David Long

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Marine Corps Machine Gunner Corporal Ian David Long
Nationality: YOUNIGHTED STAYTS MARINE COOR!  MiniflagUSA.png
Born: 1990
Died: 2018 (age 28)
Highscore 12 killed, 11 injured
Top 50? No, missed by 1 kill, right under Mark Barton and Derrick Bird
Style FPS (pistols only mode) Single player
An Hero? Yes
Motive PTSD, general boredom



Corporal Ian David Long was an IRL Call of Duty Veteran and a 2018 contender in the US Mass Shooting Highscore Championship. He is also living proof that even being in the US marines is no cure for being a manlet. After returning to the US from life in Afghanistan, David Long witnessed the horror of what an utter steaming heap of shit 'murica had become in his absence. Being unable to vent his frustrations by killing Afghan farmers and raeping their goats, Long went into a deep depression.

On the 7th of November 2018, David Long had finally had enough of California's culture of faggotry and race-mixing. Instead of doing the "normal" thing (moving to Mississippi, becoming a cop, and spending the rest of your life shooting niggers), Long decided to go to the shittiest bar he could find and pwn every cunt he could. After wiping 12 worthless shits from the face of the Earth, David Long realised he only had a pistol and was therefore never going to achieve the US Highscore. Infuriated, David Long decided that his work on Earth was complete and gave himself unto the Lord. He is now in heaven, shooting sandniggers with a machine gun.

Military Career[edit]

Long was rare among shooters in that he had lengthy previous experience in pwning n00bs overseas before attempting to score high back in his own country. Long was in the US Marines, and was involved in their extensive sandnigger-hunting campaign in Afghanistan. Although Long never shot Osama Bin Laden, he did kill many hundreds of random people with a machine gun, so much so that he received medals for his 1337 machine-gunning skill. Why this retard didn't choose the machine gun as his weapon of choice during his bid for the highscore is anyone's guess, but theories suggest he was too poor to buy a machine gun, and so a cliché-as-fuck Glock was the cunt's only option.

During his time as a marine, either prior or during his tour of Afghanistan, David Long was called ghey by a kid on Call of Duty World at War. His response became rather well known:


   
 
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the US Marine Corps, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.
 

 
 

Return to America[edit]

After a multi year spray and prey campaign in Afghanistan, David Long was discharged from the Marines. He then went to live in the best possible place for a patriotic, god fearing, Bible-raping American veteran: Thousand Oaks, California. The degeneracy he witnessed here, combined with the fact that he couldn't get any woman because he was a cryptofag, led him to carry out the mass shooting. Like most sensible people, Long despised country music, and was forced to suffer as his favorite bar was turned into a venue for this revolting redneck garbage. In 2017, our hero witnessed the legendary Las Vegas Shooting by Stephen Paddock, who solved his problem with country music by taking down a total of 54 mealy-mouthed, insipid, shit kicking degenerates with an assault rifle. This inspired Long, who dreamed of one day becoming himself a legendary mass shooter.

Shooting[edit]

On the 7th of November, 2018, David Long bought a handgun and an extended magazine. He then went to the bar playing country music and blew off 17 heads, including a police officer, within about a minute. When he realised he was running out of ammo, Long became an hero.

RIP Sweet Prince

Loadout[edit]

Class Setup
Item Accessories/Bonus
  • Primary: Pistol
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  • Just one pistol for handgun-only match.
  • Perk 1: Marine Corps
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  • Good accuracy, superior shooter to cops.
  • Perk 2: Regular Bar Visitor
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  • Reduces enemy awareness/alarm/suspicion.
  • Perk 3: Extended Mag
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  • Surprise enemies with extended firepower.
  • Spell: Tradition
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  • Good troll against country music fans and other degenerates, extra butthurt for liberals, 3rd 10+ mass shooting in the US for 2018, second one targeting country faggots.

Graded Score[edit]

Graded score
Kill count: 12/20 (24 injuries) Deadliest by military personnel since Nidal Hasan
Accuracy: 8/20 According to accurat news he fired 30 founds and killed 12 people, not including himself. That is a 40% (8/20) accuracy rate. Pretty shit for a US Marine.
Style: 12/20 Points for using handgun-only mode, and targeting a country music bar, thus turning Stephen Paddock's legacy into a tradition.
Butthurt: 15/20 Points lost for not targeting a specific racial demographic or fags. Points gained for doing it in shitlib state, and shooting a cop.
Bonus: 16/20 An Hero, cop wasted.
Total score: 63/100


Wanted Level:
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___________________

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FBI


See Also[edit]


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David Long
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David Long is part of a series on Gun Control
Locus in quo: Colorado Theatre Shooting 🔫 Sandy Hook Elementary Massacre 🔫 Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Elliot Rodger 🔫 David Long 🔫 Umpqua Community College Shooting 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 San Bernardino shooting 🔫 Pulse Nightclub Massacre 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Randy Stair 🔫 Las Vegas shooting 🔫 Manhattan bombing/shooting 🔫 Texas church shooting 🔫 Marjory Stoneman Douglas School Shooting 🔫 Youtube shooting 🔫 Santa Fe High School Shooting 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting 🔫 Jacksonville Shooting 🔫 Synagogue Of Doom
Supporters

Barack Obama 🔫 Christians 🔫 Concerned Mothers 🔫 Democrats 🔫 Dianne Feinstein 🔫 Government 🔫 The Kennedys 🔫 Kurt Eichenwald 🔫 Faggots 🔫 Liberals 🔫 Michael Bloomberg 🔫 Jews 🔫 SJWs 🔫 Sensitive people 🔫 Trayvon Martin

Main ideas:

Gun 🔫 Assault rifle 🔫 Gun Control 🔫 Murder 🔫 Mass Shooting 🔫 School Shooting 🔫

Haters gonna hate:

Daisy Hogg 🔫 Killers 🔫 Republicans

Acts of revenge:

Boston Marathon Bombing 🔫 Sandniggers in Paris 🔫 Ariana Grande Massacre 🔫 London Bridge Attack 2017 🔫 Capital Gazette Shooting

Objectors:

Charlton Heston 🔫 James Holmes 🔫 NRA 🔫 Osama bin Laden 🔫 Republicans 🔫 People planning a massacre

Pre-2012 Gun Massacres

Oklahoma Massacre 🔫 Columbine 🔫 9/11 🔫 École Polytechnique 🔫 Dawson College 🔫 Virginia Tech Massacre 🔫 Austin, Texas 🔫 NIU Valentine's Day Massacre 🔫 Hungerford Massacre

Featured article November 24 & November 25, 2018
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