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Disney, also known as Die Mausefalle (The Mousetrap), is an entertainment company, created by Walt Disney. Upon posthumous commands from Führer Disney himself, current Disney Kompanieführer Robert Iger commands troops from many factions of old media as well as teh internets. With the use of said troops, Kompanieführer Iger furthers the eventual goal to make us all brainwashed, 16-year-old, yiffing flamersticks so that we may be the hookers to his blow. Above all, Disney is a master at the art of trolling everyone and sending 16-year-old stars out to their doom.
- 1 Disney history
- 2 Walt Disney Parks and Resorts
- 3 Disney movies
- 4 Disney today
- 5 "Borrowed" ideas
- 6 "Role models"
- 7 Types of Fans
- 8 Gallery
- 9 See also
- 10 External links
Disney was started at the same time as McDonalds, when two Swedish midgets called Ronald McDonald and Walt Disney turned to each other in their concentration camp cell and started scheming the best ways to pwn children's money.
After 1948, in his depression, Walt Disney created suicidemouse.avi in a vengeful attempt to cause the mass suicide of children. He had to appeal to other audiences too, so Disney started preying on colored folks. However, slavery was later abolished and honkeys forgot black people existed and only one hundred people saw the cartoon.
Disney's next move was at multiculturalism, to show people of all races having fun and living in harmony. Disney also cared about animals and liked to push innocent lemmings off of cliffs. But that was bullshit and Disney was banned from the internets, so he got a job making serious news programs for the azns and was criticized when the Japanese wrote in, complaining that they could tell the difference between the characters.
So Disney gave up and made pro-Nazi movies. These were received with universal acclaim, since everyone hated everyone else and every child wanted to be a Nazi. Herren Hare, Mister Mouse and Fuhrer Frog became the most popular cartoon characters EVA!!!
Walt Disney died in 1966 (actually nobody cared when he died), breaking his neck while fellating himself. Sometime later, his brother Ray "Krock" Disney tried to merge the company with McDonalds. After this failed, his other brother, Roy, took over and ran the company into the ground by releasing terrible movies. In 1980, he was slaughtered in a coup by Michael the Eisner who later ruled with an iron fist. His known sexscapades with the seven dwarves soon stirred much controversy. Most recently, Mr. Eisner was later killed by an assassin in a Goofy costume, rumoured to be Steve Jobs.
Nowadays, the only people who watch Disney are creepy bastard furfags, who like to pretend they're fellating the Beast or something similarly sick, with Minnie Mouse, Daisy Duck and whatnot. The other audience seems to be fat 16-year-old girls, who obsess about Disney, because they have such a princely high standard, and facebook hoes who are too braindead to watch any good shows or movies.
Walt Disney Parks and Resorts
Disneyland (also known as Mauschwitz or Das Judenland) is known for being the shittiest place in the universe, since you have to wait several hours in the line, just to be in the ride around ten minutes and listen to a thirty-minute speech about how short life is. Normal people stay as far away as possible because (cost aside) it's filled with single, forty-something feminists dragging their 10-year-old daughters around by the arm, goths, gays, fatties, emos, Eurofags and a few Japanese.
The only good thing to pass time there is revealing the truth and watching how the little kids are scared to death when Mickey Mouse takes off his head to show the poor schmuck that really is. Which is what the kids deserve. You would have to be some kind of sick fuck to enjoy dressing up like a cartoon character and touching kids.
The only thing moar stupid than the park itself are the people who buy year-long passes. They are those zombie-like basement dwellers who show up EVERY FUCKING DAY, believing that they have the same entitlement as the company's executives and shareholders. Their form of lulz is to piss off everyone around them as much as they can, then complain to the employees so they can get as much free crap from Disney as possible. They can be spotted by the Mr. T style necklaces covering their shoulders.
