Far Cry 5
Far Cry 5: Cry Fartherer is a sandbox first person shooter game that is scheduled to be released on March 27, 2018, for the PC, PlagueStation 4 and X-Bone. The game is the eleventeenth entry in Ubisoft's Far Cry franchise and only the fifth entry in the notoriously shovelware-filled series that Ubisoft felt was good enough to actually deserve a number. Unlike previous installments in the series which all revolved around shooting up savage islanders or Azns, this time you finally get to hunt down good ol' Muricans.
Far Cry 5's plot revolves around a religious cult called The Project at Eden's Gate taking over Montana and murdering anyone who doesn't accept JAAAAAYSUS into their hearts or who defies the will of Eden's Gate's leader, a batshit crazy redneck who calls himself "The Father" (Powerword: Joseph Seed). You play as a deputy who is tasked with killing the fuck out of Eden's Gate because President Donald Trump didn't think that it would be worth it to send in the goddamn U.S. Space Marines to save the people of Montana from being murdered and enslaved by a single family of inbred militant crackers.
Immediately following the release of the game's original reveal trailer in 2017, the internets' usual anti-gamer SJW scum praised the game for finally including the option to play as either of the two existing genders and because they believed that the game's plot was going to be pure, unadulterated, Anti-Trump propaganda that would let them take out their seething inner-rage on white people that they disagree with politically. Upon learning that the game is actually based more on Waco than on the election of Führer Drumpf, however, they quickly changed their tune and went back to bashing the game for being too violent, not being liberal propaganda, only including two gender options and not featuring enough racial diversity to use as target practice.
In recent years, dickish video game publishers often end up pushing overpriced "limited edition" bundles that usually include the game, the inevitable zombies DLC that will be shat out within 6 months, a stupid SteelBook case that will get dinged faster than Nikki Catsouras' Porsche and other assorted plastic crap that can include figures that you can jizz on or even fucking refrigerators. Being the absolute Jews that they are, Ubisoft decided to release half-a-dozen different editions of Far Cry 5, each with different assortments of crap that you definitely don't need.
The Virgin Normal Edition
For $59.99 you can be a fucking n00b and buy the normal edition of the game so you'll have to spend $29.99 on the season pass if you ever want to play the DLC.
The Season Pass
For $29.99 you can purchase the Season Pass and get access to the DLC Far Cry 5: Dead Living Zombies, Far Cry 5: Hours of Darkness and Far Cry 5: Lost on Mars. You also get a "free" copy of Far Cry 3, which was easily the worst game in the franchise.
The Chad Deluxe Edition
For $69.99 you can buy the Far Cry 5 Deluxe Edition which includes some stupid "exclusive" in-game items that will inevitably end up being included in the GotY edition in a couple years despite being "exclusive preorder bonuses".
The Jewgold Edition
For $89.99 you can buy the Far Cry 5 Gold Edition which includes the deluxe edition extras and the season pass.
The Steal Your Gold Edition
For $99.99 you can buy the Far Cry 5 SteelBook Gold Edition which is just the gold edition with a SteelBook case thrown in for an extra 10bux.
The EBGames Deluxe Edition With Extra Crap
For $99.99 you can buy the EBGames exclusive Far Cry 5 Deluxe SteelBook Edition which includes a soundtrack CD, a map of a fictional county in Montana and a SteelBook case. Being the "Deluxe Edition" it doesn't feature the season pass and forces you to shell out another 30bux or so if you want the DLC.
The Girlvinyl Edition
Also for $99.99 you can buy the Far Cry 5 X Mondo Edition which includes a fucking vinyl soundtrack because Ubisoft are too square to get with the times and move to LaserDisc. This edition doesn't even include the fucking season pass.
The Fuck Me Daddy Edition
For $159.99 you can buy the Far Cry 5 The Father Edition which includes a soundtrack CD, a map of a fictional county in Montana, a cardboard box and a 12-inch figure of The Father that you can cum all over.
The Baphomet Edition
For $179.99 you can buy the Far Cry 5 Hope County Edition which replaces the stupid figure with a Satanic deer skull that you can mount on your wall.
The Resistance With Keith Olbermann Edition
For $199.99 you can buy the Gamestop exclusive Far Cry 5 Resistance Edition which includes a bandana, a pin, postcards, a koozie and a "premium statue" that you can jizz all over. This edition was actually "cancelled", but Gamestop probably has about 5,000 of them in a warehouse and will start selling them on eBay for $20,000 a pop.
The Game of the Year Edition
For $59.99 and several years of patience you can buy the Far Cry 5 Game of the Year Edition and get all the DLC and deluxe content included for the same price that the day-one losers paid for just the base game.
Far Cry Should Go Back To Africa
Far Cry: Trump's America
—An enlightened twat on GameFAQs
- Polygon thought it would hopefully be in the first place. - Because it's not the Alt-Right Killing Simulator
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