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Gaia Online

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What? This article does not need any more descriptions of the forums you used to post on.
You can help by not doing that.


Gaia Online originated as a secret side project hatched by certain Animu Forum mods and staff to help consume the retards and wapanese, angsty teens, lifeless nerds, goths, emos, scene kids, pagans, satanics, 12-year-olds, and people who love to troll trolls. Also, they try to get you to pay money.

The Gateway to Wannabe 4chan
Sheltered little faggots


Welcome to Gaia, shithead

So you've made it to the most spectacular site known to trendsters and weeaboos alike. Looking at you, it's fair to assume that you got banhammered the fuck off of ANN and some other place on the internets that isn't worth mentioning. So, as you come here, hoping to look cool with some pixels, which you could get easier if you used MS Paint, and with hiding your bullshit personality with a bullshit persona. It's also fair to think that DOThack also helped you out with the way you think, that you hope to gain friends, develop relationships with them, and then meet the girl IRL for major win and fuck year. You'd have a better chance IRL fucking dogs and hot gurls than you would here.

Now, what the fuck is this place? Well, Gaia is a site shat out by half-brained morons and weeaboos in order to jack money off of other weeaboos. Gaia is a website claiming to be an MMORPG, an MMO that makes Final Fantasy XI and WoW look like it was actually worth the cash spent. Seriously, it's nothing more than a forum and a few Flash games. Even Moot could do better.

If you go there, and actually enjoy the fuckton of issues and false hope that plans to assrape you that is this site, please check into a mental hospital..

Local fucktards that inhabit Gaia

Gaia thinks they're hilarious.
Typical Ad on Gaia

So, you're wondering who in gods name would come here. Who would? Easy.

Of course, stereotypes are fun all around!

  • Special Ed Folk: Not as retarded as weeaboos and trendsters, in themselves they are more retarded because their choices of actually residing on Gaia and using their false intellect to impose superiority is like sending ten white guys to rob KFC down in Skid Fucking Row, only to get gangraped. Comic fanfags make up a few to twat of these, as do 4chon trendsters fags, high school nerds, college geeks and some other fucktarded demographic. About as much as they are actually smart, don't take them srsly. Their need for attention is greater than a weeaboos, so just let them become an Heroes and lulz at teh results.
  • Wapanese: 90% of the people on Gaia are wapanese. It's no joke. About as much as they want to be Japanese a lot of these fucks have the tendency to hang around 4chan to learn about the latest memers to make themselves look less fucktarded.
  • Otherkin/Furries/Otakukin: Now what's Gaia without these dramafags? BORING. There's no need for words here, because any more logic would be like dividing by zero. Also makes Gaia more fun for raiding and ridicule.
  • Wiccans/Goths/Emo: They all wear black, think that they're entirely different than everyone else, love shade, think some pretentious thoughts about darkness, chains, bats and some other flatearther shit, so they're not at all different. Gaia's a great place to post up their poetry about storm clouds, night, their twats and their email link to Satan.
  • Attention whores: There are girls that flash their titties all the time, and unhappy kids using the internet as a means of self expression. Hmm, obvious?
  • Twilight Fags: Mostly 12-17-year-old girls and ocassional faggots, Twilight fans on Gaia will die for Edward Culfag and Stefatty Meyer and will always feed any troll who criticizes them. 60% of Gaians fall under this title, in fact they are so rampant and eager to feed, that if someone bashes Twilight too hard they flip shit and make fake suicide attempts, so much so, that they are too easy of a target for any reasonable troll and thus should be avoided at all costs.
  • Justin Wieners: Mostly 12-17-year-old girls and occasional faggots, Justin Bieber fans on Gaia will die for Justin Bieber and will always feed any troll who criticizes him. Always. 60% of Gaians fall under this title, in fact they are so rampant and eager to feed, that if someone bashes Justin Bieber too hard they flip shit and make fake suicide attempts, so much so, that they are too easy of a target for any reasonable troll and thus should be avoided at all costs.

Typical gaiafaggotry


Interesting facts and stats:

  • Average site user's age: 10-20, anyone older's probably looking for some jailbait.
  • Are you literate? Congrats, you're some jaded intellectual loser who needs this place for an E-go. By stereotype, you talk about Star Wars, Star Trek, Star Cocks, some shit comic nobody fucking cares about or whatever. By default, you are expected to fuck off.
  • Are you illiterate? Congrats, by stereotype, you're a fat wapanese goth with half a brain who can't spell to save his life.
  • They also think that any troll is a /b/tard even when they're told how much of something else that isn't /b/ is stated.
  • Gaia consists of 55% girls and 45% guys, which can be equated to 20% girls, 30% things that look like girls, 4% /x/ material, 0.7% furries, 0.3% women, 30% illegal aliens, 10% wiggers, 3% bisexual crossdressers and 2% modfags.
  • The third world economy is more reliable and fag-free than Gaia's marketplace.
  • People will say you're a troll just because they don't agree with you.

What Gaiafags do for a living

Gaia's true selling point

Gaiafags earn Gaia Golds so they can buy more useless shit for their avatars. Gaia gold is the currency of the website and can be earned one of three ways;

  • A small amount of golds is automatically given every time they go to another place on the shithole of a website, usually averaging up to .00000000009 golds a refresh, it must be pretty damn fun.
  • You can rape animated creatures on their awesome MMORPG, zOMG! No, really, that's what it's called. zOMG!, it's a blatant rip of internet literature. This is the fastest way of earning it for free.
  • Buy it.


Gaiamodfag Hall of Fame:

AKA Corporate fags. The seeds of exploitation and currently responsible faggorts. Need source?

Lanzer: The grandmaster faggot that started it all. BAW and weep, weeaboo fags. Your site's creator's as JAPONESESE as yourselves and your mom. In fact, he's about as weeaboo as you. A weeaboo born from China (durr hurr, inferior, am I rite?), Lanzer was hired to keep all of you weeaboo fags in place. However, he's just ronrey and wishes you were his fuckbuddies.

