DrMusic2

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Werejohncandy xiny.jpg
Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
The Werebeast's true form.
This is actually one of her better works, laughably enough.

Fursonas come in all shapes, sizes, and species. You have obese raccoons whose only goal is to become fatter by eating trash disguised as food, foxes who want nothing more out of life than to get fucked up the ass by every species on the planet, and otters who aspire to be great authors of our era. Sadly, these constitute as little more than "run-of-the-mill" for the furry community, as the extremes that exist within their vile ranks make the standard furry seem almost acceptable by comparison.

She lurks in the darkness of the dA forums, seeking out her prey. With a taste for trolls, she leaps from the shadows and into the spotlight, becoming the center of attention wherever her hunt may take her. Her fursona is so oddly specific, there could not possibly be a pack or tribe of her kind: She is a werewolf version of Canadian actor John Candy, trapped inside the body of a supposedly 40 year old aspie.

Welcome to the world of DrMusic2; (powerword Mariana Hanks), a self-declared "natural born werejohncandy".


Artistic Endeavors

Elliot Selfie (25).jpg


The subject of this article is a virgin with rage.


Like most tartlets with plenty of time to spare, Mariana has a substantial body of work behind her. She has posted a minimum of three "stories" per day - as well as a varying number of "photomanips" sporadically over the course of a week - since she first registered her deviantART account in July of 2009. Yet, despite this body of work and the time she has spent on deviantART, she has only managed to amass 119 followers as of February 2012. Of course, this fact hasn't slowed Mariana down at all, as she has multiple submissions filed under literally every submission category deviantART has to offer. Now THAT'S dedication.

Unsurprisingly, there isn't a single decent or salvageable piece in her entire gallery.

Written Works

Fanart of Mariana in her dreaded "weregrinch" form. Just kidding. She has no fans
You wouldn't like her when she's angry!


   
 
My monster world character is named Nathan Talbut who is a weregrinch, his nicknames are Nate and The Grinchman. His monster nickname is Growler.
 

 
 

—Excerpt from "Monster world me"


   
 
As you know most werelenos are evil, they act nice to trick their victims and to hide their truly villainous nature and you know how traumatic it was was when my character got turned into one, he'll never be able to live it down - the chin stretching out and becoming like a proper wereleno chin was the worst part.
 

 
 

—One of her more recent journal entries

A large bulk of her writing deals with her imaginary army of imaginary monsters, whom she sends after her real e-enemies to exact her "revenge" upon them. In their off-time, they'll fight imaginary crimes offline, hang out in an imaginary bar which caters exclusively to imaginary monsters, or hide in their imaginary closets (Mariana apparently does not understand the connotations that come with doing so).

Outside of her "Monster" series, she also pens a series by the title of "Tales From the Web" (Which serves more direct call-outs of her online enemies) and a number of one-off stories. They are childish at best, and unsettling at worst. To think that any one person could devote so much time to producing stories and still be such a poor writer is a baffling prospect, especially when it is taken into account that her choice of subject matter is more becoming to the works of a 4th grader than a supposedly 40-year-old. (she was actually born in 1990, and claimed to be older as asspies always do)

To read through the entirety of her written works would take more time to spare than anyone should care to calculate, let alone spend. To legitimately enjoy her writing would take the mental state of a thoroughly tasteless toddler.

Selected Works:

  • "The weregrinch in your closet" (In which Mariana alludes nearly a dozen times to "coming out of the closet")
  • "Fright Force" (Roll call for Mariana's personal army of monsters)
  • "Grinchin Out" (A story in which she murders a troll who made fun of one of her friends)
  • "The Truth Behind ED" (Mariana reveals ED to be a front for "aliens from another universe" using tartlets "as test subjects for their bizzare experiments")
  • "Monster factfile: EDiots" (Mariana continues to blow the lid off of the ED conspiracy!)
  • "Night Of The EDiots" (Mariana finally solves deviantART's ED problem by pretending to slay our userbase in an unfunny Evil Dead parody! Notice her fixation with the handsome strong jawed shop assistant.)
  • "School rant" (In which Mariana confirms she is a 10-year old girl trapped inside a 21-year old woman's body)
  • " (Mariana describes how she could best her idol in a fight)

Illustrations

While she isn't drawing or writing, Mariana likes to play sports.

Her art, however, is far more convenient to flip through, and elicits far more lulz from the viewer. The majority of her artistic submissions are simply MSPainted pictures of her werejohncandy fursona, touching upon every variety of suggestive pose. Never mind the fact that John Candy was never much of "a looker" in real life: Slap a heap of fur onto his face and make him strut his stuff, and it's nearly enough to make you vomit in your mouth. Remember folks: This is how Mariana imagines herself as what she "really looks like", trapped inside her shell of a human body.

