|This article needs a serious clean up|
| KEEP IT SIMPLE, STUPID!
MsKailynMarie) aka Kailyn Marie Wilcher-Hughes (fka KaiKhaod, LilKaiKaiz, KailynsKreations, SincerelyKailyn) is an obese, lazy, white trash socialite and self-proclaimed Youtube beauty guru from Bowie, Maryland. Kailyn has been shitting out Youtube videos since 2007. She currently holds the world record for producing the most lulz, scandals, and retard drama in a single lifetime next to her soul mate, Chris Chan.
The most notoriety Kai has ever received was a feature spot on Vh1's Best Week Ever blog for her signature phrase "Hai Everyjuan", and a segment on Willam's Beatdown: Episode 9.
As of February 2014, Kailyn has gone into hiding after her most recent scandal.
On March 2, 2014, Kailyn's newest Youtube channel, mskailynmarie, was suspended for violations. She has since privated her vlog channel, Kailyn vlogs. When asked about what happened, she of course said "Someone was able to get my account suspended. I'm not sure how or why. I didn't do anything wrong." Unfortunately, it was only a 24-hour suspension and she is back. She gives a cockroach a run for its money. She would probably survive a nuclear blast.
- 1 Personal Life & Family
- 2 Married Life (2012-2016)
- 3 Gracie Marie Hughes
- 4 RIP in Pieces Kailyn's Marriage
- 5 Hunt for a New Man (or Woman--she's bi, y'all)
- 6 YouTube
- 7 Infamous Scandals
- 8 Kaivman Vocab & Phrases
- 9 Miscellaneous
- 10 See also
- 11 Accounts & External Linkage
Personal Life & Family
Disability ass demon Kailyn Marie Wilcher (aka Kai ("k-eye"), Kailyn Kardashian, ForeverFailyn, Kailyn Wilsher, Demon Kai, Kween Kai, Kaivman, Gorilla, FAS rere, Potato head Retarded thing, etc.) was hatched on May 18th 1990 to Lisa Sokoloski Wilcher (aka Mama Wilsher, Mama Wheelchair, Mama Alchy, MW) and dirty beaner Michael Wilcher (aka Papa Wilcher, Papa Wilsher, Papa Wheelie). It is believed that Kailyn was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and Asperger's Syndrome which has given her a lulzy speech impediment, a compulsive giggle exhale, retard induced cuntiness, and a fuck load of narcissism. Kai's parents are "separated" yet live together, and it's alleged that Papa Wheelie and his two fat mutts moved back to the Beige Mansion because he couldn't afford to live on his own while continuing to support the Wilcher ladies. Kai lives as a "stay-at-home daughter" at the Beige Mansion in Bowie (aka Booie), which is decked out in nothing but the most glamorous 1970's decor (including revolving Christmas tree), and the finest of dinnerware, flatware and drink ware: paper plates, and plastic utensils and cups.
As soon as Mama Wilsher found out her precious potato was retarded and deformed, Kai was doomed forever. Mama Wilsher enrolled her little shit-for-brains in various elementary schools before pulling her out of retard classes, using the excuse that the DC Sniper was on the loose, or so she reasoned. Instead of mainstream classes, MW homeschooled Kai at The Sunflower Academy (aka the kitchen table). Homeschooling enabled Kai to rot in the Lavender Dungeon known as her bedroom (formally Pink Dungeon) while Mama did all of Kai’s homework/worksheets, which has resulted in Kai having the reading level of a second grader. Due to her moron of a mother, Kai claims she has never been told she has any disabilities, even though she has a hockey-stick palmar crease, a symptom unique to only those with FAS, and admits she was thoroughly retard-tested as a small demon.
Lisa works from home in a makeshift salon converted from their garage, Lisa's Hair Shanty, doing old lady perms twice a week for the neighborhood hags while getting inebriated. Kailyn says that her dead-beat, enabling mother is her best friend, but in reality she's her caregiver and scapegoat for when a Kai scandal breaks.
To support his pride and joy, Michael doles out his hard earned pension dollars to the Wilcher ladies every month, formerly working for a courthouse cleaning air vents and polishing floors.
Kai's extended uselessness of a family includes her Uncle Stephen E. Sokoloski (aka Uncle-daddy Stephen, Uncle Acne); his wife and Kai's archenemy; her 8 year old cousin, Eli (who all live with granny, Dorothy Sokoloski). Her grandfather, Stephen R. Sokoloski, passed away at the Wilcher estate sometime in 2007 in the midst of Kai's $500 monthly MAC makeup hoard-hauling and cam girl scandal. She's proud to say that when he passed, she didn't even cry.The Kween blames Uncle Stephen for giving her pizza face genes, while Papa Wilcher's family is blamed for her being an obese walrus.