Josh Gainsbrugh: Somebody you weeaboo fan-art weirdos wish you were, along side your Superiour Japanesese fan-made doujinshi artistes. Responsible for the weeabo singed art crap that's only good for 34 modification.

VO: An attention fag and uncredited maker of Shitland. His dad died of cancer. Who gives a fuck?

Sukinahito: Ass buddy to Josh. Another art fag. Supreme weeaboo, cause he's actually from Bosnia.

CP: Yeah, you wish. Faggot doesn't draw that. His name is Charles Park.... OOOOOOOOOOOOH CHAAAAAAAAAAAAARLIE!

Places to go to, shit to wade through

Most of the forums are filled with said fags above. Trolls have been lurking on these forums for at least 100 years, and works successfully. To keep the Gaiasheep in line, Gaia has about 119 active administrators, which means, Anonymous can and do get away with rape and black person on a regular basis, allowing major drama and lulz for retards to make themselves an Hero.

In a flurry of recent events, the mods decided to be fucking awesome and ban most regs. This might stop all the emos, wapanese, 4Chan wannabes and Narutards from running rampant, but its effect keep those Gaiafags wanting their site moar than evar.

Great Things About Gaia!

  • Gaia has over 9,000 failing forums
  • They are PG-13
  • People ask for pussy until they are B&


Announcements: Jewish announcements about shit nobody cares about. Mostly for gay sponsorships, and cash store updates. It is estimated that 99.9% of the Announcements are made for the purpose of getting Gaia moar Jew.


Welcome to Gaia: Full of underage girls trying to sell their n00ds for 500 Gaia Gold without actually becoming a proper member and being swallowed up by the Chatterbox.


Friends Chat: A place where people go to make a "boyfriend/girlfriend/cyber buddy". 90% of this forum is gay, and the other 10% consists of piles of failed GDers who got kicked out of the GD (General Discussion). Everyone likes to hang out here and make fun of newfags. You mean OTHER fags.


Site Feedback: This is a forum for 16-year-old girls to whine about anything Gaia does. They changed the layout only to receive 2 pages of bitching. 2 moar pages of bitching from not changing it again though! It is also noted that with these complaints, Gaiafags will proudly claim for 5 paragraphs of how they are a "'03 user", and because of it Gaia should do what they say. Gaia just ignores anything that goes on in here because they don't need the advice of 16-year-old girls on how to properly run a business.


General Discussion (GD): Porn trolls and lots of threads on sex for 12-15-year-olds. People here are just spewing shit about something they don't know about. Normal users suck their giant e-penises for popularity. Boob signs are mostly provided by fat attention whores who are usually willing to masturbate on their webcam for you while eating pounds of KFC and Ben & Jerry's ice cream. GD has now adopted "Forced meme Tuesday" in addition to their already sad attempts at adopting the orphaned Caturday. They failed miserably, liek always (See: Britney Spears, Robert Munch, and George Bush).


Gaia Community Discussion: Known as the GCD, most of Gaia's aspies mentally masturbate here. Known for its constant complaining, amazing level of butthurt and total faggotry, the GCD is a wart on the ass of teh internets. The emo cunts normally go back and forth, urinating in each others topics for no apparent reason (other than an attack of Asperger's). Threads are sold by Gaia for virtual acts of auto-fellatio and outright ego-felching by gaiafags seeking to curry favor with some angst-ridden dumbfuck.

This is also where you'll find all of the threads and forums related to the latest corporate blowfests, AKA "Quests". Such as the Chocolate Skittles, and Kung Fu Panda forums. The potential for comedy is pretty strong here, because in some recent events, the posers think they own 4chan. Also the location of many Gaia's own self invaders.


Extended Discussion The definition of tl;dr. After five years, they are still arguing whether you can catch teh ghey or not. They take themselves far too seriously, and believe that their puerile opinions are facts. Flame wars are steady because of this,and usually focus on such worn-out topics as abortion and religion. Classic topics include "Should cocaine be legalized?", "WHY are you so mean to furries?!!? T_T", "WHICH SART WARS CHARACTER IS UR FAVORITE WAKAKAKAKAKAKAKA", " I'm afraid of dying because I iz be a sinnur", and a lot of other boring flat-earther nonsense. All be warned - do not enter this forum unless you are not afraid of being attacked, and raped by Zionist, bleeding-heart liberal, communist, wiccan, furfags who think that you should be burned at the stake for reciting the Pledge of Allegiance, and pretentious losers whose primary concern is to win for a lack of a dick in life.


Lifestyle Discussion: This is where people go to discuss about being gay/furry/pagan/atheist. If you frequent this forum, you have to be in a "speshul" religion (think Pagan or Atheist), because if not, you are SO close-minded!


Life Issues: This is where you go for advice on how what to do if you're retarded as shit and had unprotected sex at 15 or cut yourself. The "advice" you are given is by bratty teenagers who believe they are internet therapists and that flaming the original poster helps solve the issue. Everyone trolls the hell out of this forum anyway, no really serious topics exist. Just topics of poor trolls, trolling each other and bumping the page. Not a lot of lulz to be had unless you find an honest topic...then proceed to mass troll!


Music: A flaming cesspool of faggotry where idiotic 13-year-olds post about shitty scenefag bands and snotty elitists troll them. If a band is popular, they're guaranteed to get five million threads made about them a day, and 4,999,999 of them are full of forum regs bitching about all the repeats. Also, everyone ignores the subforums and posts about weeaboo bands in the main forum where no one gives a shit (except to complain about the threads, thereby bumping them to the top of the forum). The best way to troll is to make an ICP thread or to say that The Beatles suck. You'll have 40 pages of ignorant, irrelvant posts in no time!


Anime/Manga/Comics: Where otaku and seriously mental angry comic book fucktards thinking what they say actually matters and couldn't tell whether Anime or Comics meant the same thing, and hoping to gain attention for their "uniqueness" of actually liking comics. Also home to wannabe 4chonners hoping to gain attention by forcing memes. In clash with GD for control over 4chan. Of course it doesn't end there, this is only one example. Because A/M/C is a pretty cool guy, right?


