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December 21, 2012

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This article is about the supposed date of the end of the world. For other uses, see 2012 (disambiguation).
.Mayan2012Trolling.gif

December 21, 2012 is a theory-turned-movie about the end of the world. The general idea is that all of a sudden, on December 21, 2012, the Earth (primarily the Hollywood region) goatse's itself and everyone fucking dies, except those who made it on a boat (an idea, which was stolen from a bible, but you really have to be a dumb fuck to think that niggers wouldn't steal ideas as well). The only good thing about this movie, is that only white people survive, and all niggers die - a win-win situation for the mankind (it was supposed to be "dramatic" for some reason, but niggers' deaths are only worth a good laugh.) raped every last white woman so the Negro race could survive longer.

Ideas relating to the end of the world have been circulating like a powerful cheese fart since the beginning of the millennium. This one traces back to the Mayan stone-age Calendar system. The Mayan Civilization created a complex calendar which tracks time in a large scale. This calendar comes to its end on December 21st 2012. The reason for this is still a mystery. Ignoring the fact the Mayans were a lazy people and most likely got bored one day and stopped making the calendar, all modern anthropologists can do is to theorize what this all means. Some say it is the end of a Great Cycle of the Stars, while others claim it to be a sign that The Rapture is at hand, and yet other theorize that the Mayans accidentally sacrificed their calendar maker causing great Baw throughout the smelly bean filled land.

Humans have a tendency to believe strange things, and as history has shown us, humanity is also willing to embrace crazy ideas. The sane minded expect that once people awaken on 12-22-2012 they will find the Mexicans claiming "the Mayans did it 4 tha lulz", all with spicy salsa and bean dip parade with taco floats and a virgin to sacrifice (if one even exists in Mexico).

What will kill us?

The Mayans

OhShitMayans.jpg

In the New World, the Mayans were in charge of telling everyone when the New Year was and what days you got off work cutting hearts out of people's chests. They made one that said we would all die on 12/21/2012, because they already knew the Spanish would come and steal their gold and calendars, spread the news to Europe and then back to the USA and after decades of social progress wind up spreading the apocalypse virus via the mouths of hippies and neo-cultists and finally have their revenge for Jews getting all their spic gold in the end. The Mayan calendar had 13 Baktuns which translated to English means "great sheep fucking cycle".

Contrary to what various new-age "experts" say, there is no 14th Baktun (golden age) and we are all definitely going to die when the pull of interstellar gravity causes time itself to slide off the edge of the planet and us with it.

There are no known ways to defend yourself against Mayans and their calendars besides:

  • Building a border fence.
  • Being immune to small pox.
  • Bringing guns to a spear fight.

A Solar Storm

Metheorology is science too

The little-known group called NASA seem to think that a massive Solar Storm is heading our way in 2012. It will cause blackouts and shit, probably causing fans of some show to miss the newest episode, and no, there will be no Tivoing it.

Polar Reversal

Apocalypse mongers Survive2012 seem to have all the answers. Whether they're crazy cultists or just suckers for end time theories, they are pretty certain that...


   
 
...2012 the next polar reversal will take place on Earth. This means that the North Pole will be changed into the South Pole. Scientifically this can only be explained by the fact that the Earth will start rotating in the opposite direction, together with a huge disaster of unknown proportions.
 

 
 

Yes, our toilets flushing the wrong way will end the world.

Obama

As we all know 2012 was the presidential re-election year, we also know our current half-nigger president only won the electoral vote because lazy apes want more money. Thanks to those fuckers, we will have four years of hell followed up by the re-election of Obama. After that Raptor Jesus will RAGE and destroy us all because the White House didn't return to white after one term.

It is somewhat apt that America's last president should be black - as though Africa being fucked up wasn't proof enough, it will go to show that the only things these ape-men can run is away from the police, proving once and for all the rednecks were right, which is one of the first signs of the Apocalypse.

TL;DR

Just like every New Year's, we're all going to fucking die.

