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eTD

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Electronically Transmitted Diseases (or eTDs), are a group of physical and psychological ailments that have been identified as being spread through use of internets. This wide range of illnesses has been present for over 30 years, but has recently reached pandemic proportions. Not all eTDs pose serious threats to public health and hygiene, but some can be quite devastating. It is expected that, within the next 5 years, everyone on the planet will have an eTD, or will personally know someone who does. Internet Disease is the most widely know example of an eTD.

Atari "Space Invaders" Quarantine Ward, 1980

How eTDs are Transmitted

Atomic.gif Warning!
Unprotected contact with internet tubes may be hazardous to your health.

Pac-Man Fever

The first illness to be classified as an eTD was Pac-Man Fever. This malady was quickly transmitted through groups of people as they came in close proximity to each other while lined up at arcades of ill repute. A later strain of the disease was actually propagated using radio airwaves as Ted Nugent's arcade anthem of the same name was forced upon the general public. Symptoms commonly included: a slight limp caused by carrying $25.00 in quarters in a single pocket, increased reports of ghost sightings, complete loss of control in one hand, and an overwhelming urge to eat everything in sight. Pac-Man Fever was not a chronic condition, it could be easily managed by a dose of Dragon's Lair.

Himpes

Himpes is a mutated strain of Herpes and is spread when an internet user becomes ensnared in an internets trap. There is no cure for Himpes, it is 4evar. This strain is not widespread due to the severely limited sexual activity of most netizens. If you contract this disease, the only treatment available is courtesy of Dr. Jack Kevorkian.

Persistent Argumentative State

This disease arises from constant flaming, edit-warring, and forum participation. This habit of disputing every minor detail will then slowly spread to IRL. PAS is considered a gateway disease because symptoms of other eTDs will go unnoticed due to the fact that noone in the real world is willing to associate with you. Physical symptoms include a marked increase in scrapes, cuts and bruises resultant from constant IRL ass-kickings. Diarhhea of the mouth occurs in typical cases, and often requires the victim to have someone rip them a new asshole in order to alleviate the extreme pressures caused by being completely full of shit. A current hot spot for this condition is wikipedia. The only way to stop the occurrence of PAS is to quarantine the entire wikipedian community and apply a Hades Bomb directly to the source. Common STFU treatments fail to cure this disease and often times will only encourage the victim to bury their head in the sand and begin talking out of their ass. If you come into contact with someone in this condition you should 'pull the plug' as quickly as possible.

Wiki Break with Reality

This psychological condition occurs when someone commits every waking hour to spreading vast amounts of misinformation via wikipedia. The victim is unable to determine fact from fiction. Victims are also found to commit acts of Idol Worship. This condition is technically an "umbrella syndrome," as it is the result of multiple diseases. Dyslexia, Brackets, Dangling Participle, Autism, Conjunctionitis and drama dependency all are factors that contribute to the overall condition. People suffering from this disease are very difficult to treat as they require that you produce supporting citations for everything that you say. Original research has show that the only effective way to bring someone back from wikiworld is to perform a Complete Personality Transplant. CPTs are potentially fatal so it is a win-win situation.

Dangling Participle can be effectively treated with an application of Prepostion-H, which will reduce the swollen run-on sentences employed by the victim in an effort to appear credible.

Multiple Personality Disorder

A person who constantly employs sockpuppets will eventually be unable to distinguish actual discussion from the conversations he has with himself. This disease can actually be beneficial to the general public as victims are quite content to stay in seclusion and entertain themselves, thereby sparing others from their invariably occurring PAS. Sock Puppet Bi-polarism occurs when two of the puppets become so entrenched in their pitching/catching roles that the victim no longer knows, or cares, what their intentions are. Severe physical harm is possible when an MPD interacts with the public, as they are so used to a strength-in-numbers mentality that they forget they have no back-up. Real world people are not intimidated by your avatar's fangs, scars and laser-eyes.

The Game

Users of teh internets may become players of The Game. You should probably look that up now, because not only are you now playing The Game (as of at least 100 years ago), but you have just lost The Game.

Fandom obsession

When one becomes completely subsumed in a fandom and spends all of one's time in it: watching the shows, fapping to the characters (this is largely observed with the brony and anime fandom), buying plastic crap, etc. The enormous accessibility of TV shows and movies via torrents greatly enables this type of autism.

Common Symptoms

There is still no cure for The Blue Death

Some general symptoms are indicative of many different types of eTDs. They go largely unnoticed as society has completely shunned the carriers of such diseases.

