The Mother series of epic RPGs for the NES SNES and Game Boy Advance were produced by Nintendo and are the most overrated games among retrofags, Super Smash Bros fanboys, and autistic adults. Earthbound is known as TEH BEST FUKKEN SNES GAME OF ALL TIEM!!!1 to Nostalgiafags and EB fantards. It mostly involves a little 13 year old and his friends bashing and destroying weird enemies like walking mushrooms, talking traffic signs, suicide bombing trees, hippies, Mad Taxis, Putrid Modlymen, barf piles, niggers, Jews, and other random enemies by using baseball bats, frying pans, bottle rockets, and PSI attacks, plus an incredibly broken battle system, that's right, you can get fucked up by a small mouse or a bunch of even-smaller slugs as they always have to attack first...even when you need to restore health, you must first let them attack you. EarthBound was the only game in the Mother series released in the Jewnited States of Americunts since Japanese people enjoy IRL trolling Americunts for teh lulz by refusing to release the other games in the series. As a result, some die-hard EarthBound fanboys decided to make an unofficial translation of Mother 3. Only one lucky basement dweller holds the sole original copy of the English version of the first game. He then proceeded to put the ROM onto the Internet, so everyone else could torrent it.
Mother 3 was actually supposed to be on the Nintendo 64, but since Shigesato Itoi was a noob and didn't know that a game as big as he wanted was impossible, it suffered the fate of Duke Nukem Forever until he decided to try again on Game Boy Advance.
- 1 The games
- 2 Characters
- 3 Fandom
- 4 Shipping faggotry
- 5 Gallery
- 6 See also
- 7 External links
Despite being a bad Dragon Quest clone, it was very successful in Japan, merely because it was made by a celebrity, Shigesato Itoi, whose only game that he'd played before then was Dragon Quest, of course. He didn't know how to make a game and paid some guys to make it for him. The towns have DQN names like Mother's Day, Thanksgiving, Valentine, Easter, etc. So the translator changed them.
The story is: Ninten's great-grandparents, George and Maria, were kidnapped by aliens at least 100 years ago. George was a bad enough dude to escape, but left his wife to die on an alien planet. As you don't find out until the end of the game, Maria raised a baby alien, and George stole precious information and technology from the aliens, but didn't use it for anything, instead living the rest of his life forever alone. When the actual game starts, Ninten is in his room when he gets attacked by his lamp. After saving his sisters from a possessed magical doll and memorizing the exact melody that one of them sings instead of freaking out, he learns that there's an alien invasion. On the way to the town of Mother's Day, he gets attacked by smoking crows, zombies, and random guys. He saves a loli named Pippi from a zombie-infested graveyard and takes her back home. Then he goes to the zoo where the animals are rampaging. And in the zoo he beats up an alien robot. Later he touches a pink rock and warps to Magicant. He meets the queen (who's really Maria) who wants him to risk life and limb to journey around the region with no particular goal except to help her remember a song. (which was Giygas's lullaby) He escapes from Magicant, goes to the school in Thanksgiving, and busts out a nerd named Lloyd, who nobody cares about because he's such a pussy, and he was hiding in a trash can. He helps Lloyd sneak into factories, steal explosives, and blow up shit. Then, they ride a train. Optionally, they go and kidnap a Christian loli named Ana, who's in love with Ninten because he found her hat, even though they've never met before. After more tl;dr adventures, they end up in Valentine, where, optionally, they meet a gangster with a knife, named Teddy, who they fight after they sing in a nightclub. After, he joins because he wants to climb Holy Loly Mountain, but boots out Lloyd. On Holy Loly Mountain, Ana confesses her love for Ninten (Paula doesn't even do this in the sequel) and they all get beaten up by a giant robot and blasted by Lloyd in a tank. Teddy dies (but this is retconned in the rerelease) and Lloyd comes back. Higher on the mountain, they get a giant robot to join the party, which pwns everything, but breaks when you leave. After finding all 8 melodies, you fight Giygas (who looks like a normal alien in this one) by singing, because Giygas is a nostalgiafag, too. There really wasn't any room for a sequel, even though they added a stinger at the end in the rerelease, so the sequel had completely different characters (aside from Giygas) and locations, and made no reference (aside from Giygas) to the plot of this game.
Also, Ninten has asthma.