Internet reaction

A bunch of unlulzy, internet-ignorant fags from IRL have decided that the internet would be better as a corporate profit-churning machine than a free, open medium of communication and creation. Comcast therefore decided to put an evil plan into action to end the internet and delete fucking everything by 2012, then make you pay to internet on only the sites with the most IRL money and internet money. Fortunately, some hipster eurofags caught sight of this, and they are OMG CONVINCED it's true and that it will bring about the end of the internets and the beginning of a global corporate police state, so they're telling you how to bitch about it the correct way while doing nothing about it on their website.

Survival 2012 Forum

This is a magical place for wizards and faeries to meet and discuss the forthcoming End Of The World. Many Lulz can be found through important discussions on topics such as "Are We A Cult?"

   
 
My friend at work that I talk about 2012 with a lot "jokingly" accuses me of being part of a cult...he says that if nothing happens in 2012 that I'm going to put on purple robes and "drink special kool-aid" to bring on the end of the world. I just laugh and tell him I'd be fine if nothing happened, but maybe a tad bit disappointed.
 

 
 

—SgtStedanko. Yeah, it will be disappointing if the world DOESN'T end soon

   
 
My secretary at work, (who is also a good friend), always comes into my office and says,

"Would you quit trying to save the world and get back to work!" .....[sad, whining]....But...but...I like saving the world.
 


 
 

—Deja Q needs to listen to their secretary for once.

   
 
My bf don't really believe but don't deny it completely. He see signs for me...and laugh! The other day he said, I got something frightening to tell you... and he write a number on a paper: 2120 (our door number)....He says, you don't see?!??! Mix the number and you got 2012, THIS IS A SIGN.. and laugh again!
 

 
 

—Jok. has apparently no concept of things being mere coincidences.

   
 
My mother is skizophrenic (how do you spell that?) And I try to stay open minded on the fact that I could become too. So I tell myself that if I think I'm crazy thinking about all that, this means that I'm not skizophrenic. In her mind, everybody but her was wrong. So saying that it's everybody else who is wrong would only prove me that I'm crazy.

A sure thing is that I must not tell her about this story of 2012...this could cause her pill to become useless!!
 


 
 

—Jok, having no idea how Psychology works.

Gallery

Videos

Debunking 2012

If you're sick to fuck of all these Rapturetards running around talking mad amounts of shite about Jebus coming back to Judge us all, or some shit like that, show them this video. It might give the mouth breathers a lesson or two in actual science. Failing that, just throw rocks at them. They'll go along with it without complaint because they'll think they're being martyred for their extra Specialness.

Events of this forthcoming apocalypse have been challenged by top historians who believe otherwise. When the Mayan calendar reaches December 21st, 2012, all it will do is restart back to the original date (like new years), and the next day will prolly be a normal one without any sign of The Rapture. Not to mention the inconsistencies of Jesus Christ's birth, some of which state that we've already passed the year 2012 by decades.

See Also

External Links

[Close them downOpen the records]
December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Cults
UFO Cults: ScientologyGalactic Federation of LightHeaven's GateRaeliansNibiru
New-age Faggotry:

WiccaThe DolmenMooniesPaganismBlack AlchemyFagnosticismPrem RawatVoluntary Human Extinction MovementThothRon Paul

Raep cults: SatanismManson FamilyMasonsAl Qaeda
Jesus Cults: Ex-GayWestboro Baptist ChurchMormonismBranch DavidiansPeople's TempleChick Tracts
Wannabe Cults: SephyismSonic CulTVampiresGothsFurriesMulderiteWooksBroniesLibertariansFeminismSJWs
Stupid Cults: ScientologyAtheismBreatharianMichelle Belanger/House KheperuSonic PassionHighgate Vampire, the
Troll Cults: AnonymousCult of the Dead CowRaptor JesusJohn SolomonChurch of the SubGeniusDiscordianism
Web 2.0 Cults: Atheist Scum UnitedRational Response SquadWikipediaYoung Tubers UnitedRationalWikiKony 2012Kiwi Farms
December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Dying Alone

[DeadCry yourself to sleep]

