Fire Emblem

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He's almost like...Bridget's older brother or something...

Fire Emblem is a fantasy/strategy game that was, for a good long while, playable only by Japs or import-happy weeaboos. Most of the characters are hot, bishie men. But after the success of Super Smash Bros. Melee, which featured two Lords from the series, Nintendo decided that the weeaboo quotient was sufficient for them to bring over the series to America, creating a new generation of autistic, elitist fanboy scum. Fire Emblem is the Smash Bros. for Nintendo obsessed autists who are too slow and clumsy to play fighting games and too dumb and ignorant to play the far superior Chess.

How to play[edit]

At its very basic level, Fire Emblem games are played as follows:

  1. Select one of your guys.
  2. Order them to do something, like move, attack a bad guy, heal one of your guys or some other crazy shit.
  3. Repeat until someone has been killed by the faulty RNG.
  4. Enemy gets a turn and shits all over your face because you fail at strategy games.
  5. Repeat until you win or lose the battle.
  6. ???
  7. PROFIT

The Random Number Generator[edit]

This bit of code, abbreviated as the RNG, is at the core of every Fire Emblem game. It generates random numbers to determine numerous things that happen when you play and it is something the Fire Emblem fandom obsesses over. The RNG is a fickle thing, often making people miss when they have a 99% chance to hit and enemies will score hits with a 10% chance.

These common Fire Emblem related videos on YouTube will depict a character kicking loads of ass or getting utterly pwnt, based entirely on the RNG's whims. This is exacerbated by the fact that character death is permanent, so you just lost half an hour of progress to a dice roll. The RNG is a great troll and has caused many a frustrated nerd to enter fits of extreme virgin rage.

The Games[edit]

The Story[edit]

Your average fight scene in Fire Emblem.

The overall plot structure of Fire Emblem games has not changed one bit throughout the series. All of the games use this template:

  1. Evil nation nearly conquers the entire continent.
  2. The hero goes to war against said nation while gathering miscellaneous people with one single defined personality trait to help him out.
  3. Conspiracy and generic boss guys abound, then insert some shit about incest and holy blood.
  4. At some point, there's a plot twist and the hero will often FINALLY promote, though it'll be too damn late in the game for him to be useful.
  5. The hero and his army defeat the king of the enemy nation.
  6. If the bad king was not the final boss, then they go kill the final boss, which is usually a big bad dragon.

A typical level[edit]

The enemy has at least four times as many units as you do, and all of them have the stupidest AI ever seen in a strategy game. A few will charge towards your guys with no regard if it can even deal any damage and end up killing themselves, while the others just stand idle until you get in their movement range.

Since this makes the game a no-brainer, they decided to throw in such bullshit like a dozen of new enemies appearing out of nowhere with no indication whatsoever, which may cause you to restart the level due to an ensuing cheap death. There's usually a boss standing at the end point, which often heals it, who gives tons of EXP. This can be abused by not killing the boss but letting it recover. Eventually their weapons will break and become sitting ducks to milk for even more EXP if you really have nothing better to do.

The lords[edit]

Lol, he's not wearing pants!
The necessary Rule 34.

The lord characters in Fire Emblem barely have any more changes to them than the general story of the games themselves. They generally suck overall due to not being able to promote when you want them to. Common traits of Lord characters include swords, blue hair, capes, royalty, not being optional characters during chapters and causing the game to end when they die.

