair with a summer student staff member at our church and she became pregnant.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette, what a man

Yeah, that's right: according to Dan, Myah just 'became' pregnant. It had nothing to do with the fact that he impregnated her. It's just one of those magical things that happens sometimes, and not something that Dan himself had any part in. God works in mysterious ways, and all that. Her pregnancy couldn't possibly be related to something as simple as the fact that he was regularly blowing his load directly into her sacramental chalice. It was all that stupid bitch's fault for 'becoming' pregnant.

Naturally, cunt scraping is out of the question for fundamentalists, but since Dan is a reformed man infused with the divine spirit of Godliness, he immediately stepped up to the plate and recognized his responsibilities to Myah and his new baby.

Nah, just kidding. He abandoned Myah and the baby.

Having cut off all contact with Myah, Dan was forced to find a new 'assistant' with whom to preach.

Enter Zombaby[edit]

Lil' Miracle Looks Just Like Her Daddy

Although this article has used the word "baby" to describe Dan Lirette's offspring, it's not entirely accurate. As things turned out, the crotchspawn growing inside Myah was diagnosed with anencephaly. But being batshit-fundie-crazy, Myah is staunchly anti-abortion and so decided to give birth to the brainless meatsack anyway.

Once Danny-O learned that the news of his affair and paternity was spreading across the Interwebs, he frantically scrambled to remove all traces of evidence from the internet. He was unsuccessful, largely due to his prolific posting habits. Not even he could keep track of all the batshit testimonies he had spent hundreds of hours posting online.

According to Dan, he revealed to his wife his illicit activities that resulted in the creation of Zombaby, and after much Jesus-ing Carolyn forgave him. Attempts to contact Carolyn in the interest of confirming this have been unsuccessful.

Exit Zombaby[edit]

Baby Faith died in her mother's arms on 5/23/2009 at 4:40 PM. Meanwhile, her father Dan Lirette was obsessively F5-ing the Something Awful forums and typing up DMCA notices, once again earning his title of World's Greatest Dad!

Tributes to Zombaby[edit]

Faith's Lullaby courtesy of SA forum poster and musician Look Under The Rock.

Leave Dan Alone! Episode 1: A New BAAAAAAAAW[edit]

Immediately after the creation of this article, Dan sent a message to a member of the SA forums, saying:


   
 
I have contacted my family's lawyer and a DCMA notice will be filed against reflected networks which hosts the wiki.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette is ready for a showdown

It is unclear why Dan thinks filing a notice with the Defense Contract Management Agency will accomplish anything, or if he's just too fucking stupid to spell DMCA correctly. It's further unclear how the United States Digital Millennium Copyright Act would apply in North Saskatchitoba, Canadialand.

Dan Lirette vs. Something Awful[edit]

   
 
I'm coming for you, Rick.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette, crossing the line from wacky internet fundie to crazy creepy stalker

Dan was horrified and dismayed to find that his e-legal threats weren't being taken seriously, but instead were being openly mocked by the sinful, secular heathens.
Dan riding the short bus while displaying his camel toe. Interesting tidbit: the tattoo on his arm is the Hebrew word for charity, so he's not just a stupid Christian, he's a hypocritical Jew-loving Christian!

Stewing in his utter failure, Dan set out to 'discredit' the merciless goons of SA.

Please pray for Something Awful[edit]

Upon discovering Something Awful's sinful ways, Dan sent a plea to his brothers in Christ.

 
 
To the Charisma Brethren:

There have been individuals from a vile secular site from the USA who have exploited my testimony and have spoken vile evils against myself and others; I have been harassed and maligned falsely by these unknown individuals and have felt the need to remove all posts online in an effort to at least stop, partially, their postings of outright lies.

Please do pray for these people; they operate on a site called "Something Awful" and exploit individuals worldwide for reasons unknown, saying such things as cannot be posted here as they are far too vile. (Please do not visit such a vile site; it was given for reference only)

These individuals are, for the most part, demon possessed, as their words on that site are filthy and clearly demonically inspired; may God have mercy on them.