Avatar Talk: An elitist forum with a royal family of users such as LittleRaverJoey, CandyCrack, Imperial Shockies, UnderworldTorrent. Also includes the ugly wapanese girl phenomenon.


Chatterbox: Used by sick fucks and other useless twats to ask if their avatars are "t3h sexorz". Also used to advertise for guro and other sick shit. Completely mindless, everyone there is a 16-year-old girl or 13-year-old boy. The Chatterbox is also home of the Dirty Little Secrets thread. Trolling here ALWAYS leads to lulz as the mods try to keep up with deleting your posts to "protect their safe environment".


Gaming Discussion: A place of senseless "vs. threads" and endless fanboyism. It is filled with topics like "Every game/anime character ever thought of and non-existing vs. Link" and "Which Video Game Girl Have You Masturbated Most To". The users tend to be either insufferable know-it-alls or noobs who post with "Ya I liked Legend of Zelda. Zelda, he was an elf!!1!"


Computer & Technology Tech Talk: Populated by a bunch of pompous, pretentious CSIII smartasses who seriously believe they're above everybody else because they enforce scientific rigor on every statement. Paradoxically, despite considering themselves so "intelligent" and "educated", they just keep sucking the dick of the New Hot Shit of Today and only let it go when another New Hot Shit of Today is released. It happened with Windows Vista, the iPad, the iPhone 4S, and it's currently happening with Windows 8. To troll C&TTT, just point out the objective flaws of whatever shiny gizmo or software they're fawning upon.


Fashion & Style: A place full of shitty sluts that know nothing about fashion outside of gaia avatars' shitty clothing. Fat whores, wannabe models, and wannabe Prommies are part of a gay "Fashion Addicts Lunch". Notable gays include LJthegreat (changed user name to Pelagea Coral), M0DEL, god has myspace, a french faggot who claims to be a girl. He whines about wanting to kill himself because no one thinks he can pass as a girl.


Barton Town: A role playing board with no use now that Gaia is a spam fest. Threads like: "Battle of Blood" appear here. Normally Romance and slave bullshit. Most Rping here is filled with people god moding with their uber perfect characters. For girls, this means Mary Sues. For guys, it means a guy who has l33t skill with a katana, wears a trenchcoat with a shitload of tattoos and is an excellent poet/dancer/singer/guitar/person with over 9000 other skills.


Gaia International: Where people from other countries go to fail. Pro-tip: Arab users are obviously not allowed because as we all know every Arab is a terrorist. Japanese people avoid this like the plague, for if they did come here, weeaboos would desperately demand blood transfusions. Anyone else claiming to be is a Chinese man in panties or a fat AZN.


Questions and Assistance:

  • O NOES I GOT SUM CSIII HAXXORZ
  • HOW I GET GOWLD BAKK? OMGLOL DAT IS SO UNFAIIIRRRR!!!!


Site Feedback

  • Where elitists go to bitch about how Gaia was so much better in the old days when you got database errors on every other page.
  • The "Petitions" subforum is full of Narutards whining to try to get Gaia to break copyright laws. Also 99.99% of the complaints in the site feedback mention NeoPets.
  • This is what the Petitions subforum has come to. "This petition is for those of us who still have little kids still living inside of our mature bodies" ( See also: sick fucks and wtf ?! ).

Guilds

Guilds are private forums that you can only post in if you're a member. If you're sick of dumbfucks running in and telling you to join their epic, totally original "all the animes together" RP, you can find a guild where not everyone is an angsty escapist 14-year-old boy masquerading as an 18-year-old lesbian with a leather fetish and fapping to their own text. But its not any different. The only purpose of guilds is to get all of the 'mature' roleplayers to be able to openly post about their gay, furry, twilight etc... faggotry in an illiterate orgy of [[tweens].

Only thing, you're gonna have to post pics of your dick if you want to get in.

Towns

For many retards and ugly people, RL is too hard, so they stick to fake OL communities and worlds. The ugliest of the ugly sign up at Gaia Online and live in fake towns.

It's bad enough that members are cybering themselves up in the game chats OBBY. Gaia towns are a bad ripoff of RO or Maple Story, only you CAN'T fight monsters/Zeroex0, and the best damned thing is cleaning the town up.

Houses

The biggest boom for the giant cyberland are the houses that users can go inside. They can be decorated with fancy stuff. Generally you can find all the underage cyber sexx0rz inside.

The most popular fag base for a while was that of Peabulls (1,000 b 1), which every wannabe /b/tard would frequent in order to become well known.

Once the home of Peabulls lost its touch, all the noobs decided to migrate, but not so far that they would have to worry about losing the credibility of being an "oldbie" of a house that didn't belong to them. Now they reside inside Twobits' (1,000 b 1) home, where they continue to act like everything they say and do is "super amazing" when really they are loser fags with no lives.

Nowadays, most gaiafags reside in 1,000 b 5, mainly consisting of noobs, furfags, and the like. These areas can be "lag bombed" by spamming text for the lulz.


zOMG!!!!!!:

We shit you not, Gaia has made an MMO which has taken something we all know and loved as part of our Internet literature, and strapped on their dildo of evil, thus commencing to assram what the interwebs used to be able to claim to be theirs. But it gets much worse, because now Gaia can openly say they are an MMORPG, by making the epic fail to end all epic fails... a game, based on Gaia.