Her visual deviations will occasionally deviate from her so-called "norm". She hosts rather large photograph galleries, of her "friend" made up in various face-paints and her collection of children's plushies. She has drawn a number of celebrities in their animal forms, and concept art for her upcoming video game: Military Koalas: Marsupial Squadron. She has even paid tribute to the late "King of Pop" herself, as a redshirt from Star Trek.

Putting aside her repetition of themes and characters in her works, there are plenty of lulz within her gallery. From the utterly ironic to the hilariously inept, nearly every picture in her gallery is amusing in its own right. All that's left for her to do is post some proper Rule 34 of herself, and she will have officially dabbled in every genre of art officially recognized by the internet. However, until that day, there are still enough lulz to last a lifetime on her page right now.

For selected illustrations, see her gallery section here.

The White Knight

DevART Coalition for Quality Control

   
 
Did I mention i also have connections with the mafia?
 

 
 

—Mariana, on the comments of "Month in Review: March 2010"

A photomanip worth fighting for, according to Mariana.

A project run by a group better known for their YouTube commentaries, DCQC is designed to troll tartlets with terminal cases of USI. The concept of fair use eludes their targets, and they cannot grasp the concept that someone has the legal right to review and mock their "art" under the fair use exception to copyright laws. After commenting on a laughable photomanip of a girl as a raccoon as part of a larger article about raccoon art in general, Mariana discovered the page and left a series of disapproving comments. It turned out that the picture was the work of a friend of hers, and that she was committed to having the article taken down. After a failed attempt at convincing the dA staff to get involved, and having temporarily hijacked another tartlet's complaint thread in order to rally users against DCQC (as well as further promote her friend's artwork), Mariana began to comment on other articles on the page, and to fight other tartlet's battles for them.

The beginning of a beautiful friendship.

Mariana's comments teach a valuable lesson in irony, as well as the inability of aspies to realize when they're being trolled. When called out on being a shameless promoter for her friend and a creepy furry, Mariana responded by announcing that she was "actually a pretty nice guy". She would later "prove" this point by boasting that "a lot of [her] friends, and [her] family think [she is] a nice person", and that she has "donated to numerous charities". When it was later pointed out that she could not go a single comment without shoe-horning in an obnoxious number of irrelevant pop culture references, she stated that she is "quite an avid reader – [she has] not only all of Roger [Ebert]’s film books but [she] also [has] read Bruce Campbell’s autobiography If Chins Could Kill as well as Make Love The Bruce Campbell Way, [she] also thoroughly enjoyed Jay Leno’s book Leading With My Chin."

Numerous trolls and tartlets alike have begun to argue with Mariana on the comments of the articles, in the hopes of getting her to confess more lulzy secrets and leave more laughable quotes. Recent posters have taken to imitating Mariana, and causing her to rage about her "identity being stolen". As DCQC exists entirely to attract complaints, they have yet to "silence her", and don't have plans to. So long as this is the case, Mariana will likely continue to comment.

In November 2010, Habermann banned Mariana from METOKUR after months of her disrupting the site's activity. She still stalks their deviantART page daily and almost certainly attempts to post daily in halfhearted attempt to get unbanned and "apologize". Regretfully, METOKUR went offline in late 2012 due to the admin's loss of interest in the site, and the content on Mariana most likely lost forever.

Posts Mariana has commented on:

Slapstick Anarchy

Mariana attempts to have a srs debate about how to kill the imaginary monster she invented, before going on to compare ED to Perez Hilton.

A decidedly obscure blog by the name of Slapstick Anarchy reviewed a piece written by Mariana entitled "I love Werejohncandyism", under the assumption it was an elaborate joke. When Mariana came to defend her honor, however, the author soon found that she was indeed legitimate. Overnight, rents' blog which had previously had no more than a comment on any of it's previous articles found itself knee-deep in walls of text, posted by none other than the werejohncandy herself.

Noting the success of her first entry, rents would later write two companion pieces, including an in-depth explanation of the anatomy of a werejohncandy, and a public service announcement detailing how to slay a werejohncandy. Mariana, in all her childish stupidity, mistook these joke articles for legitimate guides, and argued that rents had "got it all wrong", completely oblivious to the fact that nobody in the world takes the concept of her fursona seriously besides herself. She would enter pages-long back-and-forth debates with the webmaster, whom apparently had nothing better to do than to argue with an autistic 40-year-old men who believe they are werewolf actors trapped inside human bodies.

