Dick Masterson

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Dick on Dr. Phil sporting a pedo mustache and rapist glasses
Ted Kaczynski took the fall for Dick
"Female anger is the weathervane of truth"


Little is was known about Dr. Dick Masterson (PhDeez Nuts), only that he is a messenger from God sent to enlighten women around the world about why everything sucks because of them. In other words, he is one of the most obvious IRL trolls that has ever lived but women fall for it and thus create a weird meta-troll effect where he's proven right due to the hordes of butthurt bitches left in his path. Dick Masterson is Dax Herrera's alter ego. You can follow his "teachings" the body building forum or the two podcasts he had if you want something more up to date. While he lives forever in internet infamy for teaching the world Men are better than women he has taken his character to being a cuntservative libertarian. The Dox of Dax Herrera IRL has proved rather lulzy in itself because it turns out Dick Masterson is a Cal Tech honors grad who is a literal Rocket Scientist and does this shit for kicks. No, seriously he actually talks about making rockets and drones that kill terrorists for his day job. Sorry ladies, so much for him being a retard that doesn't have any clue what he is talking about.

At first on his men are better than women forum, these facts were posted by a woman, and were quickly taken down by him or one of his mods. They got a little butthurt themselves, seems Dax doesn't like it when he is unmasked due to psychotic women writing to his family and employers to cut off his penis, but when Dax learned that Rocket Scientists aren't a dime a dozen to hire and his employer could care less, he kept doin whatever he wants living like a drunken degenerate. Dick has taken a break trolling women and now spends his time trolling Maddox into homelessness, bankruptcy and suicide.

"You're paying for the whore to leave"


Website[edit]

A Dickovator
A typical woman's reaction to the truth. Fucking priceless.

While the majority of Dick's fame comes from his real-life escapades, he also has a website through which he shares his infinite wisdom with fellow assholes and male chauvinists of the internet. Having an advanced degree in Dickology, Dick has written many classic works, including this list of reasons he compiled on why men are way better than women.

NO WOMAN CAN STAND AGAINST DICK MASTERSON!:

Dick Masterson: women line up to go out with me!

Her: I don't see any women lining up to go out with you, and even if there were, I would be at the end of that line.

Dick: Well if you hit the treadmill more, you'd be at the front.

This is an example of a technique Dick has created and mastered known as the "Verbal Cunt Punt" or VCP for short. It allows dick to turn raging Feminazis back into respectable women without the need to punch or kick their filthy untouched snatches.

"Should have stayed in the kitchen where you were safe"



Top 10 Reasons why Men are Better than Women

   
 
Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.
 

 
 

—10. Men have penises

   
 
Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day.
 

 
 

—9. Marriage is stupid

   
 
Men are natural destroyers. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
 

 
 

—8. Boys destroy things

   
 
Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
 

 
 

—7. Men wear watches

   
 
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
 

 
 

—6. Men write illegibly

   
 
Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit.
 

 
 

—5. Men live less than women

   
 
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred.
 

 
 

—4. Women are racists

   
 
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires.
 

 
 

—3. Men are not sponges

   
 
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues.
 

 
 

—2. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

   
 
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
 

 
 

—1. Jesus was a Man



FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST MAN EVER


DOX & Hate Mail[edit]

   
 
I don't waste my time sitting around with friends calling websites that piss me off.
 

 
 

—Dick


Like a real man, Dick puts out his contact info for directly handling death threats. Of course, all of the women who call keep on proving Dick's point that women are stupid because they just ramble on about shit nobody cares about.



Dick Masterson serves a secondary purpose as an agent provocateur, inciting self-professed feminists to express their true feelings and views. He simply states a general view about women, and then militant feminists - women and men - bombard him with death and castration threats, often accompanied by a generalized claim about men. Because it's not sexist if you're a girl. Or a self-loathing male.

   
 
I think you need to be castrated. Why you ask? Well deary You cant have these opinions and get away with it, its like being a pedophile - Thats why you need to be castrated! DAHHHHHH!!!
 

