A deep thinker is an opinionated windbag with a vast knowledge of idiocies who swirls around the drain of everything he says as if it was worth a damn simply because he ostensibly differs from the majority. They usually have a fascinating array of sputtered verbalizations in this corner on life and society. They might be found here and there but some believe their favorite habitat is LiveJournal in particular and following around the ol' philosophy professor like an annoying puppy.
What They Do
Deep thinkers will express their ideas to you, and will often pitch a shitfit when you tell them they're full of shit and need to GTFO immediately. They're the kind of people who will tell you about that convention they went to where they had to live like people in a 3rd world country, and how it's sick that we live in such luxury. When they get older, they tend to grow a beard (hence the nickname "beard-o"- a weirdo with a beard) and make sure it's way too goddamn big, even grooming it so they stand out from the rest of society, including the other depraved jackasses that hang out at IHOP (the deep thinker's usual stomping ground). They're the ones who also try to explain to you about why we should use fascism because it's more efficient, or why The Lion King is horribly racist because the bad guy is darker than everyone else. You can tell them that the movie is made for children, and that the bad guy is darker to help them differentiate the protagonists from the antagonists; but they will most likely accuse you of simply not being able to understand what they're talking about.
Slashdot and Digg
With the advent of web 2.0, deep thinkers can be found lurking in the comment sections of Digg and Slashdot waiting to condescend and bash your ideas and thoughts. Deep Thinkers often do not care what you are talking about, as long as they get a chance to tediously explain their opinions. The simplest solution to this is never to express an idea, thought or opinion that you genuinely believe, or to avoid web 2.0 in the first place.
Possible Occupations For a Deep Thinker
Even though deep thinkers are a useless burden on society, they can often find themselves employed. Some occupations include:
- Philosophy Professor: An occupation that takes bullshit to an art form. All you need to do is spout off some rhetorical garbage and the drooling morons eat up your every word.
- Clergy: You can spout even more rhetorical garbage, and even more drooling morons eat up your every word; except now, you don't have to make sense or use logic and get to tell your sheeple how inferior and unworthy they are.
- Life coach/Cult leader (yes, they're pretty much the same thing): This is the perfect job for a deep thinker. Just sell a far reaching promise about life and "base" it on some ficitional power along with rhetorical garbage, and asspies will be willing to surrender both their money and their asses to you for your nonsense.
- And uh...
- I guess that's it.
- No, wait, one more: doing... nothing. Yeah, that's it.