The Netherlands

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Netherlands in a nutshell.jpg
Those who lived in Holland
Those who live in Holland
How people view Holland.
What Holland actually looks like.
Clogs, all of the Dutch wear these. If they don't, they will be raped at night by a mad goat.

As the name suggests, The Netherlands is a fictional low-lying country invented by JRR Tolkien and it has slowly been legalizing everything for the last 100 years. As of today you can purchase sex from Macedonian women, marry someone of the same sex, use controlled substances and kill your Grandma. However, you may not shove people, forget to tip your hat or steal bicycles. Do not confuse them with the Danish. Although in practice this is fairly hard to avoid, because the country is called the Netherlands, but it's also called Holland, and the people are called Dutch, because that is the name of the official language. IRL, "Holland" is the name of the western region of the Netherlands, so the overall situation is a bit like calling all of the USA "California" and referring to all US citizens as "English."

Until 2008 Holland was heaven for Animal Fuckers, because it took the dutch that long to make fucking sheeps illegal.

The Dutch are known to go crazy over soccer.

Geography[edit]

The Netherlands has a striking resemblance to you, as it is low-lying, flat, small and sometimes it leaks. It used to be smaller but they built an extension. It lays directly on top of Belgium. Everyone in the Netherlands is so fucking tall and they all ride bikes and have their own bike lanes so they can even ride bikes in the Red Light District and sleep with a tranny.

The People[edit]

Dutch cinema.

Ex-Prime Minister Balkenenenende. He's Harry Potter's dad and the brother of Dildo Baggins, until people where sick of him and the Dutch government fell apart. Then the power-obsessed Mark Rutte took control. The queen of the Netherlands was named Beatrix. She has a weird hat fetish and planned to stay queen for over 9000 years. However, presumably mind-controlled by aliens, she decided to give the throne to her son Willem-Alexander thereby sparking a wave of other rulers doing the same, including the Spanish king and the pope.

While the Dutch were once invaded by their inferiority complex-suffering neighbors Germany, they take it rather well and don't whine.

All the other people in The Netherlands, the Frisians have never been occupied by any country, mainly because there is absolutely nothing of value to find. During the German occupation of The Netherlands, when the Germans took all the food, most of the Frisians tried to keep the Dutch off their farms and away from the enormous surplus of food because they are the Dutch Jews.

History[edit]

The Netherlands were created 6000 years ago, just after the creation of the world, as an insult to God. In its long history, the Netherlands have kept true to their founding principles. They legalized prostitution, made same sex marriage legal, and hid Jews in their homes. It wasn't until the Nazi's came and talked some sense into them that they started persecuting the Jews.

Most of the Dutch history has been a struggle against the incessant attempts of god to erase them in another flood. Because of this, they evolved into a inhumanly tall bunch. Also they invented dykes, because if there's one thing the Dutch know, it's sexual depravity.

The Netherlands gained independence from Spain, after the Spanish were totally disgusted by the local cuisine, consisting of nothing more than potatoes, carrots and onions, all mashed together with a dimple for the gravy. The leader of the Dutch rebellion was a German, and as such it was the first, but certainly not last time the Dutch just rolled over and collaborated when a foreign army crossed their borders.

For a long time the Dutch behaved like any decent country, colonizing backwards savages, murdering and extorting them whenever possible, and just straight up messing their shit up. But the greedy hand of the Jew became apparent when the Dutch sold Manhattan to the English for a few bucks and bought a useless piece of land named Suriname. This was the beginning of the end, culminating in them losing a war to the French, of all people. After that, they just kept low and neutral during wars, all the while doing business with both warring parties, like the greedy little fuckers they are.

When the Nazi's came and the Dutch collaborated again, their political impotence led them to the create the Poldermodel. That consists of nothing more than talking any issue over for days on end, without ever coming to a conclusion. When Fritz left, they forgot to revert back, and the resulting indecisiveness led to the lawless hellhole the Netherlands have been ever since.

The highpoint in their existence came in 1988, when they defeated the Germans in the most pointless game ever, and became European champions.

Culture[edit]

Have a bite.

They have clogs, tulips, windmills, pot and cheese. Also, liberal sex laws. Hookers and blow for all. Also a variation of Christmas as national holiday where a some old guy who looks like the pope tells his niggers slaves to deliver gifts to your house. If you have been naughty he'll spank you with a wooden plank and kidnaps you to Spain where he'll lock you up in his basement. Who needs anything else?

Languages[edit]

De taal die de meeste mensen spreken staat bekend als Nederlands, of Nederlands als je het al spreekt. Nederlanders denken dat het de moeilijkste taal in de wereld is, omdat geen een toerist de taal ooit onder die knie heeft kunnen krijgen (als ze dat nog wouden). Wat ze niet begrijpen, is dat het klinkt alsof je Engels praat terwijl je spuugt en wij verstaan elk woord er van.

Oppose Zion, die tryin'

Jammer genoeg, sinds Nederlanders te veel klinkers in hun taal hebben, en niemand boeit dat, niemand anders dan de Nederlanders worden er mee lastig gevallen om het te leren.

Maar er is goed nieuws! Desondanks de woorden best moeilijk te verstaan zijn, de Nederlanders zijn beroemd voor hun grammatica.

Er is zelfs een tweede taal in Nederland dat dat wurdt it Frysk neamd; dy't heart by de earder neamde Friezen de Nederlânske provinsje Fryslân. It bepaalt de haad fan in protte moderne talen, lykas Ingelsk. It Nederlânsk sprekke diel fan it lân hat lykwols it net sa folle, lykas de rest fan 'e wrâld. Friezen wurde oer it algemien beskôge as ferneamde boeren dy't hingje oan echt echt wier (goed, fergelike mei Amerikaanske standert) âlde tradysjes, lykas de tsjerke op snein te gean en de 18de ieu klean oan te hâlden. Eltsenien yn Fryslân is of inoar relatearre of kunde te meitsjen relatearre en retardearre. Oare talen dy't yn Nederlân sprekke binne Turkije en Marokkaans, lykas oare foarmen fan gibberish. De Nederlannen binne ek bekend om't se in bedriuw foar Turks en Marokkaans binne. Dizze wurde meast besjoen troch eigentlike Nederlânske folken as niggers yn 'e Feriene Steaten. De Nederlanners binne dejinge dy't slavernij begjinne, oant Abraham Lincoln it ferwreide.

People who live in the Netherlands[edit]

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