 
 

—-Girl power on thoughtcrime

   
 
Thanks for reading this, and I hope I was able to educate you on something, because God knows you need a lot of it.

May God (apparently Jesus in your case) bless you with less stupider thoughts, not intelligent.
 


 
 

—-Harini Chandrasegaram on modesty

   
 
why do you think that thing between your legs really means anything

it would not be that hard to just cut off and look what would you really have then being a male would be well sucky the littles thing it and your on your knees holding it crying well go fuck your self (if you a can get it up)
 


 
 

—-angela on penis envy

   
 
If you love men so much, go suck some dick and get some fucking respect for girls.
 

 
 

—-hatty on persuasion through homophobia


The Biggest Problem in the Universe[edit]

Dick hadn't been updating anything on his website since last thursday. This is due to when you have a top selling book revolving around saying men are better than women, some of the women who sucked cock to get top positions in entertainment might blacklist you. He did some gay shit with UCB for way too long hoping to make connections, then On May 20th, 2014, Masterson started a podcast called The Biggest Problem in the Universe with long-time web "satirist" Maddox. The Podcast was pretty pretty Awwright at the beginning. What made the show lulzy was that the entire premise of the show is Dick trolling an Autistic 40 year old balding Armenian and Maddox being too autistic to understand it. Dick even contradicts himself multiple times just to piss Maddox off with his lack of care that that he was contradicting himself, causing Maddox to go into massive autism fits. Topics Dick talked about are:

  • Getting so drunk he took a shit in his fathers pants
  • Only doing cool drugs
  • Never using condoms during sex
  • Talking about how global warming is made up
  • Talking about how swearing and saying retard isn't cool
  • White knighting for female guest and getting his jimmies rustled when called out for being a white knight
  • Forcing Maddox to watch Titanic everytime he brought a problem that was shit



On May 31st, 2016, Maddox abruptly cancelled the successful 107 episode Podcast (not including bonus content) due to Maddox being upset that Dick was having sex with his ex girlfriend (whom Maddox had been broken up with for 3 years, and happened while he was already dating his current live in girlfriend). Being cucked by Masterson, he killed the podcast and attempted to ruin Dicks personal and professional reputation.

All Maddox/Dick drama in one video


The Dick Show[edit]


Sam Hyde's Lost MDE sketch exclusive
The Ballad of Mansplaining
Mansplaining 'mansplaining'
How the victory of Donald Trump will be


Following the untimely death of The Biggest Problem in the Universe, Masterson started his own Podcast, The Dick Show, a very HIGH ENERGY podcast. Weekly tidbits of Hot Goss are distributed like Orange Chicken samples in a mall food court. Some Greek faggot named Asterios Kokkinos, a New York liberal male feminist, and his audio engineer Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, an ass-farming civil war reenacting Nazi who became co-host because he talks shit to Dick and Dick is too lazy and autistic to hire a real co-host. While the show can be entertaining since it started off being slapped together together last minute and devolved into a male soap opera of drama and gossip, and as a result requires the listener to know a TL;DR backstory of drama involving an dead podcast and listen to all episodes in chronological order, otherwise entire 30 minute chunks of an episode make 0 sense. Despite being possibly the most TL;DR Podcast in human history that requires more back story and cliff notes than a table top roleplaying game, it is ranked in the top 20 highest grossing Patreons.

Personal and Professional Reputation[edit]

On September 25th, 2016, Maddox launched an attack on Masterson's "personal AND professional reputation". Maddox released a video trying to spin an innocuous statement by Masterson into him being a rape apologist, and subsequently sicked the helldogs of the SJW world on him, getting him fired from Upright Citizen's Brigade. Even under pressure and threats, Dick still refuses to disavow any of his work standing by every single word ever written on his site and book.

Yup, because it's not like just any retard can start an 8chan board and post anything


Dick Masterson: Autism Whisperer[edit]

Dick Masterson proved to have a very useful weapon in his arsenal that Maddox did not count on. What does a man do when your former business partner attacks you, runs a smear campaign, and leaves you with a fan base of autists? You weaponize that autism.

