Dinosaurs were big fucking lizard-things that ruled the earth sixty five million years before the Internet that would eat the fuck out of you if you looked at them funny.
There were loads and loads of dinosaurs, but the most famous ones are as follows:
- Tyrannosaurus Rex - sometimes just known as T. Rex, 'cause shit's more gangsta. The meanest fucking thing that ever lived, T. Rex was made of win and "Fuck you". He had enormous jaws that could swallow you whole in one bite if you dared laugh at his fucked up little arms that he used to play piano. Some people claim that two no-name wannabe dinosaurs, Spinosaurus and Giganotosaurus could beat T. Rex in a fight, but those people are misinformed.
- Triceratops - That awesome spiky dinosaur that looked a bit like a rhino on steroids. Triceratops was built like a tank and fucked shit up on a regular and consistent basis, even taking on T. Rex and winning. Recently, another loser dinosaur trying to score some points on the paleontology circuit, Torosaurus, tried to move in and steal Triceratops' thunder. Triceratops pwned that bitch so bad that Torosaurus doesn't even fucking exist any more. Here is a Triceratops video.
- Velociraptor - Stephen Spielberg gave these guys a two hour and a half long blowjob when he made the movie Jurassic Park, making it out that they were super-smart and fast and deadly and could eat Samuel L. Jackson and learn how to open doors and stalk children through deserted restaurant kitchens and shit. IRL, however, they were about the size of a chicken and were covered in soft, fluffy feathers like a bunch of faggots. Scientists argue that this is good evidence that velociraptors were nature's first design for what would later evolve into the Internet tough guy.
- Also,it is proven that Velociraptors had feathers. Always bring up this fact, specially to the Scalies.
- Stegosaurus - A cheap, Chinese knock-off version of Triceratops, but no where near as cool. Notable for having two brains, a little one in its head and a larger one in its ass.
- Parasaurolophus - Parasaurolophuses are sometimes called duckbills because of the stupid shape of their mouths. They are semi-aquatic dinosaurs known for the large horns on the backs of their heads as well as their happy-go-lucky demeanours and cheery cry of "Yep, yep, yep!" Tragically, baby parasaurolophuses are often murdered by their abusive fathers.
- Pachycepalosaurus - This dinosaur used its ten inch thick skull to charge and hit its enemies weak points for massive damage.
- Brachiosaurus - One of those gay ones with the long neck, brachiosaurus was one of the tallest dinosaurs ever to walk the earth. They're not terribly interesting, because all they did was eat leaves and fart and never really got into fights or anything cool like that.
- Dracorex Hogwartsia - This unfortunate dinosaur was discovered by some paleontologists who were also Harry Potter fantards who couldn't keep their obsession with shitty children's literature out of their professional work. Its name means dragon king of Hog warts" in Latin, which is fucking gay.
- Pterodactyl - Pterodactyl wasn't actually a real dinosaur, just some dinosaur groupie flying lizard, but it gets lumped in with them in the toy aisle nonetheless, where it cries itself to sleep at night.
- Plesiosaurus, aka the Loch Ness Monster - Like Pterodactyl, Plesiosaurus wasn't a true member of the Dinosaur Kingdom, but rather more like an aquatic Brontosaurus wannabe with flippers. Some argue that God made it 4,000 years ago by "sewing a giant snake]] through the shell & limbs of a huge sea turtle". One species, Elasmosaurus, was almost all neck, making it easier to strangle.
- Ankylosaurus - This heavily armoured, scaly lizard was no pansy-ass bearded dragon! He was so heavily armoured and well-protected that even his eye-lids were armoured! Not even a T. Rex could bite through its bullet-proof armour! And even though this dinosaur had a walnut-sized brain for its elephant-sized body, not even T. Rex would want to fuck with it especially that huge-ass club at the end of its tail which could snap a T. Rex's bones like match-sticks! Too bad if this dinosaur gets flipped over, its unprotected underbelly gets exposed! Being unable to flip itself back up by itself, Ankylosaurus becomes easy prey for even weak-sauce like Velicoraptors!
- Spinosaurus/Giganotosaurus: One of the lesser known internet relevances dinosaurs have. Two of the most infamous dinosaurs of OUR time. They have been known to cause massive amounts of bawwing and drama. How is this possible? With the powers of Jurassic Park and Dino Crisis 2. Most of this drama can actually turn into fucking flamewars. Most of the drama happens on Youtube. Go onto any video about Jurassic Park or Dino Crisis 2, you'll find someone bitching. Why are all the fags whining? Apparently, all of this is generated from the fact that Spinosaurus/Giganotosaurus can kill T. Rex in a fight. Though bigger than T. Rex, the Spinosaurus was primarily a fish eater. Its teeth and narrow jaws were for spearing fast-moving fish - useless for fighting an animal of T. Rex's size. (Also, the pretty, decorative fin on it's back, probably used like a solar panel, was a major weak spot and made it look like a huge faggot.)