Be it known that these individuals have come to attack and exploit my testimony with blatant and outright lies to which I will not defend as I know that God is the vindicator of those He has saved, and as He has saved me and Filled me with His Spirit, I offer anyone at Charisma my church phone number to speak with my Pastor who can authenticate my Salvation and sanctification and obedience to Christ's Word. It has been almost a year; I'm unsure why these individuals have now sought to exploit me and lie concerning my salvation, however, a local respected assembly Pastor will verify my experience and lifestyle; please PM me.

I praise God for the Charisma Brethren and covet your prayers daily.
 


 

—Dan asks that you pray for the demon-possessed Goons

Wee Dan's message to Something Awful[edit]

New York: it's on the line
Unhappy that goons continued to follow him around the internet disrupting his ability to plow the fertile loins of young Evangelical Christians across Canada, Dan posted the following video to Youtube. He quickly realized the video served the dual-purpose of being both fairly solid evidence of his insanity as well as a reasonably effective advertisement for the SA forums, so he futilely deleted it 5 minutes after posting it. But Dan should have certainly learned by now that anything he posts online, stays online:

<video type="rutube" id="b82960976b3bc72e81b9e6a9b79c2bf6" width="470" height="353" desc="" frame="false" position="center"/>

Danny DMCA'd the original off of Jewtube and continues to DMCA the hell out of where ever the videos are uploaded. Welcome to rutube bitch.

Missing from the saved video are Dan's insightful annotations such as "Something Awful is evil and murders babies with hammers" and "They enjoy being evil".

INTERWEBS GOONS TO THE RESCUE[edit]

I'm not Dan Lirette CALL ME CALL ME CALL ME
Fed up with people being able to use Google, Danny Lirette enlisted some New York City thug to call the Waaaambulance. Two fake YouTube accounts were created - "somethingawfulvids" (now deleted) and "RichardKyanka". Both accounts mention how Dan is using INTERWEBS GOONS to dig up information on Lowtax and other people on SA being pedophiles.
   
 
It's kind of fucked up when someone throws you a cell # to show where he's from and you won't call...unless you're fucking 12 years old. So what the fuck makes you think I'm Dan and why the fuck won't you call me? If not we'll justleave it the fuck alone and call it a day. I'm too old for games. But I am coming for Richard. And oh when we do chat I'll be sure to mention how you fucktards were too cowardly to call me. internet whores haha hiding behind a comp.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
He made it then he deals with it. I'm not into internet bullshit. I'm coming for the one in sight. No fucked up posts for me.I offered my # to prove I'm not Dan and that's as much as I'll offer. And I'll even offer HIS fucking number to show this isn't Dan vacationing in NYC. But no. You guys won't do it and I'll never find you. But I'll get to one of you and he'll answer for your fucking posts. I'm not religious and couldn't give a shit about what Dan has done. I give a shit about what you and him have done to fuck some of us up with the drama you've all brought on. Now call me or I'm blocking your ass. And if you get to ricky before I do let him know I'm coming to chat with him. Let him know that I'm looking to call him Monday.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
It's going to be even funnier when I catch Richard. I'll be sure to email him tomorrow just to let him know what's happening and how it's being dealt with and how he's your new scapegoat. I sincerely hopes he tells me to fuck off. Like I said. NYC. Dan Lirette can lick my ass for all I care. I'm coming for the ones who posted the shit online and if it has to be Richard then so fucking be it. But it will be taken down. That I guarantee.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
So you still think I'm Lirette? lol. My motivation in all of this is that Lirette is much fucking worse than you know about and his shit has fucked his family a few times over the years. So when all is said and done it's fucking some extended family members over the shit you guys are posting. Fuck couldn't you have picked a better topic? I have tons of shit on lirette. Bible school studies while drunk. Fucking whores all over the city while a male stripper AND married to his first wife rachel Tons of shit. Trust me this isn't Lirette. But I cangive you shit that would make your fucking head spin and swaggart look like a fucking angel.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Obviously think I'm Lirette. I have all of your sites as do most of monctonians. The myah one is the fucking best. The Lirette one needs more spice. But at the bottom you give this site to lirette. All fine with me. I offered a # and you wouldn't call. But now you have Lirette's. And I have Richard's. Everyone is happy. you're fucking entertaining yourself Kristen. I love the poetic justice in your rants. you guys have no idea how much I've laughed my ass off. You just chose the wrong topic. Have a pleasant night. I'm sure your time zone is early while mine is getting late.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
I love the posts on Lirette's wiki page. I'm considering joining SA tomorrow. I'll dump more shit on Lirette there. Now before I get arrested I'll make like a champ and delete my YouTube account and create one on SA tomorrow and we'll chat more there.

