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Dustin Michaels

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Dustin Michaels (powerword: Andrew Grande) was a homosexual porn star and an hero as of December 12, 2009. Unlike many other an heroes before him, however, he didn't do it for the lulz, he died due to sheer retardation. His life consisted of marijuana, fellatio, buttsecks, and did we mention faggotry? Perhaps Michaels' greatest contribution to humanity were the lulz produced through his death.

Contents

Dustin Michaels in Porn

On top. Where homosexuals don't want to be.

Sir Michaels was a porn star of the gay variety. Though he vehemently denied taking it in the ass, we all know otherwise since homosexuals love objects being inserted in their anuses. He had done porn work for many well-known companies, and his mother was very proud of him for making something of himself.

Dustin Michaels' Lifestyle

He was stoned 24/7, probably even in his porn scenes. Hailing from Alabama, Michaels was intellectually inhibited, which caused him to date a part-black affirmative action poster child. However, he fucked other guys in porn, and the negroid boyfriend didn't mind since he had already given Michaels the AIDS. Michaels had a criminal record for assault-related charges, likely due to his connections to the nigga community. He sometimes even dressed and behaved like a coon, likely due to penis envy.

Michaels' Death

If you ain't chokin', you ain't Dustin Michaels.

On December 12, 2009, at approximately 2 AM, police responded to a disturbance call, placed because Michaels was fighting with a lady friend over hair extensions. When the cops arrived, Michaels knew he would end up getting fucked in the ass for a long time in prison if they caught him with weed due to his prior convictions. Thus, he boldly decided to swallow a bag of weed.

Police came in and tried to handcuff him but he threw a hissy fit, even though he was choking on the bag of weed caught in his esophagus. So they tasered him for the lulz. After failed attempts to perform the Heimlich maneuver (which likely could have crushed the faggot's frame), Michaels died due to asphyxiation from a bag of weed he swallowed. Next time a liberal tries to argue with you saying marijuana is the only drug that doesn't cause death, show them this story. WEED KILLS!

A TV crew was filming a police reality show gay porn vid at the scene and captured the excitement. Was it really suicide, or an Illuminati murder committed due to the evil homophobia? We will wait and see.

The local sheriff announced his pride in the officers' successful film debut.

“It’s a tragic hilarious situation for our officers,” said Sheriff Frank McKeithen, and “a tragic HIGHlarious situation for this young man and his family!”

What Can Be Learned From This

  1. Weed kills.
  2. Weed kills faster than AIDS.
  3. ...and nothing of value was lost (as the bag of weed was safely extracted by the paramedics).

The Dustin Michaels Legacy

  • Best Actor, Snuff Film category – 2009 Adult Video News Awards (posthumous)
  • Most Inspired Deepthroat Scene – Brussels International Festival of Eroticism (posthumous)
  • Outstanding Achievement in Faggotry – 2009 GLAAD Awards (posthumous)
  • Best Comedy – 2009 High Times Stony Awards (posthumous)

Michaels' Internet Activity

He was also a Lemonparty fan (picture from his Twitter)

Before his death, he maintained a MySpace profile (screenshot on the right). He was also a very active Twitter user. He used these sites and likely gay.com to have cyber sex with his gay friends, including but not limited to Erik Rhodes, Brandon Hilton, Mrfetch, Gaygod, and Faggot Bruce.

External Links

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Failures

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Died Alone

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Related Pages

90 Day JaneAn hero dayask.fmAutoerotic asphyxiationColumbineGolden iPodHeaven's GateHigh ScoreHow to become an heroMydeathspacePseudocideShotgun mouthwashSuicideThreatening suicideVirginia Tech massacreWaco

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