Doki Doki Literature Club
Doki Doki Literature Club (Alternative titles: Most Overrated Game of 2017, Not A Game: The Game, and "I'm Not Scared, You Are!") is a brand new amazing
visual novel dating sim created by Dan Salvato that attempts to lure unsuspecting gamers into playing a cute anime visual novel, but surprising them with suicide and "horror." Typical edgelord bait-and-switch writing.
Although it is frequently called a "game," it is not a fucking game. The majority of the time spent "playing" DDLC is either used clicking "next" or skipping if you want to get through its Encyclopædia Britannica worth of dialogue, and if you think that should be considered as playing a game, you should play the game of reading an actual fucking book. Even after all of that, the rest of the garbage is clicking random words to complete a poem because, just in case you forgot, you are playing a fag in a literature club. Between this and watching paint dry, it's better to just drink bleach.
Like all visual novels. There is no plot.
DDLC focuses on the protagonist going to a school and getting indoctrinated by the communists in the classroom nobody uses. Like every single other visual novel, you play as a guy who, in the real world, would have killed himself yesterday, but because this is not real, you get a harem of girls after your nano-sized cock.
Here is an easy to learn guide in case you have terminal cancer and wondering how to spend the last six hours of your life as uneventfully as humanly possible.
1.) Pick anyone:
- Sayori and Yuri become an hero, Natsuki gets deleted off-screen, Monika finally reveals that she's been amplifying their issues to make them less appealing to you and have your micropenis all to herself. If you delete her character file instead, she restores everybody and becomes an hero herself. Sayori then becomes the President and tries to have your micropenis all to herself forever and ever, only for Monika to cock block her and literally delete fucking everything this time.
2.) Pick Monika:
- You can't, unless you installed a mod or something. Yeah, some virgins who consider these girls as their waifus actually spent time to create different mods of this game.
It is also straight up pointless to get to the ending after wading through the shit because if you were stupid enough to think you could at least fuck their dead bodies at the end (even though you spend a whole weekend with Yuri's body and watch her decompose yet given no sex scene), you are in for a revelation for just how much time you have wasted.
Because Salvato is a creativity-deprived hack, he only created four pieces of cardboard cut-outs for this "game." They are all uninteresting cardboard cut-outs ripped straight off from other pieces of media, and those that aren't are cliche anime tropes that have been done to death several times over. Similar to other garbage like other games of the same popularity, fans of DDLC will say all the characters in this game are deep and thoughtful, but people who are not insane and have some semblance of any kind of basic human reasoning abilities can clearly see through this cheap cop-out.
Very generic and basic "perfect girl" that in the end is revealed to be a sentient AI who is responsible for every single thing that has gone wrong with the game. She justifies her destroying the game all for a single motive: to fuck you. Not the protagonist, no, you, the guro-obsessed weeaboo playing this garbage. She's capable of breaking more 4th walls than Deadpool, Undertale and Rick and Morty combined.
Unfathomably annoying, loli, and also the victim of child abuse. Is also an obvious trap (she's strong enough for her size to carry a whole bag of ingredients by herself). She is the only character to die that doesn't become an hero, instead being deleted. A decidedly un-lulzy way to die. Remember, you can just delete her (and Yuri) at the start of the game and nothing would change.
The generic character trope of "I'm happy with no cares in the world!" that turns out actually being very depressed their entire life. Later revealed to have been caused by Monika, but that still doesn't excuse this generic piece of shit. Somehow more annoying than Natsuki. First to become an hero, and also does so regardless of choice, further enforcing how much this "game" isn't a game. Her suicide is the first of many "spooky-ookies," a good name for this game's half-assed attempts to jump scare you.
Masochistic emo whore who has a fetish for knives and cutting. Most popular among gurofags and 12-year-old boys because of her big tits which conveniently mask her complete lack of character or any type of personality besides being eye candy for the weebs that play the game. Becomes obsessed with you later in the "game," leading to many lulzy attempts to spook you with her unrealistic obsession over your weeaboo tumor of a fucking face. Also sends you letters contaminated with her blood, urine, feces and bodily fluids. Her knives are made in China, by the way. That explains why it took three stabs to get rid of her for good.
Generic faceless blank slate for the player to project on, or that would be the case if the protagonist wasn't their own character that you get to watch and sometimes influence the decisions of. A weeaboo, and somehow has everyone wanting to suck his micro penis. He seems to try to help everyone while remaining oblivious to anything happening unless it's stated in front of him. Probably has a bigger dick than yours. Somehow has everyone wanting his goddamned cock. Unrealistic Expectations.
This "game's" idea of horror is its "unsettling" atmosphere (static overlay, a heartbeat, maybe some backwards music, i.e., the general shitty atmosphere of terrible horror games), jump scares with spooky faces and "scary" corrupted imagery, and also just random shit like red vision, character's eyes popping out of their sockets or they having photo realistic eyes and mouth in a hilarious display of absurd horror, not unlike Goosebumps, which is far scarier and hilarious than this insult to ANY other horror game, good or bad.
Project Autism? (Libitina)
According to several edgy Reddit and YouTube users last Thursday, the entire purpose of this pile of shit is but a bait for the upcoming game coming from Team Salvato's anus. To find out the game's secrets, people such as Mithost and Warchamp7 used their autism magic. Turns out the character file for each of the four characters DOES have secrets, which include:
- A scientific report that disproves the existence of God due to how horribly formatted it is.
- One crappy image that requires Photoshop to turn it into a white girl.
- Another crappy image which turns out to be a dumb teaser written by Monika for the new game.
- A crappy edgy poem written by Yuri saying something about having the third eye opened somewhere on her body.
It's truly amazing how Team Salvato made these people wasted their life to do something this pointless.
(Over)reactions to DDLC
- ProJared - Who actually ranked this shit above games such as Super Mario Odyssey and Sonic Mania in his 'best games of 2017' video because he is a smug faggot who thinks his opinion are special.
- Yandere Simulator - This game but worse, not finished, and is just a honeypot scam for shekels for a Jew.
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|Featured article January 17 & 18, 2018|
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