ps- I'm already on SA you fucktard! hahahaha

I LOVE YOUR MOM!
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

Danny Lirette: Master of YouTube About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Thus concludes one of Wee Dan's most obsessive sockpuppet threat campaigns seen in recent days. This guy really has too much time on his hands and too few brain cells. After giving out his cell phone number to PROVE he wasn't Dan he then turned around and bitched about all harassing phone calls he got. If you call him he will tell you you have the wrong number but won't hang up right away so he can be milked for extra lulz.

(PROTIP: If you don't want to receive harassing phone calls, don't give your phone number out to strangers on the internet in taunting messages demanding that they call you.)

Danny Rages Against the Something Awful (SA) Cult[edit]

As Dan descended further into the abyss of madness, he unleashed an army of sockpuppets on the local moncton.net forums.


   
 
Something Awful is a cult that supports drug use, rape, racism, illegal use of firearms, harassment, piracy and child pornography. We exist to expose the cult that is Something Awful and the mastermind behind it Richard Kyanka.
 

 
 

—Moncton.net forums user "Paladin" declares war against the SA machine

Danny and his BFF Paladin engaging in a little "roleplaying"

Danny's only supporter on the moncton.net forums was his BFF "Paladin". Paladin is a 53-year-old cosplay-LARPer-fag who trolls internet dating sites for teenage girls to stick his wrinky dick into. Unfortunately, Paladin had admin status on the moncton.net forums, where he constantly resorted to the underhanded tactic of editing other users' posts if they were critical of Danny. No, not just simply deleting the post or banning the user, but actually editing the content of what other users posted to cast his BFF Danny in a more positive Light.


Gallery of War About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Dan Lirette: Killer[edit]

Information has surfaced that Dan killed at least two people in 2003. This link was given to us by Dan. He was involved in an automobile collision where two motorcyclists died. While the automotive accident may or may not have been his fault, his actions immediately following the impact speak volumes about his character, and his pattern of abandonment.[1]

He escaped the vehicle, leaving his wife inside. Even when the car burst into flames, Danny-boy did nothing to help his wife. One of the motorcyclists that Dan had missed was the one who saved her. Yes, Dan left his own wife to die in a flaming car, while someone he had nearly killed (and whose friends had just been killed by Dan) rescued Dan's wife. Presumably, Dan had already hailed a cab to downtown Moncton where there was some fresh fundie pussy to troll.

Dan Lirette vs. Lowtax[edit]

Get your own.

Being the genius that he is, Dan Lirette quickly figured out that Lowtax had to be the one behind all the negative attention he was receiving.

The gloves were off. This meant war.

   From: Dan L dan.moncton@live.com
   Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2009 2:38 PM
   Subject: megan and rich
   Hi guys.
   You may want to have your goons take down the dan lirette thread.
   Your home address is being posted all over youtube, blogspot and forums.
   Not me mind you, but I'm not stopping it.
   From: Dan L dan.moncton@live.com
   Sent: Sunday, May 10, 2009 11:24 PM
   Subject: RE: megan and rich
   You're about to find out rick. you see, your goons thought I was someone to laugh at. Now,      there are some locals who are stirring up debate and two individuals in the USA who'd like to meet you. Your home addy is going up all over the place rick and I'm making sure of it. Try getting yuor SA pals to delete the thread located here: http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Myah_Walker and here http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Dan_Lirette
   The links at the bottom show the SA forum thread.
   I'm not an internet tough guy. I'm in canada but two USA residents are coming for you rick. To talk. Call (347) 492-2293 sometime. Someone is looking for you rick. Not for violence. Just to talk. I promise.
   Thankfully it's not a crime to post addresses online or to have another individual closer to you than I am pay you a visit.
   I'm 32 years old Rick, and own a small business. If your forum posts are not down by Tuesday, I'm never writing you again. I'm coming for you, Rick.
   From: Dan L dan.moncton@live.com
   Sent: Monday, May 11, 2009 8:38 AM
   To: webmaster@somethingawful.com
   Subject: RE: megan and rich
   Apparently all of you Goons thing I'm Dan Lirette. That makes me smile.
   Lirette has a few friends too. http://moncton.net/forum/3/132876/ShowThread.aspx
   And hey....been to megan's NOCC church lately?

