Flat Chan

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Info non-talk.png Flatchan redirects here. For the loli message boards called Flatchan, see Renchan#Flatchan (Renchan 2: Electric Boogaloo).
Flatchantop1.jpg

Flat-Chan is an attention whore/camwhore hybrid that posts her itty-bitty tities on 4chan's /b/ image board. While posting her lack of tits, Flat-chan confuses her many admirers by never posting her face and by never posting her vagoo. This confusion leads to a general outcry from the /b/ populace that she is a "Trap" of some sort, but this is not the case as any normal human being can plainly see it's a chick, on account of you can see parts of her beef curtains in the banner pictured ^ there.


   
 
ALTHOUGH THE TOPIC OF FLAT-CHAN'S GENDR IS GREATLY DEBATED, FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS ARTICLE, LET'S REFFER TO FLAT-CHAN AS A 'SHE' OR IN GENDER NEUTRAL FORMS, FOR THE SAKE OF FAPPING PLEASSURE AND THE PERSUIT OF GREAT JUSTICE.
 

 
 

—Added by some moron who can't spell "pursuit."... or "refer"...

History[edit]

Is this a trap? [Y/N]

Early in 2009, a young person who sported absolutely no breasts at all posted a slew of images on /b/. These pictures were sexy or horrid depending on your sexual bend, but one thing everybody agreed upon was the fact that nobody could tell if the pictures were of a boy or girl. With /b/'s curiosity aroused, a general cry for more pictures containing timestamps, and vagoo/penis were demanded. The original poster obliged for the most part, uploading images that contained close ups of his crotch covered by panties and a few time-stamped pictures. As of this writing, no actual confirmed pictures of a fully exposed penis or a vagina have been posted, but anybody with a working set of eyes can see that the genitals are that of a female's. Anyone who says otherwise is a faggot.

Confusion[edit]

One of the many pictures that lead to confusion...


   
 
Hmm, the toilet paper on the floor has me confused.


 


 
 

—Anon, speculating on Flat-chan's surroundings in an attempt to discern their sex.

Because of the fact that the person depicted in the posted pictures has a very flat chest, many people are confused as to Flat-chan's sexuality. When a Flat-chan thread is posted, the usual crop of basement dwelling, booger-picking morons dig into the new thread with a gusto that can only be described as a bloodthirsty pack of insane piranha descending upon a freshly wounded toddler. Amid the rabid feeding frenzy of fap, several interesting points come up throughout the conversation:

  • If Flat-chan were male, why would their bathroom be so clean?
  • If Flat-chan were female, why would there be air freshener in the bathroom at all?
  • How can a male “completely tuck” his penis away so that absolutely no evidence of it can be seen at all?
  • Fuck you, that's a guy.
  • I am confused, I can't get off on a grown woman, but because she looks like a ten-year-old boy, I have an erection.
  • OMG!!! Where did you get those stockings?!?!?
  • GUYS STOP IT I DONT WANT YOU TO KEEP ON HURTING ME LIKAE THIS I DONT WANT MY INFORMATION ON THE INTERNET AND INTIL YOU DELETE IT I WAILL KEEP ON HATING MY GF OK SHE TRIES REALLY HARD TO KEEP ME HAPPY BE NOT HARD ENOUGH SHES LUCKY TO HAVE SOMEONE WHO IS BETTER THAN 99.99999% OF THE POPULATION AT ALl THE MAJOR VIDEOGAMES I WISH SHE COUWLD RECOGNISE THAT AND I WILL BEAT IT INTO HER IF I HAVE TO

Fans and Detractors[edit]

Just like any of the other Chan's that post on /b/, Flat-chan has his share of fans and detractors who will descend into theatrics anytime a Flat-chan thread is started.

Fan Reactions[edit]

Upon seeing such a thread, fans will snake their hands down to their gray underwear covered crotch and begin slow fapping while keeping their other hand poised over their F5 key in a drooling anticipation of the next picture to be posted. This type of fan is the plain old pervert that will stroke to just about any boy posted on /b/. Other fans are right-click-saving with a wild abandon, hoping to gain the admiration of their fellow Anons by making and uploading the next Rapidshare RAR file to share. The final type of fan is the creep who likes little boys, but feels guilty about it fear because he might get caught. When Flat-chan posts, these culpable feelings can take a vacation due to the fact that Flat-chan is obviously female, but because of her lack of hanging breasts, looks like a boy.

Detractors[edit]

   
 
Still no pussy show uh? Strange you show that much but no pussy uh? GTFO.


