Digg

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Atomic.gif Warning!
http://digg.com violates the Net Authority Internet Acceptable Use Policy
Diggfixt.gif
Digg's douchebaggy founder.
The Red Herring has became the unofficial Digg mascot, since basically every digg is one!

Digg was a famous Internet corporation comprised of 30 rich nazitubbies investors and an army of over 1 million Jew undergrads. They insist that the website is a democratic analysis of internet phenomenon and culture, even though it's just another form of privatized groupthink bullshit. At Digg, expect to find rampant fanboyism, shameless self-promotion and absolutely NO TROLLING, damn it. It is also the source of all newfaggery on our beloved /b/, and the metastasis for the cancer of the internet. Also known for promoting biased jewish shit about how bad sandniggers are (which is completely understandable as all sandniggers are terrorists). Digg is what is known as a "scraper website". It scrapes content from Reddit the day before and then presents that content as if it were new. The quality of comments on Digg is known to be similar to Youtube's.

On August 25th 2010, Digg decided to demonstrate how quickly a once-popular website could completely ruin itself by implimenting the worst brand relaunch since New Coke. The New Digg, which looks like Facebook barfed all over it, takes the big problem with the old Digg (cliques digging eachother's lame, biased stories) and elevates that style of story popularity to being the only possible way to get stories listed on the front page. The New Digg is expected to be capable of completely ruining the company within 2 months, faster than any corporate suicide in recent memory. Testifying to the overwhelming success of the redesign at ruining the site, for the first time in Digg history, there is 100% agreement in the comment sections about a topic, that being that the site sucks now.

Since Digg 4 went live, the cabal of cliques and their fanboys who previously managed to control Digg's frontpage content have gone apeshit and resorted to vandalizing Digg's frontpage with Reddit links, as opposed to doing more logical things like getting their news from a different source or just fucking going outside and witnessing sunlight. They're convinced that their protest will kill Digg, despite the fact their efforts are only driving more traffic to Digg which results in more jew gold for Kevin Rose. lol

In truth, the power users are just pissed that Digg will no longer be your one stop shop for Apple news, leftist fringe politics, and dumb ass list posts.

About[edit]

Digg.com is a playground for masturbating, mouth-breathing liberal fucks with a penchant for faggotry and buttsecks. It was founded on the concept of socialist brain-washing, cliques, and fads; the site's venture communists would invest in initial opinion and bias of the site, and the userbase of socially-deprived, naive trust-fund babies would become its own self-perpetuating advertising system. Usually an article will not be dugg enough to make it to the front page, unless it contains a mention of Twitter, cops being evil, or the RIAA. If you are stupid enough to believe anything dugg up to the front page, you should think about killing yourself. We challenge you to mention something you've seen on digg IRL -- at a party, or with some friends -- people will laugh in your face for how naive you are.

Kevin Rose[edit]

YAY!

Kevin Rose is the worthless figurehead of digg who made this shit site shortly after failing out of CSIII. This somehow consequently makes his opinions not complete crap despite any overt non-existent evidence to the contrary. Basically, Tom Anderson is to MySpace as Kevin Rose is to Digg, 1 + 1 = 1, 4 sides, day. Rose is one of the few people in the annals of man to have his ass handed to him by a number.

I see what you did there.

Ben[edit]

Among the staff of Digg exists a great man known only as Ben. Ben exists only to shed light and pureness upon the webs, and will always exist to bring peace and harmony to the undeserving sinners of Digg. Also, the only one of them that isnt a total douche.

Ben also posts a link to Encyclopedia Dramatica whenever Digg is down. Chances are he has the hots for Girlvinyl and wants to put his cock in her. She rejects him however as she is in a long term romance with Alex Chiu.

The People of Digg[edit]

Douches at large.