Instead of being made of gold, 80's and win, the "lanyards" as they are called are covered in pins that are pure AIDS and FAIL. These pins are a status symbol; the more you have the cooler you are and they are often traded for money, sexual favors and sold at exorbitant prices to children trying to get in on the trading fun. The artsy photographer pass holders flock around the characters proving that they too are closet furries.
Commonly these passholders will drone on about how terrible or awful things are in the parks, and in the same sentence will tell you about how they keep up with all the changes, no matter how insignificant. The term belched the most from these passholders or "p'assholes" as they show their Disney issued I.D. card is "how much of a discount do I get?". If they wanted to save money, they would have not spent 10 USD on a hamburger or 5 USD on a drink.
Keep in mind. there are only a few ways to see Disney parks:
- When it is crowded and hot as fuck
- Crowded and raining
- When there are boards and walls up over most of the park, which is about 70% of the time.
Disney got rich by making, or rather shitting all over, stories that had been within public domain since at least the 1800's. However...they will sue and threaten literally anybody who tries the same thing...claiming theft of Intellectual Property or some other crap to cover-up their butthurt.
In your typical Disney movie, the characters sing their lungs over love, life, friendship and other such whiny emo crap. The goal of any Disney movie is simply to enable parents to avoid spending time with their families and save a few bucks on a babysitter. Simply slam in a Disney DVD, press Play and you can have buttsecks with your wife, husband or drunken incestuous sister/teenage daughter safe in the knowledge that your children are enjoying such wholesome fare as The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, The Fox and the Hound, Beauty and the Beast or Snow White.
Over 99% of Disney movies depict some 16-year-old girl liking some fucktard solely because he is famous, aristocratic or has money. This is where being true to life ends. Except for that one movie in which the girl is kidnapped, raped and ends up with Stockholm syndrome. Or the one where a fox and a hound become the best of friends. Why don't they foreshadow life itself for a change?
Disney is now known for its family entertainment. The sordid history has long since been forgotten by all but a few, and thus, people get very upset when you disparage any of Disney's otherwise clean-cut characters. Disney now makes only movies geared toward 12-year-old girls, such as Camp Rock. They also churn out awful direct-to-video sequels and take credit for films made by other, better companies such as Miramax, Dreamworks and Pixar.
Thus, all of Disney's revenue now comes from its TV shows, Lindsay Lohan and its popular theme parks, Disneyland and Disneyworld. Disney owns some land in Europe, where actors are encouraged to yiff on camera , which is the only exciting thing to happen there since most people there prefer theme parks based on their own crappy characters.
Disney has been very busy hiring sick paedophile fucks into their company. This practice is very prominent in the last few years, as shown in the making of Loli and Stitch, which is a cartoon about extraterrestrial bestiality, Winnie the Pooh and other stuff that nobody dares to point out, for fear of being pwnt by the Disnimati.
When Disney creates a show, they'll almost always cancel it after around sixty five episodes. As a rule, all Disney shows must have the character's name in the title. Recent pieces of shit released have been titled Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Life with Derek, JONAS, Phil of the Future and That's So Raven. Notice that the stars of these shows also have music careers.
A trademark of a Disney show is its hideous puns, stereotypical characters forced laugh-tracks and overused and unoriginal plots. Of course, this is fucking hilarious. Also, these shows were copied by Nickelodeon, with shows like iCarly and Victorious. But for some reason, iCarly took over one hundred episodes to finally be cancelled, but Victorious only took sixty and their latest shitcom, How To Rock, was cancelled after only twenty six episodes. They also cancelled another hit shitcom, Bucket & Skinner's Epic Adventures, after only twenty six episodes also.
How to make your own Disney TV show!