Diet, Hygiene & Weight Gain
Kailyn has admitted she does not use a shower (they are buh-roken) and does not wash her own hair because she gets shampoo in her eyes. Kai is often seen wearing her dandruff as a hair accessory, and showing off her buttery teeth covered in plaque. Once a week, Mama Alchy hoses Kai off in the driveway and washes her hair in the Shanty's shampoo bowl to keep the fat beast from stinking up the mansion too much.
Kailyn's diet mainly consists of ranch dressing with the occasional baby carrot or pretzel crithspth. She eats salad with everything but lettuce, because she's not sure if it's even "eatable". Her favorite meal is clucks and fries, and she'll even resort to ordering off the kid's menu if the restaurant she's at doesn't feature chicken fingers on it s big gurl menu. Speaking of restaurants, her favorites are Red Robin, The Cheesecake Factory (for special occasions, like her birthday), and Grotto's The Legendary Taste® (for Mama W's birthday). But fuck Papa W's birthday, he's just there to pay for everything.
In case it hasn't been obvious, our FAS kween has been steadily gaining weight since her start on Youtube. Every year the Pretty Ladies comment on the obese whale's weight, and the following year they're more surprised than ever with her weight gain. At 5'2", the PLs estimate Kween Kai was nearing 200lbs in 2013. In 2018, she confessed to a former friend turned Pretty Lady to be over 230 lbs. Knowing her proclivity for lies and misdirections (and judging by her pictures without the magic mirror), she's been speculated to be well over 280 lbs. She now has a massive shelf-ass, has moved into plus-sized clothing, and was forced to move up to a size 10 shoe due to her obese flippers, all of which MW's magic mirror can no longer hide.
Friends (Or Lack Thereof)
Besides superficial friendships with fellow failures on youtube, Kai has only ever mentioned having a single friend who is no longer her friend because she's a darkie. Kai gushed on YT about having a friend who sent her a necklace that says "you're my person", but the PLs are convinced her only real friend is Amy Zon. Her penpals don't count, because there's no way to confirm how many of them are real, and how many are actually haydurs. Occasionally, Kai will elude to going out "with a friend" but it can only be deduced that it's MW or the latest CPW (car/penis/wallet).
It's been proven time and time again that every friend she has will inevitably turn into a Pretty Lady, sometimes in a matter of months or years (depending on their patience). Kailyn is unable to express any interest in anyone but herself and is known to actively discourage any kind of conversation about someone else.
Her self-centered attitude, coupled with her cunty behavior, has always, sooner or later, turned her friends to the dark side, providing major leaks and lulz for everybody.
Lisa bought Kai her one and only true best friend, Bella, a derpy mutt sold to them for thousands of dollars under the guise of being a purebred Yorkie. Kailyn claims she "would love Bella even if she was a horse". When Bella is not shitting and pissing all over the Wilcher mansion (because she never gets to go outside) she is being crushed by the retard-strength of her owner and suffocated by the fart wars in the Lavender Dungeon, or holed up inhaling fumes in The Shanty. For entertainment purposes, Kai often sprays air freshener in Bella's face to make her "act silly". Recent information has surfaced that Bella has never been registered with their local municipality. This makes one wonder if this dog has ever seen a veterinarian or been vaccinated. We know that Lisa 'grooms' the dog, which could only mean she's never been professionally groomed.
Since PW came back to live in the Mansion, Bella has been relegated to live in the Shanty, where she stays confined except for the annual picture to prove the haydurs Bella is not dead. RIP Bella
David (Boyfriend, 2006-2011)
David (aka Davit) was Kai's first true love. They started dating when Kai was just a mouth full of teeth attached to a 15-year old potato head retarded thing. Davit is (was) a sickly fatass who liked to party, drink and dabble in drugs, and was the only person to ever introduce Kai to socialization. Early in their relationship, Kai and her mullet became pregnant with Avery Juan 1.0 but ended up aborting the demon at Davit and Mama Wilcher's demand.
Throughout their 5 years together, Kai began her scandal timeline, including camming, shoving her saggy gorilla tits in his friends' faces, having a 3-some with Davit and his friend "hot dave", and targeting Craigslist for trannies and dykes to calm her retard-hypersexuality. But in the end, Kai's retard-hypersexuality and selfishness ruined their relationship. In 2011, Kai broke up with Davit on BlogTV to appease the trolls telling her to do it for the lulz, and soon after the relationship ended for good.
After their break-up in 2011, Kailyn made a tell-all video about their relationship. Painting herself as an innocent victim, she said Davit was the one who made her get into the partying lifestyle. Davit responded with a rebuttal video owning up to a few hard truths, but adding that she was both manipulative and a liar, and that everything she did was of her own free will.
Tragically, David passed away in early July of 2015. When Kailyn found out about this she, of course, made it all about her by immediately posting old photos of them together (mostly inappropriate ones, such as her in a bikini) and talked about how they had all their 'firsts' together (wink). She immediately began stalking all David's Facebook friends in order to gets the deets on his death, and to find out when the funeral was and cop a ride (because surely Lisa wasn't going to take her).