Posts regarding Mariana:

Fursona Swapping

Overnight, Mariana's deviantID changed from this...
... To this. So much for "natural born"!


   
 
I've decided to change my monster persona from a werejohncandy to a weregrinch. The reason why is that the weregrinch is simply more badass and besides no one would dare to pick on a weregrinch.
 

 
 

—Excerpt from "Monster Form Switch"


   
 
Well it all started when I was at Universal Studios Hollywood, I spotted Jim Carrey while sight seeing, I tried to go up to him but he was too fast and he bit me on the hand - now every night i turn into a grinch.
 

 
 

— DrMusic2, on the origins of her disease.

John Candy is disappoint.
The legacy of fine art Mariana is now leaving behind her.

Overnight, following this article going live and DCQC announcing it on their page, Mariana decided to swap out her fursona in a desperate attempt to avoid being trolled. Whole-heartedly believing that by announcing she was one species of imaginary monster instead of some other form of imaginary monster, that the Internet might leave her alone, completely oblivious to the fact that her claiming to be ANY BREED of imaginary monster warrants continued trolling.

Never mind the absolutely retarded idea that Mariana srsly believes - now that she is a "weregrinch" - that she is beyond mockery: The fact that she is now feverishly denying ever having been a werejohncandy is perhaps candidate for the single most absurd "turn on a dime" ever performed by a victim in the history of documented trolling. Since the day she joined dA, she had been claiming to be a "natural born werejohncandy". One sleepless night later, and her page now boldly claims that she is and has always been a "natural born weregrinch". How you can be "naturally born" as one species, and then claim the next minute you were "born" some other species is beyond me. Not even trannies deny that they were born as either a male or female before deciding to make the change.


Evidence confirming Mariana's past as a werejohncandy:


It can be concluded from these so-called "stories" that Mariana did, at point in time, believe she was "born a werejohncandy." The reason for her deciding she no longer wishes to affiliate with her made-up species of make-believe monster is that she legitimately believes in her made-up monsters, and legitimately believes that her made-up weregrinches are beyond real mockery. Unfortunately for her, her monsters aren't real, and the Internet doesn't take kindly to sick fucks who have given up on humanity and wish instead that they were born as animals. As such, even as she pretends to be her new weregrinch fursona, she will still be subject to mockery, as she rightfully should be.


UPDATE: New fursona!

Elaborating on her fetish for transforming into overweight comedians, Mariana has now professed to be a Wereleno on her new dA account. That's right: part wolf, part Jay Leno, and part sasquatch turd. And as of late 2011, Mariana created the Werestallone, a.k.a. Stallonian, only to abandon it when Endsenten created photomanips that were posted on dA, eliciting many lulz. She has returned to the Wereleno fursona as of March 30, 2012, but reverted to the Werebelushi, half mangy wolfdog, part John Belushi that she used to great extent on the Blues Brothers Central forums in 2007 and 2008 shortly after, she continues to use the "werebelushit" as her fursona with signs that it is permanent. While it would be great if Mariana met John Belushi's fate, she will probably die alone in middle age in a group home atop a pile of her own shit with her Andria Kilgore doll between her legs with its head in her vagina.


   
 
I ALREADY COME OUT AGES AGO AND I'M SICK OF PEOPLE RAGGING ON MY FURSONA CREATIONS AND MONSTER CHARACTERS AND CALLING THEM RETARDED AND I'M SICK OF THE GODAMN CHRIS-CHAN COMPARISIONS.

FUCK YOU, I WISH I WAS A REAL WERESTALLONE THAT WAY I COULD POUND YOU AND YOUR ILK TO KINGDOM COME!
 


 
 


Wereleno.jpg


   
 

Name: WereLeno.

Type: Large humanoid shapechanger with a big chin.

Special Quality: Have the appearance, voice and characteristics of Jay Leno circa 1980 to 1998, skilled fighters, great at being villainous, chin emphathy, remarkably deadly and sinister like Dracula, extremely high intelligence, keen senses, a keen sense of humour, make great villains, have a powerful chin, can sense when danger is near.

Description: Beware of the chin. WereLenos are the most diabolical werecreatures in the land. They have the appearance, voice, and characteristics of Jay Leno circa 1980 to 1998 as well as various interesting super powers including chin based hidden powers, they have dark fur with silverish undertones, a long mane, pointed ears, claws, fanged canine teeth, a black nose, glowing orangish eyes and bushy eyebrows. VVereLenos are very rare and elusive in some states and trying to find one is an impossibility as is becoming one.