Make your own Disney movie plot
Follow this simple outline and you too can produce your own blockbuster hit and make millions of dollars:
Once upon a time in a faraway land, there lived a young (boy/girl) who had tragically lost (his/her) (mother/father/both parents). One day, an (evil/old/homosexual/ethnic stereotype/hero) villain devises a (sinister plot) and takes over the entire kingdom with (bumbling, comic-relief sidekick) voiced by (Gilbert Gottfried/Cheech Marin/Patrick Warburton/The guy who played Charles on M*A*S*H). Though shy and reluctant at first, our hero eventually rises up with courage after suffering another horribly traumatic event somehow involving said dead parents. With the help of a (talking animal/fat guy/inanimate object) voiced by (Robin Williams/John Goodman/Tim Allen/Rosie O'Donnell/The guy who played Charles on M*A*S*H), (he/she) will defeat the villain despite impossible odds, and everybody learns a lesson about (kindness/honesty/friendship/family values/whatever). Just add a soundtrack with (Christina Aguilera/Hilary Duff/Elton John) and you're set.
For those who believe Disney to be creative:
- ''The Big Bad Wolf and the Three Little Pigs: James Orchard Halliwell, 1853.
- Pinocchio: Italian children's story, published in 1883 by Carlo Collodi.
- Dumbo: Written by Helen Aberson and drawn by Harold Pearl. First showed up on backside of a cereal package. Also the first Disney flick about mice (not counting Steamboat Willie).
- Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs: Brothers Grimm, 1812.
- Bambi: By an Austrian named Felix Salten in 1923.
- The Fox and the Hound: By an unpoular American author named Daniel P. Mannix, released in 1967. However, the movie and book are about as different as night and day. Also one of two Disney movies about bestiality (the other is Beauty and the Beast).
- Robin Hood: Very old British folk tale. Disney's version, however, has anthropomorphic animals in lieu of the human characters.
- Aladdin: From 1001 Arabian Nights author unknown, A.D. 600~800.
- Alice in Wonderland: Lewis Carroll, 1865.
- 101 Dalmatians: Dodie Smith, 1956.
- The Hunchback of Notre Dame: Victor Hugo. Some argue that the movie was trolling English majors as they left out the lulzy stuff like Judge Frollo being a Necrophile and wanting to fuck a gypsy's remains.
- The Lion King: A mashup of Osamu Tezuka's Kimba the White Lion and Shakespeare's play about a Danish Prince. And if that's not enough, they also made a sequel called The Lion King II: Simba's Pride, which is basically the Disney version of Romeo and Juliet but in the pridelands and with furries.
- The Jungle Book: by Rudyard Kipling in 1894.
- Mary Poppins: By P.L. Travers in 1934. They even made a boring movie about Walt using his manipulative powers to make Mary Poppins.
- Hercules: Greek myth. It can be argued that this movie was trolling English majors, because they left out all the really lulzy/gay stuff, like slaughtering his family and dressing up as a handmaid for a year. Also, nobody watches it because of how lame it is.
- Treasure Planet: Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson, 1883.
- The Black Cauldron: The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander.
- The Sword in the Stone: T. H. White, 1938.
- The Little Mermaid: By H.C. Andersen, an unpopular Danish author in 1837.
- The Rescuers: A series of novels by a British lady. Also had a sequel entitled The Rescuers Down Under in 1990. Rescuers Down Under is also unique for not having songs like most Disney movies. Both of the Rescuers movies also continue the mice movies trend (Dumbo and Cinderella were the first two with mice as major characters.
- The Great Mouse Detective: By an unpopular Britfag author in 1958 about a mouse-sized Sherlock Holmes.
- Winnie the Pooh- Stolen from the stories of A. A. Milne, and is probably the only Disney movie to actually follow the source material without changing anything. Not to mention that the movie spanned about a zillion and nine sequels and spinoff TV-shows, characters, merchandise, ect.
- Aaron Stone: Was stolen from a show called Ace Lightning.
- Minutemen: Was stolen from Back to the Future.
- Phil of the Future: Was also stolen from Back to the Future.
- Wizards of Waverly Place: Was stolen from Harry Potter.
- High School Musical: "Grease" and "Hairspray".
- Gizelle (character in Enchanted): From a Mexican painting.