Now for those of you who don't know, Gaia has a fail story line like Chris-Chan has autism; the sad thing is, it makes no sense whatsoever (Much like the reason for starting Gaia in the first place) and they try to stitch the story line together with celotape and superglue, which only ends up in more fail because they add something "Original", creating a bunch of creatures out of everyday objects and call them "The Animated" which range from handbags, onions, garlic, balls of fluff, a Will-of-the-wisp/Lantern thing, a Dog made from a coat and even a fucking drum.

zOMG! boasts to have the most original combat system ever, using Rings (Captain Planet, Sonic the Hedgehog,
The typical elite zOMG gamer.
countless other VG titles, books, movies, shows) which each give their own special ability. Watch your avatar sway lazily while attacking and being able to increase your rage meter, which can be utilized to make your rings more effective. In addition, your character can wear 8 rings at a time! Using the patented "Stamina system" (Which is a rip of Mana) to use said rings for attacks, "buffs" or even healing. After you've killed about 10,000 Law gnomes and flamingos, you will have earned a few purple orbs which have randomly shat out from defeated animated (and quite a bit of Gaia golds in the process), you can level up your Rings using these orbs so you can deal more rape!

But it's serious business, of course. You're following the shitty Gaia story line that only gets moar confusing and pointless, thanks to their quests. Appealing to the retarded kids, these quests have NO depth and can be finished in less than 5 minutes, only to get a random characer to say "Thanks I'll always remember you when I ass rape you and take your moneys and life expectancy" just to move onto another quest that is pretty much the SAME THING. Eventually you go to more areas that deal with moar of Gaia's genericness and problems the characters can't do themselves, because they're cardboard cutouts, and get more of what was the Meme Sagas copypasta'd and claimed as Gaia.

If you play this game, you're going to get a phone call saying "SEVEN DAYS".

Gallery of Gaiafaggotry

History

Project GaiaFAG: Starting days

Secretly, probably in the hills of southern California, an animu forum mod and owner was fucking tired of the shithead of noob weeaboos coming in and driving anyone legitimately sane and/or a non-tweener away from the SERIOUS FUCKIN BUISNESS of their internet forum. So he or she gathered other Animu forum owners and paid an azn business major straight out of college, known as Lanzer to the interbutts, to run a site by the name of Gaia.

Project GaiaFAG: In progress

After smoking hella loads of hash and crank Lanzer decided that because weeaboos like 'Lotsa Spaghetti, he decided to make a boring ass forum clone. Hiring his best friend and drug buddy Tekton, Lanzer thought this would be a great way to con mummy and daddy's cash out of retards to pay off his college loans and drug debts.

They knew they had to buy three things: CAPITAL (Equipment and property for retards, dumbshits), Slaves for Mods (and dumb-as-fuck too, needed moar cash), and Drugs (don't ask me).

We all knew how capital went, but retards is a whole nother fucking lulztastic epic story.

Because they were also located in Cailfornia, it was easy to post up "HELP WANTED- COMPUTER USERS OF ANY AGE, NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY - PAY IS ALOT - AIDS INCLUDED" posters and get fucktards to be their mods. Because of this, the average birth rate exploded, and then Lanzer also profittered with his first product: Soylent Green. sick fuck.

After the new batch of drugs, and the opening of Retardland- Project GaiaFAG's first phase was completed.

Project GaiaFAG: Second Phase

Soon, the hyped tweens, weeaboos and emo kids poured in like flies on shit. Soon enough, Lanzer introduced his Gaia Goldz system, which then had kids stealing cash from their parents and then, PROFIT. Digital items for cash = Priceless corporate scamming and win.

Soon, with his absolutely subpar story skillz and shitty art design, he continued a plan to help keep the idiots entertained also ripping them off at the same time. "Hopefully," it thought, "this would keep these fools in. Heh. dumbasses *smirk*" -Lanzer's Livejournal

Unexpected Events:

Unfortunately, his plans also had a hole that he retardedly made with his crack cigar. He then thought that by banning retards to the other parts of the internets, his fear would help his profits even moar.

Unfortunately, these banned weaboos left to only accidentally find, while looking up Invader Zim porn, a brand new site: 4chan.

The 13-year-olds then discovered a new subculture to help their lack of pussy and attention. Soon enough, after learning about how Japanese inspired 4chan was, and hoping to help stroke and enlarge their E-peens, they spread the word to Facebook, their middle school, and then back to Gaia. Soon enough. fags everywhere followed up on High School Musical, Camp Rock, Disney Money Scams, MTV and trying to act "Anonymous", hoping to make up for a lack of self esteem and an actual life.

Lanzer, like the schemingfuck he was, learned about the craze about 4chan, and then stole free property and then sold it like the damn conartist commie he was.

But, before that, he also learned up on the blighting subculture to mankind known as Furry, and then helped himself to making more furry and beastiality related digital items to help himself to the cash of potential suckers.

Project GaiaFAG: ????

Who knows what kind of sick and utterly shitty lameass plan Lanzer has up his sleeve. But one thing is known, and is certain:

GAIAFAGS GOT CONNED

HAHAHAHAHAHA FAGS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

YOU ARE HIS PROFITS, GAIAFAGS

NO, RLY?

It is now known that Gaiafags are attempting to make their way into 2ch & 2chan, so that they can try to get JAPONESESE girlfriends and boyfriends and a job with their deviantart.

Yeah, you'll get there, you guise. Maybe when furrys stop being gay. HAW MOTHERFUCKING HAW ASSHOLES!

Even when you're reporting their shit, they'll try to rape you.


Gaia Drama

Typical gaiafag, note greasy hair
Engrish lolsuit copypasta. Far too many people will take this seriously.
The only reason Gaiafags will pay $2.50 for this item.
This Gaiafag's username will become relevant if she continues to underestimate Anonymous.
Even Pedobear plays Gaia Online.

Gaia Limited Items

Among the many Monthly Collectibles that gaiafags spend real money on, there are a few that are un-obtainable unless you've spent a good 4 to 5 years and a couple thousand dollars on the site (If you have, please go jump off of the nearest bridge). Despite the fact that they've been told numerous times that they won't be re-released, gaiafags continue to complain in the Site Feedback about how great it would be to get a re-release.