The list of indicators include:

See also

  • Transhumanism – when humanity merges with technology the amount of eTDs will be off the charts.


eTD
is part of a series on
LERNIN 2 INTERNET
Too mooch data.jpg

Pitfalls:

AspierationsBLANKING IN PROGRESSCharming NaïvetéDelete fucking everythingDOIN IT RONGEdginessFailing itInternet tough guyKids on the internetLegal actionLiberalismMental illnessMod SassSkript kiddiesSob StoriesTrollsUnrealistic ExpectationsUnwarranted Self-ImportanceWaaaambulance

Previous Hiscores:
AnimaljailApplemilk1988Cheryl ShumanDalhuskyFlardoxHal TurnerLittleCloudOnigojirakaijuPrince JeremyScience PiratesScientologySokiTwopawSweet EvaPeppermintPattiPoeticironyXxPrincessPunkxxZeriara

PROTIPS:
An heroGoing Back To GaiaLURKING MOARProtect fucking everythingShutting The Fuck UpStopping posting

[Click to CollapseClick to Expand]
eTD is part of a series on Body and Health
Body.jpg Body Parts:

AssAssholeBallsBodybuildingBoobsBrainCameltoeClitorisCockCumFatFeetFinger BoxGuntHand of ClodHand of DiosIron penisManginaMoobsNeckbeardPissPussyShitSkeletonVagoo

Diseases and Illnesses:

AcneAddictionAIDSAlzheimer'sBeing a GingerCancer (and The Cancer That Is Killing /b/) • Comcast diseaseDiabeetusDiseaseDSMDuckfaceDwarfismEbolaEpilepsyErectile dysfunctionETDFetal Alcohol SyndromeFibromyalgiaGenital HerpesGRIDS (see also The GRIDS that is killing ED) • Heart AttackHyperbolimiaIRC DiseaseObesityPandemicParkinson's DiseaseSame Face SyndromeSARSSexually Transmitted DiseasesSwine FluThin SkinUser Stress SyndromeVirusVomitingWikipedia's Greatest Hits DiseasesZika

Injuries: 1guy1jarBMECircumcisionCastrationDeathEmo Cutter GirlEunuch ArchiveGuroHangoverHeadshotLJ cutLobotomyPain SeriesPregnancyRectal foreign bodySelf-injurySuicideTattoosTrepanation
[Case ClosedOpen Up to Us]
eTD is part of a series on Psychology
Antisocial personality disorder Hannibal Lector.jpg Mental illness & Disorders

AcrotomophiliaAddictionAgoraphobiaAlcoholismAlexis Pilkington SyndromeAlzheimer'sAnorexiaAntisocial personality disorderAnthropophobiaAnxietyADDADHDAsperger's SyndromeAutismBimboficationBipolarBorderline personality disorderBug ChasingBulimiaDeep thinkerDepressionDick ImpalementDown's SyndromeDyslexiaEating disorderFactitious disorderFake SchizophreniaFauxlimiaFeminismGender dysphoriaGirl on the Internet SyndromeHeterophobiaHero ComplexHFAHistrionic Personality DisorderHutchence's SyndromeHyperbolimiaInadequacyInconsistent personality disorderInsanityLiberal Butthurt SyndromeLow Self-esteem'Missing White Woman' SyndromeMultiple personality disorderNapoleon ComplexNarcissistic personality disorderNeurotypicalObsessive Compulsive DisorderParanoiaParanoid personality disorderPeter Pan SyndromePost-Traumatic Stress DisorderPsychopathyRetardationSchizophreniaSeasonal Affective DisorderSelf-diagnosisSelf InjurySexsomniaSickfuckerySociopathySocial anxiety disorderSpecial Snowflake SyndromeTrolling Induced Transsexuality SyndromeTulpaUnrealistic expectationsVictim complex

Fetishes:

AcrotomophiliaAquaphiliaArborphiliaAudiophiliaAutogynephiliaBalloon FetishBestialityCarmen Electra complexCross DressingDollfiliaEmetophiliaEmosexualityEproctophiliaFatty Fetish (Female Fat Admirer) • FetishismFoot FetishFurniture PornFurrismGoo girlGuroHeterophiliaHomophiliaInflation FetishJapanophiliaJungle FeverLesbian pedophiliaLotion PlayMacrophiliaMaiesiophiliaMechanophiliaMpregNecrophiliaObjectophiliaOedipial ComplexParaphiliaPedophiliaPlushophiliaPregnant LoliPregnophiliaQuicksand FetishRangerphiliaSpectrophiliaStatuephiliaTrichophiliaVoraphiliaWet and Messy FetishismWetlookXenophiliaYellow feverZoophilia

E-Psychosis:

Chronic Troll SyndromeDeletionismE-goE-PsychiatristE-PsychiatryETDHivemindI-DosingI have a 140 IQIRC DiseaseImaginary girlfriendInternet Disease & Internet Disease ChartInternet poverty delusionsInternet RehabInternet troll personality disorderMega ultra super geniusNerdy Fandom Gateway TheorySex by associationLulz-BlindnessWikipedia's Greatest Hits Diseases

Experiments:

ask.fmBrainwashingHypnosisMilgram ExperimentScientologyStanford Prison ExperimentThe Hivemind Corollary

Sites:

Above Top SecretB/Bodies Under SiegeCYOCChatrouletteDefense Industries OrganizationDeekerFoolQuest.comInkBunnyNeuticles.comPsyke.orgWarpMyMind.com

See also:

American Psychiatric AssociationAngerASMRChild abuseConscienceDreamDSMEnlightenmentIntelligenceLobotomyPsychiatristySerial KillersTake the meat bridgeThe Law of ConformityTrigger Warning