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DivineAngel, also known by her alias, LadyHisoka, is a whiny lol-cow and Snapesnogger wannabe with the grammatical skills of a monkey. Because DivineAngel is afflicted with a severe case of Stupidity, she is a very easy target to make fun of. She believes that she does not have to follow the rules because she has borderline dyslexia, and she becomes profoundly butthurt whenever she feels that this right is being violated by The Man. Like most Tartlets, Divine loves to post lulzy, incomprehensible journal entries, hide any comment that does not agree with her point of view, and delete her aforementioned journals once the trolls come out to play. However, not content with being just your average drama-prone tartlet, DivineAngel puts an interesting spin on an old tale: she's apparently a witch.
DivineAngel and Witchcraft
DivineAngel identifies herself as a Pagan. A pagan is defined as "a person who is not a Christian, Jew, or Arab." So she could really be anything, but we're going to assume that like most dumbasses on the internet, she thinks it means Wiccan.
Wicca is a hippie religion often taken up by 16 year old girls in order to appear speshul and different from other 16 year old girls. A popular saying that sums up Wiccan ethics is "an it harm none, do what ye will" which means as long as you don't hurt anyone, you can do whatever shit you want to.
Of course, DivineAngel is far too important to follow any silly rules, so she ignores this saying completely and often threatens to hex people. Too bad for her that Wiccans also believe in "the threefold law", which states that if you do something bad to someone, something bad will happen back to you, but three times worse. OH SNAP!
History has shown that the only way to deal with witches is to burn them. While setting fire to her body may in fact be a fun project, ED recommends the burning take the form of pointing out her stupidity in the most lulzworthy ways possible.
Methods can include but are not limited to:
- Asking how many prints she's sold yet.
- Telling her the real definition of dyslexia.
- Commenting with true and useful tips on improving her artwork.
- Trying to explain that "constructive criticism" doesn't need to have something positive in it.
- Making fun of her inability to read and follow rules.
- Leaving so many comments that it's hard for her to hide them all.
- Correcting her grammar or spelling.
- Screencapping her stupidity.
- Telling her Paganism is a fairytalistic religion.
- Going to her page and letting her know just how retarded she really is.
- Ask for video proof that she really is an angel and see if she can fly off a building. If not, she fails herself.
- Talking to her for five consecutive minutes.
- And adding to this Article.
DivineAngel also often mysteriously refers to some sort of higher beings. Are they her heathen gods? Or... something else?! She also seems to believe that she has
magikal majikal powers! We have collected many of these puzzling quotes for your inspection.
- "DO NOT ever dare attack my original art again little whore, Because it will be of the supernatural that you would to face"
- "you have no idea the power I have do you."
- "when will tyou fucking learn KARMA IS REAL! and if you sin in my presence well you are about to find out why im called DivineAngel!"
- "You badmouthed my friend Belittled me And pissed off a Celestial Alliance, lucky for you they are letting me handle you personally! And don’t think you are going to get off easy."
- "ALAH HU ACKBAR MAJIK JIHADI!"
What "powers" does she possess? What is this about the "supernatural"? And what exactly is the "Celestial Alliance"? All this and more, in next week's episode!
The Story of DivineLolcow
—DivineAngel, on seeing shit others can't
DivineAngel's rampage of lulz began long ago, when fellow DeviantART user MarieChan told DivineAngel that she would not be able to earn $200 a month by selling her shitty prints. In response, DivineAngel promptly flipped a shit, completely trashing the forums and posting whiny journals in response to this painful truth. People soon after discovered the bountiful lulz she provided and flocked to her page.
Without delay, DivineAngel was assaulted from all sides as people relentlessly poked fun at the heffer. DivineAngel would often fight back with vicious and biting words like in this post, where she complains that someone was stealing her original character and thus was performing "copyright enfrigemnet."
It was a trap, you guys!
After her ED article went up, DivineAngel quickly scoffed at all those that opposed her. For you see, all the raging was, in fact, a trap! That's right! As it turns out, all this was just an elaborate ploy by DivineAngel to bring all the trolls on the site to the attention of the DeviantART Staff! Unfortunately for DivineAngel, the DA Staff doesn't give a shit about DeviantART and her little "plan" failed. Here are some quotes from straight from the lol-cow herself:
And so, it had seemed that DivineAngel was very close to eradicating the vicious band of unethnical hoodlums known as the LULZ. A close call, for sure.
Some time after the whole "It was a trap!" drama, DivineAngel was thrusted back into the spotlight after she posted the following journal entry, bitching because one of her Kingdom Hearts fanarts was removed for being pornographic. Although the image itself was softcore, the dumbshit completely broke the DeviantART policy on pornographic images by drawing a condom in Sora's mouth, with condoms being considered a "sex toy" and thus a big no-no on DeviantART. In the journal, she refers to the admins as "idiots" even though she would later try to elicit help from them to get rid of Encyclopedia Dramatica and the trolls.
Although the rule that a condom is considered a sex toy was indeed a rather nonsensical one, it was still a rule at the time, and DivineAngel broke it. And she thinks it's okay to break the rules because she has dyslexia and can't read them.
During the events of July 24th, the admins of DeviantART found her ED page and began to see why she was so popular. Realizing just how moronic the rule was, they decided to rewrite the rules as they saw fit in order to save their asses. Gg, DA staff.
About one week after the condom incident, DivineAngel updated her journal informing her fans and haters that she was planning to file a lolsuit against Encyclopedia Dramatica for "deformation of character." Users were quick to call her bluff because they knew that DivineAngel does not have the brain capacity to open the Yellow Pages and call a lawyer.