The day after the funeral, she posted her 'funeral makeup' and a 'funeral selfie' with a friend (who was really trolling her by standing with Kailyn's infamous leg pop/hand on hip pose), in both of which she was grinning. On the selfie, she even posted the caption "we look fab" with a backdrop of the funeral home and hearse. This 'friend' specifically asked that Kailyn NOT post the picture on social media, but Kailyn being Kailyn, ignored this person's request and posted it anyway because she is a sociopath and doesn't care about other people's feelings. Needless to say, her behavior during this sad event was inappropriate and put another strain on her already sham of a marriage. Matt was NOT happy.
BTW, she didn't cry when Davit died either.
Matt (Husband, 2011-2016)
Matthew Todd Hughes (aka Matt Drost, Goomba, Madd, Hubby) is a fat, dough-faced, retarded fag loving piece of white trash living in Maryland's "country" who formerly worked as a cart-pusher at Wallyworld. Kai met Matt in the fall of 2011 on Plenty of Fish while he was still dating Maureen Lewis. As usual, Mama Wilcher chaperoned Kai to Starbucks for a date with Matt while she supervised them from the parking lot. Three short months later, Matt proposed to Kai with a fashion ring from Wal-Mart.
On April 13th 2012, Friday the Thirteenth, lulzy wedding bells were heard across Maryland State. Kai and Matt arrived in their most dazzling attire to be wed at the elegant St. Mary's County courthouse. Kai wore a dollar store tiara with an ill-fitted $20 dress from Kohl's, while Matt simply rolled out of bed and dressed himself in a vintage McDonald's Manager's uniform. None of the Wilchers or Hughes were in attendance.
It wasn't long before Madd began showing signs of mental illness, no doubt bought on by the fact that he was married to Kailyn Wilcher. In a state of sheer lunacy, Matt locked himself in the Wilcher's bathroom and threatened to drown himself in a tub full of hot water.
Maureen Elizabeth Lewis (aka Mooren, Momo, Nignog, Nigger, Niggereen, Nigress, Ape, Chimp) was first introduced to the internets after Kailyn and Matt began dating. She is a batshit insane inbred welfare nigger with naturally drunk eyes, slurred speech and, like Kai, a lulzy speech impediment. Momo is a product of her father and aunt’s sexual affair, and was living in a cockroach infested trailer with her rapist father, Elmore Lewis, before he went to prison. Matt denied knowing the wild ape, but was dating and having sex with her for several months before his new deformed retard, Kai, came into the picture . Upon Kai's arrival, Matt ignored the nignog and lulzy obsessed stalking ensued.
—Maureen Lewis, stalking Madd
Mooren found forums and blogs online dedicated to trolling the FAS Kween and started posting dirt on them. At her stalking peak, Mooren showed up at Wal-Mart several times a week and finally filmed her encounter  with her ex, Matt. The crazy nignog has since slowed her antics, but continues to peruse the forums in order to keep up with her successor.
|Mooren stalking Madd||Mooren stalking the Kween|
These days, trolls will only bait Mooren for the lulz as she is now in her own delusional competition with the Kween and is desperate to get impregnated by a POF sperm whale*.
In Mooren’s freetime, she
learns how to play guitar steals other people’s shitty guitar covers and sings over them. Some of her better songs have been turned into music videos based on the Booie socialites’ love triangle via the Kween’s trolls and Sims characters.  
- Mooren has succeeded in marrying her own fat retard and having her own deformed baby. Congrats!
Married Life (2012-2016)
As of 2014, Kai and Madd lived separately with their parents. Kai continued to live with in the beige mansion with her caregiver in Bowie while Matt lived with his white trash parents, Mary C. Hughes and Todd D. Hughes and 27-year old Kai-esque sister, Amber, in Leonardtown--with occasional vacations at local psychiatric hospitals. In the past, Matt would drive to Booie to visit Kai several times a month, but quickly realized his wife was a hideous beast and scaled back his visits to once a month in order to be "downgraded" and humiliated over his small penis.
When the PLs confronted her about her shitty marriage, Kai insisted Matt lived with her in the glamorous Wilcher mansion. In the midst of yet another lie, Kai was caught after PLs found her uploading to instagram with geotags in Madd's location. It was clear that in the beginning, Matt believed Kai was internet famous and thought he would get worshipped, but the haydurs have since driven him off the internets. Soon after this revelation, Matt began controlling Kai's internet access and if Kai disobeyed, mandatory beatings were had.
On October 2, 2013, well prior to their divorce, Kailyn and Matt sexually assaulted their friend A. In February, the scandal was announced to the PLs after a PL pretending to be a stan baited Kai for personal info. Kailyn brought up the assault herself, saying that A was "too drunk to chew her food", and that she and hubby were placed in separate police cars for questioning ("it was thcary!").