To become one of these you have either have a birthday on the same date as Jay Leno himself, touch Jay's chin (this is the classic way) or be a blood relative of his- another way to do this is to have a special bond with your chin (this is called "Chin telepathy") in which your chin must become sentient in order for it work.
 


 
 

—- CHIN POWERS. You can't make this shit up.


Continued Trolling

Take care not to confuse the Sasquatch with a proper troll.

Trolling Mariana is just about as easy as can be, and keeping her continued attention is as simple as not giving into her demands: If she wants you to take down a copy of one of her pictures, rehost it on as many image-hosting services as you can and send the URLs to her. If she wants you to leave her friends alone, harass them until they leave deviantART. Whatever you do, don't believe her lies, and don't let her convince you that she's a "nice guy" (aspies are subhuman, and are incapable of emotion).

If you're too stupid to figure out on your own how to piss off a furry, here are some helpful tips you can use to pretend you're a troll:

  • Suggest that a werewolf version of John Candy is a stupid fursona to have
  • Suggest that a werewolf version of Jim Carrey as the Grinch is a stupid fursona to have
  • Suggest that a werewolf version of Sylvester Stallone is a stupid fursona to have
  • Call her out on her Elvira obsession and call her a cougar-chasing lesbian
  • Remind her that John Candy died of a heart attack at age 43, and that Mariana "doesn't have much time left!"
  • Remind her that Jim Carrey is a talentless hack, and that the live action Grinch movie sucked
  • Tell her Steve Martin is better than Jim Carrey
  • Say you like Were(insert another dead comedian)s better!
  • Critique her art, and watch her accuse you of flaming regardless of how legitimate your criticisms are
  • Make fun of her supposed friends
  • Make fun of her supposed friends' pictures
  • Remind her that online acquaintances are not real friends
  • Remind her that only children believe in imaginary monsters
  • Accuse her of being gay
  • Accuse her of being egotistical
  • Accuse her of shamelessly promoting for her supposed friends
  • Any or all of the above, but on a site that isn't deviantART that she can't delete your entries on (Or have someone else do it for her).
  • Tell her she is violating copyright law.
  • Tell her that her "friend" Andria Kilgore is a sockpuppet
  • Tell her that she will go to a group home or a mental hospital when her parents die
  • Call her a "budos olah" (Hungarian gypsy term for "Stinky Gypsy")
  • Make fun of New Zealand or Romania maliciously


Reactions to Encyclopedia Dramatica

On deviantART and DCQC...

Mariana, failing to spell "goddamn" or "Encyclopedia" correctly.
Denying her history as a werejohncandy, and cursing ED.
An amusing exchange between Habermann and Mariana.
Mariana explains the science behind her madness.
Mariana tosses the word "lulz" as if she knows what it means.


   
 
Technically you deserved it. And unless you take down that article on ED about me i’m afraid i’m going to have to write another one – perhaps about one of your minions. And i didn’t maul to death, i spared your tie and your shoes.
 

 
 

—Excerpt from a comment on "Nathan F" on Encyclopedia Dramatica

   
 
So what if i still believe in monsters? There is nothing wrong about believing in monsters or that you are one.

They don't understand me, no not at all.
 


 
 

—Excerpt from "Enclyopedia Dramatica gone too far"

   
 
Attention EDiots, if you're looking for lulz you have come to the wrong place. In fact all the lulz here were already gone before you showed up.

In fact by the time you read that article on ED it will already be too late, the lolz are all dead. The lolcow has been milked and slaughtered to death and is now a dish at the lolstakehouse. There is nothing more for you to see.

There is nothing more to add, there is nothing to see here - move along now.

You can all get on with your lives now.
 


 
 

—Excerpt from "The lulz are gone"

   
 
... You have no right to do this to people like me.
 

 
 

—Excerpt from a comment on "Nathan F" on Encyclopedia Dramatica

Drmusic yahoo.png


On her personal blog...


And even on Encyclopedia Dramatica itself!

MysteryBot can not compute the humanoid concept of "dreaming".
Plugging Uncyclopedia on an article's talk page is a great way to convince ED to take your article down! Love the bad spelling and grammar btw.

EDF 2 Saga

In July 2011, after the forums has been resurrected for the 2.5th time, an EDiot made a topic about ED's asspie brother METOKUR. A few posts after, something brown, furry and Canadian appears! Mariana Hanks started bitching about how she white knighted some furry chick on METOKUR, which caused her to be IP banned. EDiots quickly hung her up like a piñata and beat the lulz out of her. She continued to contradict herself in the thread, which turned into a "DrMusic2 Gangbanging Thread". Then, she made a thread pleading to Zaiger to take down her article, but she continued to make an ass out of herself.