Although Digg looks like a golden turd on the surface, it is really only composed of people (or 'Digletts') too stupid to use Google News. The only practical use for Digg is sharing LOL-worthy articles, and even then the Digletts fail, as they'll find anything with a Chuck Norris joke in it to be 'funny'. It's recommended that you Falcon Punch anyone who directs you to Digg for anything. While digg can link to any news article they want, the six people who get all the frontpage article due to sock puppet voting only link to one news site, nytimes.com, a spammy site that uses cloaking.

How 2 digg[edit]

Are you a basement dweller? Do you have nothing better to do between furious sessions of mastubating to furry pr0n? If so, then you are a prime candidate to use digg!

Commenting[edit]

Typical Digg post.
SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP. BRAH.

The comments and feedback on their articles are much in common with the AOL-ization of Usenet. If digg were slashdot's comment system, this is what the rating-types would be.

  • Praise +3 to poster or Praise toward company investor bias +5 poster
  • Me too!!1 +5 to poster and +5 to parent - Remember, just like religion, delusions need reinforcement.
  • Sly, discrediting comment to the parent: +5 to poster and -5 to parent

To rate articles, simply find all comments that share your political viewpoint, no matter how racist or incoherent the posts are, and Digg them up, then log into your other accounts and do the same. Then find all comments that you disagree with and Digg them down. If someone posts an elegant 500 word argument that, when you skim the first sentence, appears to be Pro-X and you're Anti-X, digg it down and digg up any replies that read along the lines of "get a brain moran". Almost every digg up of a comment is done by basement dwellers who each use masses of sock puppets to digg up their own comments and almost every digg down is by the same people digging down everyone else's comments just to boost their own comment's rating. Most of these basement dwellers on digg will immediately digg down any unrated comment they see just so it's certain it will hide it.

Things Digg Fanboys Care About[edit]

Stop. Imagine if Einstein, Newton, Da Vinci and Asimov were at starbucks talking; this is what it would be like.
everyday digg
Linux Fanboy

Digg users have very narrow interests, so most of the stuff that you will find there is the same old shit over and over. Most diggfags are/and are interested in:

  • Pro-Mac (they LOVES them apples)
    • By extension, the iPhone, which has appeared on the front page Over 9000 times.
  • Pro-Steve Jobs
  • Pro-Kevin Rose
  • Reviews of hardware they can't afford (thats what parents are for)
  • Ubuntu Linux, although 99.9% are using Windows
  • Ruby-on-Rails, 99% of them never went past creating Form1.vb
  • John Stewart, to whose likeness all Diggers secretly masturbate
  • Nintendo Wii, because every other console is a waste of the allowance mom gives you.
  • Wikipedia, because none of them really know how to perform real research.
  • Anti-RIAA, because they are 1337 pirates.
  • CSS Menubars, because there is nothing more useful than a cheesy site design.
  • Anti-school, because it suxxx.
  • Ron Paul. If you just read Digg, you'd think this guy was going to get about 101% of the vote in 2008. Also they're Pro-Mr. Hussein and Anti-Clinton and any comment/article that isn't will be buried into oblivion.
  • Abusive Police stories. OMG we are living in a POLICE STATE.
  • Tasers.
  • Anything Portal.
  • Atheism, but not so much that they would stop celebrating Christmas.
  • Anti-War on Drugs, because they don't want mom to ground them again for smoking weed.
  • Pro-troops. Not kneeling down and blowing whoever says they've served makes you an ungrateful little brat.
  • Masturbating over Anonymous, Project Chanology, and /b/ in general
  • Gothzilla, NO, SRSLY, they're the ones who dug him up out of the bowels of the internet, not Tim Hansen, who likes to take credit for it.
What a bunch of faggots.

Digg Etiquette[edit]

zomg.
If you want a product to stay in production, BUY IT, don't sign a fucking petition expecting them to indefinitely press dead pieces of nostalgia for your own self-righteous indulgence.

If the headline contains any of the topics above, DIGG!

