Fort Hood

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Forthoodachieve.jpg Down but not out
Eliminate at least 10 enemies when the odds are against you in single player or on Special Ops.


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Hello, my future girlfriend
Columbia is on that shit.
dangerdan's dad?
1 star out of 4? Ouch. Also, lol at 'caring doctor'.

Fort Hood, also known as the Islam meets US Army sequel to V-Tech, is the location of a well-played round of expert mode school shooter by some guy who apparently never grew up. On November 5, 2009, Major Malik Nadal Hasan went batshit and shot up 13 people, injuring many more, on no less than America's largest army base, happening to be in the biggest fucking state (who could have guessed?). The shooter was a third-rate psychiatrist who'd been advanced to major (in spite of fail) to prove some kind of point about love and understanding.

As news sites raced to out-first-post each other, the facts were distorted by a reluctance to release his name or photo for the first day or two (yeah right, typical shooting rampage, don't think so).

What we did know was that Vtech just went camo.

After the press caved in to the people's right to know, we got a flood of pathetic excuses for the whore in news articles for the rest of the week. Meanwhile, a flood of loser bloggers and columnists jumped in to use Hasan's massive fail to push stupid agendas (usually moar pathetic excuses, Islam, or Israel). Columbia Pictures is expecting to release the film adaptation early next year.

And it all happened on Guy Fawkes (Anonymous) Day!

Facts about the Fort Hood massacre are scarce due to army embarrassment. With two large-clip pistols in hand, whether or not he needed to reload is unclear. Current reports indicate that the shooter is wounded but alive and is able but unwilling to cooperate with the investigation.

While 13 victims is not a high score, it is a new high score at the nightmare difficulty level of own goals on a military base. The bad guys on this level had infinite ammo (no guns though) as well as nearly infinite men and the largest cache of armored vehicles in the continental US. The major is also believed to have received an expert marksman mark in bootcamp at Fort Bragg.

Unfortunately, he gets no bonus points. His rampage was allegedly stopped by a girl then a nigger as the press decided which cause to deify and he didn't even earn An Hero achievement points [1].

Game over, "Major Hasan": not just a traitor but you don't even get your 72 virgin boys to butt-fuck in hell 'cos you were too much of a pussy to off yourself. His final slugging average as of the 5th of November is 13/38, far short of Cho's 31/29 on easy mode.

The FBI knew that Hasan had tried to contact Al Qaeda but did nothing about it. Gg, CryptoKids.

Video[edit]


The Dichotomy Of Nidal Malik Hasan[edit]

The United States Army Officer[edit]

Maj. Nidal Malik Hasan was the army psychiatrist who benefited from affirmative action in a huge way then balked at the idea of being sent to Goatfuckistan. He balked so hard, he had to shoot 13 fellow soldiers to death and grievously wounded 38 other suckers in a speedy shoot-out on November 5, 2009 at the Fort Hood Army Base in Killeen, Texas (named after Dolly Parton's classic song "Killeen, Killeen, Killeen, Killeen, I'm begging of you, please don't kill my man").

Was he just a seriously disgruntled Philadelphia Phillies fan, maddened by the inferior efforts of his team to obtain a second World Series title?

Early reports on MSNBC claimed that Major Hasan attended Virginia Tech. Between Michael Vick, Cho, and this, that's strike three. Encyclopedia Dramatica would like to salute Virginia Tech for its dramatocratic productivity.

Hasan was also known for being pissed off at other Muslims for not being devout enough while he regularly attended Texas strip clubs.

The Psychiatric Doctor[edit]

Hasan is a psychiatrist and spent his days surrounded by people who might seem just as likely to shoot up a military base or college campus as he is if we could only forget his affiliations. Some internet detectives found his doctor review page. Unsurprisingly, his ratings were complete shit. His last client was also being deployed to Iraq, making Hasan super emo, and posted this comment on the same day that Hasan became a legend:


   
 
Although he was hard to understand (strong accent) this doctor helped me come to terms with my conscientious objector status. While I am still not thrilled about being deployed to Iraq, I at least understand how doing so to protect my fellow soldiers is a good thing.
 

 
 

—Pvt J. Hammond

This proves that saying "mean things" on the internet is a life or death situation.

Graded Score[edit]

Graded Score
Kill count: 14/20 injured 32
Accuracy: 20/20 You have balls of steel
Style: 16/20 Butthurt
Butthurt: 16/20
Bonus: 20/20 Shot up the biggest Military Base in America!
Total Score: 86/100 (B)
You're the best to go for the high score on Nightmare Difficulty
See full ranking


Wanted Level
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Wanted3fbi.png

Federal Bureau of Investigation


The Retaliation[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: Jason Rodriguez.

Only a day after Hasan's lulzy trollfest, a devout Yankees fan took things in to his own hands. His name was Jason Rodriguez and as an attempt to one-up his Philadelphian counterpart, he started shooting some former co-workers in an office building in Orlando. JROD's victims were so much fewer than Fort Hood's that he didn't even attempt to kill himself or confront police. That's right, he just walked away and no one had any idea where he went. He was eventually brought in to custody a few hours later. In any case, the world series of killing people appears to be going to game 3.

Obama Responds[edit]

Just after the tragic shootings occurred, President Obama was notified by his press corps. Here is a brief synopsis of his reaction:

 
 
When I spoke here last winter, this nation was facing the worst economic crisis since the Great Depression. We were losing an average of 700,000 jobs per month. Credit was frozen. And our financial system was on the verge of collapse.