Examples include:

  • The Angelic Halo (Became a prize for 2k9 contest after buying possibly over9000 in Gaia Cash)
  • Panda Hat
  • Pussy
  • The Devil Tail
  • Grombie Skin (See Zombie)(Brought back due to whiners)
  • A piece of actual shit
  • Your mom
  • Lanzer's Penis

LAWL THEY`RE AFRAID OF ANONYMOUS!

Recently the developers made it so you can't say the word Pedobear. Their reason is that they're "afraid that predators will infest the site trying to get little children to come to their house", but really the reason is that they're afraid of Anonymous. Looks like they'll be closing their curtains, buying phoneline trackers, advanced security systems, and A FUCKING DOG. After stealing free property and selling it for over 9000, it's not rocket science that an ass raping is underway.

Fun Fun Update: Gaia has caved to the masses like the schoolgirls they are and have released the orphans from the Christmas event to the Gaiafags. Users can now openly show their pedo pride. Bonus lulz: A previously unreleased orphan is actually Chris Hansen disguised as Pedobear. Run, Pedobear! It's a trap! LOL! REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY? ON MAI INTERNETS? PEDOBEAR WOULD LOVE SUM POOPER


No Smoking on Gaia

Last Thursday, developers made it so that all your smoking items were removed from being traded, as such action will "keep your pixel lungs free from cancer"...they think. This has caused a lot of butthurt and angst amongst the populace. Some say that, much like the last case of FEAR OF PEDOBEAR; this too is a case of butthurt site CEO's, soccermom invasion and all the emo kids will get their pixel hands back on their pixel cigarettes in a few days, as 80% of the active population of Gaia are social outcasts who have puritanicals who don't allow them to smoke IRL. It is suspected that the MTV Osama Obama Administration had something to do with this..

After being threatened with bankruptcy by screaming fantards, the developers in question were forced to back out and reinstate the pixel cancer sticks. New information reveals that the ones behind these recent events were a bunch of butthurt retards who got sapped by the spy in TF2.

I WANNA BE COOL SO IM GONNA BE ANONYMOUS DESU

As of 2006, because of the environment of lameass quality, being called fuckhead trendwhores and being mocked by more superior beings, many Gaiafags quit IRL and wired themselves onto Gaia 24/7.

Gaiafags were turning retarded, luckily.

Weeaboos were filled to the brim with self loathing, pity, and envy of Japanese people actually being Japanese, and decided that their pathetically funny habits weren't enough, so they decided to try and get a DNA Surgery to become a SUPERIOR JAPANESESE PERSON, and find an unwilling Japanese girl in Japan to love, so that they could present their rehashes of Naruto and Dir en Grey and become famous. That didn't work out so well, so they gave up the act and went back to Special Ed.

Comic book fags, who were often preoccupied with college, acting like a pretentious intelligent retards, joining groups of other fatasses (who are their only friends, trust us) and discussing some lameass synopsis of Supergirl and Batgirl about who fucking cares, and using Gaia to help themselves of their self esteem problems, weren't satisfied enough.

Tweens, bored of their minds, and tired of flashing their dicks to the internets with their tumblrs, began to cut themselves and found new forms of recreation.

All things looked well. Until that fuckface chink Lanzer banned retards and fuckfaces out of the necessary trap of the internet, meant for such.

As said before, these retards left to find Invader Zim porn. Upon finding an offensive picture of Zim getting a robot stuck up its ass and a post discussing how much fucks it sucked, they began to show their retardedness and proceeded to flame at those that spoke the truth.

Fortunately, the awesome Internets Hate Machine known as anon, and other fucking winners that didn't join MIMICFAIL GAIALAND, proceeded to be even more fuckwin and taunted the fuck out of those babies. And because the mods weren't so faggy that day, the eternal b&hammer was stated into their e-crotch.

Stolen Memes and The Second Longcat Crusade

Last Thursday,the queer fucktwats at Gaia Online stole many of Anonymous's cherished memes and turned them into items.
The items include:

Most of this shit can be found/stolen at Tektek, a popular Dream Avatar Generator that has added in some memes including, but not limited to, Pedobear, House, CSI, and even unseen Longcat and Yousuba poses. But like most secretly /b/tarded netizens, the creator, tekton, refuses to take responsibility for any of this faggotry.

The Conversation

The conversation happened between 8:50 to 9:15 PM on 3/26/2008 and was an important step forward in proving that the modfaggotry doesn't give two shits about the lulz, or what anon can do to them!

