Frank Garrett was an old construction worker for Duncan Construction who was oft annoyed by prank callers. He was known for his eloquent diction and brilliant linguistic skills.
From humble beginnings
Soundboards are an old meme that exist from per-historic times (roughly 763.5 weeks ago) when having an iMac G3 and a pager classified you as a high roller. Speed forward to 2007, in the year of Our Lord Frank Garrett, a youtuber named W3baholicx made a seemingly typical soundboard prank (using Deacon Frost from the movie Blade) to a random Oklahoman construction company. What he uncovered was one of the most lulzy and exploitable men the internet has ever known. The rest is history. He spawned an entire series of new talents through the use of his soundboards, like Rick the Mullet Man, Tom the Pissed off Roofer the Jesus Lady and many more people
- This is a business phone, get off of it.
- Hey does your momma still got, uh, worms crawlin' out her pushy?
- Well I don't give a shit.
- Don't call me anymore you stupid cocksucker.
- This is Frank Garrett
- Now listen you stupid son of a bitch, I've never called you before, and goddammit, you...bitch about it every third day you call me so fuck you!
- Did your momma let you out of your cage again, goddammit!?
- You goddamn stupid son of a bitch you.
- Hey you stupid son of a bitch I've never called your howsh.
- Do what?
- Y-You're out of your mind, buddy, I don't even have a 'dozer and I don't do dirt work.
- I don't even advertise in Texas, how'd you get my name?
- Well I can't understand ya'.
- Duncan Construction
- That's what I said, yeah.
- I'm having trouble hearing ya'. I'm on a cell phone.
- Oh yew dumb bitch yew.
- God damn little pimple faced cocksucker you.
- Oh fuck you, yer interrupting mah breakfast.
- Oh pish.
The man. The legend.
A to Z Pawn Shop
At least 100 years ago, pranksters called around Frank's hometown of Stilwell, Oklahoma trying to get him "in some shit" as his friend Tom would say. A call to a local pawn shop yielded a prank formula in which Frank becomes Officer Duncan and harrasses some criminals.
It should be noted that Frank believes Charles the pawn shop guy has been the one behind all the prank calls.
PO Box 168
Stilwell, OK 74960-0168
Friends of Frank
Angry Black Guy
Don't call his house, yo.
Epic Crazy Lady
Sister of The God Warrior.
Tom The Pissed Off Roofer
Frank and Tom helped build WTC.
Rick The Mullet Man
"You say "no" to my AR-15 you fuckin' prick!"
Goodnight, Sweet Prince
Frank Garrett passed away on July 3, 2011 of a stroke. His candle burned out long before his legend ever will. He will be missed by the internet.
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