As any American who is still looking for work or a way to pay their bills will tell you, we are by no means out of the woods. A full and vibrant recovery is still many months away. And I will not let up until those Americans who seek jobs can find them until those businesses that seek capital and credit can thrive; until all responsible homeowners can stay in their homes. That is our ultimate goal. But thanks to the bold and decisive action we've taken since January, I can stand here with confidence and say that we have pulled this economy back from the brink...oh, and by the way some shit went down in Texas, but nobody cares about Texas because rednecks are worse than sand-niggers. Also: HEALTHCARE HEALTHCARE HEALTHCARE!
 


 

Quotes[edit]

Twitter doin' it's thang.
A reenactment.
The real cop who took down Hasan. I don't know what's more embarrassing, being taken down by a girl or by a negroid beast.


   
 
If we ignore it, it didn't happen right?
 

 
 

—YEAH!

   
 
ALLAHU ACKBAR! BRIGHAM-YOUNG 4 LIFE, YO!
 

 
 

—Nidal Malik Hasan

   
 
The war on terror is over, and the war on islam has begun.
 

 
 

—Angry redneck

   
 
locked in my post housing. scared. dont know where the shooters are all i hear are sirens telling us to stay indoors. can't hear any gunfire. i'm safe, but scared. i have my husband and many friends on post. worried about them
 

 
 

—Bridget Donovan, She fucking twittered a massacre.

   
 
I was saddened to learn of the tragic incident at Fort Hood. Laura and I are keeping the victims and their families in our thoughts and prayers during this difficult time.
 

 
 

—George Dubya Bush, still thinking anyone gives a shit about him.

   
 
THE GOD YOU WORSHIP CONTROLS TIME ITSELF,NOTHING IS BETTER THAN EXISTENCE EXISTING ON EARTH TRAVELING SPACE & TIME IN DIRECTION
 

 
 

—Someone on Twitter, is that you Gene Ray?

   
 
Having Muslims in the Armed Forces is akin to having had a Jap pilot the Enola Gay
 

 
 

Some sort of genius or something

   
 
Just like our government.
 

 
 

—Douchebags, bitching about politics in a stream of mourners

   
 
So, a Muslim opens fire at soldiers in one of the busiest Army bases, two other officers are in custody (no names, no explanation as to why), and yet a "senior Obama administration official told NBC News that the shootings could have been a criminal matter rather than a terrorism-related attack and that there was no intelligence to suggest a plot against Fort Hood." (details as of 1800 hrs Eastern time, all emphasis added)

Sure, it could be something else, theoretically, but this just screams jihad. And if there is no "plot," how come two people are in custody? Lone nuts are usually, well, alone.
 


 
 

—Gray Falcon; a blogger who has a taste for all things obvious, No shit sherlock

   
 
I wish cuzzo. We still on lockdown. May be here for the rest of the night. If so tomorrows a paid day off.
 

 
 

—Only the best in the United States Army!

   
 
Hurray For The Muslims !!! #FortHood Fort Hood !!!!!!!!!!
 

 
 

TheSmellyGuy via twitter at 5:42 PM, Taxi drivers are such assholes

   
 
The dead included a pregnant woman who was preparing to return home, a man who quit a furniture company job to join the military about a year ago, a newlywed who had served in Iraq and a woman who had vowed to take on Osama bin Laden after the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks.
 

 
 

—ABC sentimentally reporting on who got capped.

   
 
I cannot comprehend that the enemy was among us. Fuck them Mormons! Never again!
 

 
 

—Hasan's Landlord

The Moar You Know: Hajj Edition[edit]

  • The police officer who put four holes in his bomb tossing ass was a SINGLE WHITE FEMALE, the worst kind of single, white female. Take that you bomb-tossing, wife-beating pork fuckers. Allah is ashamed!
  • The bitch who shot him used SWAT hax to raise her accuracy.
  • He killed 13 and injured 38 at an army base in only 3 minutes.
  • He's a psychiatrist. In b4 Scientology complaining, as gun control faggots shouldn't be able to touch this one.
  • He fucking survived, GO ARMY!
  • Turning Albert Camus' words about the stranger killing an Arab on their head, Hasan made himself into an Arab stranger killing a lot of his comrades for no good reason.
  • M. Night Shyamalan has already acquired the movie rights. What a twist!
  • He should have been psyched about going "home" on deployment, join up with the folks back home and all, but ...
  • He was butthurt that Black Jesus isn't pulling troops out of Durkadurkastan.
  • He was seen giving away Qur'ans, furniture, and blowjobs on the morning of the spree.
  • He used the Last Stand perk to try and kill the cop that took him down.
  • He was brought down by a girl. For a jihadi like Hasan, that's like getting pwned by a goomba in Mario.
  • He had Phillies in 7, so instead he put 13 in heaven.

2014 Copycat[edit]

In April 2014 a boricua named Ivan Lopez, who was upset that he couldn't get administrative leave, brandished a 45 cal pistol to let everyone know how badly he wanted to go home. He was granted his wish to leave forever after he killed three officers and then put a bullet through his own head, an heroing in the face of danger as he was being shot at by other armed officers. Having served in the Puerto Rican National Guard, he was skilled in extremely poor aim and showcased this with 3 kills vs 16 wounded, a far cry from what the sandnigger pulled off. Ivan had purchased the weapons from the exact same store as Hasan, so if you are ever interesting in opening fire on a military complex there is no better choice than Guns Galore in Killeen, Texas for all your spree killing needs.

Graded Score
Kill count: 3/20 16 Injured
Accuracy: 5/20 This is very bad aim, especially for a trained soldier!
Style: 13/20 Couldn't be able to get his administrative leave granted, so he had to do it the hard way
Butthurt: 15/20 "OH NOES NOT FORT HOOD AGAIN!!!"-CNN
Bonus: 10/20 Replaying a nightmare mode map on Ultra Nightmare difficulty
Total Score: 46/100 (F)
GET MORE TRAINING FAGGOT
See full ranking


Gallery[edit]

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External links[edit]

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