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Faulty Logic

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Faulty Logic refers to a set of eighteen holes in the arguments typically presented by Christians, Atheists, Republicans, liberals, niggers, jews, deviantautists, furries and other mouth-breathers. As a flame war technique, it is surprisingly ineffectual against those most vulnerable to it, because telling people that they're stupid doesn't tend to convince them. However, it can still be used casually, however, as an effective tool for putting your opponent on guard and costing them extra mental anguish by making them have too look up shit in order to prove you wrong. Example:

Prima: If we don't ban the furries, next we'll have the diaperfurs in here.
Secunda: BZZZT! Slippery slope!

A more complete example of the Slippery Slope as faulty logic is contained in Pastor Martin Niemöller's totally clichéd shitty little poem, known off by heart by generations of libtards, which goes as follows:

   
 
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Socialist.


Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

 


 
 

Since the Slippery Slope is faulty logic, this means that the entire poem is bullshit, you would be stupid to believe it, and therefore since it is all lies the "Holocaust" never happened. And as proof of this, Martin Niemöller lived unti 1984, when he died peacefully in his sleep aged 92, despite claiming in his poem that he was killed too. The Jews and their lies: Nevar forget.

A non-fallacious version of Niemöller's shitty poem would have gone like this:

   
 
First they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— because the Jews were obnoxious parasites.


Then they came for the niggers, and I did not speak out— because I was pretty happy with that.

Everything improved from then on and they didn't need to come for anyone else.

 


 
 

By and large crying "Faulty Logic!" is a great way of working really hard to make yourself look like a complete nerd. Nonetheless, here it is for posterity.

Fallacy Example BZZT!
False Analogy 711chan has an /i/. 4chan doesn't have an /i/, and they get on fine without it. 4chan users are too busy posting THE BEST and bitching about each other to organize.
False Premise Everyone wants to get laid. GHB will get you laid. Therefore, everyone should buy Aqua Dots. Not everyone wants to be pwnt in the ass by Bubba.
Red Herring Wikipedia admins are great. They revert and delete new pages every day! Assumes good faith on the part of the Wikipedos.
Ad hominem Roger shouldn't be allowed within two miles of children. He's a furry. Ad hominem, although totally justified in this case.
Genetic Fallacy Roger shouldn't be allowed to go to Anthrocon. He's a diaperfur. Simular to ad hominem, and likewise totally justified in this case.
Appeal To Pity Children are abused on the Sea Org by locking them in the hold, and you call us "Protestfags!" Similar to red herring. Regardless of Child Abuse, holding up a "LONGCAT IS LONG LOL" sign still makes you a fag.
Appeal To Ignorance 12chan must have no pedophiles at all - nobody there has ever been v& for cp! Pedobear is a crafty beast.
Either/Or Fallacy If we don't put all the black people in prison, they'll steal our televisions. Assumes that putting black people in prison will stop them from stealing televisions.
Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc People get CP from 12chan. Therefore, reading 12chan turns you into a pedophile. Post Hoc, Ergo Propter Hoc. Many 12chan users read ED too - does reading ED make you look at CP?
Concurrence Fallacy Emo kids listen to My Chemical Romance, and many of them become An Hero. Therefore, listening to My Chemical Romance makes you kill yourself. Not everybody who listens to My Chemical Romance kills themselves. But they should.
Personified Abstraction History tells us that six million died during the Holocaust. "History," does not "Tell" us anything, revisionist sympathizers do.
Ill-Founded Generalization I surf 4chan every Saturday. I can tell it's a great place to get pictures of cats. If you went on Friday you may come to the conclusion that it was a furry site.
Non-Sequitur People who surf 12chan are bigger pedos than those who surf 4chan. Roger surfs 12chan. Roger should be arrested as a pedophile. Roger may have already run a magnet over his hard drive.
Circular Reasoning (Tautology) Joshua is a Jew because he always tricks people out of money. The correct syntax should be Joshua always tricks people out of money because he is a Jew.
Begging The Question Places like Wikipedia should require email login. Conceals a second argument. Wikipedia cannot ask for email login, or Jimbo would not be able to walk around with a giant moral hardon. The argument is really "Wikipedia should require email login."
Equivocation Anonymous is morally neutral. Sean says "But I really care about Chanology." Therefore, Sean is not an Anon. Anonymous contains moralfags, protestfags, newfags and oldfags, but the most annoying of all are the ones who whine "Internet hive mind!" and tell people where to get off.
Appeal To Wrong Authority Sarah went to ITT Tech, and she says big colleges like Harvard aren't that great. SERIOUSLY wrong authority.
Slippery Slope Don't let your kids watch Rescue Rangers. They'll end up going furry for Gadget and asking you for a fursuit. One thing does not necessarily follow another. But it does. It totally fucking does.
Shifting Burden of Proof PROVE ME WRONG It will get you banned on 4chan, PROVE ME WRONG.
Sea-lioning When a guy thinks sexual thoughts about me he's committing MIND RAPE. If someone's thinking sexy about you it has no bearing on you and you wouldn't even know unless they told you. Simply assuming they are thinking sexy thoughts about you is USI at best and sexist paranoia at worst.


Faulty Logic is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
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Featured article July 16, 2008
Preceded by
Sonmanic
Faulty Logic Succeeded by
Daniele Fiorenza