The accusations were confirmed online by Bowie police reporting a forcible rape call on Kailyn's block that particular night. The incident was again confirmed when Mama Wilcher (ghostwriting for Kailyn) wrote contradicting social media statuses on Kai's behalf saying it was all a "misunderstanding". After realizing she had managed to turn even the most politically correct, social justice communities against her, she deleted everything. In Kai's world, deleting = it never happened.
The FAShionista had just turned 23 and having long been a useless waste of space, decided it would be a great idea to get pregnant. Afterall, how else would she get away with not having to work and continue to collect SSDI for the next 18 years? Luckily, the Sokoloski women have a multigenerational cycle they have mastered to lock down financial income, called the Sokoloski Cycle:
Step 1: get hitched quickly
Step 2: get knocked up instantly
Step 3: separate from your husband
Step 4: demand money “for the child”
Fortunately, Avery Juan 2.0 was smart enough to abort itself in March of 2013. However, have no fear--in October 2013---our FAS queen succeeded in conceiving an Avery Juan 3.0 (presumably on the night of the aforementioned rape). Kai is currently expecting her fatass, middle-aged stans to buy her shit for her soon-to-be government leech while she continues to purchase hundreds of dollars’ worth of makeup to add to her hoard every month.
Our Kween was thrilled to find that she would be having a girl to add to the Sokoloski Cycle. Surprising absolutely no one, the mini slack-jawed demon has already proven to be an incompetent little retard after Kai announced that her doctor had a really difficult time measuring the fetus’ nuchal translucency, which is the first common sign of Down’s. Whether the mini demon will be a retard because hubby punched Kai in the stomach (needs citation), Kai was drinking while trying to conceive or because it will be coming from two long lines of brainless morons, little rere demon Gracie Marie Wilcher-Hughes will make its debut in the world, dead or alive, in July 2014.
Despite having no real friends, Mama Alchy held two baby showers for the spoiled brat; one at the in-laws Callaway Baptist Church with a bunch of strangers, and the other in their Booie home. To fill up space, Lisa
paid off invited Kai's childhood friends that hadn't seen her in years and barely remembered the fassy retard who would wave at them in the school bus as it drove off without her.
It is believed that the Kween suffered from multiple health problems during her pregnancy (which she vehemently denied, even though she couldn't *giggle exhale* without sounding like a dying fish out of water). She gained a large amount of weight, and it was suspected that Gestational Diabetes was a cause. Kai admitted to having "hardly hypertension" in the months after the birth, along with issues with her juan layg.
Gracie Marie Hughes
Kai gave birth to her crotch spawn Gwathee Mawee Hughes on June 28th, 2014, via C-section as per her fist-pounding request to her doctor. Gracie had a bowel blockage in the womb, and underwent emergency surgery after birth, spending her first week of life in the NICU. During this time, BBgorilla sat at home on her acne-ridden ass, stuffing her face with ranch-dipped veggie crithphth while keeping the health of her baby a secret. She did not visit Grace in the hospital. Maltt moved in after Gracie's birth, and he made her keep all pictures of the baby off the interwebs. Kailyn broke her vow of "safety for her baybeh" after the Wilcher pool closed for the summer. Matt's mental health continued to decline, so he took his frogs, his HDTV and his fart ghosts, and moved back in with his parents.
Many pictures of Guh-racie were then shared on her Instagram, much to the glee of everyone. However, the realization quickly dawned on all that the crotch spawn was being neglected. A flat head due to lying on her back in a cot all day, severely delayed development, and 4 day old poop pants were just some of the things the haydurs called Kai out on, but their comments were quickly deleted. Much of Kai's Instagram consisted of videos featuring herself and Grace, with the kween yelling "SAAAAAAAY HIIIII, GWATHIEEEEEE SAYYYY HIIIIIIII", even though she was only 6 months old, and telling Grace what a cute puppy she was. It has been speculated that Gwathee may have Down's Syndrome, but this has yet to be confirmed.
Throughout this time, Kai continued to spend her
$600 monthly govmint check money that magically appears in her bank account on makeup and clothes, but never food or clothing for her spawn. Gracie had received many items of clothing at the two baby showers and from "internet friends", and yet she was only ever seen in the same 3 or 4 outfits. BBgorilla never took baby Gracie anywhere outside the house, and frequently left her at home with Drunky to eat clucks and fries with Maltt at Red Robin. Both Maltt and Kai also spent money during this time building up a collection of shitty scratcher tattoos.
The haydurs continued to question Kai about her negligence as the dummy continued to post evidence for all to see. More examples include putting the crotch-spawn in over-sized clothes and gigantic toddler bibs, incorrectly buckling the belt in the baby's car seat (on the rare occasion Gracie got to leave the house), and the fact that Gwathee still was unable to crawl properly at 9 months. So Kaikai rage-deleted all of the pictures of Guac from her Insta in March 2015. Hope was fading, as Mama Wheelchair told the hambeast in her alcohol-ridden rage that "Gracie will have a stupid life," if things continued at the rate they were going. With Maltt's mental issues, Gracie's specialness, MamaW's drinking, and the continuous questioning from the haydurs, it all became too much for BB. She cracked, and rage-deleted her entire Instagram account on the 10th April, 2015.