Lowtax replied:

   From: Rich "Lowtax" Kyanka
   Sent: Monday, May 11, 2009 8:46 AM
   To: 'Dan L'
   Subject: RE: megan and rich
   Gosh Dan (er, I mean not Dan), you sure are an internet genius, what with you being able to Google names and such. Did Jesus personally teach you how to operate your mouse and uninstall old video codecs too? Maybe in one of your threatening (er, I mean not threatening) emails, you could mention the names of my pets to further demonstrate your creeeeeepy genius internet search skills? Here, I'll even help you out: my dog's name is "Echo." Now quick, index this email in Google Desktop, do a search for "LOWTAX'S PETS," and you can send the results to me in some super evil search genius email. Feel free to copy and paste this quick one I just whipped up:
   --- COPY BELOW ---
   Dear rick
   I have powers. you will see. I just want to meet and talk with you rick, my powers are incredible, I can eat jesus. Do you not understand? you are trifling with powers you cannot comprehend. I invented ham, rick. how is your dog ECHO? does she still eat dog food?
   good rick, good. You keep this up. Soon you shall see.
   NOT Dan.
   --- GET JESUS TO STOP COPYING NOW, DAN ---
   And hey....been to arby's lately?

He then drove his point home by hurling a baby against a wall.

Goons commemorated the occasion by making a musical tribute to the Dan vs. Lowtax affair.

Dan the Goon[edit]

Not as mornonic as he really am.

Last Thursday, the clouds parted and Dan Lirette descended from Heaven to grace the Something Awful forums with his presence. Like geese to a handful of stale bread, GBS eagerly swarmed around the preacher. Unscrupulous, merciless, and full of ADHD, they bombarded him with questions about his faith and sex life.


   
 
I'm not as mornonic as I really am, you know.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette, setting SA straight

Pix or it didn't happen.

Amazingly, by being one smooth, sociopathic motherfucker (and not answering any important questions/rolling with the punches), Dan had the goons eating out of his hand after several posts. This prompted a forums civil war between the True Dan Believers, who wanted Dan to be their goon BFF, and the Nay Sayers, who believed Dan was merely pulling wool over the eyes of his detractors. The slapfest went on until Dan's irrepressible insanity surfaced again, and it became obvious to even the most dim-witted goons that Dan was merely putting on an act.

Banning Dan[edit]

Dan's tryst with the SA forums ended when he attempted an autoban. Much like every other part of his life, he did it wrong and became the laughing stock of goons until a mod swooped in to deliver the final banhammer.


   
 
How did you manage to screw up an autoban?
 

 
 

—SA mod angerbotSD was as perplexed as everyone else about Dan's utter failure

Use scrollbar to see the full image

Lirette byebye.png
Fail.

Banning Dan Redux[edit]

Dan magically managed to come up with ten bux and re-registered at SA to show just how much he didn't care about getting masterfully trolled by ZoSoZodiac. And he dragged Zombaby's Mom into it because he's a class act like that, once again proving that Danny boy pulls out all the stops when his e-rep is on the line and won't hesitate to use a woman and child as his shield.

ZoSoZodiac convinced Dan that he was the owner of this fine site and promised to take down Dan's and Myah's entries if Dan would dance for him... and dance Danny did. Dan admitted to his extensive sock-puppets and threatening Lowtax. Danny then convinced Myah to post the below blog entry to prove he still had contact with his Zombabymomma:


ZoSo is SO not a man of his word
   
 
I'm not sure what you meant by the "I really wanted to quote Dan and respond to him but I'm abstaining."

If you mean the jokes about molesting children, smashing babies against walls, etc etc, people have seen it. I'm a great copy and paster.

I've faxed a DMCA to google and will soon for OneZone which hosts SA...for the thread.

you people are unbelievable
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Hi Dan,

I'm not going to post any of this because I want a real conversation with you. You seemed like a decent guy for a period of time, like I thought you might be and I left the SA thread, but then you went nuts again.

I can take the ED page down, I'm the site owner and I've been posting crap on the discussion page to just fuck with you. I'm not even sure you have read any of it, although I've put so much thought into it I hope it rattled you a little bit.