   
 
My favorite part is how the people on this pathetic troll breeding ground you call a website are obsessed with lulz and make bad meme references and post overly large pictures just to make a point, I also like how one of them took one of the John Candy movie screencaps I have without permission and used a crappy photo-editing program and typed shut the fuck up on it.

Seriously, you guys need a life outside of trolling. Like get a girlfriend or a boyfriend and abuse them for a change.
 


 
 

—- DrMusic2, calmly telling those nasty trolls off.

Even John Candy wants DrMusic to STFU

Her spergings were then ignored by the Ediots in the thread. She blames this on ED's server and gave a suggestion.


   
 
The only reason it takes twice the effort for me to reply is because the server on this site keeps acting up, and also it's damn slow. No wonder the actual ED site keeps getting taken off and moved to another server.

GET A FASTER MORE SECURE SERVER NEXT TIME.
 


 
 

—DrMusic2 knows CSIII

She repeatedly posted in the thread saying TAKE MY ARTICLE DOWN OR ELSE not knowing that posters on the thread aren't even EDitors or sysops (except for Zaiger). She was then instructed to get on IRC, but she doesn't even know what IRC is. After finally installing IRC, she instead went to some furry chatroom. Meanwhile back on EDF, she bragged that she has talked to sysops who agreed to take down her article.


   
 
A little late for the party aren't ya? I went on ED IRC yesterday and asked one of the SYSOPS to take it down and they did.

If it seemed like I was crying, that's a little something called acting.
 


 
 

—DrMusic2 daydreamed

Ediots demanded proof, which DrMusic replied with more white noise. Which then Zaiger replied:


   
 
Well he talked to me, not on IRC but on the Forums. He was polite and cordial so I told him I would delete it. However, since he immediately went to gloat and troll and act like a total dick about it I am not going to waste my time deleting something for that rude person when it is not my responsibility to begin with. Sorry DrMusic, you should have just GTFO while you were still ahead.
 

 
 

—Zaiger puts the final nail on a weregrinch's coffin

According to eyewitness reports, the werejohncandy/werejayleno can still be seen roaming the internet wilderness, where she continues to post complaints on ED's page (which she then deletes an hour later).

Return to EDF2 and gross nudes

Over time the admins began to unban DrMusic from the forum for the sake of everyones amusement, and ban her again when her flood of butthurt threads became too annoying. Finally, after she began to E-stalk Zaiger she was banned for good.

But that was not the end. Its seems Mariana is too retarded to tell apart admins and mods from regular users, and began begging random people on EDF (including Negi Springfield) to have her article removed. In a final misguided attempt to get her article taken down she sent a repulsive, pants down picture of her hairy, AIDS infested sntch to random members of the forum she mistook for people with actual influence.

Most people simply vomited and ignored her, but two of her unlucky victims decided to take advantage of the situation by convincing her that if she sends them more naked pictures they can get Zaiger to take the article down. But soon it became apparent that she is too much of a retard to adjust her built in camera, and can not get her saggy tits in frame even when holding them up. To resolve this, an attempt was made to get her to do a live show on Skype, but then she lost her password and could not figure out how to get it back or make a new account. Finally, one of the two contacted her under the alias "Jessi", pretending to be a computer technician, and got her to give him remote control over the computer to do it all for her. (as well as getting her to sing "iv got a lovely bunch of coconuts")

At this point a new trolling opportunity presented itself. After the (un)wanted nudz were acquired she was once again requested to let "Jessi" take control of her computer and "fix" it , because 78magnumXE had infected her with a virus. She gladly let him delete everything on her computer THREE FUCKING TIMES and gave him access to her passwords. After it became apparent that Mariana somehow knows how to reinstall windows (a feat for any aspie like herself), they continued by shutting down her account on Youtube and Google+, replacing all the pictures in her Facebook account with her nudes for all her friends to see, and put all of her 2000 furry stories on Deviantart in storage, because deleting them was too much of a task (it still took her a month to realize they were not deleted), and replacing them with loli porn.

And here they are:

VIEW AT OWN RISK!! About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

And the video:

{{#widget:Vimeo|id=39946892|width=480|height=360}}


Reactions to Mariana's newfound interest in lolicon About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Nico's death

Mariana's long-suffering 13-year-old cat Nico died just before Christmas 2011, supposedly of kidney failure, but ediots in the forums came up with a more likely and more lulzy explanation of the cat's demise and compared its death to that of Chris-chan's dog Patti.


   
 
My cat's death is not something for you to ridicule on this forum, death by kidney failure is not a laughing matter. I mean, 78magnumXE should know - he's had heart problems so he knows how it feels.
 