During her first year, Gracie appeared to be unable to speak or even making many noises, as if and she got more delayed as the days went by. She appeared to have a type of cranial deformity as evidenced by a noticeable ridge in the middle of her forehead. She was not enrolled in any Mommy & Me classes (despite Kai's insistance that she would) or even taken to the park, zoo or library. A swing was installed in the Wilcher's back yard and occasionally Kai dragged her out for photo ops. Guac's birthday celebration was notable for garish decor, cupcakes and smash cake--which Guac had no idea what to do with. As expected, the usual cast of characters attended the festivities. It was the event of the year.......not. Gracie got gifts. This included ONE book, titled "Baby's First Words". Hopefully, both Kailyn and Gracie will study this carefully and learn to speak properly, though I don't think Kailyn has opened any of the handful of books that Gracie has received.
Independence is for Poor People
After miraculously surviving two full years in the Beige Mansion, she went to her 2-year well-child checkup and the doctor recommended that if Gracie wasn't talking by 2.5 years, she should have speech therapy (or that is how Kailyn's rere brain interpreted it/Lisa told her). Videos of the child show that she is clearly speech delayed, but none of the people in that house give a rat's ass about that kid (Grandpa Silverback is the only one who shows true joy when interacting with Gracie). Needless to say, she was doomed.
During her first two years, Gracie was mute, received no speech therapy and was not socialized with other kids her age, nor has she attended any mommy and me typa classes.
In 2017, Gracie finally started babbling incoherently, at times being able to speak one or two words to directly mimic her sister-mom when commanded, but it was painfully obvious that the child couldn't stand her birth mother. Kailyn has told former friends turned Kaigents that Gracie cries and bites herself when Lisa is not with them, once again confirming that she considers Lisa to be her true mother.
No effort has been made to potty train the kid and she still sleeps with a pacifier while napping in her sister-mom's arms (any reason to sit on that fat ass, right Kailyn?) and still not going to any type of preschool. She allegedly received some form of speech therapy once a month, which is a joke considering what this child really needs to even think about mainstreaming her in any school system. Of course Kai didn't lose the opportunity to brag about it, while simultaneously throwing Matt under the bus.
They will be in for a rude awakening when they take her to her kindergarten evaluation when they're told she's not even close to being ready. She will no doubt either be placed in some sort of pre-K class/special education class or Lisa will immediately pull her granddaughter from public school and 'home school' her like she did her daughter. We all know how good that worked out.
As of 2019, Gracie is still unable to speak properly or even enounce words correctly. She still shits herself, this time in pullups and she still despises her sister/mum. At almost 5 years old, the sad truth has finally emerged: Gracie is nothing but a disability check in the Weelchair's pokets and as such, she MUST remain dalayed.
RIP in Pieces Kailyn's Marriage
In November, 2014, the truth was finally revealed. Kailyn could not lie anymore about Matt living with them. They 'officially' separated that month and divorce papers were filed at Matt's request in December of 2015 (they needed to be separated for a minimum of one year before they could file). Of course Kailyn, being the simple rere that she is, had no clue (nor did she care) about what the process entailed and was mostly worried about that the money being spent on her lawyer wasn't being spent on her. The fist pounds could be heard for miles. The divorce court hearing took place on February 25, 2016.
It was early 2016 when Kai transformed her Madd tattoo into the monstrosity of the black, lacy bow you see above her funbags today.
The divorce was final as of August 2, 2016 and cost the Wilchers upwards of $5,000, even though no formal visitation schedule, child support or alimony payments were finalized as part of the divorce. It is understood that Kai was bored throughout most of the proceedings and had to undergo a court-ordered psychiatric evaluation to determine just wtf is wrong with the gorilla. Kailyn did a "My Divorce" video that is full of lies and mistruths (of course). Now she can start searching....oh wait, she has already been searching...for a new CPW. For over a year - well before she and Matt were 'officially' separated - Kailyn trolled OK Cupid and Plenty of Fish (among other dating sites) looking for Madd 2.0.
Hunt for a New Man (or Woman--she's bi, y'all)
Not long after her divorce was finalized, Kailyn has had several 'coffee dates' at Thtarbucks, where
she Uber's her mom drives her to meet her unsuspecting victims. Of course, she lets them pay for her $6 cup of sugared bean water (The Wilcher women NEVER pay!). Not surprisingly, Kai has had many failed dates, including meeting men who told her that she was too fat, too smelly and even one who insulted just about everything about her but still managed to fuck her in the backseat of his hooptie (he was "tho mean"). Needless to say, she never heard from him again.
