Elvis Aryan Presley
is was an IRL singer and (fat)ass man most famous for parodying nigger music, as anything which seems commonplace for blacks looks downright ridiculous when performed by white people. He was also a former Army soldier at Fort Hood; his film Harum Scarum would indirectly inspire Nidal Malik Hasan to seek his own celebrity with epic results.
Like all Rock stars, Elvis fucked many women and did lots of drugs. He later tried to have The Beatles banned from the Jewnited States because they were hogging all the good pussy and also because they were bigger than Jesus while he was only as good as Jesus, ranking just behind Fat Larry's Band. After his wife, Priscilla Presley, took half his stuff and converted to Scientology, he accidentally barbiturates and HNNNNNNGGGGGed on the shitter so Priscilla could not take the other half of his stuff.
That's the general consensus anyway.
—Paul McCartney, on Elvis narking on The Beatles.
—Elvis, on doctors and prescription drugs.
It is common knowledge that "The King" ODed on the throne and has been grave dust since 1977, yet some believe that he is still alive and occasionally appears at random diners and truck stops, but these are often disproven as just wannabe Elvis impersonators.
Various theories have arisen over the years:
- He faked his death so his ex-wife would stop bitchin' at him for all his money and currently lives in an Retiredment home in East Texas, fighting mummies with John F. Kennedy who is disguised as a negro (see below).
- He did it for the insurance.
- He needed to avoid certain people and make some debt go away.
- JEWS DID ELVIS!!! IN THE ASS!!!
- He got tired of fame on Earth and returned to his home planet.
- His spirit remains restless.
- Colonel Parker did it.
- You killed him, you effing dickwad!
—Official CIA report
There is literally a shit-ton of videos like these which amount to little more than dumb bitches getting trolled by Elvis look-alikes. Besides, even if Elvis didn't die when everyone said he did, he would have surely dropped dead when his daughter married Michael Jackson.
Trolling Elvis Fans
- Make fun of Elvis' death.
- Make jokes about Elvis' weight.
- Say that Elvis is overrated.
- Mention that Elvis "stole" all of his music from blacks.
- Say that Elvis was a racist.
- Tell them that Michael Jackson was the better artist .
- Take a shit on Elvis' grave.
- Say that Elvis was a drug addicted fatso that deserved what he got.
- Tell them that the Beatles (and John Lennon) were better.
- Film yourself pissing on the Graceland's front lawn.
- Call Elvis a white trash hillbilly redneck.
- Bring up the fact that Elvis never toured anywhere outside the USA.
- Make fun of his wife and daughter.
- Say that Elvis was a bad actor who starred in shitty movies.
- Say that Elvis was never "the king".
Don Coscarelli's 2002 film Bubba Ho-Tep was in fact a documentary composed after years of searching a trail of clues and eyewitness accounts, particularly the written testimony of Joe R. Lansdale. DNA evidence has proven that Elvis is indeed living in a retirement home in an undisclosed location in East Texas, along with a black gentleman who is merely under the impression that he is in fact former president Kennedy. Unlike Elvis, however, JFK is without a doubt dead and gone as it is impossible to fake your brain splattering out all over your motorcade.
Due to the film's limited exposure, however, it is still widely assumed that the King is dead.
The King's Gallery
Just because some people claim to have seen him doesn't necessarily mean that he's still alive. With documentaries, compilation albums, and re-releases of his old classics, it's apparent that he is worth more dead than alive. Everyone knows this, even the King.
- Burger King
- Conspiracy Theory
- Toilet Seat
- White trash
- Our very own sexy EDiot Elvis
- Writing yourself into an article
Elvis Presley is part of a series on
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Elvis Presley is part of a series on
Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.