EarthBound (Mother 2: Giygas Strikes Back)
The story began one night in a city called Onett (located in Eagleland) in the year 199X. Ness, the protagonist, woke up as a meteorite landed on a hill nearby his house. So, like any other curious kid, he decided to check it out with his dog, King, and next door neighbor, Pokey. A fly/alien/whatever named Buzz Buzz appeared at the site and told Ness that he must stop Giygas from destroying the world because the Apple of Enlightenment predicted that it will happen. About five minutes later Pokey's mom swats Buzz Buzz because she, like most sane people, doesn't like having a fly in her house. Buzz Buzz then gave Ness a Sound Stone, so he could collect the sounds of various melodies needed to kill Giygas. So after Ness helps Pokey/Porky, he goes to save the world packing up, and going to beat people's asses to meet 2 guys and a girl that the Apple of Enlightenment told him to find and beat Giygas. Later on, after being molested and raped many times, a girl named Paula uses her telekinetic powers to tell Ness to save her and to rescue her from Mr. Carpainter and from the Insane cultists of the Happy Happy Religious Group. Then, just after Ness and Paula make a quick getaway, the ATF arrives and exterminates every cultist and their leader in Happy Happy Village. After saving Paula, Ness hitchhikes on a bus that belongs to a music group called The Runaway Five and moves on to a town that is overrun by zombies. Afterwards, Paula communicates with Jeff and Jeff later meets with Ness and Paula after sneaking out of his boarding school and riding a super helicopter that his father invented. Then they head over to a place called Summers and end up tripping balls when a woman feeds them Magic Cake. Poo undergoes his training and is told by his master that he must teleport to Summers and to join Ness. Many TL;DR scenes later, after finding the 8 melodies, Dr. Andonuts creates a time machine to send Ness, Paula, Jeff, and Poo back in time to defeat Giygas. He builds his machine and transfers their souls into robotic bodies. In return, Dr. Andonuts molests Paula. In the final battle, they fuck up Pokey (but Pokey runs away like the coward he is) and defeat Giygas by praying to not die since Giygas is vulnerable to human emotions.
tl;dr: Deus ex machina ftw! And by Deus, we mean you, the player.
Mother 3 (EarthBound 2: Electric Boogaloo)
At least 100 years after the events of Earthbound, Porky and his Pigmask Army invade the Nowhere Islands and end up slaying many civilians and spreading swine flu to survivors. After the Pigmasks murder Lucas's mom, Flint swears to get revenge on the Pigmasks who killed his wife. Claus tried to kill the draco that killed his mom, but ends up dissapearing. Ness and his father later meet Kumatora, and help her her defeat the Pigmasks who were taking their turns raping her. Later, Alec tells Flint about the Magypsies, a group of flashy cross-dressers who protect the so-called "Seven Needles". The Seven Needles seal off a Dark Dragon, which is capable of fucking over everything. After going through a forest, they eat hallucinogenic mushrooms after getting hungry, since they were too Jew. Afterwards they have an LSD trip and end up in the middle of some jungle. After finding the last of the Seven Needles in New Pork City, they fight Porky, and when Porky loses the battle, his plan end up backfiring when he resorts to getting into the "Absolutely Safe Capsule", which is a machine that keeps the person inside safe. However, The machine can nevar be opened from the outside or from the inside, which means that Porky becomes trapped in a machine for the rest of eternity. After causing Pokey to pwn himself, Lucas confronts the Masked man, which turns out to be his brother Claus. Claus accidentally kills himself when he tries to zap Lucas, but Lucas's Franklin Badge causes the lightning to reflect and to hit Claus. Lucas then pulls the last needle and the world blows up.
EarthBound Zero (Mother)
Nobody cares about the characters in this game.
EarthBound (Mother 2)
- Ness - A spoiled 13 year old. He is the main character of the game who's destiny it is to team up with Jeff, Poo, and Paula to save the world from the evil Giygas in order to stop the apocalypse. He defeats enemies by hitting them with a baseball bat and by using PSI moves.
- Paula - Ness's bitch. A little girl who can use psychic powers to defeat her enemies and she uses telepathy to talk to people.
- Jeff - A kid genius who can fix broken items and can turn them into awesome weapons like lazers, guns, bombs, and rockets whenever Ness and hs friends stay over at a Hotel. However, he's your only ally who can't use PSI powers.
- Dr. Andonuts - Jeff's father.
- Poo - The fresh prince of Dalaam and a martial arts master who can break your ass in half and who can also use PSI moves like Ness. Unlike Ness, his attack power will go down if he equips a weapon and food will only restore 6 HP for Poo. The prince was named after the waste product expelled from an animals' digestive tract through the anus or cloaca during defecation.
- Pokey/Porky - Ness's fat neighbor with no friends who IRL trolls Ness and his friends. He also masterminded the events in Mother 2 and Mother 3.
- Giygas - The antagonist of the game, who is actually a red swirling trippy background trapped inside a giant machine that resembles a cervix. He plans to enslave the world and to destroy the universe by dividing by zero. Giygas' dialogue was inspired by experiences of Shigesato Itoi when he watched snuff porn as a kid, which mentally fucked up his mind.