Her refined taste in men, coupled with the fact that she's a racist cunt, made difficult for the Kween to find a suitable partner.
Kai was even catfished into sending nudes to some of her prospects who turned out to be Pretty Ladies in disguise. These little setbacks never deter her, because every time no0dz are leaked, she will do some level of rage deleting on her social media accounts (occasionally making a YT video or IG post about how she needs to stop being so trusting of strangers), but then it's back to business as usual.
Ben (Boyfriend, 2015)
Ben Bauer was a recovering addict when he first found Kaylin (which explains A LOT) on Plenty of Fish or OK Cupid. They dated very briefly, but long enough to change their Facebook relationship status. Of course it didn't matter that she was still legally married to Madd, the Kween was in desperate need of her dose of peen, since Madd was unable and unwilling to satisfy her.
Kai made comments about how she was so happy he was her boyfriend. Ben also made some lulzy posts about wanting to take her ballroom dancing.
Ben still lived with his parents (I know, a shocker) and didn't have his own car, so Kailyn told him to fist-pound and whine at his parents until they bought him a car because that's what she does at home to get what she wants from her parents. He got sick of her complaining and ended the relationship, but the Kween said it didn't work out because he didn't have time (shore).
John (One Date Wonder, 2016)
John (aka John the Ghost with Most) was poliamorous man Kai met online. John was your average Joe with a passion for dipping it in as many lobster claws as possible. He told her he was dating multiple women and maybe, maybe, choose one, although it's possible he just made it up as en excuse. Kai put out and he ghosted her. Anon suggested she should start charging guys like him for the five minutes that they use her. But of course, she could careless and still thinks sex is the way to get a guy. Get 'em girl!
Jon (One Date Wonder, 2016)
Jon Hodge happened immediately after John the Ghost. Despite his appearance (he looks like he eats babies), Jon was the only sane person Kai has ever met. They met online where Jon undoubtedly received many of Kai's Magic Mirror pictures. After the first date, he got shook at the sight of the walrus, but he almost convinced himself he could get high enough to see her again. In a rare moment of truth, he pictured himself poking her rancid claw and ghosted.
Goof for you Jon. Good for you.
Patrick (One Date Wonder, 2017)
Patrick (aka St. Patty, Ipad guy) was Kailyn next catch. They met online (as per usual) and started dating on the phone. Patrick was sold after the first pictures of the lobster claw. In an attempt to win her for good, he sent her an Ipad. During their first date, he gave her a Thtarbucks gift card, meanwhile Kai secretly took pictures of him to share with
her friends the Pretty Ladies. Apparently, her self proclaimed "body positivity" only extends to herself as she was instantly turned off by his weight ("I didn't feel a connection!"). Nevertheless, being a total whore, she was going to "just have sex with him". In an unexpected turn of events, Patrick confessed he was recently divorced, had 3 kids (one called Kailyn Marie nonetheless!) and didn't live in a mansion.
Being a "mother" herself, she knew all too well that kids only deter others from giving her ALL the attention. That was the last drop, Ipad or not, she had to dump him. Patrick didn't take it lightly.
Eventually, Kailyn came clean about having a side date, the always fashionable Liz. Patrick tried once more to win her back, offering to take her out shopping at the mall and eating at fabulous Cheesecake Factory, but the Kween had made up her mid. The couple parted ways and she
sent him back the Ipad kept the Ipad to herself because she didn't "have his address".
Years later, forgetting the Ipad was on the recliner, she sat down her massive shelf ass and cracked the shit out of St. Patty's Ipad.
Liz (Girl-Friend, 2017)
Elizabeth Zarate (aka Pat, CVW) was a butch who took Kai out in exchange for selling her some fugly ass Lularoe
leggings laygins. Liz was the only person to reintroduce our Kween to some form of social contact, taking her out with her friends and on eating "dates".
The nature of their relationship remained unclear, since everybody knows that gheys are not allowed in the Mansion. However, later leaks confirmed they were in fact dating.
Sadly, the couple parted ways after Kai stopped buying laygins.
Chris (Boyfriend, 2017)
Chris Enos (aka Ploig, Anus, Crithpth Anus, Fishlips) was an overweight excuse of a man that dated Kai for 8 weeks. His impeccable sense of style and receding hairline, coupled with a series of jackpots at the gene lottery, made him look like he was in his 40s, rather than his early 20s. Anus was known to suffer from a gargantuan inferiority complex, probably due to the fact that he couldn't see his own penis without a mirror. His former girlfriend, Kristina (aka Krustina) broke up their engagement a mere month before he met Kai, after God blessed her with a miscarriage.
Unable to cope with being dumped like the piece of garbage he is, Anus turned to 6th grade level poetry while rebounding on BBgorilla, in a petty passive-aggressive attempt to hurt Krustina. Such was the magnificence of his creations, that Pretty Ladies started calling him Ploig, the Poet Laureate Of InstaGram.