My reasons aside, Dan, I think you are a bad person, a evil person. You don't need to convinced anyone but me that you are not and I'll take the ED page down. If you post this email anywhere, I'll never take the page down.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
I don't post emails, Zoso.

I'm notevil. I just got pissed at the sa dforum. and i didn't abandon faith.
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Don't all of my emails get posted on the SA forum?
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
I won't post these if you'll agree to a real conversation and do not post them yourself. I'm not sure about you. I'm not stupid and I know you have sockpuppetted accounts.

I don't care about Faith, she's already dead, but Myah is still alive and you screwed her hard and I don't mean fucking. I don't believe you are paying though family court. I think you ran away and there is proof goons have found that supports that.

Convince me you did the right thing Dan. Convince me and the I'll take the ED page down.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
I already said I won't post these emails if you'll talk to me. Check the thread.

A real conversation with you is more important to me then the SA thread.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
The ED page can stay up. That's because I can give you the FC number for a support agreement and the appointment, etc etc and no matter what I say you'll say "I don't believe you!" because it's not "provable".

Tell you what, once a week I'll personally take care of faith and show it with tangible evidence.

fair?
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Oh the family court can only see us in June, which I initiated that Myah take, which she doesn't care about, so I did it myself. Perhaps canadian FC is not like the US but nonetheless, June is much better than the usual 3-6 monthn waiting list, and again, I have the appointment #, file # etc etc to back it up. And I intiated it.

But since, again, I can't prove it, I'll take care of faith weekly. My wife will be upset but whatever.

You seem to think I forgot about Myah etc when I speak with her almost daily.
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Dan, I defended your dumb ass in the thread trying to give you a chance. I was the one that emailed you saying "come now, the thread has x posts and y views and is only going to get bigger!" It's way more then I thought would happen.

You're right, I wanted to say I'll believe you, but you fucking lie constantly. I'm looking at my own stance in this and I do understand, you have zero reason to say any truth to me.

I'm not sure what to do, the ED page will stay up and I'll keep adding to it. I don't know if you realize that not only do I own that site, I dug up 90% of the info on you. If you want to talk, I'll talk but I will not play games with you. You have no idea, it seems, how serious it's gotten and this offer is probably very foolish on my part.

Good luck Dan.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
The info dug up on me is accessible online...but as for abandoning Myah that is not true and my PM's above can verify that.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Tell you what, once a week I'll personally take care of faith and show it with tangible evidence.

fair?
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Dan, I just do not get you, sometimes I think you are stupid, then I'm convinced you are stupid. Myah has a blog, she can post that you are helping yet she has not, do you think anyone would believe you or even me at this point without some verification from Myah?

Your PM's don't verify shit and frankly I think you are fucking with me now.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
Myah posts nothing on her blog AT ALL about me because I asked her MONTHS ago not to. Ever. For any reason.

However, I will ask her to post something for you today.
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
SA knows me due to ED. Tell Myah to mention ZoSo in the post and I'll cheerlead in the thread it's proof that you are taking responsibility for Faith and your mistakes. This thing will die and I'll be happy to take Myah's and your ED page down.

I do not like people Dan, that's pretty obvious, they often seem like what you seem like to me. If you can prove me wrong I will abide by my word and take the pages down.

I don't have any faith you will, I think you're lying to me right now and I'll just wait to see.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
Today youwill get your name on Myah's blog.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
You should see this in a few hours: "To the SA Goons: Dan and I talk on a regular basis. We're also working out an FC deal and an out of court deal. The rest of this is really none of your business. But I did want to mention that Dan and I give a shout out to Zoso."
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Go check the thread on SA, the goons are waiting with baited fucking breath to see what we discuss.

I want to be on your side Dan, tell me what happened, explain it all and I'll make it end. If you didn't believe me about what I said, go look at the thread. Here's a little:

Quotes:

OK, Zoso is here ... I am intrigued ...

and

Here's hoping you're a man of your word...just like Dan.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
In case if any of you guys want to add it to Danny's laundry list of retardedness, he's filed two DMCA threats with our web host, claiming it's somehow illegal to copy / paste / paraphrase anything he has written anywhere ever.

