Fable

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Fable is a series of shit Role Playing Games, that is enjoyed by whiny fat neckbeards and absolutely nobody else. It was created by the delusional fuckhead that goes by the name of Peter Molynuex, a notorious bullshitter whose body of sales are built up on a foundation of evil lies.


The Games[edit]

There are currently three Fable games on the market, five if you include the wankstain money-grabbing Lost Chapters and the remaster, Fable Anniversary.

  • Fable - A buggy as fuck, boring as fuck, underwhelming, over-hyped RPG for Xbox and Mac OS X.
  • Fable: Lost Chapters - A slightly extended version of a buggy as fuck, boring as fuck, underwhelming, over-hyped RPG for Xbox and Mac OS X.
  • Fable II - A Buggy as fuck, boring as fuck, underwhelming, over-hyped RPG for the Xbox 360.
  • Fable III - A Buggy as fuck, boring as fuck, underwhelming, over-hyped RPG for the Xbox 360 (Not to be mistaken for Fable II.)
  • Fable Anniversary - A remaster using the Unreal engine. Manages to make the game even more tedious and buggy, adding no new content, while offering very dated graphics, all for a price tag of 60$ for a 10 year old game.

Fable[edit]

   
 
It's gonna be the best game ever.
 

 
 

Peter Molyneux

What should happen to Peter Molyneux.

Back in the year 2000, when all games weren't completely fucking terrible, some dumbass called Peter Molyneux decided that he was going to design an RPG that wasn't like anything else currently on the market. Early in Fable's development, the developers called it "Project Ego", probably because someone couldn't shut the fuck up. The game took four years to be created, because Peter would change things up every five minutes. The plot is a stale, cliché-ridden, unoriginal fantasy setting with literally recycled ideas, probably because Molyneux thought his plot was so good it's worth reusing it over and over again, until finally someone admits it's good or commits suicide. There are mentally impaired children who can write a better story line.


   
 
The world would be a breathtakingly beautiful place filled with waterfalls, mountains, dense forests, populated with compelling and convincing characters with real personality, people who actually reacted to what you did. We wanted to give the player control of a hero who would adapt to the way they played, who would age, become scarred in battle, who could get tattoos, wear dreadlocks and a dress if the player was so inclined.
 

 
 

— One of the people who made Fable, describing many other already relevant RPG's

Four years later, the game was released.


   
 
Wow, we fucked that up.
 

 
 

— Probably one of the people who made Fable

In a display of complete retardation from Molynuex, we got fuck all that he promised. Oh well, at least the game itself is still good, right? Wrong. It's a buggy clusterfuck of bad ideas, and unoriginal RPG bullshit. Go figure.

Somehow, the game sold well enough to justify a sequel called Fable: The Lost Chapters.

Plot[edit]

Fuck this for good karma.
Sex Slave Torture Chamber

On his sister's birthday, a 13-year-old boy's village is raided by bandits; apparently killing the boy's entire peasant family. An Hero, rescues the boy, seeing great potential in him, and leaves everyone else to get stomped; this Pedo, trains the boy to become an Hero himself, at the Heroes' Guild. Years pass; after honing his suicide skills, his trainer informs the Hero of a blind old gypsy hag living among a bandit camp near the ruins of his pwned village, and advises the Hero to infiltrate the bandit camp and commit faggorty. To the Hero's surprise, the blind old gypsy hag is actually his older sister who was taken in by the bandits and turned into a sex slave. After a showdown with the bandits, the Hero is given the choice to buttsecks or pity the fools.

Later on, in the Hero's life, after he has gained more recognition among faggots, he is invited to fight in the Arena, where he meets the legendary Hero named Spartacus, who runs the arena battles. As a final challenge, Spartacus pits the Hero against his rival Chris-Chan; when the Hero defeats the fat sack of shit, he can again choose to kill or spare it.

The Hero learns that Spartacus himself destroyed his shitty village no one cares about; aided by his fuck stick of a sister, the Hero discovers his mother is alive in a prison. The Hero miserably fails the rescue attempt and spends a year or more in the prison, getting stretched, before finally escaping. His trainer is unsurprisingly revealed to be a traitor and working with Spartacus, and he kidnaps his cum dumpster of a sister. After defeating his trainer, the Hero is led into a final confrontation with Spartacus where his mother gets killed, from boredom. Spartacus reveals some dumb shit about a sword who needs blood from something. Upon the death of their mother, the Hero and fuck stick are the only two remaining descendants of epic fail, and if Spartacus destroys them both, the world will be unfunny. After defeating Spartacus, the Hero must choose whether to keep the emo sword of faggorty by killing his fag hag sister, or cast it away forever into a portal created by Spartacus.

