Derrick Bird

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Derrick Bird
Born 27 November 1957
Nationality Britfag MiniflagUK.png
Occupation Taxi driver, King of England
Highscore Killed 12, injured 11
Top 50? No, 15th notable loser
Style Single player
An Hero? Yes!

Derrick "Travis Bickle" Bird was a sporting superstar famous for taking the traditional English Soccer riot to a new level. This humble 52 year old taxi driver rose to international fame after a litter-bug incident in which he dropped more filth than usual onto Coronation Street by shooting them with a shotgun out his car window. This Taxi Driver remake is rumored to be a John Hinckley-style attempt to impress Jodie Foster.

The massacre was rumored to have started after Birdy's twin brother tried to whore all their mother's inheritance to himself at the advice of his solicitor like a dirty Jew. Terrified that his brother was converting to Zionism, the only rational response was to shoot him and his Solicitor in the face.

Aware that his life was now over, Birdy decided to go out with a bang and proceeded to drive across the cunt-tree shooting everyone he saw. This caused mass lol-steria making police warn thousands of people to lock themselves in their homes.

So far, 13 people are rotting corpses who got what they deserved and 11 people got away with only injuries for being a part of the mammal species that most resembles bacteria. Derrick also contributed to disrupting British television as a episode of Coronation Street got cancelled due to it containing a violent storyline and a gun siege.

Recent news reports have come out stating what made Derrick "for the lulz" Bird rampage across Cuntria shooting every cum bucket who crossed him, it turns out the Hero/Lulz contributor Birdy had a thing for Thai Lady boys and didn't have the money to return to suck one off which caused him major butthurt. English tabloids tracked down some of the yellow cum dumpsters Derrick had plowed on his travels and after giving them some noodles and a bit of cash (to afford the surgery so that their punanis no longer look like a wizard's sleeve) they have a stack load of pictures of our hero posing with and wanking off Thai lady boys. It turns out his plans for the inheritance money he believed he was getting would be going on these whores to nosh him off so when he found out he had jack shit to his name, it of course caused major butthurt which in return meant the retarded citizens off Cuntria would have to receive a major pwnage and always remember never to jump in a taxi again and call shotgun.

Derrick Bird jokes[edit]

All the animals come out at night - whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal. Someday a real rain will come and wash all this scum off the streets. I go all over. I take people to the Bronx, Brooklyn, I take 'em to Harlem. I don't care. Don't make no difference to me. It does to some. Some won't even take spooks. Don't make no difference to me.
  • What does Derrick Bird use to clean his Kitchen?

Cillit BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG

  • Derrick Bird killed himself and his brother, talk about killing two stones with one bird.
  • Knock Knock

Who's there?
Derrick Bird.
Derrick Bird wh- BANG BANG

Graded Score[edit]

New PS2 game.
Graded Score
Kill count: 12/20
Accuracy: 19/20 12 killed, 11 injured.
Style: 16/20 Motor-vehicle killing spree!
Butthurt: 7/20 "Blackest day in our community's history!" ~ Jamie Reed
Bonus: 9/20 Exceptional kill count by Britain's standard.
Total Score: 83/100 (B)
One of the greatest middle-aged spree killers in modern history!
See full ranking


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