Maddox's attack failed miserably and backfired, the Patreonis kicked in a whopping $18,465 (2/2/17) to the Dick fund, spiraling him into a 24-hour, 7 day a week alcoholic rage, condensed into an hour and a half long Podcast. Dick then channeled the power of Autism to outsource the work of finding examples of Maddox advocating for sexual asault which caused Maddox to disavow his only successful book, go through the accounting ledger to show Maddox was lying about his financials claim and actually owed Dick over $5k, spawn a parody of Maddox that earns more money on Patreon than the real Maddox, buy up domains related to Maddox and all people associated with Madcast media, troll Maddox's Twitch stream, create a #1 charting comedy album about what a cuck faggot Maddox is and chart higher Maddox's #4 charting comedy album, and pick apart the content of his new book to prove that the entire thing is Maddox recycling old rants from Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Dick has weaponized autism by separating his audience into two catagories: top autist and bottom autist. He incentivizes weaponized autism by giving autists 'life advice' in a simple to understand way even a retard can understand and mocking them when there is too much tism (aka labeling them a bottom autist). Dick is able to do this because he is an autism himself, however instead of focusing his autism into Thomas the Tank Engine and Sonic, he focused it on guns, bombs, telling women they are inferior to men, and trolling. Basicly Dick is /pol/ IRL, minus being half spic and(as of January 2018, Dick is retroactively half Greek) loving jews.

(Yes, a top autist parody of Maddox actually makes more money than the real Maddox.)


HOT GOSS: Dick vs Maddox & Other Associated Drama[edit]

When Dick and Maddox broke up due to 'Autistic differences,' Dick attempted to end things as nice as he could saying Maddox was a legend and he was grateful for the opportunity to host a podcast with him. However, because Maddox is incapable of acting like an adult and both of them are notorious internet trolls, this quickly dissolved and turned into a Battle Royale-grade free for all. As Maddox had already pissed off his fans by killing the podcast they loved and becoming an unfunny cuck, Maddox took the coward's way forward sneaking around implying shit he couldn't back up about Dick and sending his employees to dox, harass employers, and do his general dirty work while publicly pretending to be above it all and to be a good boy who dindu nuffin. Dick, secure in the fact that Maddox made a flaming bitch of himself on his side, handled it like a man by publicly airing his dirty laundry and shaming him. Dick later got a bit more creative and him as well as his army of people who hated Maddox decided to have some fun and:

TL;DW


  • Buy up Maddox's sponsor domains,
  • Redirect Domains of his co-hosts' websites to,
  • Read private "Please get back with me" letters he wrote his ex,
  • Create Billboard charting albums about what a cuck Maddox is to out sell his album,
  • Create a parody of Maddox called Madcucks,
  • Buy a billboard outside of Madcast Media's official P.O. Box saying what a cuck Maddox is,
  • Release bonus content from Madcucks that outsells Maddox's bonus content,
  • Establish a "podcast network" that isn't even really a network, but is still more popular and gets more downloads than Maddox's official Madcast Media network that he hyped up for over 2 years to relase shortly before his book,
  • Shit talk Maddox's sponsors,
  • Explain how Maddox makes his money off shirts by selling shitty quality Guildan shirts,
  • Buy the domain to the super secret domain that Maddox was originally going to name his book,
  • Release a Madcucks book with that same exact name making fun of what a faggot cuck Maddox is,
  • Release the financial records of Biggest Problem in the Universe,
  • Make fun of guests that go on Maddox's show,
  • Get a restraining order against his current girlfriend Jessica "M3ntal Jess" Blum,
  • Troll his twitch stream,
  • Shit on Maddox's podcast reviews,
  • Leak Maddox's chat logs,
  • Poach Maddox's audio engineer and making him co-host in exchange for him never working for Maddox again,
  • Take the Patreon name Maddox,
  • And sue Maddox of trademark patent disputes.

