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Poetry (ancient Greek: ποιεω (poieo) Originally a simple chain of rhyming words recited in rhythmic chant used for memorizing important information like how many months to age the cheese and where the best brothels could be found. Since its origin, four poems worth more than that have been composed. None of them were composed by you.
In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams wrote that the third-worst poets in the universe were Vogons, that the second worst poetry has caused instant death to those who've heard it read aloud, and that the first worst poetry was by someone in the UK, probably falsely-accused sockpuppet of Poetlister. He would agree that the first-worst poetry in the universe is written by bloggers, some of the worst-of-the-worst being vomited forth by LJ users.
It's widely acknowledged that poems became superfluous and obsolete when song lyrics were invented in 1984 by John Lennon. Today, only losers who can't even get a handful of friends together to make a shitty band still write poetry. No one reads it.
An Outstanding Example of Modern Emo Verse
Summary: SOMEBODY CALL THE WAAAHMBULANCE
BTW it's spelled 'dying', not 'dieing'. Spell check. Use it, bitch.
Poetry Drama and Critic Shock
Thanks to fond mothers and friends who are as illiterate as they are, many virgin poets believe that writing spontaneously from the heart, at great length and in a narrow column, produces a Great Work of Art. Every day, a few more of these discover the internet, where they seek a forum for literature that is worthy of judging the merit of their naive mental masturbation. Drama or lulz always result when they find one, since the forums each have long standing cliques of poetry editors, academics, and literary critics, all of whom failed in their childhood ambition to be important. Each group hates the other and both have lots of energy to expend on vitriol and flame wars. The academics spit out the vile dregs of useless careers in eloquent and scathing bitterness while the emos, slammers, and hippies have angst, hormones, and drugs going for them.
Fantastic Works of Contemporary Literature
- Willie looking in the gun,
- Pulls the trigger just for fun.
- Mother says in tones so pained,
- "Willie is so scatter-brained!"
- Willie, in a rage insane
- Threw his head beneath a train
- All were quite surprised to find
- How it broadened Willie's mind.
- Willie saw some dynamite,
- Couldn't understand it quite;
- Curiosity never pays.
- It rained Willie seven days.
- Willie got sick so bad
- He took the coldstops that he had
- bleeding out of his nose
- Now he is the new-york magazine's front cover pose
- Willie, walking down the track
- Couldn’t hear the engine squeal.
- Now the engine’s coming back
- Scraping Willie off the wheel.
- Willie fell down the elevator,
- Wasn't found 'till six days later.
- Then the neighbors sniffed, "Gee whiz!
- What a spoiled child Willie is!"
- Willie' walking through the rain
- Spied a pit bull on a chain.
- Reached out to pet it,
- Quiet as a mouse.
- Funeral tomorrow
- At Willie's house.
Where To Find Poetry Drama
- Vanity Forums
- Any LJ community that claims to discuss literature.
- Up the collective ass of the nefarious whiny emo-goth kid. They are really a single entity, like the borg, only more retarded.
- International Library Of Poetry Scam site that has discovered the only way to get rich in the poetry biz: sell anthologies to saps who get excited because their poem was "carefully selected" and "shows great writing ability."
- DeviantArt Shitty site full of angst-ridden teenagers and anime "artists".
- Poetic Constellations
- Academic Forums
- PFFA What it would be like if poetry was taught in boot camp
- The GazeboRegular group is the same as PFFA only being as polite as they can and failing.
- Eratosphere Scholars who were so badly potty trained, they not only write poetry but it must be metered poetry. Exactly. No! Not like that! Like this! See also obsessive-compulsive.
- Sonnet Central Academics who were thrown out of Eratosphere for being too uptight and picky. Not too many lulz, as most vistors are lulled to sleep by the opening lines of any thread.
- Sparknotes Their Your Poetry forums are often full of lulz and drama, especially Misterpoet's posts.
- concenticus A webzine with an editing staff that many members blame for not allowing their cliched and unimaginative poetry to be seen on the site. Lulz have been minimized since the removal of the Drop, the showcase of all pieces that didn't make the Issue.
Modern Schools of Poetry
- 16 year old girls
- People at a poetry club
- Ricochet rabbit
- Rap (jk lol)
Past Hours of Poetry
Little Known Poetry Facts
- The best poetry in the world is written by
Ricochet rabbit. Ryan Samuels
- Contrary to popular belief, critic shock, not tetanus, is the leading cause of death among emo poets who first read their work to someone who is not in the midst of terminal teen angst.
Zombie Jesus Christ almighty, you don't want to click these
- Purple Pyjamas Poetry Cafe
- "Hortus Conclusus" by Naamah_Darling
- Bad gawthick poetry at its finest
- WOLF - I am a yardtard who writes poetry, and stupid titles.
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