Poemo.jpg Those Who Have Died Alone

Aaron SwartzAdam LanzaAlexis ArquetteAmanda ToddAmy WinehouseAnal CuntAndy KaufmanAngry GrandpaAnna Nicole SmithBill HicksBrandon CrispBrian AdamsCharmaine DragunChester BenningtonChris BenoitChris Harper-MercerChynaCodey PorterDavid BowieDavid CarradineDimebag DarrellEazy-EEdaremEdgar Allan PoeElliot RodgerElvis PresleyEmer PrevostGeorge CarlinGeorge SodiniGizgizHappyCabbieHarambeHeath LedgerJeff WeiseJewWarioJim MorrisonJohn LennonKatelyn Nicole DavisKitty0706Kurt CobainLemonade CoyoteLeelah AlcornLil PeepLiloMegan MeierMichael JacksonMitchell HendersonMySpaceOtoya YamaguchiPekka-Eric AuvinenPrinceRandy StairRehtaeh ParsonsRicardo LopezRipperRobin WilliamsRudolph ZurickScout SchultzShawn WoolleyShaySteve StephensTony48219TooDamnFilthyTupacTyler DumstorfVester FlanaganWilliam Atchison

Those Dying Alone

03bgood2cash2 gryphon7jackass77Adam SandlerAhuviya HarelAIDS SkrillexAkewsticRockRAlex FordAlex JonesAlison RappAmerica's Third PartyAmericanDad86Amy SchumerAngry JoeAnimatedJamesAnita SarkeesianAnonymous BorgAnthony 'A-Log' LoGattoAntony AguilarAnthony ToneyApril DavisAquagirlwhitefoxAriana GrandeArgent009Arguecat3Arin HansonArmake21AsalieriAsa CoonAsher2500Austin AlexanderAvantGardePonyBambifan101BarneyfagBasement DwellersBen FordBen MoynihanBenny_the_SnakeBenthelooneyBig RedBikerfoxBill9929Bill GaedeBill GatesBLACKbusterCriticBlueCatRioluBob RehahnBrandontheMovieGuyBrandon SmithBrian MuellerBrianna WuBroniesButLovaByAppointmentToCarl the CuckCartoonjunkieCaseydeckerCheeyevChibiyimaChi-Chan24Chloe SagalChris-chanChris CrockerChuck M.Clint of Rise and FallCNNCopperCabCorey MargeraCoughlan666CrazyvideosandrantsCrinklemonDaniel BrandtDan CilleyDane CookDani FilthDarius McCollumDarknessthecurseDarksydePhilDave ChapelleDave MustaineDavid HockeyDaxflameDBoyWheelerDeekerDeterminedToDrawUTDev-catscratchDGTrixieDiaper BoyDisneyFan01DisneyMasterDJ KEEMSTARDnepropetrovsk maniacsDon RobertsDoodletonesDoomer3868DoopieDoOverDorian_GayDoug WalkerDragoneerDrakonDustinEmosEpic Fat GuyEpicKitty54Eric AbramovEric RidenourErik RibsskogFilthy FrankFagolescentsFanFic CriticFast EddieFat ManFaust & Pory Five Nights at Freddy's fansFlardoxFluffy teh wolfForeverKailynFriends of A-LogFurriesG-ZayGangster BluGather Against FateGeorge LopezGhostGirlvinylGoddessMilleniaGreg MazujianGwen GaleGwen StefaniHarmful OpinionsHellkiller777I Dislike Cis PeopleI Hate EverythingIan Miles Cheongicze⁴rilliniguy34Imma-The-DeerInkBunnyJames HolmesJamil The KingJessi SlaughterJessica LeedsJim ProfitJoe Crusher PicklesJoekerJoeysworldtourJohn BullaJohn FieldJohn KricfalusiJohn Patrick RogersJonathan McIntoshJonTronJoseph CampJoseph8276Joshua "Null" MoonJuggalosJustinRPGKaBlamBandicoot64Kat DenningsKendall JennerKathleen ToddKenny GlennKevin HavensKimmo Johan AlmKingEmpoleonKingMasterReviewKittenBellNSFWKrashedLaci GreenLarry the Cable GuyLauren FaustLeafyIsHereLecarickLeigh AlexanderLeisureSuitGamingLena DunhamLeonard F. Shaner Jr.Leslie JonesLifeInATentLikeicareLinkaraLittleCloudLittleKuribohLogan BrayLogan SwanLordelthibarLowti3rgodLucian HodobocM. ChaosA Man in BlackMajira StrawberryManchildrenMarblesMariotehplumberMarjan SiklicMatthew DavisMatrooko11MaxtaroMcJuggerNuggetsMDetector5‎MeowbarkMeganSpeaksMeta527IIMichael BattonMichael BayMichael FitzhywelMichael GimsonMichael The GoAnimate GuyMike SandymindoutofsyncMoleman9000Monica PunkMonkeyGameGuidesMoviebobMSNBCMuZemikeMylarBalloonFanMysteriousMrEnterMysticArkNaokoElric2250Nascar221Natalie PortmanNathan GaleNawlinWikiNeckbeardsNeoGAFNick BateNick BravoNihilistic SnakeNikkineko333Noah AntwilerNostalgia ChickNotchNullcherriOFWGKTAOnyx ForepawPaigeGirlPaul FeigPaulie CalafioreParkourdude91Peter CoffinPhantomStrider8Phil FishPhunWithLogicPikapikagirlPinkieponyPit ViperPixyteriPMRantsPreachingthegospelQuentin TarantinoRachael MacFarlaneRandi HarperReece KendrickRicki RavenRina-ChanRMG ProductionsRobert Wayne StilesRockosockoRomeo RoseRootbrianRose3212Ross LumbusSad FrogSammyClassicSonicFanSam HydeSam PepperSarah ButtsSarah SilvermanSarahisniftySaturnDOSSceptreSchnookumsScourge ForwardSegacampSega KidSeth MacFarlaneSethistoShadmanSimply OkamiSolidMarioSlowbeef & DiabetusSnapesnoggerSonmanicSony-MaeSophie LabelleSoulja BoySpax3SpongeBobAndTheLoudHouseFanatic2012StormySuper Planet DolanSuperlisamcbSusan BoyleTara StrongTempleOSThatKidDouglasTheAmazingAtheistTheDOSFagTheSockDetectiveTim BuckleyTJ LaneTodd in the ShadowsTom PrestonToonEGuyTourneyfagsTrent MorrisonTrey Eric SeslerTrigglypuffTyciolTyler GarmanyUlillilliaThe Unknown AutobotUrinatingTreeUwe BollVadeVinceintheBayWade FulpWeatherManKevinWesley!!!Winona RyderWoWfan4lifeWwwareaWeegeeisgoingtokillmYoshiwii1Youyoungbloodfantasy91Zoe QuinnZone