- Atlantis: Plato's Timaeus and Critias, 360 B.C. And also Nadia: The Secret of Blue Water by Jules Verne.
- Lilo and Stitch: Borrows some elements from E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial such as a family torn apart, an alien that brings them back together, etc.
- Oliver and Company: Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, but set in New York with a bunch of talking dogs and with Oliver as a cat.
- The Aristocats: Stolen from two of their own movies, 101 Dalmatians and Lady and the Tramp. Also launched the famous joke of the same name.
- Bolt: Stolen from Toy Story (but with a dog instead of a space ranger) and from The Rescuers (but with a dog and not two mice).
- Meet the Robinsons: Stolen from Meet the Parents.
- Chicken Little: Stolen from the fairly tale, from Chicken Run, and from War of the Worlds.
- Home on the Range: Stolen from Charlotte's Web and Animal Farm.
- Tangled: Stolen from the fairy tale of Rapunzel.
- Frozen: Stolen from H.C. Andersen's The Snow Queen in 1844.
- Big Hero 6: Stolen from Marvel's superhero team of the same name.
Disney is now running out of fairy tales, so they decided to cater to furries instead.
- Did Disney Steal Nemo?
- Hannah Montanna: Another Stolen Idea?
- The Lion King: Stolen or not?
- How Disney Corp. jewed writers out of the rights to their own work, bankrupted a former employee, tried to take works out of the public domain, and baselessly threatened a legal academic in their pursuit of spurious intellectual property rights (such as the "ownership" of Mickey Mouse himself).
Since the creation of Disney, they've been a really big help in getting little girls' self-esteem up. It first started with Disney Princess, who helped as much as Barbie girl, but, as opposed to Barbie making every black girl wish that they had straight hair, Disney Princesses make every 1-90-year-old girl/woman wait for the shining prince charming. Which is the reason why you're a virgin.
Types of Fans
- The sub-humans known as Floridians who won't shut up about A. How they get to go to the parks every week (jealous much, poorfags?) and/or B. The terrifying heat of their state despite it not even being the hottest one in the US on their shitty Disney meme accounts.
- The ones on Tumblr who just post gifs captioned with with "omgz inspirational" quotes or dictionary definitions.
- The other Tumblr types who are absolutely obsessed with the ethnicities of the Princesses, and will spend hours analyzing the movies to see any hints of racial insensitivity and will kill anyone who says otherwise.
- The fans who just enjoy the movies and short films and will post a screencap or two on their social media, and maybe go to Didney World once every three years or so.
- The edgelords who will take any out-of-context screenshot or spread mind-numblingly dumb fan theories because of "Le ruined childhood, lol."
- Similar to #3 and will often overlap with them, the types who deeply dig out any gender politics in a film and assume that everytime a Disney Princess happens to have a heterosexual romance means pushing back the Women's Liberation Movement back seventy years.
Goofy is a dog. He lives in a house, wears clothes and speaks.
He is friends with Mickey.
Mickey is a mouse. He lives in a house, wears clothes, and speaks.
Mickey owns Pluto.
Pluto is a dog. He lives in a kennel, wears nothing but a collar, and never speaks.
Finding it hard to believe that Disney would deploy subliminal imagery?
- Ashley Tisdale
- Bambifan101 – An obsessed fantard.
- Dirty Disney Confessions
- Disney Princes
- Final Fantasy – Which uses a similar plot-writing method.
- Gravity Falls
- Jonas Brothers
- Jews – They run Disney.
- Kovu 01
- Lemonade Mouth
- Mickyy Moo
- Mouseboy – Notable maker of Donald Duck porn.
- Pooh's Adventures
- Wayhne El Porch
- A Report for your Fifth Grader to Plagiarize
- Disney is evil!
- The Three Rs lays into Disney and specifically Hollywood Records
- Minnie Mouse sex tape
- Minnie gets groped by 60 year old man!
- a badly made Chinese version
- Some Disney characters like to get drunk
- Pluto gets pissed off!
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