Edarem

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Edward looking quite distinguished.

Edarem (Edward J. Vianney, Edward Muscare) (born September 27th, 1932 - January 8, 2012), also known as "The Creepy Old Man", "The Schnozz" or "The Singing Sex Offender", was a 78 year old man (currently LOL JAILED! LOL DEAD!) making the rounds on YouTube. He was a registered sex offender in the state of Florida. In his younger years, Edward used to present a children's show on KNXV-TV called Friday Night At The Frights and went under the guise of "Edmus Scarey". Previous to this, Edward hosted shows for KSHB-TV in Kansas City. Muscare abruptly left his life in television under cloudy circumstances.

Edward enjoyed such things as letting dogs bite his body, grinding axes with a grinder, singing old Roy Orbison songs and was a fan of the TV series Scrubs. He made YouTube videos at a very fast rate, several a day sometimes, making people like Chris-chan look even more like lazy fat bastards by way of comparison.

Due to his handiness with tools, his criminal record and the fact that he lived and died alone, he quickly became adopted as /g/'s official mascot.

His Videos Say It All[edit]

Edarem at his old job in Gamelon.
Edarem during his brief but critically acclaimed acting career.


Pedo Style[edit]

Edward had two convictions in the state of Florida and one in South Carolina. His first conviction occured in 1986 for the sexual battery of a 14 year old boy. His second conviction was in 1987 again for the sexual battery of a victim 12 years or older without using enough physical force to cause serious personal injury. His last conviction was for failing to register as a sexual predator.

So apparently Edward liked 'em shota, didn't like the rough stuff, and did not feel there was necessarily anything wrong with performing sex acts on minors.

Disappearance and Phil Stevens[edit]

Sometime in early May 2009, Edarem uploaded one last video before disappearing from YouTube for a month and a half. Due to his numerical age falling somewhere over 95, many speculated that he had finally keeled over and his dogs had consumed the corpse. Whether or not the state of Florida ran his cancer-wracked corpse through a meat grinder and fed the remains to his dogs is yet to be determined.

On June 24th, however, a new video was suddenly uploaded to his account by a man claiming to be an old friend of his named Phil Stevens. He mentioned that Edarem no longer had a computer, but neglected to explain why. He then stated that Edarem would supply him with DVDs of his videos to upload to the account. Why Edarem kept DVDs of his own videos remains a mystery. However, it can be argued that Edarem was, perhaps, wise to the likelihood of abruptly losing said computer, given that his television career-as mentioned-ended just as sporadically and under similarly cloudy circumstances.

To this day, Phil Stevens (as he continues to refer to himself as, rather than just Phil) has been supplying the loyal Edarem fan base with the bootleg Edarem videos ripped from the DVDs. He also keeps a blog that he promises to use as host for Edarem's transcribed autobiography, though he hasn't updated it since late June.

What remains ambiguous is a) is Phil Stevens real or some product of Edarem's delusion and b) is Edarem still alive? LOL NO Because Edarem's autobiography claims that his computer was confiscated by the Fuzz because, presumably, he'd only use it to supply himself with gratuitous amounts of kiddy porn, there can be no concrete evidence that Edarem is still alive because the videos being uploaded could be months old... except TOW says he's dead, and everyone knows that everything on Wikipedia has to be independently verified by No less than 300 sources.

All the Edarem fans and trolls have to rely on is the word of Phil Stevens, who may or may not be a real person. Regardless, we all knew that Edarem had a well-earned spot on the ED list of those who would die alone, and more than likely has already fulfilled said prophecy.

Edarem gets V& again[edit]

Edarem's new home.

Sooner or later, all good things come to an end. On the 21st of September, the Party Van paid a visit, and Edarem was sent back to the pokey for another vacation. It turns out that South Carolina had a law against secks offenders having computers. Edarem didn't know that. In May, 2009 after he'd become an internet celebrity, the popo found out and pwnt his 'pooter. The lulz stopped as Edarem was warned not to play around on JewTube any more. Ed recruited his buddy, Phil Stevens to upload his vids.

Sadly, the South Carolina police didn't like that and, as his probation was originally imposed in Florida, they sent him back there, where a Judge busted his ass back to jail. Later on, he'd be denied bond and would be held over for another month.

Fancying himself a Ted Bundy or Scott Peterson, deadarem apparently struck up a conjugal relationship with YouTube Favicon.png perhaps the most sexually ambiguous creature in the entire world. Celebrity criminals often get propositions from (disturbed, but) hot pieces of ass. Deadarem, on the other hand, managed to score what appears to be a middle aged, Z-list tranny for a groupie. Based on one of the profile shot cooking videos, it appears to have breasts, but so do a lot of dudes. According to the Palm Beach Post, ejvmev is a woman. Marion "ejvmev" Muscare-Vianney bears more than a passing resemblance to The Real Chris-chan and appears to enjoy singing, and the audience gets to enjoy his/her/its sweet contralto voice in some of the videos.

What the fuck IS this and what did The Pretenders ever do to it??

On January 9th, 2010, this video was uploaded to Edarem's account revealing that he had been sentenced to five years in jail for violating his probation. Bets are now being taken on whether our hero will live through the sentenced time period to make another YouTube video. Let's face it folks, at 106 years old, the odds are against him.

And thus, on January 8, 2012, Edarem went deadarem. 364 days in the hole, and he died from the lung cancer he had been suffering from during most of his time there. At the ripe young age of 275, this was probably the biggest FUCK YOU he could have given the state of Florida at that point, since the state had basically been paying for all of his medical care.

Deadarem +1

Florida -$128,221

Right now, the Florida Department of Corrections site places him in 551 W MAIN ST, LAKE COUNTY JAIL, TAVARES, FL 32778-3125, LAKE COUNTY the morgue. Whether or not ejvmev actually showed up to claim the body, or it was thrown carelessly into an unmarked prison grave and promptly forgotten is also yet to be determined.

Tribute Video[edit]


Eulogizing the evil sociopath[edit]

   
 
My beloved meant everything to me. He still does.
 

 
 

—ejvmev, eulogizing deadarem

   
 
...from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee.
 

 
 

—deadarem, on his deathbed, to the state of Florida

Gallery[edit]

See also[edit]

Edarem with beard.jpg

External Links[edit]

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Featured article September 24 & September 25, 2011
Preceded by
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Edarem Succeeded by
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