Duke Nukem 3D
Anyway, the engine isn't even 3D, it's like 2.5-D), so anybody who bought Duke Nukem 3D was in fact harshly ripped off.
What's the story?
The people who wrote this fine work of literary genius deserve a good firm hand shake, as it really is great. Aliens invade earth for no reason and kidnap attractive women, which is the motivation for the titular Duke (Dick Newcomb) to shoot some guns and make predictable one-liners that are about as funny as cancer. It should also be noted that one of the game's most satisfying activities is to throw money at strippers and subsequently blow them up.
The whole story of Duke Nukem, in YouTube videos
Everything > Duke Nukem
The difference between Duke Nukem and Doom is its small niche of fanboy faggots, who are convinced that Duke is rock cool, and that knowledge of this fact will get them laid. These deluded people are also convinced that the sequel, Duke Nukem Forever, is nearing completion, but it is a well known fact that this statement is a crock of shit, and said sequel was written off as vaporwareages ago. It now turns out that Gearbox, the developers of the game "borderlands" are finishing the coding and bringing it to release. The difference? borderlands made use of the unreal 3 game Engine, whereas DNF uses a bastardized incarnation of the much older unreal 2 engine. With such a famously talented line up of professionals using such cutting-edge resources, one can only begin to contemplate how impressively stable, well optimized, and visually attractive the game will be.
Where Is It Now?
Duke Nukem 3D has aged very badly, more so than its fellow contemporary Doom, when the 13 year olds grew up and realized that spouting phrases like "Hail to the king" and "Come get some!" do in fact sound very silly in civilized company.
Plus, everyone knows that by then, Quake was the place to be.
- Mighty Boot - Kick alien ass, or use two foots and walk at the same time. Fuck logic! Actually this foot is even more useless than the fist in Doom.
- Pistol - It shoots fast and is so terrible that it takes several shots to just kill one Assault Trooper.
- Shotgun - Excellent utility for mouth-washing.
- Chaingun Cannon - The weirdest machine gun you will ever encounter.
- RPG - Unlike the garbage you get to use in Call of Duty, this thing actually blows shit up for real.
- Pipebomb - It never lands where you actually want it to land. Fucking annoying.
- Shrink Ray -
Pretty fucking useless, as it takes several shots to just get one enemy shrinked, while several other aliens keep shooting at you.Kills minibosses called "Battlelords" faster than anything else. Otherwise, this weapon is useless.
- Microwave Expander - Andrew Dobson's wet dream.
- Devastator - It blows even more shit up than the RPG, but chews through its ammo faster than the regular murrican through his Happy Meal.
- Laser Tripbomb - Never works as planned.
- Freezethrower - Better than the Shrink Ray, but still situational and unreliable.
- Assault Trooper - Minor annoyance.
- Assault Captain - Sometimes a pain in the ass as it can teleport.
- Assault Enforcer - These fuckers refuse to die. They also shit on your carpet.
- Assault Commander - Fatass floaters that shoot rockets out of their assholes.
- Pig Cop - Loves to sneak up on you and fuck you up with his shotgun.
- Recon Patrol Vehicle (RPV) - Shoots pew pew lasers until it crashes, then a Pig Cop comes out and tries to rape you.
- Pig Cop Tank - Same shit as the RPV. Why do the Pig Cops get all the cool shit anyway?
- Protozoid Slimer - Aliens rip-off.
- Protector Drone - Fast, annoying, slashes at you.
- Shark - It swims and bites, duh.
- Turret - It's a fucking turret that shoots lasers at you. What the fuck can you write about that?
- Sentry Drone - The only enemy that geniunely can scare the fuck out of you.
- Mini Battlelord - The first episode's Battlelord as midget.
- Battlelord - Shoots with his chaingun, growls, shoots grenades and acts like a wannabe tough guy.
- Overlord - Useful as emergency toilet.
- Cycloid Emperor - A cyclops that tries to be as cool as a cyberdemon, but isn't even remotely as iconic.
- Alien Queen - Likes to throw toasters into the water to kill Duke.
Still Harassing Bitches
Videocompiler donned the mask of Duke Nukem and struck fiercely. Asses were blown out, throats were shat into and steel balls were said to be owned. Finally, a soccer mom who played Lord of the Rings Online decided to try and reason with this guy, failing miserably.
Other Dukes in recent history
The only other fellow to carry the handle of "Duke" is John Wayne, but he was a pussy and decided to stay home instead of winning World War II. It's fair to assume that people who call themselves Dukes, or indeed any title related to a peerage, are cocks.
There Is Another Duke!
A cartoon was made in the early 90s by a tofu-eating hippy named Ted Turner about a bunch of Nazi niggers who summon a blue douche to fight a bunch of other dickheads called Captain Planet. One of the show's many ill-conceived antagonists is named Duke Nukem. This Duke features the same shitty name, body type, haircut, grunty voice and attitude of his video game counterpart.
Accusations of Plagiarism
Duke's one-liners are more than "inspired by" the Evil Dead movies - they're blatantly stolen from them. Bruce Campbell (who delivers the lines as Ash in the movies) has been very vocal about the issue. In this interview with Verbosity, Campbell discusses his sentiments:
And in this interview with IGN for Men:
- The developers' website, often updated as you can plainly tell.
- High Resolution Pack/source port for this game.
- The EDuke32 source port
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