—"The lawyer," Journal Entry: Wed Jul 18, 2007, 6:17PM
Later, DivineAngel edited the journal to reveal to everyone that the EDiots had fallen right into her trap! That's right folks, ED has been fooled again! Surely, DivineAngel is the greatest troll in the world!
—DivineAngel, who was so misguided that she thought ED actually took her seriously.
The mysterious Vlad, her attorney at lawl.
The Journal Rape of July 24th
On July 23rd, DivineAngel's page became a Featured Article here at Encyclopedia Dramatica, thereafter solidifying DivineAngel's status as a grade-A lol-cow. In response to this, Divine posted a journal the next day stating that she and her "friend," Tsuki, mooned the EDiots on her forum (which iz ironic cuz "tsuki" is japanese for moon lolz isn't i funneh guise?). DivineAngel then celebrated her victory with her imaginary friend by turning on Tsuki's vibrating function. Because DivineAngel has no friends, noone read her journal entry...that is, until two really awesome people, who went by the usernames Whuzzup and RetardSmasher started to spam the hell out of her journal and main page. Their efforts managed to propel Divine's journal to the "most popular" journal spot in DeviantArt, garnering it plenty of more attention. Eventually, the admins took notice of the brutal assrape going on and forced Divine to delete the journal entry. When all was said and done, the deleted journal entry had over ten thousand comments and the damage to her main page was irreparable.
It was my roommate! Honest!
During the Summer 2007, DivineAngel came up with yet another brilliant idea: "If people thought that everything that happened was done by an impostor, then I'll be off the hook for all the shit I've done!" That's right, folks. DivineAngel played the blame game and pointed the finger at her "room-mate" for everything that had happened over the summer of 2007. All the asshattery, the hexing, the curses, the butthurt, all of it was the work of Mystery Roommate X while the REAL DivineAngel was away at "cleansing."
The best part about this whole thing is the fact that DivineAngel tries to convince everyone that this is her and not Mystery Roommate X by having perfect spelling and halfway-decent grammar. Of course, it was pretty obvious that Mystery Roommate X and DivineAngel are one in the same, as when she began to respond to the comments in her journal she gradually started sounding more like this mystery roommate. DivineAngel realized at the time that her cries of "My roommate was doing all of this plz stop" were not getting through to The LULZ, so she deleted her journal and took a short leave of absence from the internet to think of a better excuse.
Not too long after the roommate scandal, DivineAngel cranked the faggotry up to eleven by posing as her "roommate". She opened up a new account called LadyHisoka claiming to be DivineAngel's roommate, but LadyHisoka's horrendous mutilation of the English language and the fact that LadyHisoka has the same birthday as DivineAngel helped to uncover the ruse. Realizing that the jig was up, DivineAngel immediately shifted the blame away from her roommate and started blaming hackers for what had happened.
The Grand Finale
Not satisfied with the conclusion of the LadyHisoka Saga, DivineAngel decided that ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH and that it was time to fight back by waging war against the trolls with her army of sockpuppets, including LadyHisoka and a new account created specifically for this epic battle: ScarletDivine. DivineAsshole used the ScarletDivine account to inform people that the DivineAngel account was being hijacked by LadyHisoka, her "roommate." Soon the trolls came out of the woodwork, and over the next few days flames were thrown around, accusations of asshattery were made, and many trolls were felled at the hands of the witch. Many valiant trolls were banned by the admins after everything was said and done, and DivineAngel declared her victory by telling everyone that she was experimenting with trolling. A laughable excuse, if anything.
In the end, DivineAngel decided to leave DA forever. DivineAngel honestly believed that she had won the war, for the trolls were all gone and her efforts were nothing more than a big joke, but little did DivineLolcow know that it would be the trolls, and ED, who would have the last laugh: shortly after this incident, the DivineAngel and LadyHisoka accounts were banned, and with it a great era in internets history ended...
DivineAngels say the darndest things! Here are some of the gems we've seen over the years...
External Links & Current Status
BANNED , primary Sockpuppet. BANNED
- ABANDONED , alternative account.
- ABANDONED secondary sockpuppet and "boyfriend."
- SheezyArt, ACTIVE
- Y!Gallery Gay Porn. ABANDONED
- Hentai Foundry Regular Porn ABANDONED
- FurAffinity Furfaggotry. ABANDONED
- Her Forums ABANDONED
- Her Myspace page ABANDONED
- Her shitty comic ABANDONED
- firstname.lastname@example.org Last know email address
DivineAngel / LadyHisoka moved to Tumblr. Same monkey-like gramma, same severe case of stupidity, less funny art and more YELLS IN ALL CAPS ABOUT BITCHES.
- Loveismysword Her "True Anti-Hate blog", used for hate and general asslicking. ACTIVE
- Crownedclowngirl The first of a shit load of shitty tumblr blogs, still has her "art" on it. ACTIVE
- Fallennobility Another shitty tumblr blog she uses like LadyHisoka- to kiss her own ass. BALEETED
- abyssmalsavior Yet ANOTHER shitty tumblr blog, cries about timelines no one gives a fuck about. BALEETED
- Demifiend-hitoshura This tumblr blog puppets the previous one, bitching about the same shit and pretending still to be different people. BALEETED
DivineAngel is part of a series on
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Taking Down ED
[Do It Faggot]
|Featured article July 23, 2007|
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