  • Alm: One of the Lords from Fire Emblem Gaiden, a game that noone knows about. Fans often argue about his actual hair color (it's green on the box art, but blue in the game LOL JK THE REMAKE CONFIRMED ITS GREEN). Unlike Marth, who wears no pants, Alm wears armored pants and has an oversized crotch guard.
  • Celica: The other lord from Fire Emblem Gaiden, and just as irrelevant as Alm.
  • Leaf: Celice's cousin and the star of his own sidestory game. Also has a name that may or may not fit his gender. First and only lord to date to have a natural hair color that could be seen IRL without use of dye or other treatment. Unfortunately, he's also the worst lord ever conceived.
  • Lyn: Typical animu katana-wielding no-personality female character. Fans only like her because she's the first female lord in an English Fire Emblem game and is a lord version of the Swordmaster class (which every fan of this series weeaboogasms over). She's also half-Sacaen, who are basically the game's equivalent of the Mongols. Also a closet lesbian with Florina.
  • Hector: Eliwood's buttbuddy who slept during all of his classes. He and Eliwood have sparring matches on a regular basis. Is quick to anger and aggression because his parents died when he was young and his older brother was too busy ruling the country to play with him. Has blue hair, is royalty, wears a cape, wields axes (ZOMG PLOT TWIST) and is killed by Zephiel's armies in the Binding Blade. See? Eliwood fucked up pretty bad.
  • Ephraim: Eirika's twin and the only lord to date to wield lances at the start. Early on, he takes on an entire country with only three soldeirs at his side. Yeah, he's not that interesting compared to everyone else, save for the incest ending and having a loli dragon constantly by his side.
Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance: Rated T for Teen.
  • Ike: The ONLY lord to date to not have any connections to royalty. Ike's a mercenary troop leader who's famous for fighting for his friends and becoming insanely buff over the course of two games, which actually also makes him the only lord that is capable of surviving on his own. A few years ago, Ike attacked the Gulf of Mexico with the ferocity of a hurricane.
  • Elincia: The princess of Crimea. Her father kept her hidden because he was ashamed of her, but she joined Ike and was only useful as a healer when she did. She can often be seen crying because Ike allegedly wants to spend his nights with his buttbuddy Soren instead of her.
  • My Unit: In order to make the second remake more interesting, Intelligent Systems added the feature to create an in-game version of yourself (or your "fan-character", if you're one of those fuckheads).
    • He/she is apparently a childhood friend of Marth and has the personality of a pencil eraser. You can also choose his/her class. Male characters become cockblocked by not being able to make a swordmaster without using the shitty reclass feature. Also, the default designs have...you guessed it, blue hair.
  • Chrom: In order to make the newest Fire Emblem appeal to a broader audience, Nintendo looked through Square Enix's Final Fantasy reject bin to find an absolute clusterfuck of a costume design, slapped blue hair and a cape on it, and did the same with the rest of the cast. Chrom in particular has been known to throw tantrums in order to make the RNG let him use a special attack.
  • Lucina: MARTH IS A GIRL AND ALSO ISN'T REALLY MARTH AND SHE'S ALSO A TIME TRAVELER! No, seriously, it's so ridiculous that it's not worth putting a spoiler warning up for. Considered primo waifu material by all the basement dwelling newfags whose first Fire Emblem game was Awakening.
  • Avatar (Fates): No one cares about or likes him/her except those who play as him/her in Smash 4. He is also a fucking dumbass since he didn't know that the singer that has the same hair, voice and figure as Azura was in fact, Azura. He also mindelessly follows Garon's orders to kill a bunch of Azns on Conquest or mindlessly kills a bunch of Eurofags in Birthright.
  • Byleth: The MC from the upcoming Fire Emblem: Three Houses. You can choose the gender, but for now, it appears that customizing his/her appearance (such as hair color and shit like that) won't be an option. Is a teacher who will probably get fired for fucking his/her students. A dragon loli named Sothis can communicate with Byleth via telepathy or something, but can also be seen in his room in a physical form. In the five year time skip, Byleth's appearance is completely unchanged aside from the hair which changes from a dull blue to an eye-damaging light yellow.
  • Edelgard: Full name Edelgard von Hresvelg. She is one of the lords of Three Houses, a princess of the Adrestian Empire and leader of the Black Eagles house in the monastery. After the time skip, she gains ugly hair buns, an odd looking crown and a pair of tits as well as becoming the Empress.
  • Dimitri: Another one of the main characters in Three Houses, Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd hails from the Holy Kingdom of Faerghus as its prince and is the head of the Blue Lions house. After the skip his hair transitions from noodle-like to a messy curtain that partially covers his face. He also gains an eyepatch and appears to have a poor sleep schedule.
  • Claude: Last but not least, we have our final Three Houses protagonist. Some say he's a nigger, but he appears to gravitate more towards Puerto Rican fuckboy. Claude von Reigan is set to be the next leader of the Leicester Alliance. His house is called the Golden Deer. Like the others, he also changes appearance after the skip, losing his odd undercut in favor of a full head of slicked back hair while gaining a beard.

