DotA 2

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Official logo of Valve's game

In a ripoff of the original Warcraft 3 Mod, Valve has taken IP that isn't theirs, made no noticeable changes, and created a massive game with little to no effort. What's essentially nothing more than an engine update for the original DotA with hats, Valve has made its most popular game. Enter Defense of the Ancients 2. An inferior version of League of Lesbians with 15 years worth of antiquated engine nuance, depth, and balance changes to the point where it takes years of playing and constantly monitoring dev posts in order to understand the basic mechanics of how a single spell works, if it works as intended. It's okay, though, since the game is still in beta and has been for 6 years. Individual games are full of unseen amounts of rage, desperate attempts at edgelording and players losing games trying meme builds they found on Reddit and Youtube. Save the time and play League.

The learning curve of DotA 2 and DotA in general is wider than the diameter of UY Scuti (largest known star, diameter 2,375,828,000 km, fuck you). The only way you can learn this game is by dedicating your life to DotA, killing your family so they won't disturb your existence and building yourself a tube-like-device that will force feed you oatmeal so you will never have to move away from your computer. Also popular in the community is to dig a hole right next your monitor to shit and piss directly into it, if the smell is to bad, block the hole with the dead bodies of your family members which you previously murdered.


Notable Heroes[edit]

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Anti-Mage[edit]

The self-loathing Queer of wizarding, Anti-Mage, A.K.A. Mangina or Anti-Fun, in typical depth of lore fashion, hates Magic. He used to not, but now he does. He hates it so much that his spells revolve around fucking over magic users by drainging mana, then casting a spell to do damage based on mana drained. He's also known to have the most cancerous playstyle by personifying how a carry's mind operates. He's going to cry about the timing of his first item, demand you suck his dick for 15 minutes, not help you fight while he farms for another 30, and then come out as you're winning the game without him with 6 items and beg for commends.

Goblin Techies[edit]

The only heterosexual choice for a hero in the game, Goblin Techies are a group of 3 goblins who plant mines, plant mines, plant mines, and show their praise to glorious Allah by exploding themselves on other heroes. This hero's most notable for being the single best hero in the game to piss off players on both teams. You can fuck with players by placing mines in completely random areas they don't expect regardless of how effective, buying a force staff to punish them for trying to de-mine, and by being a complete worthless sack of shit to your own team.

SKELETON Wraith KING[edit]

THE TRUE ONE-BUTTON KING DOES NOT NEED SPELLS. HE HAS A SINGLE STUN THREE PASSIVES AND IT IS ALL YOU NEED TO WIN. BOW BEFORE A TRUE SKILLCAP-BASED HERO, PEASANT. VALVE WAS THREATENED WITH LAWLSUITS BY BLIZZARD FOR USING LEORIC THE SKELTEON KING SO THEY PUSSIED OUT AND MADE HIM A LITTLE BITCH WITH TOGGLES. MAYBE NEXT PATCH THEY'LL LET YOU TOGGLE OFF HIS REINCARNATION AND KILL HIMSELF.

Phoenix[edit]

SCREE KAW HAHA SQUARK KAKAAAAAW I'M A BIRD

Personalities[edit]

Purge[edit]

Known primarily for his intro-to-DotA, "Welcome to DotA, You suck", YouTube Favicon.png Kevin "Purge" Godec is known for being a terrible, terrible player, but trying to teach noobs how mechanics work. He's commonly a co-caster since his sultry voice and empty words fill time well, without having to say anything of value.

Sir Action Slacks[edit]

Walking proof that nothing good ever comes from crowdfunding, YouTube Favicon.png Jake "SirActionSlacks" Kanner is a meme-spewing literal giant, Slacks gained DotA 2 notoriety through YouTube and Reddit e-begging when his computer broke down, only to make thousands of irl dollars and spend it all flying his girlfriend to the International and a green screen. He's currently a host at Valve's events since they need somebody as retarded as the community who's also tall enough to hold the boom mics over the interviewee's heads, and Sheever can only be in one place at a time.

Na'Vi[edit]

A team composed entirely of a single mid player, Danil "Dendi" Ishutin, Na'Vi has been completely gutted of its former glory leaving only the has-been Dendi, from Ukraine to be invited to every major valve even and be eliminated immediately. Despite their terrible play, many fans who are too casual to follow the scene believe them to be the best because they won a large event 4 years ago.