 
 

— DrMusic, forgetting we have no heart.

   
 
You do know that it scientifically for a person or animal to die from being 'sat on', right? That only applies in cartoons, this was a real life event. And most things done in cartoons would impossible to pull off in real life.

I mean why do you think that most of the furry and inflation art is made to look as terrible as people on here say it is? Because it's made to be cartoony - it's fantasy. Fantasy NOT reality.

And besides my cat died of kidney failure, something which is a lot more serious than being squished (you don't see people getting sat on or squished in real life, except by boulders or a few other things) and need I remind you...it's REAL LIFE NOT A FUCKING CARTOON SHOW?
 


 
 

— Her rage only makes her guilt more obvious.

In early 2012, Mariana's parents gave into her begging for another cat, and purchased two kittens, named Casper and Billy. Mariana claimed that Casper was returned to the pound, but for all we know, Mariana could have tortured it to death given the propensity asspies have for violence.

Discussion of Nico's demise continued on the forums, and Mariana continues to squirm at the mention of Nico dying of kidney failure, even more so when mentions of Mariana's current pet cat Billy being crushed to death under Mariana's fat asspie ass are seen. Billy died of choking on a cat treat early in 2013, the Hanks family has most likely stopped buying cats due to her parents' age, the amount of money spent on cat toys and food at PetSmart that could be used on plushies, vidya, McDonald's and plastic crap, and Mariana torturing the cats..

Quotes

   
 
Yeah I know i'm retarded in your eyes. It's just you know, I still don't think it is entirely possible for someone to die from being sat on, for one thing - to crush an adult it would have to be 900lbs of force or weight, and furthermore if that happens it would crush the ribs and causes internal bleeding beforehand.

For a guy who uses a scientist as an avatar, you should have at least known about something like that.

Also.....you should have at least credit me for the WereStallone concept, it's neat seeing my vision come to life but did you HAVE to use a overweight female model? I mean really...you couldn't find anything better?
 


 
 

— Photoshoping crap is plagiarism when we do it, but when she does it it's art.

   
 
Okay I had a crush on Beckham back when I was a little girl about 7 or 8 but I didn't really fantasize about him all that much, he was rarely in any of them. I would hardly call them 'sexual fantasies' if the object of your desires isn't in them.

And besides I grew out of it, it was a phase. Everyone has a phase they grow out of eventually.
 


 
 

— Part of her ongoing cycle of admittance and denial regarding her fapping.

   
 
Technically it's not lies. It's true. And comfority is not a good thing, dude. And I already AM more social outside of the internet. So there's no need for that.

After all Reality is twice as harsh as the internet, so why bother accepting it? I've already been treated like shit and left for dead in real life way before this whole ED thing. You don't think I know that? Let me tell ya something....

I HAVE BEEN REPEATEDLY BULLIED IN REAL LIFE, BEATEN UP, INSULTED, PICKED ON, EXCLUDED FROM OTHER PEOPLE'S FUN AND VERBALLY ASSAULTED BY TEACHERS AND OTHER AUTHORITY FIGURES.

You think it's lies? WELL THINK AGAIN. I'VE HAD A HARD TIME BOTH ONLINE AND IN REAL LIFE. IT AIN'T EASY BEING ME YOU KNOW.

And without a single of a doubt I have been put down more times than YOU or anyone else in this website, you have no ideas how much trouble i've been put through.

You know nothing about me. And you never will. And yes I'm butthurt and I KNOW i'll only be adding to the article, but you have NO idea how horrible it is not being able to live such an insulting piece of garbage down....

It's like on every other website apart from this it's like..."Hey! Aren't you that werejohncandy guy?" "It's the werejohncandy!", etc.

The werejohncandy is a Role i'll never live down thanks to that stupid article, and no matter how many times I try to convince them they still only think of me as the werejohncandy, my stupid retarded fursona which I used for a while.

And for the record, I HAD to switch it to weregrinch because welll.....after Rents of Slapstick Anarchy caught wind of the whole werejohncandy thing along with the ED article.......I wasn't able to live it down.

If there's one thing I HATE it's when people keep mentioning me because of that stupid article or referring to me as the 'Werejohncandy', you have no idea how horrible it is.
 


 
 

tl;dr tard rage.