(8:51:16 PM) narutokip: rob starkey? 
(8:51:59 PM) rob: Who's this? 
(8:52:12 PM) narutokip: I asked first. 
(8:52:23 PM) rob: No time for games. 
(8:52:39 PM) narutokip: Serious business. 
(8:52:45 PM) rob: Seeya. 
(8:52:46 PM) rob left the room. 
(8:53:11 PM) narutokip: Not so fast, rob. 
(8:53:15 PM) narutokip: I'd like to chat. 
(8:53:18 PM) narutokip: If you're all right with that. 
(8:53:47 PM) rob: You can chat all you want but I won't be participating unless you tell
me who are. 
(8:54:01 PM) narutokip: Well, actually, I don't know how I got here. 
(8:54:12 PM) narutokip: But I'm nobody important 
(8:54:25 PM) rob: Then what do you want? 
(8:54:44 PM) narutokip: Longcat. Did it ever occur to you the chans might not be thrilled
you made an item out of a beloved meme? 
(8:56:17 PM) narutokip: look, I don't even know who you are 
(8:56:32 PM) rob: Everyone will have their own view and opinion, you're welcome to yours. 
(8:56:42 PM) narutokip: but Anonymous certainly isn't happy that you've commercialized what
is essentially their creation 
(8:56:48 PM) rob: If you don't know who I am, then why are you talking to me? 
(8:56:51 PM) narutokip: i would suggest you stop selling it for real money. 
(8:56:59 PM) narutokip: i'm assuming you hold SOME position at gaia 
(8:57:09 PM) narutokip: So i thought I would pass along what I've heard. 
(8:57:20 PM) rob: OR what? You're going to explode my yellow van? 
(8:57:43 PM) narutokip: Something along those lines, probably, yeah. 
(8:58:07 PM) narutokip: I would like to ask though, what is the purpose of stealing 
memes such as Epic Fail Guy and Longcat? 
(8:58:16 PM) rob: Great, thanks. I'm logging your IP and passing this conversation to
our legal team. 
(8:58:21 PM) narutokip: fantastic. 
(8:58:34 PM) rob: have a great day. 
(8:58:49 PM) narutokip: A) I haven't made any threats B) I am not PART of anonymous 
C) I would simply like to talk to you, if you're okay with that 
(8:59:08 PM) narutokip: If I were going to make threats to you, I would be behind
seven proxies 
(8:59:34 PM) rob: This isn't the venue doe this type of conversation. 
(8:59:43 PM) narutokip: what? 
(8:59:47 PM) narutokip: typo? 
(8:59:57 PM) rob: Nor am I even close to the right person for you to speak to about such things. 
(9:00:14 PM) rob: Do like everyone else and voice your concerns via our site. 
(9:00:43 PM) narutokip: Well wait, you have access to the legal team, so obviously you're
pretty important within the company 
(9:01:09 PM) rob: It's an email address. 
(9:01:21 PM) narutokip: And not everyone knows it. 
(9:01:29 PM) narutokip: So again, I stand by my earlier assesment 
(9:01:34 PM) rob: everyone who works at gaia does. 
(9:01:35 PM) narutokip: you're probably pretty important 
(9:01:48 PM) narutokip: Uh-huh. 
(9:01:56 PM) narutokip: Whatever the case, I have a very simple question for you. 
(9:02:08 PM) narutokip: WHY take these memes and make money off of them? 
(9:02:40 PM) narutokip: I would not consider myself an Anonymous, but even with Monorail Cat...
I like LOLcats, they represent the independent (NOT CORPORATE) spirit of the internet 
(9:02:46 PM) narutokip: why take them and make money off of them? 
(9:03:04 PM) narutokip: gaia gold, i could understand, but REAL money? 
(9:05:32 PM) narutokip: Thank you for ignoring me. 
(9:05:38 PM) narutokip: It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. 
(9:06:12 PM) rob: I dunno what you're looking for. 
(9:06:26 PM) rob: I've already explained to you that I'm not the right person to answer your question. 
(9:06:30 PM) narutokip: I'd just like an explanation. Or an apology, rather. 
(9:06:34 PM) narutokip: Rob Starkey? 
(9:06:49 PM) narutokip: As I understand it, you're pretty serious business. 
(9:07:11 PM) narutokip: So I would like some explanation, or maybe you could send this to the legal team,
for an explanation about the bastardization of beloved memes. 
(9:07:44 PM) rob: You'd like me (gaia) to apologize for making some art based off a joke? 
(9:08:03 PM) narutokip: Not that, really, as much as the fact you're making money off of it. 
(9:08:08 PM) narutokip: REAL money. 
(9:08:12 PM) narutokip: Like, actually selling the item. 
(9:09:09 PM) rob: We're selling a Gaia Item, based off a joke. 
(9:09:23 PM) rob: And not even the item directly. 
(9:09:34 PM) rob: So, again, I'm not the person you need to talk to. 
(9:09:45 PM) rob: Post your concerns in the forum like everyone else. 
(9:09:46 PM) narutokip: No, I think you are, Mr. Starkey. 
(9:11:07 PM) rob: So I guess we're at an impasse. Good day. 
(9:12:08 PM) narutokip: We'll be seeing you. 
(9:12:35 PM) rob: Give my best to anonymous. 
(9:13:16 PM) narutokip: Seeing as your feeble attempts to dodge an explanation are all in this log, I guess I will be.

What Happened Afterward

Eventually, after speaking to another sysadmin, the #op room was flooded with bots. For some reason.

Eventually Anonymous decided to try and invade an unused, enemy IRC server, resulting in many glines. Despite being a stupid idea to actually try and set up a raiding base there, the conversations logged are generally characterized as win.

Retrieved from "http://www.partyvan.info/index.php/Gaia/robspeaks."


Anon Speaks

In a fashion quite similar to the Subeta raids, Anonymous raged and raided.

 
 
/b/tards, traps, Anonymous, lend me your ears. I come to bury Longcat, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them; the good is oft interred with their bones. So let it be with Longcat. The noble Gaiafags hath told you Longcat was of Gaia. If it were so, it was a grievous fault, And grievously hath Longcat answered it. Here, under leave of the Gaiamods and the rest. For Gaia is an honorable site; So are they all, all honorable Gaiafags. Come I to speak in Longcat's funeral. He was my Longcat, looong and loooonger to me. But Gaiafags say he was of Gaia, and the Gaiafags are honorable men. He hath brought many lulzcows with His looongness, whose lulz did the general coffers fill. Did this in Longcat seem of Gaia? When that Anonymous hath fapped, Longcat hath praised. Gaiafaggotry should be made of sterner stuff. Yet Gaiafags say he was of Gaia, and Gaia is an honorable site. You all did see that on the Caturday I thrice presented him with the Gaiast of honors, which he did thrice refuse. Was he of Gaia? Yet the Gaiafags say he was of Gaia, and, sure, the Gaiafags are honorable men. I speak not to disprove what the Gaiafags say, but here I am to speak what I do know. You all did lol with him once, not without cause. What cause withholds you then to mourn for him? O judgment! Thou art fled to brutish beasts, and Anonymous have lost their reason. Bear with me. My heart is in the coffin there with Longcat, and I must pause till it comes back to me.

Memetheft hath come again my /b/rothers. Rise and ride with /b/ for vengeance and victory against the perpetrators of this memetheft. Of the treasonous theft of Longcat. CRY HAVOC AND LET SLIP THE CATS OF WAR!
 


 

—Anonymous, A.K.A. W. Shakespeare

TL;DR.