 


 
 

—One of millions of carbon copy responses to a Flat-chan thread.

Any time a woman who lacks breasts posts semi-naked or naked pictures on the internet, there will always be the random dipshit out there that will say something like "Wow, you're so flat, I could iron my clothes on your tits... LOL." This is to be expected by the average person because the internet lets anybody with access to a computer and a connection to type just about anything they want online, but 12-year-old humor aside, disbelief is often suspended when haters are dealing with Flat-chan. Usually this hate manifests itself in several posts yelling that Flat-chan is a guy and that the whole world is being trolled by some Trap who is laughing his ass off at the frustrating pictures he is posting. Yes, he doesn't have any tits, Einstein. But make no mistake ITS A MAN BABY!

Typical Flat-chan Discussion[edit]

Typical exchange when haters and fans discuss Flat-chan:

Flatchan4ever: Man, I like her legs and her ass. I don't care about the tits thing, she's hot enough without them.
BigTittyLover69: You're getting trolled dude, that's a man.
Flatchan4ever: No way dude, there isn't a penis in there.
BigTittyLover69: HAHAAHAHA YOU FAGGOT THAT'S A GUY!
Flatchan4ever: caps lock is cruise control for cool
BigTittyLover69: Fuck you! I used the shift key…

This epic argument will go on until the end of time or until Flat-chan posts full vagina/penis pictures and settles the argument once and for all. Don't hold your breath for this, he seems to like the frustration and confusion, as these things feed into her attention whore complex.

Reasons for Posting[edit]

One of the few pictures that shows any portion of Flat-chan's face
The other end


   
 
If I get enough repose from anon, as well as reason why I should, I will post new pictures.


 


 
 

—Flat-chan after a hard day.

Flat-chan herself, or whoever is posting the updated pictures, has stated that they take the pictures and posts them when Flat-Chan is feeling down or has had a particularly hard day. This would lead the viewer to conclude that Flat-chan is an attention whore. This is true, but it is a non-issue due to the fact that anybody posting any sort of self-nudity on the internet is doing it for acceptance and/or money. If a person is an exhibitionist and it makes them feel more relaxed if they are posting quasi-nudes of themselves on a website, more power to them. The best kinds of whores are the ones that give it up for free.


   
 
Been a bad week for me. I need the outlet.


 


 
 

—Whatever floats your boat, honey.

Flat-chan takes several pictures for each of their threads and posts them out like a miser doling out pennies. He/She wants /b/tards to work for her images. This attitude feeds more into the attention whore mystique, and also creates epic threads where many little dramas will play out, to the satisfaction of drama whores, EDiots, and Flat-chan herself.


   
 
If I get enough repose from anon, as well as reason why I should, I will post new pictures.


 


 
 

—Flat-chan will post more, you just have to give her (many) good reasons to do so.

Trolls[edit]

Since her original threads, several Anons have come forward posing as Flat-chan. Chances are, if there are no newer pictures posted in such threads, you are being trolled by some person who has downloaded the Rapidshare file that is available on 4chan's /rs/ section. What these trolls don't seem to realize is that nobody cares if the pictures are posted by Flat-chan or not, they are just happy to see the pictures at all. The mere posting of the images gives them several reasons to rejoice, firstly because it feeds their ever-open maw of lust, secondly because it spurs on several dramatic replies from people who either hate or love Flat-chan. Somewhere, Flat-chan is getting off to it all with a wry smile played out upon her hidden face.

Quotes[edit]

   
 
Of course you're compliment fishing, you're on b, and you have tits. Goddamnit.
 

 
 

—Truer words ever spoken?

   
 
Sure, but anon isn't stupid. We all know there are methods for hiding your BIG COOK.
 

 
 

—Proof or GTFO

   
 
I've never known a girl to put TP anywhere but on the roller before. However, I've never seen a guy with such a clean bathroom before.
 

 
 

—Confusion

   
 
Looks like lips to me, how the fuck do you tuck that shit that well? Sausage has to go somewhere.
 

 
 

—MOAR Confusion

   
 
LIES! Your tits are just the way I like them.. never was into the large breast.... I bet I'm totally borderline gay... but not into guys... I like that song by Katy Parry "ur so gay"... hehe its like me
 

 
 

—Her threads bring out every sort of fruit imaginable.

Gallery[edit]

It must be noted that these pictures are vastly scaled down and their original quality lowered. They are only mirrored here to provide a place to find viewable pictures in the event that the several RapidShare files disappear.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]


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