- The Photographer - A pedophile that stalks you throughout the game, meets you and your friends in every fucking location and takes pictures of you and your friends, which he later masturbates to. His favorite term is "fuzzy pickles" because he enjoys sucking hairy penises.
- Lucas - A look-alike of Eddie from Fisher-Price's Little People. He's basically the same shit as Ness, except he is has autism and ADD which is noticeable in SSBB in the cutscene where he stares into empty space after nearly gets pwned by a Porky statue, meaning his friend Ness has to dive and save his blonde ass. Oh, and he can talk to animals or some shit.
- Alec - Lucas's grandfather and Hinawa's father.
- Claus/Masked Man - Lucas's twin brother who tries to avenge Hinawa's death by killing the draco that killed her. He gets lost, gets taken and brainwashed by the Pigmask Army, and is turned into the masked man. He is the final boss of Mother 3 and he ends up killing himself accidentally.
- Kumatora - Unlike Paula, she actually acts tough and actually defends herself if someone tries to molest her. Also, unlike Paula, she is a tomboy.
- Hinawa - Lucas's dead mom who died when she was mortally wounded by the Mecha Drago that Porky's pigmask army mutated.
- Flint - Lucas's father who cheats on Hinawa and who ends up having a gay cowboy relationship with Duster. He also visits Hinawa's grave once in a while to mourn her death.
- Duster - A friend of Lucas who helped Kumatora stop the Pigmasks from storming Osohoe Castle and from gangbanging Kumatora. He has a limping leg and he uses weapons to fight because he cannot fight hand to hand.
- Porky Minch - Pokey returns from EarthBound after running away from Ness and his friends. This time, he becomes the leader of the Pigmask Army and he tries to take over the Nowhere Islands by spreading swine flu to people who try to stop him and by creating a fascist state and killing all the Jews in the Nowhere Islands. Just like Giygas, he was pwnt by a kid and his friends.
- Fassad - The commander of the Pigmask army. One of his schemes is to give Happy Boxes, which are mind control devices that corrupt people. He resembles an Arab and tries to destroy Lucas by suicide bombing himself. It is later revealed that he is one of the Magypsies. In the original Japanese his name is Yokuba.
- Salsa the Monkey - A monkey held captive by Fassad. He will do anything to save his monkey girlfriend, and is often electrocuted by Fassad's electric collar.
Earthbound fans are either retrofags, Super Smash Bros fanboys or weeaboos. The retrofags are the Earthbound fans who spend most of their time playing SNES games on their TV in their basement, playing pirated SNES ROMs on their computer and masturbating to rule 34 pictures of Paula or Kumatora, drawing Earthbound fanart, and browsing the internet for Earthbound fanart. Smash fags only play this fucking game just because Ness and Lucas appear in SSBB. The rest of the Earthbound fans are weeaboos who play Earthbound just because it was a game made in Japan and because they believe that Ness and Paula looks so kawaii ^_^.
deviantards loves earthbound
deviantART is bloated with over 9000 EarthBound fanart pictures, with a majority of them drawn in animu style. Your typical Earthbound fanart pic on deviantart involves Ness and Paula or Lucas and Kumatora together, Ness and Co. drawn in desu kawaii animu style, or sketches of Giygas. There's also plenty of Ness/Lucas shota if you're so inclined. There are also decent comics about ness's early childhood where Ness is a fatass, and we are not just saying that because the creator is hot.
No EB? On my VC?
A well-known drama in the EarthBound fanbase is the so-called re-release of the game to the Wii's Virtual Console. The rumor about it started when a new rating of the game had been posted, which many assumed was for the VC. Of course, to crush their hopes of seeing their precious game on the service, Nintendo stated that the game couldn't be released, and most people guessed it was due to sampled music and allusions to what was in 10 years ago. This left many EB fans butthurt since they knew that if the game could sell well on the VC, then Mother 3 would have had it's own release (and not just be a fan-made translation). Of course if you have homebrew you can easily put it on the vc yourself.
As is common with popular video games, fans always make remixes of the music. EarthBound is no exception to this. A slight difference though is that all of the songs were done as a project called Bound Together, and not all of the songs are even remixes. Yep, there's original fan-made songs within the compilation. Here are some examples of this wonderful music project:
Just like any other franchise, EarthBound has fallen victim to shipping wars and shipping faggotry. Some argue that Ness is in love with Paula, while others believe that they are just friends. When people mention this crap in forums, flame wars erupt, and EB fanboys start performing ad hominem attacks against other EB fantards. One example of the NessxPaula shipping faggotry can be found here. EB-shipping fags went batshit when Mother 3 was released in Japan, arguing with other EB fantards that Lucas and Kumatora love each other.
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- Pokemon - A game similar to EarthBound, as the same company is involved in it.
- Super Smash Bros
- Super Nintendo
- Mewtwo - An obvious ripoff of Giygas from the first game.
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