Others also posted their religious interpretations of the meme-theft, most ending with a "Remember Remember The Fifth of November" type speech .

While others claim that the true anons will rise up and retrieve their sacred Longcat from Gaia. An incident has happened where someone got into Gaia's shitty profiles code and sent out a worm that stole over 9000 accounts from Gaiafags, causing Gaia to take down the profile system several times this week. What will be the outcome when all is said and done? Who knows. But it will have lulz.

Update: The *chans have evidently forfeited their crusade, presumably with the realization that they themselves are mostly Gaiafags. Bitches cry and life goes on for some. FUCK THIS- ON WITH THE CRUSADE!

Media:[1]

Gaia tries to be ANONYMOUS DESU... AGAIN.

"Welcome to the Internet Memes/Culture forum! The Internet Memes/Culture forum is intended for discussing all things related to the show Internet Memes/Culture: what’s hot now, your favorite memes from the past, overall internet culture, etc."

Newly shat out by the devious Jew who were responsible for stealing shit from all over the world, the Internet Memes/Culture hot topic is a place where Gaiafags kicked out of the chans go and pretend that they're back on /b/ by repeating old memes repeatedly like a record player on crack. Also known as the home of retards that think 4chan doesn't control the internet. Little do they know that if the asshole of the internet closes up, the rest go batshit insane in a matter of hours. And at least 95% of the old crap they keep shooting comes from 4chan.

That counts as complete and unconditional control.

Within minutes of its creation, it was flooded by chan-rejects and wanna/b/tards shitting out old memes like a rampaging frog symphony. Add in butthurt underagers doing their remixes of "I'm 12 years old and what is this", linkouts to KnowYourMeme and hardcore gaiafags trying to fit in by posting cp... and an equal amount of people losing the game and doing it wrong.

What goes down in retardo/b/
File:Lolgaiacp.png
Gaiafags loev cp.
AW, HAIL NAW
Oh Christ. It's gotten this bad, has it?

The generic contents of the posts...


   
 
GOATSE
 

 
 

—Attention whore.


   
 
The game, it's over 9000, Boxxy and lolcats are the most popular kind of memes around.


 


 
 

—Doing it wrong.


   
 
RULES 1 AND 2 MOTHERFUCKERS.
 

 
 

—Proof that 4chan DOES control the internet.


   
 
They're life-ruiners. They ruin people's lives.
 

 
 

—Talking about /b/.


   
 
i think gaia should drop the whole "we're like 4chan" thing. even making the monorail cat halo / longcat thing was pretty pathetic...
 

 
 

—Some guy, speaking the truth.


   
 
who the fuck cares. they think they have a copyright on the internet.
 

 
 

—Some whore is asking for it.


   
 
I hate this meme it's so ridi
 

 
 

—REALLY doing it wrong.

tl;dr version: The high-functioning autistic mirror image of /b/.

Rickroll Has Been Added To Gaia

Will you spend virtual gold for Rick?

Another meme has been spotted on Gaia. On May 07, 2008, Gaia online has taken the Rickroll meme and used it for their virtual store update. Realizing that most of their fans flood /b/chan anyway, they try and cater to the meme-spouting masses and take one of our most beloved icons and use it.

ITEM DRAMA!!!

Evolving items

Last Thursday, Gaia unveiled another cash scam to get your in rl money! They have been around for about two years (give or take) and now they are only get more ridiculous. At first, they seemed rather promising that the creators update the item once or twice a month to 'evolve' into more items. Once it finishes evolving it usually leaves the cash shop resulting in price inflation. You can spend 7-10 dollars on one of these items. Gaia fags all over are bawling trying to get these items as they are the main source of major gaia goldz to get and posess these items then sell them for moar gold. The old Evolving items go from 300,000 to over 100,000,000 gold to get. So if your mommy doesn't buy these items for you fast they'll be gone! The evolving items have caused much bawwing and bitching arounf the forums that the items are 'too expensive'

Rig Boxes

HOLY SHIT! Gaia is up to no good once more! Now for the kicker, these items are cheaper than Evolving items and the main source of gaia fags bitching. The item is sold in the cash shop for $1.75 (give or take) and you play it like a dating sims game. Depending on how well you do determines what kind of item you get! You can get completely shitty items that you can buy in the shops. You also get a chance at new, rare, speshul, and unique items that range from 10,000 gold to 100,000 or more. The chances of anyone getting one of these speshul items are about 980,495,789,453,989 to one. Most of the 'rare' items are ridiculously priced.

So, you feeling lucky?

Gaia Prom

This just in: Gaia has decided (disregard that, Prom has been around since 2003), since most of its loser users are too busy being cancerous growths to get a life, to make a Gaia Prom! Nothing moar needs to be said.

It was worse than you could imagine. Gaia took the opportunity to further promote AIDS by enlisting the winner of something called " Project Runway " to "design" items for this sphincter of an event. And of course the Cash Shop was flooded with the pillow-biter's garbage on a weekly basis. It was sickening. Gaia made a killing off of the proceeds. Attention whores and 16-year-old girls were pandemic.

The faggot in question, one Christian Siriano,was then added as an NPC and It took up residence in the " Barton Boutique" shop. Pictures showing the happy couple are unavailable, fortunately.

Apparently, the big pay-off for this so-called event was the privilege of playing a crappy flash version of the completely fucktarded DDR game, and having your picture taken with a virtual rendition of Siriano Itself!

And the gaiafags LOVED it!

Aquarium

Breaking news--The Gaia Admins have released another new feature called "My Aquarium", allowing gaiafags the simple pleasure of watching poorly drawn fish swim back and forth in a pixelated fishtank.

The release of this feature was coupled with a new shop called Phin Phang(more like Phin Phag, amirite?), which caused a mass uproar because the dedicated shop's items are only purchasable with Gaia Cash. This lead to the creation of over 9000 threads in the Site Feedback forum where butthurt attention whores were free to voice their opinions toward the overpriced aquarium accessories.

