Far Cry

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Far Cry is a series of sandbox FPS games with nothing in common. The series is fast becoming the Final Fantasy of FPS games. Every game contains a hot airhead who fawns over your virile masculinity.


What they promised.
What we got.

Far Cry 1[edit]

Crytek's original design called for aliens coming to earth and resurrecting Dinosaurs in order to take over the earth. This was totally radical, and very, very German. Unfortunately, focus testing showed non-German audiences, the non-Aryan scum that they are, were unable to comprehend the radical dynamics. So a plot about a crazy white Democrat senator turning everyone into screaming monkey monsters with claws was substituted. The game has an active modding community, most of whom are Russian.

How to make a popular Far Cry mod[edit]

  • Steal textures from STALKER.
  • Steal models from STALKER.
  • Steal sound effects from STALKER.
  • Throw them together in the Sandbox editor.
  • ????
  • PROFIT!

Memes and Tropes[edit]

Hawaiian shirts - Far Cry tried to make them cool, just like Grand Theft Auto: Vice City before it. It failed miserably. But Jack is smart - he wears a bulletproof vest over his blazing multicoloured stealth shirt.

Why are there aliens in my Goldeneye? - Long ago, in 2000, Rareware discovered some of their fanbase objected to science fiction elements appearing halfway through an otherwise dull and ordinary videogame. However, Crytek, biting down on some tender sausage, decided that this was a trope they would use again and again in the future. See Crysis. In Far Cry, fights against cunning human AI are replaced with fights against mutants of various shapes and sizes with instakill attacks and no headshot hit detection. Fun times. Oh, and they can't swim because Crytek never bothered to give them animations, so instead they die INSTANTLY upon contact with water.

Far Cry - Console Lamer Edition[edit]

Crytek left their baby in the pram for a few minutes while they went to buy some fags. When they returned, it had been stolen by Canadians and turned into a bastardised Xbox spinoff named Far Cry: Instincts, with dumbass boss battles, horrible bugs, but sweet-ass water effects. A PS2 version was planned, but Ubisoft were too lame to get the game running with 32MB of ram.

Far Cry 2[edit]

Far Cry in Africa, developed by Canadians, and has nothing to do with the original game. Even worse than Far Cry: Instincts. Has lots of meaningful choices, but you always become an hero at the end.

Far Cry 3[edit]

Norcry.jpg

The Canadians shat over the Pacific this time. This is the Terminator 3 of Far Cry games, the Alien: Resurrection of Far Cry games. Far Cry 3 was criticized by wanker game journalists for being racist, discriminating against homosexual rapists, and reinforcing the 'white messiah myth'. Because as we all know, no white person in real life has ever become a warrior fighting on behalf of people who are not white. This myth is perpetuated by totally fictional people like T. E. Lawrence. If it pisses off the liberal atheist clique that is games journalism, it must be awesome. It also got a spinoff called Far Cry 3: Blood Dragon about dragons on their period and filled to the brim with pop culture references.

In reality, all you do in Far Cry 3 is kill the same 4 enemies, fight off animals, craft useless shit, take over viewpoints (like in Assassin's Creed) and that's about it. Good job wasting 60 bucks you prick.

Far Cry 3 teaches several important life lessons, such as:

  1. How to skin an endangered animal in order to turn it into a wallet for your blood money.
  2. All heroic people speak with a New Zealand accent. All pussies speak with an American accent. All backstabbers speak with an African accent. And all homosexual rapists speak with an Australian accent. Remember this well.
  3. A dingo and a dog, despite being pretty much the same animal, cannot be turned into the same kind of bag. For some reason.

Far Cry 4[edit]

This time, you're in the Himalayas in a country in the middle of a civil war. The antagonist is some middle aged faggot with a weird haircut. It turns out he's the good guy though, and he was going to help you lead the nation anyways. You can unlock this True ending, by standing around with your thumb up your ass for 15 minutes after he leaves the dinner table, where he returns and allows you to become the next leader or whatever.

Far Cry Primal[edit]

Just a few years after 4 came out, they're out with another fucking game. This time, you play as a Cave man as you fight against giant mammoths, man-eating cats, etc.

Far Cry 5[edit]

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Nuvola
Moar info: Far Cry 5.

Some time in 2017, a year of intense shitstorms, they waited until people were at peak autism and announced their latest project. Basically, you're in some rural Montana area where crazy fundamentalist christfags take over everything and murder everyone who doesn't conform to their twisted world view. So you have to kill the cultists and shit. What russled the jimmies was that in this game, instead of killing brown people, you have to take out white Christians. Obviously, the alt-right fags panties were tangled up like crazy because of this, as would any SJWs if the game' essence was inverted. Either way, expect another copy-paste of the already-outdated formula that is any ubisoft game ever.

As the game releases on March 2018, the SJW game journalists from Kotaku, Polygon, and The Guardian got butthurt over Far Cry 5 so bad that they try to tank the Metacritic score down because it wasn't the alt-right white male nazi killing simulator they thought it would hopefully be. Archive today-ico.png Ben Kuchera Kuckera of Polygon Polycucks wrote a negative review about Far Cry 5 and gave it a 6.5/10, though it's okay of Polygon to think of their dicks by giving SJW game Depression Quest a much higher score and a Top 500 Greatest Games list.

Far Cry: The Movie[edit]

When plans for a Far Cry movie adaption were announced, fans were understandably concerned, worried that the project would be given to a talentless hack with no respect for the subject matter and an obsession with Nazism and car chases. Fortunately, their fears were unfounded, because the project was given to critically acclaimed cinematic auteur Uwe Boll. The film is regarded as one of the best films ever, and possibly even better than Boll's Bloodrayne III.

See Also[edit]

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