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Diablo II

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Actual box art
Neat box art!

The sequel to Diablo. It is a Rogue-clone that exists solely to give people a reason to spend years of their lives clicking their left mouse button. Diablo II players, much like World of Warcraft nerds, waste the best years of their lives online, talking about useless garbage and often subscribing to many forums. One major difference between Diablo II nerds and WoW nerds is Diablo II nerds aren't stupid enough to pay $15 a month for a shitty game.

Player Characters

"Zon" just getting home to her man after killing Diablo 50 times.

There are several characters you can play as in what experienced players would call D2. For new players, here are the summaries of the types of characters to help make the game moar fun!

Necromancer

If you thought that the Paladin was over powered, think again. The Negro-mancer doesn't even have to fucking fight. His skeletons and shit do it for him. By level 15, your necromancer can summon five skeleton warriors with insane damage, a skeleton mage that can hyper-rape you in an instant, and an iron golem with 750 HP all at the same time. And if that wasn't enough, he can blow up corpses right next to you without touching them (ensuring a cheap death that you will BAWWWW over for an hour.) Too bad there's never any corpses around in the Blood Moor where people duel, so it's only good for PKing people trying to finish a Bloody Foothills run. Also the best character to play in Hardcore Mode.

Amazon.com

This female character is ideally a ranged combatant, using bows and javelins. Is more buff than you'll ever be and has an even bigger dick, and as such, is frequently masturbated to by basement dwellers, weeaboos and gooks.

Paladin

The obligatory African American Christian added by game developers to give players the option of +1 to stealing bicycles. Just like real African Americans, the Paladin adorns himself with large flashy crosses, excels at killing others and stealing your gold. Second best Hardcore Mode character.

Assassin

Some Jewish-looking cunt who bought some BDSM gear and goes around raping babies and acting like a ninja. Being the only actual adult female character, most of her skills are bound to making sandwiches and giving Blow-Jays.

Druid

Similar to the Necromancer, in that he lives in his mom's basement. What separates is fur affinity, and yiffing

Sorceress

A 16 year old girl who used her magical powers to pwn stuff. Is a completely shit character, as everything is immune to her spells and is of no use except for sex. Nobody plays the sorceress, not even Jew

Barbarian

A fat, American football player. Most new players pick this character because they assume he is the most powerful, but in reality the game sucks and they need to go outside.

Multiplayer Gameplay

The Official Diablo II Gold Elite Darklord Dragonslayer Manual in its entirety

Everyone plays online, if you don't you are obviously poor and black. The main advantage to playing online is the ability to trade items with other players. Below is a typical conversation between two D2-ers wishing to engage each other in a trade:

Player #1: wug
Player #2: wuw
Player #1: wug
Player #2: wuw
Player #1: wug
Player #2: wuw
Player #1: wug
Player #2: wuw
Player #1: wug
Player #2: wuw
Player #1: One does not simply smoke crack into Mordor...

This usually goes on for over 9000 hours until the players' moms call them to dinner.

Pvm Noobs

The pvm players are mostly those who are playing on "ladder" and who are "mfing" (short for Magic-Finding, The action of searching for items by wasting hours and hours, killing the same bosses again and again) and playing "PvM" (Player vs Monster).

Scams

Typical Diablo II gameplay

UP-FUCKING-DATE!!!: A recent Harvard study shows that 97% of the people who play Diablo II are just trying to rape you.

They can ruin weeks, months, even years worth of work for their own personal gain. They go chop yo Diablo II dollar. If they get you, you fall mugu and go on Baal runs for the master are a fucktard. BELIEVE IT!

These are usually children aged 5-12 who live in their parent's attic, or basement who have nothing better to do, have no friends, don't go to school for some odd reason, and stay home randomly sending people computer-ruining viruses, for no reason. Sending out spam e-mails, and restlessly trying to hack peoples computer to steal their identities, or their bank account numbers, permanently destroying a lifetimes worth of work. Because of their age, their brains do not function at the same level of maturity and morals as that of an adult. Therefore, they are prone to doing irrational and damaging things. These children lose their virginity the very moment they are physically and biologically capable of having sex, usually at 10-12 years old. Also, they do lots of drugs at age 5, join "kid gangs", commit crimes (especially financial crimes online), all before bedtime!