Their Methods

9gagAdventure TimeAIDSAnimuArt SchoolAsperger's SyndromeAssigned Maleask.fmBath SaltsThe Big Bang TheoryBlackLivesMatterBlack metalBody PillowsBoozeBullyingBuzzFeedComputer Science IIICosplayDead FriendDeath metalDeath penaltyDeviantARTDiscordDrugsEdginessFamily GuyFanFictionFeminismFidget spinner The Filthy Frank ShowFive Nights at Freddy'sFleshlightFriend ZoneFurry ArtGarry's ModGoAnimate!GooglewhackingGorillazGravity FallsGrindcoreHackingHappy Madison ProductionsHomestuck‎Hover hand‎HufflepuffInfantilismIndie musicInsane Clown PosseInvisible GirlfriendIRCJenkemKiwi FarmsKotakuLegoLeague of LegendsLibertarianismLiveJournalLonelyLoveShyMai WaifuMen's rights activismMinecraftMLP ForumsMMORPGsMUDsMy Little PonyMy Tiny DickNice GuyismNu metalOculus RiftOh ShiternetOnline datingOnline sex gamesOverwatchPlastic CrapPlenty of Fish/r9k/Rick and MortyRobloxRuneScapeSecond LifeSilk Screen Goku ShirtTaking the Internet Too SeriouslyShy Boys IRLSlayerSlipknotSluthateSmogon UniversitySocial JusticeSouth ParkSparkalloonSpeakoniaTeam Fortress 2That Guy With The GlassesThe SimsThey Might Be GiantsTomb RaiderToolTulpasTumblrTV TropesUncle GrandpaUncyclopediaUnchartedUndertaleVloggerheadsWatchMojo.comWizardchanWorld of WarcraftYouTube

[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
December 21, 2012 is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning

Featured article December 20 & 21, 2012
Preceded by
Secks
December 21, 2012 Succeeded by
Lil B