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Ebola virus

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This article is about the virus Ebola. See Ebola-chan for the character.

Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever is a pretty cool disease that kills 90% of Black Persons infected and 0% to 60% of White Aid workers depending on how fast the White person is airlifted to a facility with abundant Campbell's chicken noodle soup, DayQuil, and Sprite . The illness (which causes the black person infected to poop blood) is caused by most strains of the Ebola virus, a Filovirus carried by bats endemic to the rain-forests of the Congo Basin and parts of the West African highlands. The zoonotic virus is transmitted then to monkeys. When a black person has buttsecks with a monkey, as it is the custom in the bush, the virus is released into the general population and eventually, with divine justice, to American female college students participating in aid programs in Africa.


History

Ebola was invented in 1995 by Dustin Hoffman and Rene Russo for the explicit purpose of depopulating poor places as it was the style in Hollywood at the time. Meanwhile in the Soviet Union, a humanitarian by the name of Kanatjan Alibekov merged Ebola Zaire virus which is not airborne, with some smallpox which is, and engendered a little creature baptized "Ebolapox". As of today, Ebolapox has not yet been deployed outside Soviet Union (and maybe North Korean) laboratories, or on other than local political prisoners, so we do not know its effect on black people, although you can encourage the Optimum Population Trust to give it a try. As Doctor Alibekov is currently hired by the United States Department of Defense, you can also contribute to his research by getting a job and paying your taxes.

Epidemiology: Morbidity and Mortality

Ebola, like all Filoviruses, is a paper tiger created by the media (a fact known by Liberians), which is all symptom and no transmission. Other more successful viruses like Orthomyxoviridae severely infect 3 to 5 million people worldwide every year, and kill about 500,000. Nigger-specific diseases like Cholera cull no more than 130,000 black persons a year. Ebola has yet to kill more than 5,000 people in all its history. Ebola is full of fail because it kills the host before it can spread the virus long and wide enough, and because it is not airborne. I mean seriously, could you ever imagine Ebola spreading to Madagascar?

2014 Ebolafest in West Africa


The ongoing Ebola Awareness Symposium 2014 began in December 2013 in Guinea when a wealthy Guinean family with a penchant for fancy and exotic meats fed medium-rare jungle bat to their 2-year-old son. The boy could not get to drink enough Sprite in time and eventually died and was buried but not before a lot of necrophilia was performed on his small hemorrhagic body, as tradition dictates. The virus spread quickly to other promising West African nations such as Liberia and lately as far south as the Democratic Republic of the Congo, ex Zaire, where it is currently combining with a Sudanese strain.

It is possible that the original bat was infected by Time Warner executives in an attempt to boost the ratings of a recent and very realistic television series produced by one of their subsidiaries in collaboration with the Navy.

Ebola in Europe and North America

Italians have been importing Ebola-infected monkeys to Europe since the 1970s. In 1995, a passenger exhibiting Ebola symptoms arrived in Toronto from Zaire and was quickly put to death by the Canadian Ministry of Health; the news is now forgotten. In 2014 a Spanish Catholic Monk who was involved in missionary activities in West Africa got infected while participating in such activities with a young black person boy. He was quickly transferred to a military health facility in Madrid where he was given Sprite, and the European equivalent of DayQuil. Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup however could not be located (because of the EU's isolationist policies) and it was the Paella they served him instead that killed him. Prayer did not play an important role as The Lord doesn't pay attention to Catholics. Also in 2014, two American doctors got infected, airlifted promptly to Atlanta, and given the proper treatment. The medical doctor the American public thanked very much for their prayers, remarking that their good English coming from Reformed Christians made all the difference. The doctor attributes high mortality in Africa to the fact that the Lord can not understand their accents correctly. Dr. Kent Brantly and Nancy Writebol are now back on their feet and spreading Ebola around the streets of various American towns and suburbs HAHA, DISREGARD THAT, EBOLA IS A POWERFUL VIRUS INVENTED BY THE ZIONIST TO SECRETLY GIVING WHITE PEOPLE AND JEWS SUPERPOWER WHILE KILLING OFF NIGGERS IN AFRICA!!!

"I'm growing stronger everyday" -Kent Brantly, a true American hero

Ebola chan

Unsurprisingly, it took 4chan about two seconds to come up with some freakish anthropomorphic representation/waifu of a fucking deadly virus. It is currently worshipped by the likes of /pol/, who pray for the destruction of niggers and Jews everyday.

Fight Ebolaphobia!

The secret cure for Ebola: Ricola, Coca-Cola and sex with Lola in Pensacola.

Many rational people are asking: Just what is it that people are so afraid of, when ebola is just a perfectly ordinary very contagious disease that causes a horrifically prolonged and agonised death to more than 50 percent of those that it infects? Turns out the answer is quite unexpectedly simple, according to the world's supreme expert on the subject. It's because it's spread by niggers. Should have asked her in the first place, really.

To help you get in the groove with Ebola-chan spirit, African marketers have invented the "If you like the monkey" song. If ten seconds of public health education isn't enough for you, here's our best effort: (YouTube Favicon.png tune)

Ebola In Texas - A B-movie starring you
Where the world dissolves in hemo- rrhagic goo
Johnny, go get your gun, for the patients are in our hemisphere today
Ivan, go fly your MIG, for the asymptomatic carriers have come to play
Johnny goes to Sally's house to kiss her goodbye - But quarantine says he has to stay
They make love 'till the early morning light - For a three week honeymoon night!
Marburg, Llovio, Ebola-Chan come along for our nations need new heroes - Time to sing a new war song
Please do not fear 'cause Ebola-Chan is here to say (say what?)
Just have a good time the vaccine is far away
The toilet has flushed and hospitals are a ghost - And nurses will be extinct
Aerosol spread has come - They know not what they've done
Disease just won - The planet is a crumb

Future

Apple is working on a new, updated version of the virus, the Apple iBola, expected to be twice as deadly.

Gallery


External links

See Also


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