Dark Souls 2

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Dark Souls 2 steam.png

Of course autistic nerds demanded a sequel to Dark Souls, so they can avoid the real challenge of getting a job and perhaps getting laid, and instead just stay at home and try to impress people by writing shitty gamefaqs articles on how to defeat a boss. The game is exactly the same, except now you can show off your lack of social skills by playing it with your friends, which shows the paradox of the game. The better you are at the game, the worse you are at being socially adept, and the worse you are at the game, you will be even more of an outcast as the retards you play with will barrage you for your n00bness. Like the first time around, the game looks like it came out in 2003, and will be available on the same platforms. Yep, FromSoftware decided to only release their game on the PS3 and Xbox360. Also on Windows, but the port is so bad it is not even worth mentioning, but if you are really interested there is an in-depth and fair analysis about the autism that is Dark Souls 2 on Windows.

The E3 Lie[edit]

When the game was first shown on E3 it actually looked like a game that didn't belong on PS2, but this was of course a dirty lie, as that would require FromSoftware to be competent. Below is detailed exactly how they proposed the game looked, and how it came to look.


   
 
I sincerely don’t think they intended to deceive, but in the end they sacrificed a huge amount of graphical fidelity at the very end of development because they couldn’t resolve the framerate in any other way. They had to promote the game with screens and trailers, but at that time even they had no idea they were going to have to drop the settings so much, I suspect.
 

 
 

—On how they faked their trailers, http://www.forbes.com/sites/erikkain/2014/03/20/dark-souls-ii-was-unplayable-and-broken-on-consoles-before-graphics-downgrade

The PC Lie[edit]

   
 
Doesn't work
 

 
 

—Aptly describes the Dark Souls 2 gamer or the PC port

In another brilliant move the retards at FromSoftware decided to appeal to the biggest neckbeards of them all, the PC gamers, by releasing their abortion on Steam as well. They then even stated that the PC port would be good. It wasn't. In fact most times it didn't even fucking start, because FromSoftware didn't foresee that they had to test the game on anything else but their MacBook.

   
 
Dark Souls 2 is all about challenge, they said. Well, the only challenge this game is posing now is how to make it work properly. PC will be lead platform, they said.
 

 
 

—DefiantMaledict

   
 
still not able to play due to the problem of the hdmi if I had the tv and monitor connected error, and so far the company has not done anything already nearly 200 pages of complaints on steam and nothing yet. shameful
 

 
 

—Utran

60 fps degradation[edit]

Because PC master retards convince themselves they are able to tell the difference between 30fps and 60fps, FromSoftware promised to make the run at 60fps, so the basement-dwellers couldn't complain that it didn't, only how the game doesn't even fucking start. But of course this remarkable feat of 60fps couldn't be accomplished without FromSoftware fucking it up, because they in their infinite wisdom coded the game's weapon degradation system to the framerate. This in effect makes the weapon degrade twice as fast.

Test with a Drakekeeper's Sword +10 (70 durability):

Hitting a wall:
@60fps: 69.67999268 /70 (-0.32000732 Dur/Hit)
@30fps: 69.67999268 /70 (-0.32000732 Dur/Hit)

Hitting a dead body:
@60fps: 67.19998932 /70 (-2.80001068 Dur/hit)
@30fps: 68.79999542 /70 (-1.20000458 Dur/Hit)
 Difference of 1.6000061 Dur/Hit between 60fps and 30fps.
Test with a Mace +10 (60 Durability):

Hitting a wall:
@60fps: 59.68000031 /60 (-0.31999969 Dur/Hit)
@30fps: 59.68000031 /60 (-0.31999969 Dur/Hit)

Hitting a dead body:
@60fps: 58.39999390 /60 (-1.6000061 Dur/Hit)
@30fps: 59.19999695 /60 (-0.80000305 Dur/Hit)
 Difference of 0.80000305 Dur/Hit between 60fps and 30fps.

Of course FromSoftware could have playtested their lazy port, but that would require them to actually give a fuck about you.


Game not playtested? Let's smack a $60 USD pricetag on that bitch


Scholar Of The First Sin Scam[edit]

Less than a year after the release of Dark Souls 2, FromSoftware released a corrected version of Dark Souls 2, that would feature such high-tech features as being available in 1080p. Why release the game in a functioning state, when you can just re-release it a year later and make double the money? It is the exact same game. Even EA would be ashamed to pull such a move.

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

Souls Series

Dark Souls 2
is part of a series on
Souls Series

[BonfireBoss fight]

Core series
Demon's SoulsDark SoulsDark Souls 2Dark Souls 3
Spin-offs
Bloodborne

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