Email correspondence with 78magnumXE

With her rage showing no sign of subsiding, she continues to flood the mailboxes of various members of ED with retarded hate mail, greeting cards containing curses and other assorted crap. Here is a small part of the collection of endless hate mail sent to 78magnumXE:

   
 

> Date: Fri, 30 Dec 2011 17:13:51 -0800 We need to talk. Now. I've just about had it with you and your anti-me propaganda, I know you're still talking about the forums and all but this obsession with wanting to get rid of me has gone too far, for god's sake you even put a werejc wiki page. I admit to doing a bit of trolling and stalking in the past but at least I wasn't as bad as you, I mean you are an absolute dick-head, I hate your guts and I hope that you'll get eventually banned from the internet. > > Face it - YOU ARE NOT GOING TO SUCEED IN TRYING TO GET RID OF ME, YOU NEVER WILL. I'll still be here, and i'll still be around, you'll never get what you want. Admit it, what you are doing is pretty much pointless.
 


 
 

   
 

First of all, Chris-chan comparisons? Really? You've had all this experience in trying to troll and stalk me and the best you can think of is Chris Chan comparisons and worthless crap about how much you hate me? What? Didn't you learn anything from the time you were EGY's friend? Damn it, you're even worse of a failtroll wannabe than I used to be.

And also Metokur references are not cool. Metokur is ED's retarded little brother and is just as bad. Also for a site that ridiculous and hates on practically every living thing i'm surprised the ED Wiki hasn't even taken into consideration to ridicule itself, I mean ED itself is mentioned on the 'Unfunny' article entry on the wiki, I mean I know it's satire, but it's not very good satire if it is self-aware of how dumb it is.

At least i'm self-aware of how dumb my own work tends to be, and that's exactly the point. It's supposed to be dumb. Heck, during the time EGY was trolling me, I wrote a story ridiculing myself and my own works, I also make fun of my own work on numerous occasions. I'm yet to see anyone on ED do the same.
 


 
 

   
 

Hello Chris. Do you know what prost magar means in Romanian? It means stupid asshole, since you used a racial slurr to call me a stinky romanian. I think it's about time that I fought back, you are a prost magar - a stupid asshole.

Scratch that, you're not just the asshole - you're the whole damn donkey. Hee haw! Not only are you an asshole but you've got to be the most evil of the trolls i've dealt with, from your sick obsession with wanting to get rid of me, from you making me lie to you about Andria just to satisfy your hunger, from your downright questionable trolling methods in general - damn, you are one eeeeevil dude. Even Hitler would faint at the sight of you, you're just THAT scary.

I mean how can anyone stand to be around a guy like you? I mean how can they can not be creeped out by your beaviour? Does anyone else know that you have a sick obsession with wanting to get rid of me besides your EDiot friends on the forums? I sure as hell hope so....because then they can see what a creep you truly are.

You're not only a troll , but you're a douchebag, a pain in the ass, a stalker, and just generally just plain creepy and pure evil. I mean damn, you're almost like a serial killer. I wouldn't be surprised if this sick obsession with me would cause you to be sent to a mental asylum, because quite frankly that's where a person like you belongs.

I mean not even Heath Ledger's Joker was that terrifying compared to you.
 


 
 

   
 

I lied about Andria not being real to satisfy you, you made me do it. You manipulated me and pressured me into it, you used me. And as for your claim of not being 'mentally ill', I think the constant posts you make me about me and your sick obsession with wanting to get rid of me prove otherwise, you're more than just a troll you are a fucking stalker, you're even worse than I used to be back in the day.

I mean damn, you'd even make someone like Hitler wet himself, because you're like a bastard combination of an online troll and a serial killer, I wouldn't be surprised if you actually did keep a list of the people you secretly wished to kill and I wouldn't be surprised if I was on that list, I bet you would even go to such extreme lengths as making a deal with the devil in order to try and get rid of me, heck...you probably even have a vodoo doll of me with you and that you're probably poking it.

Well it's working, you're causing me so much pain and you've already made me BAAAAAAW my eyes out, so mission accomplished.
 


 
 

   
 

You know there's one thing you haven't tried yet.....that's IGNORING ME! If you hate me that much, then you should just either keep it to yourself or just plain ignore me - that's what most normal people would do if they were in your shoes. Revenge is not the best way to solve anything, this isn't Desperado or one of those big budget action movies, this is real life and you need to realize that in life - you can't win.

You're never going to be sucessful in your attempts to get rid of me, because no matter how hard you try - you'll never win. I've been using the internet since I was 10 or maybe 12 years old and i've been using computers longer than you have, and I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing and you're not gonna stop me.

You need to get over this sick obsession with me, turn off your computer, go outside, maybe go back to doing your real job, and do something more productive than trying to troll me all the time, and i'm saying this for your own good. You're one of the most messed up trolls i've ever had the misfortune of dealing with, and i've dealt with a lot.