  • Comment on article before you read. This is a must.
  • Reply to the first post, even it is just posting a link to Goatse
  • Article title > Article content
    • Titles that are needlessly inflammatory, contradicted by the target article and/or riddled with typos aren't just acceptable, they're more likely to make the main page than a reasonable and accurate title
    • PROTIP: Spin your article title with lies to get moar diggs
    • Embarrassing typos and all-caps headlines actually increase the chance your submission will appear on the main page. You also must state the content of your link in [brackets] even if it's blindingly obvious, for example: "Pictures of gay football players [PICS]"
  • You MUST digg all stories submitted by Kevin Rose (username="kevinrose)
  • Reply to intelligent comments with condescending comments like Shush or tl;dr. Bold phrases gives you potential for extra diggs. Remember, all you have to do is SOUND smart, but don't act like you're TRYING to be smart. Just say it like you're a pro, even though you don't know shit.
  • If an any article regarding 'Big Brother' or any related bullshit is posted, you are required to misquote Benjamin Franklin (regarding freedom and security), especially if 3 or 4 other people have done so already. This makes you look super-smart because you can copy and paste from Google.

Hypocrisy of the system[edit]

digg Inc. is very vocal about people gaming the system by paying for diggs, though digg has no problem with you paying them to have your diggs weighted up through private, corporate channels. If anyone ever said you can't sell shit and call it ice cream (thx ODB, :D), that's only half true; companies and off-the-record deals to bring diggs to the front page have been heavily disputed -- some argue that companies were forced to sign non-disclosure forms. Thankfully for digg inc., the site's community is graced by plebes who don't even bother to test, probe, or ponder the website they so adore. Digg on.

User/Submitter[edit]

You too can be IP Banned from Digg.com! All you have to do is submit the url http://usersubmitter as a news story and poof!

User/Submitter is a controversial website that pays you to digg stories. This is a hilarious mockery of the Digg "Democratic System." Kevin Rose gets blue in the face whenever User/Submitter is mentioned in day to day conversation. The only thing that makes it useless is the payouts and costs of getting your story dugg. Users of the website get 50 cents for each story they digg. Submitters have to pay $20 plus each digg they want. What a fuckin ripoff. Even though is exteremly impractical, it still makes fanboys bitch and moan.

DEAD

Subvert and Profit[edit]

After User/Submitter died, Subvert and Profit took its place, offering lower prices, higher payouts, and ban-proof algorithms. Diggfags hoped that the downfall of User/Submitter would mean the end of gaming Digg, but instead a new and stronger opponent took its place.

Top Submitters threaten to become an heros[edit]

On January 23, 2008 the top submitters to Digg held an IRC chat and podcast to showcase their emo faggotry. The catalyst for this vomitous mass of fail was the fact that Kevin Rose had changed the algorithm that promotes stories to the Digg front page. MrBabyMan, msaleem and zaibatsu organized this protest chat so they could all publicly threatened to go vertical on their wrists if K Rose did not immediately perform blow jays on all of them. Kevin is a fucking faggot so he was willing to perform the required fellatio anyway. It is all on openpresswire if you want to torture yourself.

The irony of this situation is that the top submitters just repackage and repost what others have already submitted. If you point out this research on Digg your comment will be deleted. If you post too many comments to the stories of top submitters Digg will ban you. If There was an award for unwarranted self-importance this group would be strong contenders for the prize.

The MrBabyMan Saga[edit]

The picture in question

Last Thursday a brave Digger decided to submit a picture showing the Digg community what everyone really knows. MrBabyMan butthurt, like all autistic Digg users are, posted a message on his Twitter bawwing. This lead legions of faggot Digg users to believe that he was quitting Digg prompting them to leave MrBabyMan messages asking him to stay. Sure enough a few days later MrBabyMan came back submitting massive amounts of Digg front page material that he just repackaged and submitted.

Death of digg[edit]

Good riddance.

As the chart shows quite clearly, digg has fallen into total irrelevance and seems to be only frequented by people in third world countries like Pakistan.


See Also[edit]

External links[edit]


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Featured article January 17, 2007
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