Yaoi[edit]

I FUCK MY FRIENDS!

The most significant segment of the fandom are yaoi fangirls. The fandom absolutely CRAWLS with them. Then again, with most of the male characters being hawt animu bishies, it's to be expected.

To attempt to back up their claims, various fans turn to support conversations that characters have during the game. If you care at all, when two units support each other, they will make the character kill stuff more easily or not get pwned as easily. But to build them, the characters have to stand next to each other all the time. In earlier games, they usually ranged from "OMG LET'S BE BFF!" (Usually between characters of the same sex) and "OMG ILU LOTS HAVE SEX W/ME PLZ <3 <3 <3" (Between characters of the opposite sex). While this is usually the case, there are some exceptions that are quite lulzy in nature.



The infamous conversation from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn that sparked hundreds of fanfics and immediately raised questions about the otherwise manly Ike's sexuality. It makes you wonder what Ike really means when he says that he "fights for his friends" (Spoiler: he means to say that he "sleeps with his friends"). It's also worthy of a note that Ike, in spite of having the ruler of a major nation craving his steroid-shrunken cock, only has paired endings with Soren, or a blue-haired laguz with a stupid hat named Ranulf.

Aftermath

Reactions to Games[edit]

As soon as it was first heard that Fire Emblem would be venturing outside of Japan with its next release, fans of Marth and Roy creamed their pants in excitement, especially since the two lord characters appeared to resemble Marth and Roy. This is why every time a new game is announced, there's always some dumbfuck asking "hai gaiz, are marth and roy in dis gaem?".

How they confused the bulky Hector for a pansy like Marth can only be explained by the blue hair (see the list of lords above). When Fire Emblem came to the GBA, it was the best thing to happen to the Western world, but it slowly and steadily declined in popularity, the last high point being the Gamecube game. Since then, some argue that the reason is because it has exactly the same play style every time. Keep in mind that you never hear this complaint about Advance Wars or Super Robot Wars, two games of the same play style that had very few mechanical changes over the course of the series.

By the time Marth finally had a game in English, nobody gave a shit because nobody outside of Yaoi fangirls (who don't have much ammo since the most recent game lacks support conversations) and hardcore FE players liked Fire Emblem any more.

Whenever a new game comes out, fans will constantly argue over the names of the characters from the upcoming games based on their Japanese name. In order to epically troll the weeaboos, Nintendo of America decided to create some lulz by making the characters' English names either completely different (Brad/Vlad from Fire Emblem 10 became Aran), or only just slightly different but still the same name (Jeigan from Fire Emblem 11 became Jagen), both of which piss the fans off greatly. They often retaliate by bitching constantly or by being elitist pricks and continuing to refer to them by their Japanese names.

In the case of classic games, such as FE1 being released as Fire Emblem: Shadow Dragon for the DS, every name (except Marth) was changed, resulting in an endless wave of fantard tears. Now, no true fan of Fire Emblem wants to see their precious Genealogy of the Holy War translated. This proves that members of the Fire Emblem community have fetishes for pedophilia, incest, rape and genocide, all of which would be changed upon localization.

On another note, fans refuse to acknowledge the updated and (slightly) expanded remake of the original Fire Emblem as "Fire Emblem 11", referring to it as a port of the NES title. Little do these fucks realize that if it was in fact a port, it would look exactly the same as it did twenty years ago.

In a nutshell, Fire Emblem fans are dense elitist motherfuckers who cling to the past. Expect to see a lot of this.

Debating[edit]

Average Fire Emblem debater.

Other members of the fandom often partake in character debates, during which they host intelligent discussions about the usefulness and tier-position of their favorite characters, and often feel that they are superior to the rest of the fandom.

