Facepunch Studios/Noteworthy events
Here are some great events from the history archives of Facepunch Studio's forums.
- 1 I Demand a Refund: The Ballad of Monkey_123
- 2 Pentrazemine: The Retard
- 3 mikfoz
- 4 Firerain
- 5 The Hezzy Massacre
- 6 MySpace whorefags
- 7 June 4, 2008: BATSHIT INSANE
- 8 Glock_Fag: The worst Facepunch Newfag
- 9 June 25, 2008: Batshit insane V2
- 10 THE REAL HACK OF FP
- 11 The Hezzy Massacre II: Superlove Supreme
- 12 The Great Romination of '09
- 13 The Massive Fuckuperry of Star Wars Day
- 14 Hacked Again
- 15 Puns in the News Section
I Demand a Refund: The Ballad of Monkey_123
Not too long ago, Garry decided he was well off without Gold Members. After removing and replacing the option to go gold multiple times, he decided he would instead simply raise the price from $15 to $1,000. "A perfect compromise," thought Garry, fapping furiously to his own perceived brilliance. "I restored the ability to buy Gold Memberships but nobody on my forum will be retarded enough to try and buy one!" In one OIFY thread, KPunch joked that the $1,000 price was a trick and the upgrade would be free. Like the brilliant man he was, fellow member Monkey_123 believed it and without any doubt, and instantly purchased the upgrade using his mother's PayPal account. Unfortunately, the $1,000 price turned out to be real, and Monkey_123 was soon wallowing in a pool of foolishness and self-despair. To the surprise of many, lulz ensued in the OIFY (as it was previously thought to be lulz-free), and Monkey_123 was forever branded with the words of his pathetic plea for help. The ordeal resulted in a fiasco in which Monkey's mom emailed Garry, asking for the money back. There is still some debate as to the legitimacy of the letter, and as to whether Monkey's family is really rich or just internet rich. Monkey_123 was permabanned, and never heard from again.
Pentrazemine: The Retard
Pentrazemine was a potential Internet Hate Machine who thought he was going to hack Facepunch because he got banned for posting CP of himself. He was cast out by Facepunch (what a terrible punishment!) even though most of the members there pm'ed him 67 times for "moar". He then created an account with a slightly changed name and made a thread stating he was going to hack the site. Postal's ass was the reply.
mikfoz is a Super Moderator for Facepunch, meaning he has no life and only spends his time banning people. Not moderating, banning. Posting a thread on Facepunch is like playing Russian Roulette with all the chambers loaded, and you know who's gun it is? It's mikfoz's. He wants you dead.
How this idiot got super moderator is unknown, although it's probably because he made some shitty review for Garry's Mod, proving that you don't have to be mature to moderate Facepunch, you just have to make something for Garry to fap to and he'll give you access to everything.
EDIT: Permabanned himself.
Firerain was unbanned on Garry's birthday. He was the best member Facepunch ever had by far. He could make all the awesome lulzy posts he wanted and not get banned. Unfortunately, Facepunchers hated him, proving their commitment to faggotry. Garry had made an order to not ban him, though. The reason for this is that the users were getting pissed about getting banned all the time for stupid trivial shit, and the mods simply wanted people to accept their banhammer fetish. After a short while, Garry permabanned Firerain, proving his commitment to faggotry. Facepunchers proceeded to make alt accounts and spam the living shit out of the forums with "UNBAN FIRERAIN" and shit like that. Lulzy, but only for the lulz-starved.
The Hezzy Massacre
FIX THIS SECTION, FAGGOTS, IT STILL SUCKS AND I'M FUCKING TIRED.
Quoted from the aptly named "Why Hezzy?"
Most of us weren't shocked by the deserving permabans that Hezzy has been throwing at faggots here on Facepunch. Why aren't anyone stopping him?
To me, the cause of his behavior is unknown, but i suspect a planned attack. It all started with this thread i think:
Then Garry posted a thread that looked like the same kinda thing:
Garry's thread is kinda weird, but funny too. Maybe Garry is a part of it?
Suddenly this thread showed up:
Many members started crying like the little 13 year old cock lickers that they are.
