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Ever driven through the Ghetto? Now imagine a ghetto the size of an entire fucking continent and you'll begin to understand the IRL edition of Planet of the Apes. Africa (also known as "Blackistan", "Africoon", "Assfrica", "Niggerland", "Lolfrica", "Africunt", "Aidsfrica", "Gayfrica", "Rapefrica" or "Hell") is a wretched hive of scum and villainy further south than Europe and much darker, almost completely uninhabitable where (with the exception of Egypt) Civilization has never progressed beyond primitive Stone-Age tribal shit-throwing. Africa is made mostly of dirt, AIDS, diseases, Apes, Rapes, Apes that rape, Rape of apes, Poisonous oversized grapes, Biohazard warning tape, and Homicidal dudes who escape.
It is generally accepted that the only white people found in Africa are intelligent, kind Europeans who give kittens and free textbooks to black families on a regular basis. The lunatic Africans kill them in return for their kindness. Proof.
The entire continent has never progressed at all due to the fact that it is uninhabited by actual Humans, only by niggers whose evolution never progressed beyond that of the monkey. Despite the fact that you can strike precious minerals such as diamond and Uranium anywhere you dig, the indigenous animals are too retarded to be able to comprehend Human technology and government systems, instead eating each other and/or raping chimpanzees (this is where HIV originated from). There has never been a day in African history where somebody isn't starving or a war isn't going on, or anything less than 100 children have been pwned. The only way to keep up with this high death rate is by making babies as fast possible, raping even more people and therefore spreading AIDS. Despite the whole world pouring money into it, they still can't figure how to stop raping and eating each other. And they are so stupid that instead of moving, they'd rather to walk three miles every day for water.
African Civilization is an oxymoron made up by liberal autists that have nothing better to do but wallow in nigger's shit and AIDS. African civilization is a myth made up by the American government to make niggers think that their 'friends' in Africa (That actually hate american niggers, because they are the descendants of the slave class in Africa) are smart (they are not). If you 'learn' about African civilization in history class, call your teacher out on his bullshit and say "African civilization is an oxymoron" and proceed to An Hero the entire class and yourself.
There are two wonderful jobs you can get in Africa. One is spreading AIDS, and the second is becoming a child soldier. People serving in both occupations are on average about two years old. Morons like Bono made Amerikkka give a lot of money to Africa, but it's just as shit as it's ever been. The odd celebrity will also deposit a few thousand bucks to the continent to get rid of that extra money lying around while keeping up their image to appear as though they genuinely care. Billions has been put towards the ongoing poverty over the years, yet it's still a shithole, even when basic education for farming has been introduced.
Feeling unwell? You have AIDS. But never mind, just pop along to your local witch doctor, because niggers are too dumb to build a decent medical center. They've got enough bizarre and wonderfully useless concoctions that'll most likely put you out of your misery rather than heal you of it. Tastes funny? Stop bitching! Because you know what they say, if it tastes bad it's good for you!
Frequent appointments to the Voodoo Hut may also involve having your daughter's clitoris cut off with a blunt rock. Remember girls, only men in Africa are privileged to the joy of sexual pleasure!
Africa is a place where black magic genuinely happens. It is hard for western observers to perceive the subtle ways in which magic works, but the savage is more in tune with nature's mysteries and this explains why IRL examples of witchcraft, conjuring, lycanthropy, and similar ju-ju events tend to look completely fucking stupid when filmed.
Here are some examples. Warning, do not watch if you are of a nervous disposition.
The self-driving car - another nigger invention stolen by whitey
This is Africa
There are thousands of reasons why the holidaymaker should go to Africa. Millions. We're not going to list them all, because it would take too long. But you can look forward to:
Whatever your reason for visiting Africa, we can guarantee you that you will find it difficult to leave.
In Africa, they will eat ANYTHING. See that monkey? It's food. Oh look, a pile of cow shit! Food! If it tries to run away, the Africans will hurl spears and rocks at it until it stops moving. Some African tribes evolved the habit of kicking things to death instead. Thus, African soccer was born.
Whatever can not be eaten will be fucked. AIDS supposedly came from some bored African fucking a green monkey. Why anyone would fuck a creature that has obviously gone rotten is beyond the understanding of most civilized countries, but this is Africa - deal with it! And what is fucking when one party isn't into it? RAEP!
Africans use rape for everything - Seriously! Rape is used to cure faggots, get wimmin back into the kitchen, show how manly you are, pass the time, proper disposal for rancid monkey carcasses, and more! In fact, tribal medicine even says that raep cures AIDS. However, retards in Africa don't know that it won't work, ensuring much lulz to be spread around the continent.
