Fan death

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Innocent civilians fleeing the evil fans.
Fans can be very deadly.
This Pokémon is possibly the most terrifying to the azn Community.

Fan death occurs when a person, usually a South Korean, is killed by a fan (an electrically-powered spinning thing, not a fanboy, although the latter is also possible). These deaths by fan only occur to Azns, most of whom happen to be Gooks. When an electric fan is left running overnight in a closed room, it can kill those inside by means of suffocation, poisoning, or hypothermia. Even though it violates the Law of Thermodynamics, fans suck air out of closed rooms (Some theorize that fans create miniature black holes in closed environments, even though fans blow air, not suck. This explains how air can quickly vanish through a closed room.) and considerably lower the temperature (ignore your thermostat; it lies). Koreans, and Azns in general, have slanted eyes, which significantly decreases wind resistance while substantially increasing its velocity, thus making Azns more susceptible to fan death. It is unknown why it most frequently happens to South Koreans as opposed to other Azns, but it may stem from the fact that many Koreans seal off their rooms to protect them from evil spirits and things that would distract them from pwning in Warcraft and other online games. Also, many South Koreans are known to be drunkards, smokers, pot-heads, and opies, which increases their chances of death by fan. Fan death is also caused by air conditioners and fans in cars, so some Koreans leave their car windows open a crack to avoid this unpleasant death, though not often enough, as evidenced by the surge in deaths caused by fans. Modern fans manufactured and sold in South Korea now come equipped with a timer switch that turns them off after a set number of minutes, which consumers are frequently urged to set when going to sleep with a fan on, to combat this deadly epidemic that is sweeping the nation.

Theories[edit]

The following are notable theories by South Korean professionals, including medical experts, as to how fans cause death. This may account for why South Korean college degrees don't count for shit in America, although many South Koreans counter by saying that Americans have large, piggy eyes.

  • An electric fan creates a vortex, which sucks the oxygen from the enclosed and sealed room and creates a partial vacuum inside.
  • The fan uses up the oxygen in the room and creates fatal levels of carbon dioxide (i.e. more carbon dioxide is magically created simply by blowing air around).
  • If the fan is put directly in front of the face of the sleeping person, it will suck all the air away, preventing one from breathing (you'd think it would actually blow air towards the person).
  • Fan blades chop up oxygen molecules Tae Kwon Do-style so that the air is no longer breathable, thus resulting in suffocation.
  • Fans cause hypothermia, which can only be caused by freezing the guts, not merely the skin's surface like fans do.
  • Sleeping on the floor of a recessed first floor building with dust and a fan on, you gonna suck mold. Korean mold, no less.
  • All of these very likely factors combined can also cause fan death.

Classified government research, however, strongly suggests that these deaths are simply sleep paralysis occurring along the vector of the DOUBLE NIGGER, which is drawn to the vortices created by fans compounded by DOUBLE NIGGER's inexplicable affinity for Korean ass.

Media is always right[edit]

The South Korean media frequently reports cases of fan death, which is backed up by lots of perfect evidence, as seen by this July 28, 1997, excerpt from the Korea Herald:

The heat wave which has encompassed Korea for about a week, has generated various heat-related accidents and deaths. At least 10 people died from the effects of electric fans which can remove oxygen from the air and lower body temperatures.…
On Friday in eastern Seoul, a 16-year-old girl died from suffocation after she fell asleep in her room with an electric fan in motion. The death toll from fan-related incidents reached 10 during the past week. Medical experts say that this type of death occurs when one is exposed to electric fan breezes for long hours in a sealed area. “Excessive exposure to such a condition lowers one’s temperature and hampers blood circulation. And it eventually leads to the paralysis of heart and lungs,” says a [very intelligent] medical expert.
“To prevent such an accident, one should keep the windows open and not expose oneself directly to fan air,” he advised.

External links[edit]

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Fan death is related to a series on AZNS.

[Domo ArigatoHerrow]

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