We have lost nothing of value
What made Hezzy do a thing like this? He is supposed to be an idol. He is supposed to be an example of how we are supposed to act. So he did a pretty good job.
Approx. 300 Members were banned that day, most 05'ers. Then many threads sprung up calling for the removal of Hezzy as forum moderator. Most of these were either locked or the maker was banned (that fucking sucks).
Quite frequently an epidemic in FacePunch is the occurrence of depressed 10-year-old MySpace douchebags who lack the life required to do anything more than defend their vent of teen angst known as "MySpace" and then masturbate to their own patriotism before being clobbered by a dump truck sized load of disagree and dumb ratings.
One such MySpace whorefag is a user known as K8_Ghost who made a thread in which "he" defended the sniveling guinea pigs that are the billions of 13-year-old girls populating the perpetual brothel called MySpace, and claimed that all FacePunch users are "insecure, belligerent, sociopath ninnies who only oppose MySpace because they tried it and were too anti-social to take advantage of the gregarious experience that is MySpace". As the definition of MySpace whorefag holds true, K8_Ghost masturbated to his own patriotism shortly before being pummeled by an astronomical behemoth of negative ratings, and will go down in the record books as quite possibly the biggest MySpace whorefag of them all.
Many other emo sociopath MySpace whorefags may lurk the forums, notably Evil_Paper before he allegedly committed suicide (a rumor now known to be a crock of shit), but the cretinous douchebags that make up the population of FacePunch must lay in wait to impudently bombard the next MySpace whorefag to rear its ugly head in the depths of the General Discussion.
June 4, 2008: BATSHIT INSANE
Last Thursday, the Moderator AndyVincent went absolutely batshit insane and banned just about every moderator on the forums including the historic Hezzy, Mikfoz, and Facepunch's one and only, Garry.
He proceeded to ban every mod caught within his ever far-reaching rage until banned by a rather unknown mod (a Moderator whom materialized in the nick of time), and thus his spree of pure win live a mere five minutes... 'Twas only seconds before the masses "freaked the fuck out." With the most of the mods banned, the moderators left behind in AndyVincent's attack fought back. They began to ban people left and right, ripping and tearing at all that could have been in on the assrape. A truly sad day that was indeed.
Glock_Fag: The worst Facepunch Newfag
In the 26th of August 2008, an user permabanned for Warez, TNTX32, posted an awesome thread in the Refugee Camp about how awesome he is and how his spelling is great. He has a newfag post, that looked like a bunch of Unicode Characters together, the worst English ever (Think has what are you doing for all the newbies on gmod garry!!!), he's a complete newfag, wants to be a moderator of Facepunch. Registered just to follow some of his "friends" there, because there was some of his "French Friends" registered. Also it's a known forum. So like the half of 13 year old Jewfags, he registered. After 1 Month he pissed off and made a thread about an Half-Life 2: Episode Two model that he ever wanted to get. All he get was a permaban by the Super-Moderator mikfoz (today a Ghost old-fart), and then bitching in the Refugee Camp, like all the permabanned newfags on Facepunch. He also played with the user backfoggen by stealing his username on over 9,000 alts accounts that are all banned today. None of those got his main accounts banned and TNTx32 remains a french [faggot]. Some months later, he went under the name of backhead, with _Kilburn (his worst enemy), insulting him and picking him in the Funny RC posts thread to prove to people he's a 9 year old NewFag, but no one was listening to him. They just gave him an agree rating, then getting out of Facepunch. Because they don't want to get some problems. Just after he made 20 alts accounts and finally made Glock_Man, today a faggot that won't get out of the OIFY (now TBA, the bEars Asshole). SHACK! Spammed all the threads, getting instabanned, making 250 alts to ask backfoggen about the OIFY Pinknipples then ZINGs!, typical rating whoring, etc... Everyone was hating him and Mudkipslol spammed people to add him to their ignores list. After a Steam Meeting to piss of people a secret C.I.A thread was created by Nerdboy, including some Steam Conversations. TNTX32 didn't rage at all. He just did not find something to say. Butthurter, Dr.C (Chrome Fag), Nerdboy, Greeman, AfuzzyBunny, Iced, mm3guy, and some other people did some things to get him out. But lemmoW came under his 5000 alts to finally getting a superban, thanks you Garry!!!