Philosoraptor's Theory of Dinosaurs asserts that non-material abstract (but substantial) forms (or ideas) (Creationism), and not the material world of change known to us through Scientology, possess the highest and most fundamental kind of reality. Or in layman's terms - did dinosaurs eat Baby Jesus? As we see, dinosaurs have a lot more Internet relevance than it would first seem, as they are involved with the two largest bases of fucktards on the Internet - creationists and furries. Also occasionally known as "Drama-saurs", any mention of dinosaurs, accurate or inaccurate, will cause a shitstorm of drama by people who spend far too much time on the internet.
Mentioning dinosaurs is a sure-fire way to get a rise from any creationist who will claim either:
- Dinosaurs existed for thousands, not millions of years.
- The word "dragon" in the Bible actually means "dinosaur", which means dinosaurs and humans lived at the same time.
- Dinosaurs did not exist. Ever. They are hoaxes made up by evil scientists who want to destroy religion.
- Others think that dinosaur fossils are actually the bones of dragons, re-arranged by Satan and his minions to make Christians doubt the Bible.
- Dinosaur bones were put by God just for the lulz.
It should be noted however that not all faith-heads automatically reject the idea of dinosaurs, as is the case of Raptor Jesus, who is worshiped by millions.
Most dinosaurs became either reptiles or birds. This is what most people think. As it turns out, dinosaurs are even more distantly related from humans than previously thought.
Before they evolved into apes, niggers were originally dinosaurs. Specialized bones - noticeably the enormous lips - were found in Africa. Scientists refer to it as a giant lawnmower. Its diet is unknown, although judging by it's descendants it's an easy guess.
The idea that humans are directly descended from dinosaurs should not be confused with Reptoids, which are lizards which came from outer space and take on the form of humans in order to take over the world. Strangely, the humans they chose to resemble are usually white people, not niggers.
How the Dinosaurs Became Extinct
It was once widely believed that a giant meteorite caused the extinction of the dinosaurs, blocking out the sun, causing the next ice age, and ultimately killing all the cold-blooded animals, but anyone that still believes this is a fucktard. Others believe it was an ancient form of global warming. Some think it was God.
How the dinosaurs became extinct has been debated by scientists for years. Few other people care.
—Carl von Linné, trolling scalies.
Scalies are furries who have fursonas of reptiles instead of cute fuzzy animals. As is typical of the sort of people who would feel that they needed a seperate name for their own unique subsection of retarded anthropomorphic animal pr0n, they are fiercely defensive of their name, as they have scales, not fur. Such insignificant, Aspergian details should not be noted, as they are all still scumbags and no closer to Raptor Jesus than other furries.
Favorite sexual deviancy among scalies include egg-shitting in a permanent orgasmic state akin to shit art and wrapping their forked tongues around throbbing lizard cock. Many lizards and reptiles however do not have cocks but a single hole known as a cloaca - where shit, urine and cum all squirt out, which probably enhances the flavor.
Most scalies are either dinosaurs or dragons. The dinosaur of choice is always a raptor. Not a Stegosaurus with a brain the size of a walnut or a hideous egg-eater. It's always a raptor. This serves only as further blasphemy. The reason behind always choosing a raptor is that scalies also have a pawfur, vore, and guro fetish and enjoy ripping their partners apart with their feet and eating them.
Actually, since birds are said to be the dinosaurs' closest living relatives, the dino-furries should be classified amongst ANOTHER subgroup: the "Avians".
- Did Dinosaurs Have Arthritis?
- What "Warm-Blooded" Really Means?
- Brontosaurus vs. Apatosaurus
- Cats vs. Dinosaurs
- Raptor Jesus
- Rule 34
- /co/ - Although the board is for comics and cartoons, dinosaurs tend to go down very well with /co/mrades, regardless.
- Russian Philosoraptor - nobody cares, but Philosoraptor is a symbol of dinopedia
- The Creation Evidence Museum's FAQ telling us that dinosaurs are, in fact, in the Bible.
- Strange procreation habits of the dinosaurs
- Wrong DinoSaur
- JURASSIC NIGGAS
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|Featured article October 3, 2005|