Normally, this wouldn't be worth paying attention to, but due to Fire Emblem's English fanbase being the smallest of all of Nintendo's titles, elitist fucktards dominate the communities that host Fire Emblem debates. Some argue that tier-positioning are most used on games that are actually played on tournaments, like Brawl or Pokémon. Fire Emblem is not the case, so it's up to you to decide if a Single Player Game Tier List Debate is actually relevant.

Like all tourneyfags, they claim their method of playing the game is superior and if you play it with any other goals or intentions in mind, you are a casualfag. Despite considering themselves the strategy game equivalent of Napoleon, they are actually ignorant autistic weeaboo failures that couldn't play a wargame or a game of chess to save their lives.

Hardcore FE players ruin the game for everyone else

To be a pro Fire Emblem player and debater, you must do the following:

  • Refer to average stats
  • Play Hard Mode (or Hector Hard Mode, if you're playing the first English Game Boy Advance game)
  • Speed Run. If you don't speed run at all costs, you are a causal failure and should kill yourself immediately.
  • RNG Abuse.
  • Skip arenas.
  • Refer to average stats.
  • Skip exploring and searching for extra material, even if it makes the game easier.
  • Not use the Lord characters.
  • Not use interesting characters that have a personality because they have shit average stats.
  • Call people fags for not using the same character you do.
  • Refer to average stats.
  • Refer to support bonuses.
  • Refer to average stats.
  • Promote characters with high average stats.
  • Refer to average stats.

Those who take part in serious Fire Emblem playing will often use the uninteresting and unoriginal female Lords such as Lyn and Micaiah, the overly aggressive and manly Lords like Ike and Hector and swordmasters that all have the same sword obsessed personality because THER CRITZ IZ SO AWESUM!!!1!11!!! Nobody uses the other classes for reasons that can be summarized as such: they're not swordmasters or skimpily-dressed women. If fans create original characters, it will always be a swordmaster and will be somehow related to Soren. No other classes exist. EVAR.

Prime example: NO DRAGONGURL,SORENxIKE ONLY,FINAL DESTINATION

How to troll FEfags[edit]

While trolling a FEfag may be pointless because of their lack of importance, it may be fun.

1. With every single game

  • Say that you don't use swordmasters because they are shit.
  • Recommend characters based on personality and importance to the story.
  • Emphasize that Wyvern Riders outclass Pegasus Knights (Vice-versa in Binding Blade, Radiant Dawn and Fates).
  • Start ship wars and insult other peoples' OTPs (Fangirls only).
  • Act like you are better at the game than everyone else.
  • Insist that Jagen characters are great and should be on the field every chapter.
  • Flame those who recommend characters because of them having better stats.
  • Call it an Anime reject. (works best in Awakening/Fates threads)

2. Original and Shadow Dragon threads:

  • Say that the DS remake is the superior version of Fire Emblem.
  • Say that Jagen is useless on Hard Mode.
  • Recommend Gordin instead of any other bow unit.
  • Recommend Caeda instead of any other flying unit.
  • Recommend Roshea over Hardin.
  • Recommend Boah over any caster unit.
  • Recommend Bantu over Tiki.
  • Say that Wolf and Sedgar are shit. (Shadow Dragon only)
  • Use the names from the NA version/correct people who use the fan-made names.
  • Insist that Est has some use beyond the Ridersbane and Mercurius in her inventory. (Shadow Dragon only)
  • Express approval with regards to chapters that can only be reached by killing off your own units.
  • Recommend Vyland and Matthis over any other horseback unit.
    • Furthermore, recommend Jagen over Cain and Abel. (Original only)

3. Gaiden and Shadows of Valentia threads:

  • Say that this game is the best in the series. (Gaiden only)
  • Suggest people to keep Mycen and Nomah on the field. (Gaiden only)
  • Recommend Lukas over any other lance unit. (SoV only)
  • Recommend Faye as Alm's pairing over Celica. (SoV only)
  • Recommend Clive over any other unit.
  • Recommend Sonya over Deen.
  • Recommend Luthier over Delthea. (SoV only)
  • Say that Berkut is a terrible villain. (SoV only)
  • Say that the Dread Fighter class is shit.
  • Recommend that all of the villagers should be promoted to soldiers.