TL;DR: FUCKING AZNs.

Nazis

The Diablo Nazis are those hardcore players who've wasted 2-3 years or more on that moronic Hitler Chinkey Jew game and still play it because they think it's better than sex. They keep calling people "randoms" when they simply suggested to go on yet another Baal run, and waste more hours on the Diablo II related forums than on the game itself.

Juggalos

A player doing it for the lulz.
There are a lot of juggalos on Diablo at any given time.

How to piss off Juggalos:

  • Make a game called "juggalos" or something close
  • As soon as they join, hostile them
  • No matter what level they are, they will attempt to "represent, fool"
  • Lulz ensue, see picture
  • ????
  • PROFIT

Open B.net

In the depths of Battle.net, is a mode called Open Battle.net, which allows you to use your single player character that is not saved in the Battle.net client. What this allows, is for players to open their character file with Hax0rs and make their toon WTFPWN everything within a radius of your toon. Some editors will allow you to add items and runes that remain constantly active, and even add spells that were not there before. The best part, is people actually complain when you go onto open b.net with a modded character.

Things to do in Open B.net:

  • Walk around with aura runes, setting all to hostile and commiting rape while standing in one place.
  • Set your characters level with as many 9's as possible, this will make you stronger.
  • Tell others that your hacking b.net when they ask about your character.
  • Follow others that are actually trying to play DII in a open b.net game ( Wtf.. ).

BattleNet!

Things to do in Diablo II

  1. Get to Hell difficulty
  2. Hold down alt
  3. Grind for Runes
  4. Grind for Runes
  5. Grind for Runes
  6. Grind for Runes
  7. Grind for Runes
  8. Grind for Runes
  9. PvP

How To Succeed In Diablo II

  1. Baal runs
  2. Baal runs
  3. Grind for Runes
  4. Grind for Runes
  5. Grind for Runes
  6. Grind for Runes
  7. Grind for Runes
  8. Baal runs
  9. Baal runs
  10. Baal runs
  11. Baal runs

Vidyas

Tutorial on how to be an asshole
Review explaining Diablo II being a total ripoff.

See also



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Diablo II is part of a series on

Gaming

Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.

Blizzard Entertainment

Diablo II
is part of Gaming on
Blizzard Entertainment

[RagequitWaste $$$]


Froglok.jpg
Diablo II is part of a series on MMORPGs. [Gratz!Ding!]
Forerunners:

AngbandDiabloDungeons & DragonsFATALRagnarokRogueWarhammer 40,000

MMORPGs:

Age of ConanAnarchy OnlineCity of HeroesConquer OnlineDark Age of CamelotDarkfallEarth EternalEVE OnlineEverQuestEverQuest IIFinal Fantasy XIFinal Fantasy XIVFree RealmsHero OnlineLifeMapleStoryMinecraftPangyaRagnarok OnlineRuneScapeRuby Dragon EntertainmentSilkroad OnlineStar Wars: The Old RepublicTabula RasaToontownUltima OnlineWikipediaWorld of WarcraftWWII Online

Semi-MMORPGs:

Diablo IIDiablo IIIEndless OnlineFurcadiaGaia OnlineGraalGuild WarsKingdom of LoathingProgress QuestSecond LifeTibiaWar Thunder

Developers:

Blizzard EntertainmentJagexSony Online Entertainment

Related Drama:

Baby GraceAtheneBattle.net ForumsBloodraptorCloudsongDarknestDurthasEQ2FlamesGoon SquadHelmJammnoJennichelleJRangerLeeroy JenkinsMaartenMurlocOwlsamanthaRick Astley ForumShawn WoolleySilver CircleZezima

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Diablo II
is part of a series on Web 1.0

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