At least EGY got a change of heart after she got banned from DA as did Midnight-Oyl, you on other hand should have just stopped after that - revenge is not the best way to go at it, and you should know that.

Sure I hate you in return but I haven't even done anything to you physically. And where did you get that idea that you think i'm a pedo from? I bet it's from that little bitch Shamoosh, who you used to hang around with when you were Cyan-King. Look, I only wrote that story about her because I was pissed off at her for actually believing EGY's troll act and for generally insulting my interests and as for the 'pedo' thing, I may have called her 'sexy' in the story but I never did call her that in any of the posts, and I deleted that story remember, and another thing I cannot believe you were stupid enough to actually like her. At least I was smart enough to know that she was a troll, do you know how fucking long it took for me to finally get banned from the site? And she wasn't even after me to begin with, she wanted Rebecca.

Come to think of it, you're making me wanna miss EGY. Sure she was a poor troll and Metokur member, but damn she was actually pretty good. You on the other hand are just pathetic, i'm sayi ng this for your good - you need to get help or do something besides hang out on Encyclopedia Dramatica's forums. I mean there are lots of other much better sites to go to, and personally I never liked ED anyway. And it's not just because of me getting any article either, it's also because I don't find that site funny in anyway. I mean it's just a bunch of bad meme references that no one finds funny and false information that they made up just because they felt like it, I know what satire is - but ED is not good satire.

ED is more along the lines of Seltzer and Friedberg, it's immature and not to mention overuses old memes that no one finds funny anymore, not to mention it's sick use of grossout humour (i.e the kittens page) and the fact they hate on pretty much everything.

Or if this is too much "tld:r" for your brain to handle, how about this? JUST IGNORE ME FOR FUCK'S SAKE. THAT WAY IT WILL GO AWAY AND GET BETTER!
 


 
 

   
 

Look. I only set up that other email account because Beefrave said that I was the only way to deal with this problem I have with you, and you really do need to get over this sick obsession with wanting to get rid of me - because you know what, you'll never win - this isn't a movie, this is real life. And while you and your EDiot buddies think of me as nothing but a lolcow, no one else on earth thinks that way about me - okay I get it, you hate me. BUT JUST KEEP YOUR OPINIONS TO YOURSELF! THE WHOLE WORLD DOES NOT NEED TO KNOW HOW MUCH YOU HATE ME.... AND NEITHER DOES ANYONE ELSE!

Just keep it to yourself or just ignore me, sending me all those insulting and threatening emails isn't going to get you anywhere and neither is complaining about me to your EDiot buddies, if you hate me that much just fucking ignore me - that's what most normal people would do.

You need to just turn your computer off, get a life, go outside, and find something more productive than just sitting in your loathing and hatred. I don't care what the hell you say about me, Andria or anyone else who happens to be a friend of mine. You say Andria's not real? Fine. You're more than welcome to have your own opinion on that, but to me she is very real. I respect the opinions of others but you just go way too far damn far. I mean really....I haven't said anything about you or done anything to you in week.

I only wanted to straighten things out between us but your behaviour towards me is making it difficult to do so, so why can't you just drop the troll/stalker act and come on here so we can settle things in a polite, non-flaming way? I mean EGY got a change of heart after she got banned from DA - why haven't you? I mean honestly, you sicken me, creep me out, and make me wanna lose my mind at the same time. In all my life, I have never met since an annoying, persistant, twisted, insane, revenge-obsessed troll OL. You are pathetic.

Honestly you make me miss EGY, at least EGY had style and was a lot more fun than you were. I mean what would she think if she found out what you were doing to me now? Given the way she is now - she would probably be shocked and disapointed at how much you didn't learn from the whole troll war between me and her.

You know what, I don't even have to respond to your stupid ass messages, I can just block your address and report them as spam or better yet - trash them, because that's what they are to me, nothing but trash, they are putrid, hatred filled trash that needs to be put out.

You should either ignore me or leave me the fuck alone. Please leave me alone for the rest of your life, don't talk about me ever again, don't even think about talking about me, don't send me any more emails. Go, and never come back online ever again.

You say i'm the one who should be removed off the internet, when in fact it is people like you and the rest of Encyclopedia Dramatica that should be removed and not me - I didn't want to start another troll war after recovering from the whole EGY thing but you just had to come along and sniff around like the sick little vermin you are and start infecting the place with your evil.

I for one hope that the admins on the ED forums will actually catch wind of your behaviour and will ban you and all your IP Address. And may your honour be stricken forever, may all that you've done be removed from the site and their memories, may your name forever be associated with douchebaggery and may you leave the internet and never ever return. Now go.
 


 
 

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