Little do many know, but there is indeed a vaccine created for the AIDS virus. Too bad nobody in Africa can afford it. There are too many faggots in the Western world loaded with money to even care, dat's why they got the AIDS. Major butthurt and SLAVE pwnage.
Wild niglets perform their war-dance
If there's one aspect of modernity that the stinking cess-pit of Africa has embraced, it's corrupt military dictatorships. Present-day Africa is mainly notable for the number of Nigglers that it has produced, some of whom are so spectacularly mad and vicious that they make Saddam Hussein look like a jolly decent chap and a bit of a shrinking violet. None of Africa's tyrants has ever been overthrown by the USA, but that might be because America knows from first-hand experience that freeing niggers just isn't worth the trouble in the long run. Here is a slideshow of some of the dark continent's top-rated tyrants.
Surprisingly, the internet is not censored anywhere in Africa. Not-so-surprisingly, this is because only 12% of Africans have any internet access. That minority consists of people who live within a day's travel of the new-fangled "internet cafés" and can afford to spend a whole week's income just to waste 30 minutes waiting for a single .gif animation to download. (Did we mention that only 1% of Africans has access to broadband?)
At present, internet usage is so rare that in (e.g.) Burkino Faso, a regulatory body called "the Superior Council of Communication" can effectively monitor the entire online population to ensure compliance with local law.
In May 2012 the Council issued a formal warning to a site after a user insulted the nation's President during a forum debate, forcing the site's owners to publish an apology and undertake to prevent any further misconduct.
The whole continent of Africa currently has fewer phone lines than New York City but this may change in the future. If it does, expect the phenomenon of "Eternal September" to be replaced by "Eternal Kwanzaa," in which a large amount of online activity will consist of niggers trying to put curses on their enemies by sending them the "I Love You" virus. It is furthermore estimated that by the year 3000 the entire GDP of Nigeria will be derived from 419 scams. But more optimistic forecasts estimate that most of Africa will have died of AIDS before this can happen.
Incredibly, television has been accepted by the people of Africa, without TV salesmen being hacked to death by villagers. Since the entire continent is essentially medieval but with electricity, it is believed that Africans regard TV as a form of crystal ball, which reveals faraway wonders when it is gazed upon. And it does indeed produce wonders, if you are from a civilized country you will scarcely believe your eyes at the content produced for African audiences.
Europe and Africa
Just as the first European settlers came to America, conquered the Moors and the Indians (feather, not dot), and then enslaved Africans and robbed them of all their resources, white Americans of today will continue to keep black people as pets in cages, ghettos, and BET where, as far as the country clubs are concerned, they belong.
These retarded apes still haven't done anything to improve this country, well, with few exceptions, but those people were exceptions because their ancestors were raped by white people. All those negro preachers in the NAACP (Niggers Appreciating A Chunky Pussy) might as well take a rope and hang their own damn selves. These theories are dominant, because no black person could receive enough of an education to disprove those racist beliefs except for Martin Luther King Jr.
Lately, a lot of whining liberals have been protesting to introduce foreign strains of the AIDS virus into the African population. Little do they know that the AIDS is an American secret weapon to destroy the dark skins and the homosexuals, mostly for Africa and their overpopulated shit holes.
Often, people will hold benefit concerts and other gay shit in the name of foreign AIDS. However, the bleeding hearts don't know this usually goes to the Jew bankers in New York instead of the fucktards in Africa. Jew bankers with foreign AIDS - HA! Serves them right.
Contrary to the faggot Spartans, the African 300 leader had much more trouble inspiring his troops. Simply think of him saying "Africans! Tonight, we dine in...oh wait, we don't have any food." Therefore, their end would have not been caused by a retard that looked strangely similar to that ugly bitch, but by the mere lack of cheeseburgers in their McDonald's and by failing at purification through the fucking of one-year-olds.