Needless to say, the guys at the colo have been about this and are inexplicably failing to shit themselves over his SPOOOOOOOOKY DMCA template letters. Any bets as to how many DMCA emails he'll ultimately end up sending?

Lowtax, I believe I can explain everything in a few moments. I'm waiting for a response.

More proof I mean I what I say.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
I did screw up. For sure. I made a huge mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut completely.

Did yuo see myah's post?
 


 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
What kind of reponse? I comitted adultery. I confessed to everyone privately. I made a huge mistake.But as myah has just posted on her blog, I didn't abandon faith. I also didn't abandon myah. But I know that I gave that impression with my reponses and that's my fault. What happened was a huge mistake and I can no longer try to justify myself. I know what I did and now everyone online knows, but I have no defense. At least not a genuine one.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
Did you sockpuppet Lowtax and send all the crazy emails and such? Was that you or your "brother"? This is why I think you are a liar. If you come clean to this or at least explain it, the pages come down.
 

 
 

—ZoSoZodiac

   
 
It was me. My brother gave me the idea. But it was me.
 

 
 

—Dan Lirette

   
 
I'm posting this in the thread.

I don't own ED you dumb fuck.
 


 
 

—ZoSoZodiac


After Myah's blog post, Dan patiently waited for ZoSo to delete the ED entries, but surprise surprise, that did not happen and the goons enjoyed yet another laugh at Dan's enormous stupidity. But Dan didn't care, nope, not at all! In fact he didn't care so much he paid ten bux to re-reg at SA to show goons how much he didn't care. He went on to admit that he wanted to kick Zombaby in the head and that he had raped Myah. So began yet another page of Danny rolling with the punches as goons looked on in utter amazement at how utterly retarded one man can manage to be.

Dan's well-thought-out plan backfired, he once again autobanned on SA - but this time he managed to do it in one try! Good going, Danny!

Dan Takes on the Encyclopedia Dramatica Empire[edit]

17 year old tits[edit]

Better Watch out, Encyclopedia Dramatica!

Main Article: Jeni Ann

In yet another masterstroke, Dan has created his own version of ED, the hysterical, well-written, and always well thought out Encyclopedia Parodia (BAHLEETED) - get it? Well, don't worry if you don't because it's not funny or original. Dan has undertaken this brilliant endeavor with a 17 year old named "Sissy", aka amyleefan14, who writes horrible fanfic. No, we're not joking, you can't make shit like this up.

Sissy is butthurt because she is regularly featured on a website devoted to bad fanfic writing. And so these two mental giants with sore asses have joined forces to iceburn all their enemies on the interwebs. You have been warned.

Examples of the comedy gold pouring forth from Encyclopedia Parodia will be coming soon. Even if Dan pulls his usual ballless wonder move of deleting everything as soon as it gets reposted posted by others, it won't matter because Anonymous never forgets and everything has been saved for posterity.


[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
{{{5}}}

Dan Lirette vs. ZoSoZodiac[edit]

Dan only has one supporter... and it's ZoSo!

Dan Lirette vs. ZoSo logs can be found here

Dan continues to rage against those who have outed his insanity by going after ZoSoZodiac, a Something Awful forum poster who trolled him and unearthed many of the videos featured on this very page. Dan posted the following entry to his Encyclopedia Parodia site regarding his arch-nemesis:

Use scrollbar to see the full image

Danvzoso.png
Dan will pay you to be his Internet Detective.


Use scrollbar to see the full image

Calloutzoso2.png
Dan knows ZoSo's name. RUN ZOSO!


He's offered the princely sum of $500(CAD) or two pieces of silver (also Canadian) to give him personal information on ZoSo. Fortunately, a user named Katie came forth with information on ZoSoZodiac, and she didn't really want the money. All she wanted to do was fuck Dan in the ass so hard it hurt.

Dan Lirette vs. Youtube[edit]

Dan Lirette's new Jewtube search result

On the seventh day, Youtube user and Geddy Lee impersonator Janus Christ looked upon Dan Lirette, and he was not pleased. So he did what every indignant internet atheist does and made a tl;dr version of the article that you are reading right now with the goal of making it front page when anyone searched YouTube for "Dan Lirette".

http://en.sevenload.com/videos/fOeKWj1-

When Dan saw this newest vileness, his tiny head popped in anger, and he quickly DMCA'd the video off Youtube (but it can still be seen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OLyGH1Vo4wQ here and on at least 100 other accounts). The removal of Janus Christ's video set off the goons to rehost the video over 9000 times and led Janus to create the following 9 minutes of anger (BAHLEETED! by Dan with a TOS violation claim):

Be sure to copy and rehost it! http://en.sevenload.com/videos/dMh9ei7- Actually don't it's gone. It was likely DMCA'd by Danny boy.