Dick soon learned just from his own personal beef with Maddox that Drama was profitable and makes for quality content. Other Drama sagas on his podcast include (but are not limited to):

  • Making his liberal writer vote for Donald Trump
  • Getting a mod of /r/the_donald to Box a liberal faggot greek Asterios whose only stated training regimen was to "get as fat and train as little as possible just like the real Donald Trump"... and the /r/the_donald mod lost!
  • Everyone forever mocking the losing mod's girlfriend, a furfag cat-kin
  • Having a fan almost kill himself on air (see Valentine's Day Massacre)
  • Inviting Null on as a guest and as a result KiwiFarms getting shut down the next day
  • Inviting Mike Cernovich on as a guest and then letting his writers and fans mercilessly mock and ridicule Thernovich ever since
  • A war between his facebook and reddit group who hate and fuck with each other all the time
  • Advising listeners to drink wrecklessly and do only the cool drugs.

Best debate in the universe: Brought to you by Dick Masterson[edit]

Maddox sued Dick and everyone he knew for $20 million each per count in New York City. The lolsuit was the funniest thing produced by Maddox in over 10 years, and ended with Maddox and his drunken dog bite lawyer getting their shit rammed in.

After winning his lolsuit, Dick was upset. He wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never tried to do something so retarded. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be a hilarious future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:

DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD.

To further help Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox: he is trying to pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit show's website.

However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.

A full TL;DR break down of how Maddox got cucked out of his own iTunes feed

Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.

Destiny Baits Dick into Autsim thunder dome[edit]



"I'm not triggered you shithead"Dick knows how to stay calm...also TL;DW


Last tuesday, Destiny used his autism to successfully bait Dick into a "debate." This however was a 'debate' in the the same way autistic screeching is a conversation. Dick being a drunken rage filled asshole who is too lazy to research twitch attention whores, fell into a trap and admittedly he did not perform well in. Destiny accomplished this by making the whole thing about Trump after Dick explicitly said he didn't want to talk about Trump. Destiny using his adderall enhanced autism to find Dick's weakness.

DesTINY shows Dick whose the bigger man
  • Dick goes up against literally anyone anyone who challenges him like a drunk rage filled asshole
  • Dick is too lazy to research anything
  • Dick lets others lead the direction of the conversation to shit on where they take it
  • Dick is a 24 hour rage
DesTINY demonstrates what physique a master debater should strive for
DesTINY may be cumming up short, but at least he never cums up bald

As a result, Dick performed like shit. What was not supposed to be a debate and not supposed to be about Trump and supposed to be about how the way Destiny argues is a cherry picked exercise in confirmation bias that has made the internet and people shittier and unable to communicate, turned into a debate about Trump. When trying to get off the topic, Destiny challeneges Dick's masculinity and accuses him of being a triggered snowflake needing the topic to be changed to keep him engaged in shit he really didn't care about talking about. Around waaaaaay top long into this "debate," Dick finally stops giving a shit and starts making fun of Destiny for being a midget. You could delude yourself into seeing this as some sort of meta-win for Dick as Dick's original statement that the way Destiny talks to people is not an actual conversation, its just autistic screeching to jerk off your ego to appeal to confirmation biases of you audience of tards over click bait talking points; but you can never take a circus midget seriously for over 30 minutes and be considered a "winner" in any way. Dick looked foolish for this, knew it, and openly admits he fucked up by letting Destiny change the subject, use sophistry tricks, and drill down into talking points into a point of absurdity. Destiny immediately declared himself a winner, which is true in the sense that when two special ed students screech at each other in tard rage the one who is louder is the "winner". Destiny also considers it a badge of pride in triggering that he got a guy who is known for a rage based podcast that screams all the time and never does any research and argues from pathos to scream at him and not have researched sourced facts to support his arguments. Destiny's autism truly shines through at the end of the interview:


   
 
DICK: I guess in the argument department I came up a little SHORT *laughs* you know what thats like. DESTINY: At least I didn't come up a little bald *Hangs up immediately* GOT HIM!
 

 
 

—Destiny proving Dick's original point that the way Destiny talks to people is not an actual conversation, its just autistic screeching to jerk off your ego to appeal to confirmation biases of you audience of tards over click bait talking points was wrong by debating that Drumpf is bad.

