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Frank'sVoice

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This article may cause you to facepalm, because Crazy Creationist Troll is Crazy. Feel free to Send Him to the God He Wishes he Knew.


Ever drank and entire bottle of NyQuil?

Ever had to recite a long, dreary monologue?

Ever suffered sudden and irreversible cranial trauma inflicted by a hippo that fell from the penthouse of a skyscraper?

You're not alone. Frank'sVoice not only has undergone all of this, but has actually become the living embodiment of all those things - and he wants to share it all with you in a video.

Contents

Meet Frank'sVoice

Picture a stoner blurting out every random brainfart coupled with the disposition of an uncharismatic, amateur preacher numbly reading off a teleprompter.

This is the real life result of using Charisma as a Dump Stat



   
 
Now, I Don't want to offend the Atheists...
 

 
 

—Frank'sVoice's in a video about how you are doomed to fricassee in Satan's molten lava hot tub until the end of time.

One might criticise Frank'sVoice for his flat, lifeless tone. In his defence though, at least he has the decency to be at least as bored stating it as you are listening to it.

But enough about his delivery, what about the content? Well, it should come as a shock to absolutely nobody to discover that he's a so-staunch-he-can't-be-reached-by-logic Creationist with the imagination of a soggy gymsock and no thoughts in his head more complicated than "Gawd Dun It!"

Meet his Retarded Spawn

Wherever Frank'sVoice appears, his two shadows, DebateFighter and DebateCrusher (aka Tweedledumb and Tweedledope) instantly appear. They exist only to parrot whatever Frank'sVoice says. In fact, the dumber something Frank says is, the more likely DF/DC are to pop up like a bad smell.

Making one (or both) of them appear is the world's easiest Atheist magic trick. Just disagree with something Frank said in his video and instantly, DF/DC will appear and start burning incense at his altar and rebuking the heretics.

That (plus DF/DC make the same grammar and spelling mistakes as Frank) make some suspect that DF/DC are Frank's sockpuppets. The other possibility - that there actually is a real person in the real world who genuinely thinks Frank is an amazing genius full of wisdom - is far too depressing to contemplate.

Meet his Worst Enemies

Our Buddy Frank has a raging hardon for "Debating" with people waaaay more intelligent than himself. This presents two problems:

  • A tennis shoe that dropped out of 4th grade could beat him in a game of checkers
  • Anyone who beats him in debate (read: everyone with whom he has ever debated) ends up on his shitlist


Frank (and his amazing socks) have an endlessly deep well of hatred for Thunderfootfetishist and his sidekick dprJones. Despite the fact that either one is smarter and than Frank AND his spawn combined, Frank can't make a video without crowing about his greater wisdom and intellect; or taking a potshot at either one.

Saddest of all was the "God is a Volcano" debacle. Thunderf00t made a slightly above average satire video positing the that many of the manifestations of Old Testament Yahweh could be explained away by a Volcano fucking shit up. So How did Frank rebuke this?

"God is NOT a volcano...because that's stupid...because Thunderf00t is stupid...because only somebody stupid would say that God is a volcano. QED. LOL."'

Yeah. That was his rebuttal, because nothing, nothing, beats circular logic. Now imaging it took him 6 1/2 minutes of snoreworthy droning to make that point (mostly by repeating several variations on it in his dull, droning voice).


Imma gonna rebut you with Whiny Captions!



   
 
LAWR?
 

 
 

—Frank'sVoice's strongest rebuttal in the entire video.


TL;DR, we have Thunderf00t raising accusations of Frank false-flagging, abusing DMCA notices and generally being a pool of emo piss, and Frank responds: "You are lying! You are a liar! You are a lying liar who lies! What's that....LAWR? You silly British Guy... saying American words all wrong because you has a British Accent when you says it. Hahaha. You saying word wrong proves you are dumb...and a liar."

That's it. That's the caliber of Frank'sVoice. It makes you long for the scintillating wit of Geerup.

On the Plus Side

Yeah, Frank never met an idea he could understand or articulate gracefully; but he's not all bad. He leaves the comments open on all his videos. Wow... wonder how long that'll remain the case.


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See Also

Frank'sVoice
is part of a series on
Christianity
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Blessed by God
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Pissing Off the Almighty
Heathens
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