4. Heroes of Light and Shadow threads:

  • Say that the real reason the game was never released outside of Japan is because it was so fucking awful.
  • Recommend Arran over Sirius.
  • Recommend using anybody recruited past chapter 10. (With a few exceptions).
  • Suggest that My Unit/Chris is even remotely balanced.
  • Call Belf "Vergil". Fan translations are serious fucking business, after all.
  • Say that the huge player roster in this game is a good thing.
  • Recommend Lunatic Reverse to a first-time player and claim that it's balanced.

5. Genealogy of the Holy War threads:

  • Say that it's the worst game in the series. Guaranteed to work at at least 90% of the time time. Use sparingly.
  • Provide reasons for it being the worst. Some good ones include the chapters being too long, the maps being too big, the story being too dark and mature for a Nintendo game, the characters being underdeveloped, only a few characters being able to use the most powerful weapons, and, last but not least, that the game's technology is obsolete by today's standards (because gamers believe that the Super Nintendo is the BEST CONSOLE EVAR).
  • Imply in any way that you didn't enjoy playing this game.
  • Recommend Holyn over Ayra.
  • Say that Sety is a better Holsety user than Arthur.
  • Say that all the substitute children are amazing.

6. Thracia 776 threads:

  • Say that this game is the easiest game in the series.
  • Recommend Marty over Othin.
  • Recommend Selphina or Ronan over Robert.
  • Recommend Mareeta over Shiva.
  • Recommend Ronan over any other bow unit.
  • Say that Dagdar and Eyvel are excellent units.
Here, take a gander at this picture before reading down the other half of this long list.

7. Binding Blade threads.

  • Create a thread about Lilina's superiority over Lugh.
  • Say that Roy is useful for the whole game and is an excellent lord.
  • Recommend any other thief over Astore.
  • Ask how to promote thieves.
  • Recommend Marcus instead of any other horseback unit. (This also works on most Blazing Blade related topics).
  • Recommend either Sophia or Niime over Raigh.
  • Say how much Lance, Allen and Noah suck.
  • Recommend Wendy over any other Armored unit.
  • Recommend any of the other archers over Shin.
  • Recommend Fir and Ogier over Rutger and Dieck.
  • Recommend Juno over any other flying unit.

8. Blazing Blade threads:

  • Say that Hector sucks ass.
  • Recommend Vaida over Heath.
  • Say that Nino is shit (Excellent measure).
  • Say that Lyn is shit.
  • Say anything even remotely positive about Eliwood.
  • Recommend Erk over Pent.
  • Refer to Lucius with female pronouns.
  • Argue why either Matthew or Legault should be promoted instead of the other.
  • Say that any of the Pegasus knights in this game are shit.
  • Talk about how great of an armored unit Wallace is.
  • Recommend Wallace over Oswin.
  • Recommend Marcus over Sain (Normal mode only).
  • Recommend Karla over any sword user unit.

9. Sacred Stones threads:

  • Say that Ephraim is a terrible lord.
  • Say that this game is the hardest game in the series.
  • Say bad things about Gheb.
  • Say that Joshua's hat is gay/stupid/etc.
  • Recommend Rennac over Colm for combat.
  • Say that Ross, Ewan or Amelia suck.
  • Say that Ewan should be promoted to a Mage Knight.
  • Recommend Amelia should be promoted to a General.
  • Recommend Knoll over any other magic user in the game.
  • Talk about how awesome the secret characters are.
    • Furthermore, recommend the secret characters over other units in Creature Campaign.
  • Say the Assassin class is way better than the Rogue class.
  • Say that Marisa and Joshua are shit.
  • Say that Seth is useless in the whole game and should be benched.
  • Recommend Marisa over Joshua and Gerik (Ephraim Route only).
  • Recommend Syrene over any other flying unit.