Shortly thereafter in a purely Dan-like display of irony and hypocrisy, a goon found out that Dan's channel was rehosting videos made by other people without their knowledge or consent [2]. In a typical fit of Dan-ness, Dan immediately closed his Youtube account.

June 17th, 2009:

Dan bans me from youtube.jpg

Danny Lirette: Gay Like Ted Haggard[edit]

Dan loves the cock so much he makes a fumble while trying to troll posing as Lowtax. He let it slip that 'Dan' was once a stripper.

Posted by Dan to Youtube on May 9, 2009:

  Alias: RichardKyanka
  So you still think I'm Lirette? lol. My motivation in all of this is that Lirette is much fucking worse than you know about and his shit has fucked his family a few times over the years. So when all is said and done it's fucking some extended family members over the shit you guys are posting. Fuck couldn't you have picked a better topic? I have tons of shit on lirette. Bible school studies while drunk. Fucking whores all over the city while a male stripper AND married to his first wife rachel Tons of shit. Trust me this isn't Lirette. But I cangive you shit that would make your fucking head spin and swaggart look like a fucking angel.



For confirmation, this letter that appears in the October 2007 issue of Wayves Magazine shows that Dan did indeed go to the gay bar Triangles in the 90s. This leads to the conclusion that if the above statements were Dan telling us the truth about himself, he stripped only for the cock and that his whore-fucking was just a ploy to prove he wasn't gay like Ted Haggard.

Tidalwayves.PNG

Dan finds an ad placed about him while cruising for cock[edit]

Fishing for Dan's gayness

The ad to the right was placed on kijiji.com in the Moncton gay personal ad section.

    From: dan@trinitycomputerrepair.com
    To: ZoSo
    11pm local time
    If I ever see my photo on your website again in a form of libel I will hold Kijiji responsible for allowing it. I will immediately take legal action against Kijiji for libel. Yes, you will be held accountable for all photos of me appearing on your site in this vile fashion.
    From: dan@trinitycomputerrepair.com
    To: ZoSo
    30 seconds later
    LOL! I AM GAY!
    From: dan@trinitycomputerrepair.com
    To: ZoSo
    30 more seconds later
    HAHAH I AM SUING YOU AND KIJIJI BECAUSE I AM GAY!

Typical Dan freakout. He was browsing the gay personals when he found the ad posted about him and just went nuts. So ZoSo, sworn enemy of the Lirette Clan, scares the fuck out of Dan with info about his lust for cocks:

    From: ZoSo
    To: dan@trinitycomputerrepair.com
    I've already had two people come forward with information about you. I'm waiting for the story from one and got some interesting stuff from the other already. Repressed eh?
    From: dan@trinitycomputerrepair.com
    To: ZoSo
    Whoever you're talking to and whatever you're talking about and for whatever reason you're writing to me you need not write anylonger. Unless they give whatever stories they have with their names which will certainly screw them in this city with the RCMP post away :)
    I'm unconcerned with anything you guys say now.
    Let me explain as a final email to you Tim, since I haven't written to you in response to anything you've said lately.
    I was initially very concerned about all of this because of my church, my wife, my family, my friends, etc...
    Tonight I was at evening service and explained the internet stuff. I explained it also to my wife.
    My wife has stated that she stands by me no matter what, my church prayed for me and affirmed their support of me and my family and friends also do the same.
    I admit I was afraid of what my family and friends would say about rape, lies about a DUI and all of the rest of it, but they';ve affirmed that I don't need to worry about these things.
    I've told them about the forum invades, the online accounts in my name and the whole 9 yards.
    My wife is one heck of a woman as are my church members.
    I left church tonight amazingly free from the stress of all of this and can't begin to explain how the "open letter" today as well as any further responses from your trolls or emails will simply not affect me.
    No one online nor in this city can really get to me Tim.
    My family, wife and church have fully supporting me and that's all I need.
    I don't even feel anger at you anymore. I feel sorry for you for being so hateful, but I also understand that you feel the need to accomplish something and I give you my blessing to post in the paper, online and speak with anyone you wish.
    I have a life to love Tim, and unfortunately I've spent too much time stressing out over issues my wife and family and friends and church don't care about.
    Now that I had the guts to bring it out into the open this evening and reveal your posts and chats and such things and saw the reaction, I'm not bothering with you anymore...not because I don't care, but because they don't care, Tim.
    My Pastor is very aware of you and the SA forum as is my wife and some church members.
    I don't need to stress anymore.
    Take care, Tim. This is the last time you or the Goons will ever hear from me again.
    I won't even respond to the nice Goons who are probably trolls telling me of your plans.. because it doesn't matter anymore.  Your plans won't work in the end because the ones that MATTER don't care about your plans and will support me all the more because of your mission. THAT is what set me free from all of this tonight at church. It's quite an amazing feeling, Tim.
    As for my email, I have Spam Assassin and User Level Filtering; so there's nothing you can send to me that won't first be checked before I even see it :)
    Take care my friend and do as you will as I enjoy life.
    God bless.
    Dan