SUPEREDIT 2: glock_man written this article by himself and he's really interested to it
EDIT: Permabanned on a lot of accounts now, backhead is now the head account. This faggot is not a faggot, because he do not want to get out, he wastes time on Facepunch studios since August.
Shortly: TNTX32 is a faggot does not like the OIFY and want to reverse Facepunch using 20 alts accounts.
"THE FACEPUNCH IS FUCKING VERRY ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ADMINS, READ THIS OR YOU ARE GOUING TO GET MURDERED! ARE YOU A PLACE TO LEARN LUA COZ GOOGLE CANT ANSWER THAT PWNED. DONT MAKE A THREAD DONT RESPECT THE RULES ETC." The official thread: TNTX32 bitch about how Facepunch is Warez Community 
The thread, has over 1,500 views today. Comments from Facepunch Users:
First, why the facepunch is verry angry? priceless >>>> ZomBuster
Nice spelling and grammar. >>> thatguy56
awinnarisme >>> This just made my day. Think has what you are doing garry!
RNotYou3 >>> I fell out of my chair laughing when I found this
thefrenchsim >>> I think he used Babelfish.
YoMother >>> Yes, I am a place to learn LUA.
Drsalvador >>> DONT PICK ON HIM HES MY FRENCH FRIEND SHIT
TestECull >>> lololol thats not something for being an idiot
T-Minus10 >>> Why's your friend very angry ?
postal >>> BEAST THREAT
dryer-lint >>> :bees: The Facepunch is VERRRY angry! :bees:
mastermaul >>> THIS IS EPIC FAIL SPARTA !
tepholman >>> JESUS CHRIST THE FACEPUNCH IS ANGRY, WE MUST CALM IT I don't suppose anyone here is a place to learn Lua?
Sindri335 >>> AWESOME THREAD MOST OF REPLIES ARE FUCKING FUNNY
GunFox >>> i hate you so i ban you for no reazon so gurant think everyone need to ban you and you tell that to hezzy that tell it to garry and i got ip banned im a pro dick
_Kilburn >>> Oh, hahahaha, now that's awesome. Other French members here and I know that guy, he is well known for being the most retarded kid God has ever created. I really didn't expect he would be posting here. :v:
Just after TNTX32 come back with an account "backhead" but no one ban him for violating Rule 9.
TNTX32 : Ultimate Edition, The Best of 2009
It's not finished! Now offline on Steam but for some reason he wanted to attention whore in Iced is Cheap (niggafaggot racist useless shitty group - TNTX32), though Iced is totally not cheap. So he got in, bitched about himself, and for some reason, made REAL GOLD. You can get this "gold" here: [. Those faggotfuckers like Hillo haven't stopped to storm-chase TNTX32, like it's a funhouse tornado around Steam.
ATTENTION: Talking with TNTX32 for more than 1 Hour will make you Dumb for 1 Hour.
"Also, why are you wasting your time at reading this SHIT ? Go do something like legal spamming."
June 25, 2008: Batshit insane V2
The mod Pr3dator decided to give Facepunch a goodbye gift... BAN THE FUCK OUT OF ALL MODS, but this time he didn't fail like AndyVincent as he managed to get everyone, he then proceeded to say "LOL YOUR GOD IS GONE, PRECEDE WITH THE LULZ AND HAVE FUN LOLWAT", after that he banned everyone that replied saying "HAI THAR, U AL WEN BANN0RZ", then every 13 year old boy that posts on facepunch setup a SUPER SECRET RESISTANCE, and was remaining loyal to God. They mostly replied "ZOMG GET OT DA BUNKA", "ABANDON THIS SH1P!!!!1111!!!1!1ONE" "W3 B3N H4X0RZD AG41N", "S0M30N30RZ C411 G4RRY, 4ND H3ZZY Z3 NAZI". They even thought of asking 4chan for help! Some dumbasses called the admins (NUMBER BELOW LOL!) and garry finally banned the godly genius, with a cock-snapping "Game Over". Facepunch was still in shambles and many members were masturbating all over their keyboards, shouting nigger, and other various banwords. Facepunch is still in shambles today, and surprisingly, a slightly better forum. GAME OVER GAME OVER Then the survivors all made I SURVIVED OMG!!!! Avatars as if someone gives a shit.