10. Radiant Dawn threads, also applies with Path of Radiance:

  • Recommend any of the other mages over Soren.
  • Talk about how Ike sucks.
  • Recommend Sothe over Volke(Path of Radiance Only).
  • Recommend Fiona instead of any other horseback unit.
  • Recommend Meg over any armored unit.
  • Insist that Micaiah is a better lord than Ike. (Radiant Dawn only).
  • Point out the obvious racism in the series' first playable nigger being illiterate and a literal spearchucker.
  • Say that Mia and Nephenee are shit.
  • Recommend Leonardo instead of any other archer unit(Radiant Dawn Only).

11. Awakening threads:

  • Say that Lunatic and Lunatic+ are balanced.
  • Talk about how every other game in the series is better.
  • Say that all the children characters are shit.
  • Say that Henry's puns suck.
  • Look down on people who play casual mode. (Depends on the FE community).
  • Look down on people who haven't played any other game in the series.
  • Recommend Maribelle and the villager girl over Chrom's other potential wives.
  • Recommend Say'ri over Lon'qu.
  • Recommend Tiki instead of any other manakete.
  • Say that Donnel and Morgan suck.
  • Tell everyone how unbeatable your streetpass team is.
  • Be sure to point out how Awakening is Anime: The Game. They will automatically get defensive and go in denial.
  • Say how Galeforce sucks.
  • Recommend Gaius over Anna.

12. Fates threads:

  • Praise the game's English localization and its censorship.
  • Say that Nohr Corrin is an excellent lord in terms of personality.
  • Say the royal characters on both routes are shit.
  • Recommend Setsuna over Takumi.
  • Recommend Rinkah over any other mace/axe unit.
  • Approve the game being DLC: The Game and call out those complaining about it.
  • Recommend the second generation children units over the first generation units.
  • Recommend Subaki over Hinoka.
  • Recommend Gunter over any horseback unit.
  • Recommend Hayato over any other magic unit (Birthright route only).
  • Say that Birthright is better than Conquest in terms in gameplay.
  • Recommend Hana or Hinata over Ryoma.
  • Say that Mozu sucks.
  • Argue why the villains in this game are amazing and better than any other villain in the series.
  • Point out that Corrin and Azura are cousins.
  • Recommend Nyx or Odin over any other magic unit.
  • Say that Forrest is shit.
  • Say that Niles is shit.
  • Praise Effie's English VA.

Memes[edit]

The fatass Gheb in all his glory.

Not unlike most fandoms, the Fire Emblem fandom has its share of failed memes, forced memes, fads and whatnot. Most of these originated on that den of retards, GameFAGs. Here are a few that have managed to spread somewhat:

  • Gheb: A huge, ugly fatass boss with a taste for rape and underage girls from Sacred Stones. Being so, the fans started lauding him as an avatar of manliness and awesome. One such basement dweller went so far as to hack a ROM of the game that made Gheb the star instead of the twins. Of all the memes here, this one has had the most staying power.
  • "The beasts...they wish to consume me!": A line uttered by another boss, this time from'Radiant Dawn; a whiny French dude in armor named Septimus. The line is in reaction to the approach of an army of furries butthurt over years of fursecution.
  • "I am Glass! The Gods fear my name!": Yet another line uttered by a boss. This one comes from Blazing Sword, where a guido bandit named Glass tries to steal a legendary sword so he can become the BEST SWORDSMAN EVER! He winds up being cockblocked by the sword because he can't pull it from its sheath and threatens to unleash the fucking fury on the shrine holding it, only to be violently killed by Lyn, Sain and Kent.
  • Danved is most certainly not Devdan: Yet another one from Radiant Dawn, it features Danved, a nigra in yellow armor who happens to look exactly like Devdan, from Path of Radiance, who is also a nigra in yellow armor. Fans grabbed onto the line like a fag to a juicy, throbbing cock and haven't let go since.

Shipping wars[edit]

There are none, unfortunately. Well, there were until someone figured out they were all canon, since you could pair whoever you want with one another to end the story. That's right, you can whore Lyn out to whoever you want. Nowadays nobody cares about shipping, but STATS ARE SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS!!!

However, this all changed in 2013 when Awakening arrived and generated enough lulz for us to laugh.

Related articles[edit]

As you can see, Danved is most certainly not Devdan.
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