Behold the retardation.
Behold the retardation, again.
Obviously hilarious.
Reason to beat your kids.

Arteezy[edit]

 
 
HEY RTZ, IM TRYING TO LEARN TO PLAY

RIKI. I JUST HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT

THE SKILL BUILD: SHOULD IMAX CLOAK

AND DAGGER LIKE YOU BACKSTABBED EG

AND THEN DISAPPEARED FROM SIGHT,

SMOKESCREEN SO THEY MISS ME LIKE

THE NA SCENE MISSES YOU OR BLINK

STRIKE LIKE YOU JUMPED AWAY FROM

EG AND SECRET WHEN THEY WERE FAILING.
 


 

Pyrion Flax[edit]

YouTube Favicon.png Edward "PFlax" Forsyth was about as much of a DotA personality as DotA is a professional Sport. Nobody ever liked him, his content wasn't funny or relevant, and he sounds and looks like Fran Drescher fucked a Walrus. Known for making "Guides" in MS Paint and crying about every spell a hero has rather than actual guides. Between his voice, his vaping, and his self-professed terrible play (despite insisting on carrying when with better players), he is extremely easy to hate.

Zyori[edit]

A bland and flavorless nobody, Andrew "Zyori" Campbell would be a completely unnotable caster and host. He tried desperately to gain notoriety by growing dreadlocks and spewing autism, nobody cared until he forgot to turn off his webcam after a stream and sniffed his own balls. Thus the DotA 2 sniff sniff meme was born. He tried to erase any evidence of it by timing people out in chat and deleting their comments, however as foreseeable, this was ineffective and, especially now that Valve has made him cut his "trademark" hair, it remains his only contribution to the community.

Sheever[edit]

Jorien "Sheever" van der Heijden has a vag. She doesn't have a sense of humor, knowledge of the game, an understandable accent, or a likable personality, but she has a vag and you have to have one of those on panels or people find something else to masturbate to.

The Community[edit]

Pretty much sums up Valve's policy on server regions.

DotA 2 is known for the worst community in the history of gaming and mankind. Besides the Russian and Brazilian cancer that devoured 80% of the game, the community is completely made out of 13-year-old boys, basement-dwellers, neckbearded fucks, faggots (not to be confused with closet homosexual teenagers), closet homosexual teenagers, russians of all age and shape, chinks who ought to be playing Starcraft, attention whores and worst of all, you. If you expect to make friends in this game, think again asshole. Immediately after the match started, people will hate you for picking the wrong hero, picking the wrong items, picking the wrong abilities and picking the wrong lane, subsequently calling you every swear word imaginably. They will bash you, your family, everyone and everything you cared for, all this and more when they announce your existence to the enemy team, who joins in the bashing and eventually everyone will report your dumbass, most of the time falsely, so you will get low priority next time you search for a match. If you're lucky, you will discover the mute buttons and survive the ordeal, but as the nitwit wanker you are, that's probably not gonna happen. All this will probably transcend at around minute 1, 1 and a half, if you're still in game, you will proceed to get continuously gangbanged by the enemy team, because your own team informed them of your position, after that be prepared for more bashing and humiliating chants now mixed with spam from map signals and homoerotic drawings on the minimap.


   
 
I am a Russian and I can explain why Russians so bad. Sorry for my bad English. Nearly 80% of Russian DotA players are kids 10-16 years old, so kids kinda don't give a fuck about team playing. They are just stupid kids and think that no one can hurt them in real life if they will do wrong things in internet so they doing what they want. In Russia since Dota 1 every kid played this game in school IT chambers or internet-cafe. DotA 1 was the most popular internet game in Russia after Counter Strike.
 

 
 

—A brief history lesson on how the Russian cancer started

It's literally impossible to avoid playing with Russians on European servers and Peruvians on American, since no one will IP block them to their godforsaken zone and simply pick every available region for faster queues. Thus, you're inescapably compelled to play with these international parasites. Since playing with brain dead chauvinistic dipshits is mandatory, you will sooner or later suffer the consequences of opening your mouth to oppose the Russian and Peruvian idiocy you will surely experience. Enjoy having a party of 4 wetbacks report you into low-priority and mutes for not speaking the primary language of your server. Welcome to DotA. It sucks.

Russians pretty much summed up.
Russians pretty much summed up, again.
Why buying a life should be a top priority.
The delight of foreigners.

Gallery[edit]

DotA comics n' stuff About missing Pics
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See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

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