Ploig was not afraid of Kailyn's past. On the contrary, being an irrelevant piece of shit, he thrived in the attention from the Pretty Ladies, going as far as joining online boards to
defend her prized hog show off. Ploig was not only an accomplished poet, but also an excellent cook you guise! Being a cheepskate (and probably afraid to be seen in public with BBgorilla), Ploig always cooked rather than take her out for dinner.
After years of boring dates, finally the Kween was relavant again, providing one of the most lulzy relationships since Madd 1.0. Sadly, it was not going to last, something about "the love of her life" was not exactly right. Even her own stans (yes she has stans, mostly overweight single women in their 40s) pointed out that he clearly was not over Krustina and was using Kai as a rebound. Ploig would date her only on Sundays and only at
his house his parents' house, never took her out, never asked her to join his social circle (or whatever), never paid for Thtarbucks coffees and he kept writing poems to Krustina. Of course Kai ignored everybody: being the sped that she is, she never once questioned his commitment. In the Weelchair logic, you always choose the man who tells you he cares rather that the one who proves it.
Soon new leaks surfaced when former friends turned Pretty Ladies started spilling the beans. She was known to call him daddy, bragged about getting wet from his PokemonGo addiction and being sodomized during her Sunday conjugal visits. Most disturbing of all, she used to send him questionable pictures and videos of Gracie. After 8 weeks of Sunday dates, Ploig ended the relationship. Not much is known about his motivations, but it's been speculated that Krustina offered to let him sniff it one more time if he left Kai.
The Kween was devastated. In an attempt to maintain some form of decorum, the Kween asked her millions of fans to back off and grant her some space to mourn the tragic loss.
She went as far as posting a picture of a positive prennicy test, but it didn't take long to reverse google search the image (it was from a site where the OP was from Indonesia - yeah, she's that dumb) and find out (shocker) that she was lying. In an ultimate effort to win him back, she published a poem on Instagram. Little did she know that the friend who created it for her was Pretty Ladies in disguise.
Billy (On again/Off again, 2017-2018)
Billy (aka Billay) was Kaka's friendly ghost, who would repeatedly appear/disappear without notice. In the beginning, everything seemed to work fine, Billay wanted to marry her and support her and Gracie. At some point in the relationship, Billay lost his job and refused to see or even text her. Kai lost her shit ("I haven't theen you in 3 weekth!"). When he finally ghosted for good, the Kween did the only sensible she could think of: she told all of her friends that she dumped him because "he was not over his ex" (projecting much? Hey Ploig!).
Adam (Boyfriend, 2018)
Adam Schelhouse (aka Paul Blart) was a wannabe cop who worked as a campus security guard. The manlet briefly dated Kailyn for 3 weeks before realizing she had no intention of getting a job. Notably, he was the only guy to date who didn't live with his parents. Paul introduced BBgorilla to his family and the hypersexual FAShionista didn't lose time to start fatasizing about porking his brother's girlfriend. Her obsession went as far as going through social media looking for her profile, probably to gather more picture for her own thexy time in the
Paul complained about her laughing like a hyena, never listening to anything he said and repeating herself ("I forgot what dreththing he liketh on hith thalad and he thaid I already athked him that!"), not eating shit and wanting to go out only on dates where he'd spend money on her. Of course it was his fault: "he'th being too picky!". How dare anyone not settle for an overweight, dirty, ignorant excuse of a human being who never worked a day and leeched off the gov'nmint and her parents her whole life?
Needless to say, he told her to fuck off.
KaiKhaod / KailynsKreations (Deleted)
Kailyn began her YT career with the KaiKhaod (Khaos) channel in 2007, with a misspelled username and the most lulzy wtfery to grace the Youtube makeup community. The FAS teen made her appearance with a beautiful, bleached mullet doing makeup reviews and tutorials while being high as a motherfucking kite which only emphasized her tard talk. She is a fan of makeup-turned-mommy vlogger, xSparkage, and aspires to be just like her. Coincidentally, Kai and xSparkage became pregnant at the same time.
The KaiKaod channel was eventually rage-deleted, paving the way for KailynsKreations, which was also rage-deleted when a new scandal emerged.
Kailyn's lifeblood, her bread and butter, was her YT channel "Forever Kailyn". Boasting a high of almost 13,000 subscribers and averaging between 1,000-3,000 views per video, it took Kai several years to get to such shitty success. Kai had her Google ad revenue disabled almost as soon as it was granted on account of the dipshit clicking her own ads in hopes of a bigger paycheck. Her uploaded videos include 20 minute foundation applications, Wal-Mart clothing hauls and outfits of the day (OOTD) videos. Occasionally, Mama would forget to give Kai her rere meds and Kai would upload videos of her singing and dancing or babbling about nothingness. Rating were always disabled on her channels because the dislikes to likes ratio is always high.