HAHAHA! Dan got up in front of his church and bawled about ED and Something Awful permanently scarring and confusing his retarded fundie cohorts - WTG! Also curious, for what innocent reason would a guy like Dan Lirette cruise gay personal ads at 11 PM? Hmmm.

There are two particularly noteworthy quotes in this message: "I'm unconcerned with anything you guys say now." and "As for my email, I have Spam Assassin and User Level Filtering; so there's nothing you can send to me that won't first be checked before I even see it".

This appears to be explicitly stating that he doesn't mind at all if you contact him at dan@trinitycomputerrepair.com or danny@trinitycomputerrepair.com, despite having earlier used DMCA abuse to remove the addresses.

Leave Dan Alone! Episode 2: The White Knights Strike Back[edit]

An internet saga of such epic proportions would not be complete without its requisite army of White Knights.

Calling out JackNapier:

In honor of Dan[edit]

Dan in Print[edit]

Since Dan has provided so much entertainment to the internet masses, Goons figured the locals in his hometown should also get in on the fun, since they've actually had to endure sharing air space with this jerkoff. The following ran in all 3 of Moncton's daily newspapers:

Lirette ad.jpg

Musical Tributes[edit]

Several Goons have put their musical talents to good use and written touching odes to our favorite Christian homeboy.

The Canadian Fundies, a country classic
Song about Dan's love for Lowtax
Song about Gilles Goudreau & Dan Lirette


A Children's Treasury of Insane Lirette Videos[edit]

<video type="rutube" id="d894deb01a9792c50103718f9b6a4fc5" width="470" height="353" desc="Dan proves the existance of God"/>
<video type="rutube" id="2075cd035d7f4b5c018320f218f44992" width="470" height="353" desc="Dan Lirette Idol Competition 1"/>
<video type="rutube" id="dc2efd5582943527c313fe62f1b81f80" width="470" height="353" desc=" How Dan hits on women"/>
<video type="viddler" id="85597f9f" width="437" height="370" desc="Homos are a disease"/>
<video type="viddler" id="85597f9f" width="437" height="370" desc="Homos are a disease"/>
<video type="viddler" id="9e68b2dc" width="437" height="370" desc="OA WALMART"/>
<video type="viddler" id="7d5ea5f3" width="437" height="370" desc="We Feel Dumb"/>
<video type="viddler" id="abdb78eb" width="437" height="370" desc="Myah Walker Passing Out Tracts"/>
<video type="viddler" id="b93cfa73" width="437" height="370" desc="Myah Walker Open Air at the Market"/>
<video type="viddler" id="c50d8195" width="437" height="370" desc="Myah Walker at the CN Building PT1-1"/>

The first three videos still work, the remaining have been made private by Dan, as he likes to do when people make fun of him.

One image summary[edit]

Lirette mural.jpg

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]



The Dan Lirette Story
is part of a series on
Christianity
Badass jesus.jpg
Blessed by God [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+]
Pissing Off the Almighty [-+]
Heathens [-+]


Featured article December 26th and 27th, 2011
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