THE REAL HACK OF FP
June 25, 2008, a pair of guys black person and pawnstick (who had hacked FP before, and banned garry! But garry removed that from the ban logs like a faggot so his followers would still worship him, not only that but a week before this, they had hijacked Moderators account.)got a hold of a Super Admins password and began fucking up FP beyond repair. Facepunch had setup a SUPER SECRET RESISTANCE, and was remaining loyal to God. They even thought of asking 4chan for help! Some dumbasses called the admins (NUMBER BELOW LOL!) and garry finally banned the godly genius, with a cock-snapping "Game Over". Facepunch was still in shambles and many members were masturbating all over their keyboards, shouting nigger, and other various banwords. Facepunch is still in shambles today, and surprisingly, a slightly better forum.
Today it's as if it never happened but nerds still jack off about it using their own shit as lube.
The Hezzy Massacre II: Superlove Supreme
After the aforementioned shitstorm caused by Hezzy, he went silent for awhile, leaving many to believe that he had left the forums for good. However, one day, thread popped up:
"Superlove Supreme" was discovered to be the same "account" as Hezzy, just renamed now to a semi-obscure 1984 reference.
The Great Romination of '09
Sometime Last Thursday, Hezzy was bored out of his mind and (probably) very high, and had a sudden epiphany: "Maybe I should hold nominations for GD mod to make it less shit!"
So he made a thread holding nominations for the GD mod. Of course, GD faggots and Fats Threads retards alike went and spammed the thread with at least 100 posts nominating JohnnyMo1. The Gods at CCoF then decided to take advantage of the situation, and all of a sudden HOLY SHIT CRAPTASKET IS THE SECOND MOST NOMINATED PERSON IN THE THREAD.
GDfags knew something was wrong when this happened and rushed for the bandwagon calling him an 'OIFYFAG LOL' and telling him he had no chance of winning the election, severely trying (and failing) to butthurt Crapbasket. The CCoF chat took up that challenge, and on Election day made over 9000 alts using many e-mail services including GMX, trashmail and Gmail, then when failing resorted to using James' server designed just for that (HOW CONVENIENT).
The GDfags then spammed poor Hezzy's PM box with messages like "OMG THEY R CRATING ALTS THEYRE CHEATING BAN BAN BAN BAN BAN" or something of the matter. JohnnyMo1 and Bean-O started cutting themselves aswell (how humble) and posting "I'm keeping my cool here but what they're doing is wrong" replies to the thread.
About 12 hours later, the poll had ended with Crabsasket 80 votes ahead of JohnnyMo1 and about 230 ahead of Bean-O. The close race ended and Hezzy, who was apparently sleeping, came two hours later and "counted the votes". It turned out that Hezzy made no one a mod and decided to then hold nominations for a global mod instead, and this time no alt voting is allowed.
The Massive Fuckuperry of Star Wars Day
On Star Wars day 2009, Garry decided that Facepunch would be better if it didn't work at all. It was possibly the best decision he ever had in his entire life, but due to the hours of bawwwwwwing by Facepunch fanboys, he decided to put it back up after a few days but make it run incredibly slow just to spite everyone like the heartless bastard he is.
On 8/15/10, some hackers decided it would be epic lulz to hack Facepunch. An unknown person got into 2 Super Moderator accounts, and lulz is currently ensuing. Over 9000 people were banned, and garrysmod.com was h4x0red into dust. We still don't know who this hacker is, but we recommend garry to become an hero.
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Puns in the News Section
It appears you get banned for making puns aka quick witted jokes about the news topic in the news section, which brings us to the point that the mods have no sense of humour or get trolled every easily.