Frottage

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No caption needed.
Some with authority would abuse it for a good grope.
DO NOT WANT!!

Frottage (aka dry humping) is the next big thing your local Republican congressmen will be butthurt about, for it threatens the sanctity of marriage and provides a loophole through which people can technically get one another off and still be considered abstinent.

Origins[edit]

Frottage devolved from the word frotteurism, which is actually considered a serious sexual disorder and is a diagnosis still used today by psychologists. Frotteurism is an addictive desire to rub oneself through one's clothes against other people and things to reach climax, and it's always a non-consenting act.

Serious Suggestion[edit]

It is greatly encouraged to try to pass off as disabled by telling everyone who will listen that one is ill with frotteurism and cannot control their desires to be a frotteur. Perhaps you can get a nifty little handicap plaquard to hang off your rearview mirror, so you can get front row parking anywhere you go. Also, it's a free pass from jail time and the party van, because you get to use the "But I'm sick and crazy!" excuse anytime you bump your uglies against anyone and anything within hand's reach. I mean, let's be honest, being a valuable member of society is so last Thursday.

But Is It Secks?[edit]

Frottage shouldn't be considered a sex act. There is no longer a cut-and-dry definition of what frottage is. Some consider it to be self-pleasuring yourself through your clothes in a non-consensual way by rubbing or grinding against an unsuspecting person or thing. Others feel it encompasses any consensual rubbing, grinding and touching between people, and it can be frottage whether it only pleasures one of those people or pleasures both of them. Sometimes, bump and grind dancing in clubs is also thought of as being frottage. Therefore, technically, standing too close to someone on the subway and bumping your ass against their thigh once or twice is frottage. Similarly, you may have had sex with tons of random people if frottage is considered a sex act. Why? Simply because you can never be certain whether you've aroused someone just by accidentally bumping into them or having any casual body contact with them (unless you are a neckbeard basement dweller, then you can definitely be certain you have never aroused someone, accidentally or otherwise). The only thing in common with all these definitions is that everyone was wearing clothes, and that if the balls touched, it was totally gay.

Also, frottage is unsexy because its name evokes thoughts of cottage cheese, which brings to mind thoughts of smegma, your mom's thighs and nursing home food (though a picture of all three of those combined would probably arouse 95% of /b/tards).

The Rumors[edit]

The local middle school was polled and the rumor mills began to churn. The following are definitions of what frottage might possibly be, what it is used for, and why it exists.

  • French for something you probably got busted for in 3rd grade.
  • English for fapping through your clothes, on someone or something else.
  • The only reason to ride public transit.
  • How Mormon kids get their rocks off.
  • George W. Bush's way of staying calm (and close to the podium) during public speeches.
  • What your asspie furfag brother does with all those "Meeko" dolls you found in his room.
  • How lesbians get off if they forgot all about their fingers and tongues have no limbs.
  • The only way to end a fight.
  • The best way to start a fight.
  • Why high schools have "Wrestling" clubs.
  • Why high schools have football teams.
  • Why high schools have "Guidance Counselors".
  • Why Janitors work in elementary school.
  • Why you wont let your mom do your laundry.
  • You can't get pragnent with babby from it.

Where To Do It[edit]

  • In a packed train.
  • In the lunch line.
  • In your sister's bed with her stuffed animals.
  • In your Christfag girlfriend's bedroom, if her parents aren't home.
  • In black person.
  • In a bottle full of bub.
  • In a 50 Cent lyric:
   
 
Im into havin sex, I ain't into makin' love

So come give me a hug if you into getting rubbed
 


 
 

—black person

How To Do It[edit]

  1. Be fully dressed
  2. Have someone or something in close proximity
  3. ????
  4. PROFIT!
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