- $100 Laptop
- Afrocentrism - let's face it, if you were from Africa, you'd prefer this fantasy too
- Black chicks
- Black History Month
- Child in Africa, the
- Detroit - A fully-representative African colony
- HowToBasic, an insane Australian YouTuber with great contempt for Africa's starving people
- Dogo Nahawa Massacre
- Kony, Joseph
- Ssempa, Martin
- World Cup 2010
- Malawi man demands ransom worth thousands after magically transforming his attackers into snakes (PHOTO!) (Archived: )
- Witchcraft suspected after Malawian hospital confirms woman gave birth to twin stones (Archived: )
- Liberian immigration officer "swallowed by Devil" (Archived: )
- Zambian man "9 months pregnant" within 48 hours of fucking someone else's wife (PHOTOS!) (Archived: )
- Infestation of mermaids poses "serious problem" for Zimbabwean dam project (Archived: )
- Nog gets arrested while raping goat, pleads not guilty because he had "asked for the goat's permission" (Archived: )
- Travelling prophet lifts accident-strewn Zambian highway curse, warns ghostly culprit "God will not tolerate the nonsense" (PHOTOS!) (Archived: )
- Zimbabwe nurses in anal trauma after maternity hospital is seized by sex-mad goblins (Archived: )
- Witchcraft "suspected" in Tanzania as ten niglets are found dead with their tongues and genitals cut out (Archived: )
- Tanzanian child murders: 65 witchdoctors arrested (Archived: )
- Egyptian woman jailed for sexual molestation of monkey (Archived: )
- Simultaneous Malaria epidemic hampers efforts to tackle the Congo's 10th Ebola epidemic in the last 40 years (Archived: )
- Ghanaian devil-worshiper confesses to 675 sacrificial child-murders (Archived: )
- Kenyan man beaten by villagers after fatally raping two chickens (PHOTO!) (Archived: )
- Nigerian ju-ju man shot dead while demonstrating his magical bullet-proof power (Archived: )
- Zimbabwe hospital besieged by out-of-control wizard who transformed into were-crocodile (Archived: )
- Annual six-month-long epidemic of the bubonic plague currently rated "the severest in living memory" (Archived: )
- Witchdoctor tells man that fucking a donkey will make him grow strong (he does it, of course) (Archived: )
- Zambian man gets 5 years hard labor for sex with pregnant goat, in court-ordered clampdown on area's "rampant" bestiality (Archived: )
- Nigger walks into police station and says he's bored with eating human flesh, five cannibal accomplices are arrested, and then it turns out the whole village (300 nigs) have been digging up graves and eating the corpses for years (Archived: )
- Mozambique witch-doctors acquire severed human heads for magic spells by telling other niggers that bald men have gold hidden inside their skulls (Archived: )
- Mob burns epileptic man to death in Malawi during nationwide hysteria about vampires (Archived: )
- Gokwe police chief confirms prime suspect in murder investigation is "a daring mermaid" (PHOTO!) (Archived: )
- Nigerian preacher "not resurrected" after commanding followers to bury him alive (Archived: )
- Egyptian men have "a national duty" to rape women who wear ripped jeans (Archived: )
- Witchdoctor arrested for murder after inflating a nigger's dick with a bicycle pump "to boost virility" (Archived: )
- Uproar in Nigerian church congregation as woman gives birth to pony during prayers (Archived: )
- Preacher convinces pack of nigger "disciples" into eating the grass in his garden (PHOTOS!) (Archived: )
- Dog tied to tree and "raped to death" in Western Cape Province (Archived: )
- Terror as Ugandan cannibal tribe invades Kenya (Archived: )
- Murder suspect travelled to scene in flying basket, expert tells trial judge (Archive: )
- South African president Jacob Zuma is a witch! (Archived: )
- Zimbabwe president Robert Mugabe accused of witchcraft after deputy "suffers severe diarrhoea" (Archived: )
- Negress who "hasn't had a period for six years" is located by sorcery, blessed, and releases "fountain of blood" (PHOTOS!) (Archived: )
- Fear stalks Benin City as warring cults continue ritual beheading spree (Archived: )
- And it's not the first time, either (Archived: )
- Still, it's not quite as bad as the time before that (Archived: )
- And it's not the first time, either (Archived: )
- Cows "buried alive" in stadiums to ensure soccer team success (Archived: )
- Mombassa man's mystery death linked to sinister horse-legged woman sighting (Archived: )
- Soldiers prevent lynching of man suspected of using magic to steal boy's penis while shaking hands (Archived: )
- South African negress gives birth to catfish following 16-month pregnancy (PHOTOS!) (Archived: )
- Murder "motivated by mushroom" (Archived: )
- Eight-week-old baby grows into man in 30 seconds, issues garlic-related threat, escapes into jungle (Archived: )
- "Talking monkey" burned to death by mob (Archived: )
- Cat eaten after being crucified for witchcraft in Liberia (Archived: )
- Malawi villagers pay magical pedo to fuck 104 of their 12-year-old daughters for three days each (Archived: )
- Teachers' testicles "molested by goblins" (Archived: )
- School evacuated after pupil dies of hysteria (Archived: )
- No end in sight for Sudan's deadly nodding epidemic (Archived: )
- Zimbabwean man "starts menstruating after juju curse for marital infidelity" (Archived: )
- Average of 80 suspected witches murdered per month in Tanzania (Archived: )
- South Africa's nigger junkies now smoking "joints" that contain stolen cremation ashes (Archived: )
- Swaziland outlaws witches from flying on broomsticks at altitudes higher than 150 meters (Archived: )
- "Goblin danger" warning after Kuwadzana woman gives birth to chicken head (Archived: )
- Wizards control Nigerian president's villa, turn women into "merchants of dildo" (Archived: )