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E-lawyer

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A depiction of a typical e-Lawyer.

"You can't do that to me! That's ILLEGAL. I WILL SUE!" Common phrase uttered during a flame war. Usually with more misspelling.

During a big drama meltdown, someone claims to have been the victim of some crime such as: slander, defamation, libel, copyright infringement, harassment, spam, forgery, impersonation, whatever. The victim's sock puppets then all rise up to describe and define the alleged crime. In 99.999% of these cases, the alleged crime doesn't even come close to meaning what the e-lawyer thinks it does.

Rising to the level of e-lawyer requires that one side start spouting off a bunch of legal sounding bullshit in the most serious manner possible. A good e-lawyer will use recycled arguments from TV shows like Law & Order or Matlock. The very best e-lawyers practice during their spare time playing Phoenix Wright. And of course, everyone gets a laugh when, on the advice of an e-lawyer, some aggrieved party actually consults a real attorney and has to pay $200 to be laughed at and told they have no case.

Another type of e-lawyering is a common occurence on communities such as Lj-favicon.png lj_seattle. Someone will ask for advice on a real legal issue. "How do I break my lease?" is always popular. A number of people who think they have experience with this issue ("I'm the janitor at an apartment complex so I KNOW.") will followup with horribly bad advice. Often drama and hilarity ensues in followup comments to the community. Note that in these kinds of queries, the people that followup with references to real laws are those that get ignored.

E-lawyers Assholes often preface their arguments with ianal.

Professional E-lawyers

  • John W. Dozier, Jr., who is a self-proclaimed pioneer in Internets law, has a for-reals law practice that specializes in e-writs. While he claims to have experience in dealing with 252 different kinds of e-lawyer doctoring, he has declared his specialization to be in the ignoble area of ``blogger misconduct.``
  • Dr. Interlulz Lolsuiter, Ph.D, is a e-lawyer who majored in copyright infringement on the internets. After he spent 10 years in internets law school, he subsequently an hero'd after realising he had no point in living anymore, he left behind a legacy, to always major in internet law, you'll come out an hero.
  • Pheonix Wright: Ace Attorney, is the best defense lawyer who ever lived ever ever. He invented and coined the phrase, "Objection" and "Hold it" when cross examining witnesses. He is the master at making witnesses look like a bunch of roody-poo dumb fucks.

``Blogger misconduct,`` as defined by the good juris doctor, is inclusive to ``Scofflaw Bloggers`` that engage in defamation, copyright infringement, trademark infringement and hacking.

Also arguably worthy of note, Dozier believes that he can forbid the viewing of the HTML source to his web-page by means of an EULA on his web-page.

  • Garrett Gyssler (AKA, Xanal), who is always eagerly awaits your e-lawyer calling him.

See Also


E-lawyer
is part of a series on serious business
Serious Concepts

Free SpeechIdentity theftIronyInternet assholeInternet CelebritiesInternet diseaseInternet dramaInternet humanitariansInternet LawInternet lawsuitInternet lawyerInternet stalkingInternet tough guyInternet Vigilante GroupOperation Falcon PunchSwattingWorld Wide Web Consortium

People & Organizations

2cashAlan TuringCasey SerinDavid HockeyDear Cis PeopleDoxbinFast EddieGrace SaundersHallcats SquadronJessi SlaughterKittensMaja SchmidtMissyNiggest Crook ForcePsychopathVloggerheadsWEB SHERIFF

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E-lawyer

is part of a series on

Taking Down ED

[Retreat!Do It Faggot]

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Distinguished Individuals

03bgood2cashAeverine NievesAkai DaliaAngel LocsinA Man in BlackArgent009AsalieriAush0kBill9929BlueCatRioluBrian MartinChris-chanChrissie BarmoreCircaRigelClayranger89Daniel BrandtDivineAngelDonald Buffkin/Tablecowdrp1zzaElizabeth Minami WyvillErin AnthonyFeltchoFlardoxGirlvinylGrace SaundersHayakainIntellectual CheckmateJDubsJim ProfitKevin MartinLibertarian FoxLinkaton FuraitoLove ShyLulz in hell TrollfagsMarjan SiklicMeowbarkMike SandymootNate SpidgewoodOliver D. SmithOnideusPacificoceanasiaPaul FetchPixelBeeProductionsPreachingthegospelPrince JeremyPrinceDumuziPurelilyRobert Wayne StilesRootbrianRusty RaySceptreSheWolfSirius OrionisSpleeNfatSteve Hodder-WattSue BaskoTom NewtonVampiricSpektorVordrakWwwarea

Noble Internet Entities

AnontalkAnti-Encyclopedia Dramatica.comConservapediaDeviantARTFailcyclopediaJosephevers.blogspot.comMetafilterMyAdoptsOhInternetRationalWikiRipoff ReportUltraviolet News NetworkUncyclopediaWikiFurWikipedia

Glorious Civilizations

AboriginesAustraliaChinaMalaysiaPhilippines

Related Subjects and Methods

CensorshipDDoSFree SpeechGet a LawyerHackingMake a PetitionNotify the FBISerious BusinessSOPAThe Græt Niggercide of Old EDWriting an article for UncyclopediaYou vs. ED