Depending on the Hero's alignment and the player's choice of using or destroying the sword, there are a total of four different endings that no one cares about. Once the ending credits roll, players can resume their game or kill themselves.

Fable: The Lost Chapters[edit]

In The Lost Chapters special edition, the story continues. After the defeat of Spartcaus, the Hero must find passage to Northrend to aid a legendary hero named Arthas in stopping an known great evil from returning. Should the hero have discarded the sword of faggorty, he will have the opportunity to gain the sword of the pussybitch, a sword of similar design and power but equally gay. After a series of quests revolving around stupid shit, it is learned that Spartacus has returned. He must then defeat Spartacus again, but now Spartacus is dragon. So now the bad guy has scales and shit. After the Hero fucks Spartacus, he uses his massive urethra to capture Spartacus's soul, with some dude telling him that the battle is not over and that he must an Hero himself in order to finally kill Spartacus. The hero then has the final choice of offing himself on camera - being consumed by lolz - or offing himself in public, making lolz last forever. Original, nearly gave me a heart attack.

Fable: Anniversary[edit]

That goddamn bridge is STILL down!

A remastering of Fable and TLC, built on the Unreal 3 engine. The interface has been completely redesigned, resulting in a tedious and shitty experience on PC, along with being a 30gb download, compared to the original game's 4gb. It also adds "Heroic Mode", an optional difficulty rating meant to challenge players. In reality, all that happens is that you get no resurrection phials and enemies hit a little bit harder. The game is still easy enough that a toddler could beat it. They also added a fuckload of shitty DLC skins and Xbox 360 avatar accessories for retards to waste 5 bucks on.

Fable II[edit]

Peter Molynuex, after seeing the success of his previous fuck-ups, decided to fuck up again and make more money. Although this game is technically better than Fable in every way, it's still an overrated pile of fuck. Basically, take Oblivion and crap all over it, and you have Fable II.

Yahtzee sums up the wank pretty well:



Fable III[edit]

See Fable II.

Plot[edit]

Since all Fable games want the player to have a unique experience, the plot has to be wafer thin to compensate.

Fable[edit]

Some little Orphan nancy boy is forced into adventuring after bandits invade his shitty little town and kidnap his bitch of a sister. Otherwise known as RPG storyline #13. Everything that happens after the tutorial is down to the player, but the outcomes lead to the same results, just slight differences. Therefore, it's always going to suck.

Fable II[edit]

500 years after Fable, shit is going down. The plot for this pile of wank is all over the place, some little cracker buys a magic box and it grants his wish which makes bad things happen. You have to stop these bad things etc. Lulz are most certainly not had.

Fable III[edit]

50 years later, you dead. But now you're a new guy, so you not dead. Shit goes down hard and you eventually become king (or queen) and have to do something about a giant black monster that's about to fuck up your shit. You either chose to be the good guy, and let the cunts you lead live happy lives - and die in a year, or be the bad guy make them work to fight off the monster - and they can live forever. Or you can have you cake and eat it too by investing in real estate.

This obviously makes no fucking sense, and is super gay.

Lies[edit]

   
 
If I have mentioned any feature in the past which, for whatever reason, didn't make it as I described into Fable, I apologise.
 

 
 

—Peter Molynuex, On being a fucking faggot.

Peter Molynuex is notorious for lying about absolutely everything he ever does. Ever.

Things that were supposed to be in Fable:

  • Plants that grow in real time
  • Every action having detrimental effect on the story
  • Actions having permanent effects on the environment
  • The ability to poison a water supply and watching the whole town die slowly
  • More delusional bullshit


Things that were in Fable:

  • Not a whole lot

Listening to Peter Molynuex' bullshit is like going on 4chan and seeing the best potential epic thread ever. You start posting in glee as you wait for OP to cut off his own dick, but as the thread 404's, OP's dick is still firmly attached to his faggot body.

Peter Molynuex NEVER delivars.

Potential Sequels[edit]

Unfortunately, the lying faggot has announced at least 2 more boring as fuck, buggy as fuck, underwhelming, over-hyped RPG's. Here are some things that he has assured the game will be able to do:

  • Cure Cancer and AIDS
  • End world hunger, and poverty
  • Fix the economy
  • Find Maddie
  • Cure OP of his Faggotry
  • Get you laid Not even he would lie about that.


   
 
Well, he's lied to us 4 times before, but I see no reason to believe why he would be lying now.
 

 
 

—Prototypical Fable fanboy, on sucking dick

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