Ed Rendell

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Ed "Gravelthroat" Rendell is the alleged mobbed-up governor of Pennsyltucky and an ass-kissing political camwhore. He was previously Mayor of Failadelphia, where he oversaw a dramatic cut in lulz caused by his predecessor, Frank Rizzo.

He was elected Governor in 2002 after defeating Mike Fisher, Pittsburgh's Token Republican. He won again in 2006 by barely beating former Steeler Lynn Swann (who doesn't know shit about politics, but ran just to prove that Black Republicans exist).

He further proved his uncanny ability to pick a winner by supporting Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Presidential primaries.

Much to the delight and relief of Pennsylvania residents and Democrats everywhere, Pennsylvania has term limits on the position of governor, and thus he was dragged kicking and screaming from Harrisburg in January 2011. Unfortunately for said Democrats, between Rendell's kiss of death (read: endorsement) to candidate Dan Onorato and Onorato's insistence on using his son's social studies video project as a campaign ad, the election was essentially handed to the Republicans.

Contrary to popular belief, Ed Rendell does not have a spray tan. He is perpetually orange because his wife is a federal judge on the US Court of Appeals for the Third Circuit, which has appellate jurisdiction over the District Court of the Virgin Islands. MUST BE NICE.

Political Philosophy[edit]

Gravelthroat's revenue-generating philosophy can be summed up in three words: BUILD MOAR CASINOS. All of Pennsyltucky's problems can be solved by making sure our money is lost here instead of in West Virginia.

  • Schools are running out of money? BUILD MOAR CASINOS.
  • Pittsburgh Transit System way over budget? BUILD MOAR CASINOS.
  • Sports team threatening to move to Kansas City? BUILD MOAR CASINOS.
  • PLCB needs moar cash for sensitivity training? BUILD MOAR CASINOS, DAMMIT.
  • Violent crime rate spiraling out of control? BUILD MOAR CASINOS IN GHETTOS (because black people like gambling, yo).

Unfortunately, the casino licenses are usually given to incompetent fucks, so we won't see these goddamn casinos until the end of days. He also doesn't use any of the tax revenue from these casinos to do what he said he would do with it.

Gallery of Gravelthroat[edit]


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