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MILF

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Fake large tits are fake.

MILF (Mother I'd Like to Fuck) is a term popularized by quality American teen movies. By its very nature, the phrase MILF implies "older" or more "mature" women. Taken literally it can include teen mothers, 20somethings, 30somethings, and grandmothers. Typically it means a 35+ year old woman with large, (generally) fake breasts and lips built for beejay duty. BEWARE: Woman older than 45 years old may suffer Mad Cow Disease. The only requirements are that they are hot and a mother. Godwin's M.I.L.F. Law states that:


   
 
As a MILF gets older, the probability of her taking it in the ass on the first date approaches 100%.
 

 
 

Dating a MILF

From time to time, you may get tired of the bullshitting and games of younger women that still have hopes and dreams that a rich man with an amazing six pack will sweep them off their feet and fuck them in the ass with a diamond dildo. (Editor's Note: This is the dream of all women, including the so-called "career driven" women) You are ready for the quiet desperation of a late thirty-something woman with fat tits and a loose vag that doesn't chafe your cock. In this case, you should totally try dating a MILF. As a young man, you will get away with plenty of things that a younger and prettier woman would totally throw your ass out for. They have no hang ups about giving head, and are more than likely to give you access to their ass.

In many cases, these women will be post menopausal, allowing you to slam their gaping axe wound without a condom, allowing you to feel the disturbingly pleasant warmth and squisheness of her stretched out vag. Sure dating a MILF may feel creepily like dating your mom, but hey, let's be honest here, you REALLY wanted to fuck your mom anyway. MILFs often try to supplement their failing looks with plastic surgery, so expect fake titties, a huge number of skin products, and a tan, leading to an overall look that is somehow arousing.

Breaking Up With a MILF

After you get bored of nailing MILF assholes and jumping every time her kid knocks on the door, you may realize that most MILFs are just as crazy and hysterical as all other women, plus they have kids you have to worry about and make nice with, even though they hate your guts. And you can only derive satisfaction from "Hey kid, I'm fucking your mommy!" so many times. At this point, it is time to shit in her fridge, steal her kid's iPod, and leave without so much as a note. MILFs take a break up just about as well as any other woman, which means they go into hyper-psycho-passive-aggressive bitch mode. A crafty MILF will use her children to leave tragic pleading messages on your phone, even though they are totally grateful you are gone. As MILFs are older women, often with disposable incomes, expect a more professional stalking, perhaps even with a car with tinted windows.

MILF Porn

A common fetish covered in pornography is MILF or "mature" sex. These women universally posess gigantic fake tits and can go from mildly hot to horrifying drippy old mummies. All of the MILF porn scenarios are two parts age regression and two parts incest fantasy. Mostly they involve some MILF fucking her "son's" friend, or a dude getting "caught" peeking in at a changing woman. Inevitably, the hot intergenerational sex must be cut short, because her husband is coming home. Anyone who has ever derived ANY arousal from MILF porn has a deep seated desire to make babies with their own mother. They are a sick fuck and should be accordingly shunned and ridiculed.

Gallery

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Famous MILFs

See Also

MILF is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
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