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Poetry

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Bill O'reilly in a freestyle poetry battle with Joe Cabot from Reservoir Dogs

Poetry (ancient Greek: ποιεω (poieo) Originally a simple chain of rhyming words recited in rhythmic chant used for memorizing important information like how many months to age the cheese and where the best brothels could be found. Since its origin, four poems worth more than that have been composed. None of them were composed by you.

In The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams wrote that the third-worst poets in the universe were Vogons, that the second worst poetry has caused instant death to those who've heard it read aloud, and that the first worst poetry was by someone in the UK, probably falsely-accused sockpuppet of Poetlister. He would agree that the first-worst poetry in the universe is written by bloggers, some of the worst-of-the-worst being vomited forth by LJ users.

It's widely acknowledged that poems became superfluous and obsolete when song lyrics were invented in 1984 by John Lennon. Today, only losers who can't even get a handful of friends together to make a shitty band still write poetry. No one reads it.

An Outstanding Example of Modern Emo Verse

Two of today's top poets. Fans hail their work as "omg sooo deeep!!11!1", but some criticise them for borrowing much of their imagery from Slipknot lyrics. While the girl on the right looks hot (unlike old and fat like the other), the girl on the right sadly is a shemale.
Why does life hurt so much?

Why do the people in it make me feel horrible?
Why can't they STOP and notice the tears, and stop?
Why can't the see just a small remark can kill someone?
Why can't they see some of us dieing?
Why do they have perfect lives, while we have awful ones?

Summary: SOMEBODY CALL THE WAAAHMBULANCE


BTW it's spelled 'dying', not 'dieing'. Spell check. Use it, bitch.

Poetry Drama and Critic Shock

Thanks to fond mothers and friends who are as illiterate as they are, many virgin poets believe that writing spontaneously from the heart, at great length and in a narrow column, produces a Great Work of Art. Every day, a few more of these discover the internet, where they seek a forum for literature that is worthy of judging the merit of their naive mental masturbation. Drama or lulz always result when they find one, since the forums each have long standing cliques of poetry editors, academics, and literary critics, all of whom failed in their childhood ambition to be important. Each group hates the other and both have lots of energy to expend on vitriol and flame wars. The academics spit out the vile dregs of useless careers in eloquent and scathing bitterness while the emos, slammers, and hippies have angst, hormones, and drugs going for them.

Fantastic Works of Contemporary Literature

File:Gaiafaggotry typical.png
shitty poetry is one of Gaia Online's high exports, along with weeaboo and furfaggotry
Willie looking in the gun,
Pulls the trigger just for fun.
Mother says in tones so pained,
"Willie is so scatter-brained!"
Willie, in a rage insane
Threw his head beneath a train
All were quite surprised to find
How it broadened Willie's mind.
Willie saw some dynamite,
Couldn't understand it quite;
Curiosity never pays.
It rained Willie seven days.
Willie got sick so bad
He took the coldstops that he had
bleeding out of his nose
Now he is the new-york magazine's front cover pose
Willie, walking down the track
Couldn’t hear the engine squeal.
Now the engine’s coming back
Scraping Willie off the wheel.
Willie fell down the elevator,
Wasn't found 'till six days later.
Then the neighbors sniffed, "Gee whiz!
What a spoiled child Willie is!"
Willie' walking through the rain
Spied a pit bull on a chain.
Reached out to pet it,
Quiet as a mouse.
Funeral tomorrow
At Willie's house.

Where To Find Poetry Drama

  • Academic Forums
    • PFFA What it would be like if poetry was taught in boot camp
    • The GazeboRegular group is the same as PFFA only being as polite as they can and failing.
    • Eratosphere Scholars who were so badly potty trained, they not only write poetry but it must be metered poetry. Exactly. No! Not like that! Like this! See also obsessive-compulsive.
    • Sonnet Central Academics who were thrown out of Eratosphere for being too uptight and picky. Not too many lulz, as most vistors are lulled to sleep by the opening lines of any thread.
    • Sparknotes Their Your Poetry forums are often full of lulz and drama, especially Misterpoet's posts.
    • concenticus A webzine with an editing staff that many members blame for not allowing their cliched and unimaginative poetry to be seen on the site. Lulz have been minimized since the removal of the Drop, the showcase of all pieces that didn't make the Issue.
  • YouTube.

Modern Schools of Poetry

Past Hours of Poetry

Little Known Poetry Facts

  • The best poetry in the world is written by Ricochet rabbit. Ryan Samuels
  • Contrary to popular belief, critic shock, not tetanus, is the leading cause of death among emo poets who first read their work to someone who is not in the midst of terminal teen angst.

Zombie Jesus Christ almighty, you don't want to click these

Poetry is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand

Iambic PentameterPoetryPFFA

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YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND ME!
Poetry is part of a series on
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[BleedCut]
Your best friend.
Poetry
is part of a series on
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[Fuck reading. Just use Sparknotes.See Also]