Kai created her SincerelyKailyn channel under Mama Wilsher's or Madd's personal information after she was offered products from a company requiring her channel be under Google's ad revenue terms. The channel content was mainly vlog targeted, beginning with lifestyle vlogs, kitchen vlogs, and in the end - pregnancy vlogs which involved reading her pregnancy app on her iphone 4 not 4s. As expected, this channel was also rage-deleted.
After a record-breaking 4 day hiatus in February 2014, the Kween realized life in the Lavender Dungeon sucks and came crawling back to the internet. Hubby was very disappointed that she had blabbed about the rape allegations and gave her a beating, thus the Kween decided it would be more responsible to adopt the “Ms” prefix in Hubby's honor.
She vows never to make a pregnancy video again.
Kailyn is best known for her many scandals, averaging at least one big scandal a year. When the mean pretty lady trolls catch on, it blows out of proportion and our Kween rage-deletes her social media accounts and privates her YouTube channels, only to come crawling back when she's bored.
N00ds, Cam Girl, Cheating
In 2008, Naked photos were leaked after Kai sold her cellphone and the moron forgot to remove her SIM card before sending it to the buyer. The photo-leak included her 'shampoo bottle' picture depicting a travel-size shampoo bottle jammed in her angry vag-hole. It was regrettably seen by many but is no longer online, as Kai was underage at the time. Since then, Davit has leaked a couple more including a disfigured vag photo.
Kailyn created a MyFreeCams account under the username GirlyBrunette. This was her source of nickles until a horny troll accidentally found her flashing her gorilla tits and eating pot pies on cam. Kween Kai logged into her account a final time, only to ask horny pedos to help her delete her account.
In 2011, Kailyn was caught with online dating profiles and was using Craigslist to look for random sexcapades, announcing in the ads that she was bisexual, trans-curious and interested in teen-aged girls. Some of the Craigslist girls took pictures with Kai, which Kai then uploaded to the internet and passed off as her 'friends' even though they were never seen again.
Kailyn took a 40-hour makeup course in 2008, earning her a certificate of completion in a makeup artistry course. Considering the fat moron never properly graduated high school, she thinks her 40-hour completion is equivalent to a beautician license. Even so, for 7 years she's done the same makeup application with the only variable being the colors. Once confronted for being such a piece of shit, KaiKaiz decided she was a retarded shampoo girl in Mama Alchy's salon for a week.
—Foreverkailyn, on why she doesn't have a job
Shortly after, Kai said she sold Scentsy, Younique and Avon, although she eventually admitted nobody had ever bought anything from her. She has gone as far as making an interview OOTD and a video announcing her pretend interview to shut up the trolls but her interview was canceled due to snow melting before it hit the ground an hour away. She now claims to get her money from YouTube ad revenue and holiday money, but continues to deny that she receives Social Security Disability Income (SSDI). Kai has mentioned that she never intends on gaining employment since she created her own internet-meets-reality demise.
More importantly though, she's married so she doesn't need to work! Kailyn continues her quest to lockdown the next CPW, who hopefully has never heard of the internet.
After her Yahoo email was hacked, it was revealed that Kailyn often contacts companies begging them to send her free shit in return for a useless, aspie review video. An upcoming company called Pink Wednesday (a play on a quote from the movie Mean Girls), contacted Kai asking her to review their beauty and bath products. She agreed to review the products, not realizing she was only honoring us with the lulziest review of pseudo-products produced by none other than an internet troll. When it came to light that she had been pranked by a fake company, and that the body spray possibly contained cat pee, Kailyn promptly deleted the review and made a video fishing for sympathy.
Kaivman Vocab & Phrases
- hallow Avery Juan: hello everyone
- hay guise: hey guys
- 'ply: apply
- tho: so
- cayoot: cute
- stuneen: stunning
- priddy: pretty
- Ta Jay Mai Hai: Taj Mahal
- breffas: breakfast
- prennit: pregnant
- limmidishon: limited edition
- crithpth: crisps
- materny laygins: maternity leggings
- ith: It's
- Davit: David
- Madd: Matt
- eeewwguyth: you guys
- I could careless: I couldn't care less
- there: they're / their
- your: you're
- thuper: super
- husbint: husband
- katvondy: Kat Von D
- weddin' wild: Wet & Wild
- peepler meen: people are mean
- buddin: button
- drewberry moore: Drew Barrymore
- cowide: cow hide
- quessioneer: questionaire
- pink slice: pinksickle
- albertross: albatross
- Rosebud slave: Rosebud salve
- Shore: sure
- trentin cream: tretinoin cream
- snifficently: significantly
- sowrecksy: siouxsie
(This section is ForeverUnfinished)
- Chris Chan
- Attention Whore
- White Devils
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Internet Celebrity
Accounts & External Linkage
Deleted & squatted
Her CafeMom profileDeleted
- Model Mayhem Inactive
ForeverKailyn is part of a series on YouTube.
ForeverKailyn is part of a series on
Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.
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