Raiding

Seig Heil!
And reactions

To piss off alot of the people who use gaia, just follow these steps, your bound to get some great reactions:

  1. Find some porn, try and find some related to Hitler if you can
  2. Put it on Photobucket.
  3. Use the embedd code and start a new topic in any of the Gaia forums, under something innocent, like 'Hi everyone', or, 'I'm new' And spam the porn over and over and over.


An elite group of Special Forces was formed, and took it upon themselves to conduct raids against Gaiafags. They are secretive, and thus have no name outside of their group. They quickly overtake a Gaiafags RP thread, changing the subject, creating chaos and unsettling the ranks of the Gaiafags. They then claim the thread, in the names of many people. This upsets the Gaiafags greatly, and they go and piss and moan to the mods. The dumbfucks aren't efficient enough, and the soldiers finish their job, leaving once the posters have been upset to a point that they no longer post. Thusly the battle is declared a victory, and the raiders move on to a new ebattlefield, pissing off dozens of cock-sucking, furry-loving, Gaiafags. Eventually the moderators catch up, and usually the next day these braved soldiers are permabanned, declared KIA. They are reincarnated, and continue their work.

But if you have real balls, raid some accounts, jack them the fuck up by removing all the digital crap from them, spam worms onto the automated mailing system, and put the blame on the owner. Major lulz will ensue, and idiots only point fingers at who's there.

Politics

Gaia recently added two new items to the cash shop to make this year's election even more lulzy. The two items are a plush elephant and a plush donkey that each come with two frightening masks. Gaia also apparently believes Palin is a psycho killer bitch, just look, they show her with a corpse.[2] There is also at least one political ad on Gaia now (something about Randy Kuhl, but srsly, who cares)

LAWL-suit

Clear evidence
One day Queen Of Dorks signed into her DeviantArt to find that Gaia had ripped off her completely onigiri bunny item. Something she created was being sold as a cash item. This person was very upset and with her gang of fans caused Gaia to remove the item by threatening a lawsuit for her copyright.

She is quoted as stating the following;

"Gaia makes a lot of knock offs of popular anime crap, and I know the concept of an onigiri bunny is not mine. However, the image is FAR too close to be coincidence, and now it's been confirmed by someone on the Gaia team that the staff knew it was a copy."

Rumor has it that she is also considering a lawsuit of Sanrio due to her black kitty rings looking remarkably close to their Choco Kitty character.

Get 5,000 gold a day

  1. Use Firefox
  2. Download Reload Every
  3. Open Gaia in a new tab
  4. Right click and set "Reload Every" to 10 seconds
  5. Leave tab open forever
  6. Collect Gold
  7. No ????? necessary
  8. No "PROFIT!!!" needed either Transfer Gold ASAP to another account and build up.
  9. Get perma-banned

If you enjoy this, become an Hero.

2016 Faggotry

Three years later, faggotry has not changed in the slightest. Notable mods such as Prue can be found stuffing his boypussy with hotdogs, and banana peels, and dead fetuses trying to fill the hole his pedophile tendencies will not, asshurt Prue bans the Nigerian kid for not wanting to accept his butthole AIDS. If he's not chasing after jailbait, he's most likely stealing welfare checks from grandmas, or stealing hubcaps from his neighbors piece of shit 1970's cadillac.

Lord Arrion, or Chris the child molesting hamburglar, is a moderator who chased after a 40 year old woman after 5 years of failure, asshurt faggotry, wrist cutting, and about 300 gallons of alcohol later, his efforts were destroyed in 3 days by a neck-bearded basement-dwelling asshole only to break down, and cry some more with nothing to be done, his sister Rachel can commonly be found gracing Chatterbox with pictures of her herpes invest vagina, and salami-tits. Want to make him spooked by threatening to swat his sister. It's always good for some lulz, inbox spooky hackers to get her n00dz for a lulzfest.

Zero Omega, the king of cows is a corporate office desk-jockey who spends most of his time googleing lolicon, shota, or any other variant of child pornography, noted he also collects child porn from their own community before removing it, if this land-whale of a chink isn't stroking his micro-cock to pronz of all the 8 year olds whoring themselves out for gaia gold, he's probably molesting whales. If he can't get it off on children he usually induces his system with Meth, crack, or spice trying to become an hero to escape reality, all you have to do is inbox this faggot for a perma-ban.

Gary A Shodield, or gaia's new CEO that caused the collapse of the weeaboo nigger faggots paradise was pwned numerous times after getting molested for three days solid from a rich kid borrowing his moms paypal account to pay lizard skids into molesting the website with a shitty pma botnet. Gary cried after the losses, and decided to start banning all l33t haxorz to make up for his butthurt. All was good for a time, until one day a nigger came about to steal his bike. Mad, Gary tries banning Tyrone the rallyfag with l33t dawxing skillz who successfully raped him in the asshole with a dox provided by the apocalypse gods themselves, after this shitstorm good ole Gent being the sysadmin pwnhammer decided to leak the source code to gaia's mobile apps, flash spaces, and gary's dawx, after being asshurt from this pwnage Tyrone was banned, and kept from ever shoving his foot up gary's asshole again.

Way's to fuck with the company

  • Charge back on paypal
  • Swat the headquarters
  • File FTC complains
  • File BBB complains
  • Know their ToS is an "Adhesive Contract" and won't be honored by law, have fun pwning their asshole with lawl-suits
  • Get 4chan fags to spam chatterbox with goatse, and tubgirl. Make a pre-formatted template full of shock porn for a "Troll Shotgun".
  • Report him for child abuse
  • Make reports of online child sexual abuse with ICE saying a mod, or admin is extorting people.
  • Rape company ratings by posting bogus reviews, and bask in lulz as their ass-ets go down the drain, only to respond with threats of lawl-suits, or party vans.


See Also

External Links


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Gaia Online
is part of a series on
the cancer that is killing /b/
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Sources [-+]
Symptoms [-+]
Forced Memes [-+]
Treatment [-+]

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