Gackt

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PROTIP: If a Japanese man has blond hair, he's a Super Saya-jin, do not attempt to fight Gackt

Gackt is the most wanted man (wait, it's a man?) in Japan-world, due to receiving enough plastic surgery to look like a Bishi anime character. He has a pretty good voice for an Asian, and may very well be one of the biggest IRL trolls for his ability to trick millions of people into thinking he has "talent." Some argue he hasn't written anything successful since Le Ciel, though Bel-Air remains his greatest work.

He is officially more overated than Gundam. Other than the fact that he can sing in a high pitch for long periods (kind of like a twisted Japanese version of Mariah Carey) he has very little real use besides taking it in the ass which is pretty hot.

He enjoys wearing tight clothes, and boasts about his "magnum," leading all his teenage fangirls across the world to assume that he's as hung as a horse (which can sometimes be seen when he is wearing super tight pants). But fact is, he's Asian. And everyone knows because Asian men do enough buttsex as it is, God denied them big dicks to do it with. Gackt's of course, is especially minuscule. Apparently, it's well known that he can do the splits perfectly, the reason why being his freakishly small junk seems to bulge more while he does it. Magnum indeed. When he realizes someone's figured out his tiny secret, he'll probably go write a shitty ballad about it.

Gackt is batshit. Just because he sucks he thinks he's a vampire and doesn't like to be in direct sunlight. He also believes that he is fluent in English. When he goes to performances and talk shows, he becomes an uber diva and demands the lights be dimmed in his glorious presence. He also happens to be a perfectionist, and when he discovers that someone is better at something than he is, he obsessively strives to become better than the other person. Despite what he's fooled the fangirls into thinking with Internet Disease and whore makeup, he's isn't very good-looking. To be more precise, he looks like what most J-Rocker males look like; a heroin-addicted woman.

In short: Gackt is the Jap version of Johnny Depp.

Gackt is also a transgender. Come on, you didn't suspect it?

Fandom[edit]

FatgirlsFangirls across the world seem to give Gackt the credit he deserves though, without realizing it. By writing erotic stories about him dicking mute trannies or taking it in the ass from other JROCKer males, specifically Hyde from the band L'Arc~en~Ciel because of their close relationship, Gackt also seems to have the best fandom since his fangirls can actually write. Their adventures have also been made into a movie, Moonchild. In case you can't tell, it's awesome and they seem to have unlimited supplies of cigs. If it were ever broadcast outside of Japan (it was), it's likely the sound of millions of pale, ill-kept, centipede filled vaginas being abused would resonate through most of the continent, forcing the closure of most major businesses and government offices, and driving some meeker souls to seppuku.

Unfortunately next year, GACKT will be starring in an American. He will be playing the role of Yoshi, friend of main character the drifter.

Although the Gackt fandom in and of itself is disturbingly dedicated (they become rabid easily, and thus very good for trolling), it must be stated that the fan fiction written for him is usually the best-done smut found on the LiveJournal.(good stuff)

In other words it's like looking at a brilliantly inspired painting of Goatse.

Jeffree Moon Famous JSTAR wannabe; is an adamant GACKT fan and lists him as one of his MANY crap inspirations...


Real quotes throughout Gackt-DUM:

  1. "OH MY GACKT!"
  2. "SOOOOOOOOO Orgacktmic!"

Gallery[edit]

See Also[edit]


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