Dick also has a long list of enemies of the Dick show who he personally will punch in the face the moment an opportunity arises where he can and legally get away with it. This includes, but is not limited to:

  • Maddox
  • Destiny
  • Madcast media
  • Tim Pool
  • Elon Musk
  • Bill Nye
  • Neil DeGrasse Tyson
  • Mark Maron
  • All members of Last Podcast on the Left
  • Everyone at Cracked.com and it's affiliated podcasts
  • Amy Schumer
  • Security Guards
  • The Police
  • All employees of the US government (excluding military)

Dick Masterson: Zionist shill?[edit]

While Dick doesn't talk about the Jews a lot, it has occasionally come up and has made statements sounding like he want to suck circumcised cock.

Dax speaking out against der fuhrer



While it's unclear if he just fucking around or if Dax secretly worships the children of satan, you should trust Dick as much as you would trust any Isreali. There is a good chance Dick will try and fuck your girlfriend, take your population of fans, and claim he has an ancestral right to it as he lawyers up and rapes you in court.

The Valentine's Day Massacre[edit]

On February 14th, 2017, Dustin, a random guy who had made a Facebook page for the show and appointed himself Moderator, brought 3 of the saddest stories to the bonus episode, at one point leaving listeners wondering if the current caller had killed himself. Among the other callers were a sexually-abused and near-homeless trap and a guy with.. well, with just a shitty life. Mind you, he brought these callers into a comedy show. Dustin, as a result of his actions, was sentenced to a day in the stocks down at the marketplace where customers could hiss and curse at him, along with the occasional golden shower.

EDiot on the Dick Show[edit]

One of ED's admins made a shit video about Maddox and Dick invited him onto the podcast. What followed was 30 minutes of autism, telling everyone about what a drunken meth-head failure Zaiger is, that Encyclopedia Dramatica is ran by a bunch of lazy drunks, and about that time a former ED mod shot up a school and only killing 2 people before getting cucked by a couch and bringing great shame and dishonor on Encyclopedia Dramatica by not even getting a High Score. As all Dick show fans are an autism and Encyclopedia Dramatica is a collector of all things autistic and autism related, it was the special moment that all Dick show autists we waiting to happen. EZ also shut people up correcting him that Dick Masterson was half Mexican, not Half-Greek by getting Dick to agree that from now on he is retro-actively Greek.


After EZ PZ's video became one of the top search results for Maddox on Jewtube (no srsly) Maddox's white knight from Podhomo began sperging in the comments to defend m'lady Maddox and her honor. When it became clear that an admin of ED not only doesn't really give a shit about being insulted online, but communicates exclusively in internet shit talk and is more comfortable speaking that language Jessie decided to threaten ED's admin with a lolsuit!

This would be somewhat scary if...

  • EZ Didn't live in (((Isreal))) (aka the real masters of the Jewnited States of Americunts)
  • Said something that wasn't true or wasn't a joke
  • Gave a shit
  • Had a reputation and image he cared about

When it became clear that calling the cyber police so consequences were never the same again wasn't going to cause the video to be removed, Jessica Blum and Podhomo started false flagging and reporting the video. In response, EZ PZ released a "retraction" video that is a retraction in the same way herpes is a sexual performance enhancer that makes your dick ribbed for her pleasure and more desirable to the ladies. EZ also made it clear that if the Maddox Kuckhold Kissing Krew got the video successfully taken down, he'd get it hosted on ED and get it mirrored everywhere.




Given the history and success of the Dick show, how much Encyclopedia Dramatica admins love trolling retards, and the fact that a sizable group of autisms will throw money at anything their Autsim Whisper passingly mentions it's predicted this Encyclopedia Dramatica admin will most likely start being linked to the C.U.N.T. "Network" (whether he wants to be or not), trick autistic Dick heads into giving him a sizable chunk of money, and make a living from the ashes of Maddox's former career. Well either that or continue to be a (((lazy drunk))), after all he is an admin for Encyclopedia Dramatica.

External Links[edit]

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