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Game Theory (Real name: Matthew Patrick) is yet another video game related YouTube show that makes retrofags scream "CHILDHOOD RUINED!!!" in the comments section (he is also a YouTube sponsorship whore). Essentially, it's a show that speculates upon an alternate reality in which games are important, while "decisively proving" shit that doesn't matter like "Mario has Antisocial Personality Disorder!", or "Creepers are plants!". To compensate for the bad content, he slides/zooms pictures around on the screen to provoke an illusion that the video editing is "nifty". Or, he wields large and ponderous words to make him seem intelligent, which begs the conclusion that his theories must be right! This show somehow managed to achieve 2,000,000+ subscribers.
The man himself, Matthew Patrick (on YouTube, Walter White Jr. lookalike, which explains his retarded persona. His obnoxious voice has extremely forced pitch changes, such that they literally drive the viewers away from any point that he was so feebly trying to make. There's also the fact that he uses puns ironically like any other 12-year old boy would do. Oh, and there is another shitty game show on the same channel called "Game Exchange", but nobody gives a shit. Because of the success of this, he's added 2 brand new shows shittily titled "Culture Shock", and "Crossover" both are filled to the brim with buttfuck stupidity., as the 13 references his maturity age) is the fuckface who decided to make this show a reality; he is also a
—"The smartest show on gaming."
Just by reading the titles of his videos, you'd instantly facepalm. However, he actually manages to make his theories believable... that is, if you are completely oblivious to the game he is talking about or if you just don't know anything in general. Nearly all of his videos are self-contradictory. For example, he uses statistics to support the claim that the Pyro from Team Fortress 2 is a homosexual male, while stating that he didn't use stereotypical or circumstantial evidence.
Yet another reason why many of his theories are flawed is that he uses a limited number of games from game series to support his claims. For example, he uses Sonic 1 to prove that Sonic isn't fast at all, and that's a game where Sonic doesn't have the spin-dash mechanism. This video quickly came under fire, and, in a shocking turn of events, proved to the internet that there exists a force more autistic than Sonicfags. When asked how fast Sonic moves in the Doomsday Zone, Matpat replied that he didn't give enough of a fuck to calculate. That's right kiddies, matpat ignores evidence that disproves his own half-assed theories.
Another one of his "great theories" regards Bioshock Infinite when the retard doesn't understand the difference between fucking magnets and quantum mechanics. This just shows how little you should trust him on anything.
To counter all of the rebuttals given by butthurt basement-dwellers, he says "Well, that's just a theory. A GAME THEORY!" in the gayest way possible. Fans regard this quote when a theory is actually flawed and busted, and disregard this quote when the theory wasn't rebutted in the first place. It should be noted however that a "theory" is peer reviewed and tested for accuracy. Thanks to his constant misuse of the word "theory," self-contradictory statements, and denial of opposing evidence, we can safely conclude that Game Theory is the gaming community's version of creationism.
How "Theories" are Created
Before going into any instructions, first you must choose which type of theory that you want to create:
- Gay and nonsensical Connections that fundamentally fall back on the "Every video game ever is connected because similar things and characters occur!" concept that Matpat genuinely believes (Which is a load of bullshit) to try to link two completely unrelated games.
- "Theories" that exist only for Matpat to showcase clickbait and get jew golds from ad revenue.
How Matpat Constructs a Connection
- Find two unrelated vidya. The more unrelated, the more WHACKY AND UNBELEEVABLE!!! it will be for Game Theory's 13 year old viewers and the more mainstream the games are, the more jew golds Matpat gets. For sake of demonstration, we're going to link Custer's Revenge and Megaman.
- Identify the developers, and start to notice other games that they created. If the developer worked on more than one game series, they are obviously linked, because why would a developer try to tell more than one story? Megaman is developed by Crapcom, which has many fighting series such as Marvel Vs. Capcom.
- Identify characters. Because there's only one fucking character of anyone ever in anything, even non-canon appearances can be used to vulture more time and excuses to whine into the microphone. In our example, Marvel Vs. Capcom also features Ryu of Street Fighter, who appears in the same game as Guile.
- Identify Items and Locations, because over-thinking simple easter eggs or common settings is quite easy when you're Matpat. Guile is perhaps the only good American. Custer raped Native American women for the lulz. OBVIOUSLY LINK'D (insert LOLGAMER Zelda picture).
While the above illustrates the basic principles, Game Theory would have put in at least 500 games between the two, adding in more time for Matpat's charming voice and witty humor to pad out the video length.
- Watch as Engineering majors who memorise expressions they see from 9gag scream "OMGTHATSGENIUS!!!111" and count your jewgold.
How Matpat Constructs a "Theory"
Method 1: Pseudoscience!
- Count moniez from previous video's ad revenue
- Deep throat a dragon dildo to obtain that coarse voice that lies somewhere in pleasure between sanding a wooden block and cutting a stop sign with a chainsaw. It helps to hide the jew whine.
- Pull up Wikipedia in another tab
Okay, ready? Let's find a "theory" to work with.
- Play a video game.
- Notice something out of the ordinary that isn't defined by the game (usually something staple to the series, so the fanbois will think you're smart for doing very little research!)
- Write a basic question about this on a sticky note
- Disregard cartoon physics and ready Google search.
- Begin rearranging the fuckload of standard video game pictures saved right next to the Pokemon porn folder.
- Stumble through each problem you encounter until you find your first answer to it. Do not double check, do not re-examine your answer, just upload it. The journey to it, regardless of if you're not full of shit or not, is what generates the moniez, because idiots who take video game physics seriously aren't the type of intellectual people to question your masterful work.
Once you attempt to explain this matter of who knows what, like a true scientist, Matpat tackles each method of problem solving accordingly:
- "I need to find a distance measurement." Matpat, because of his lack of 1337 haxing skills to properly examine map files and gauge appropriately, will tackle almost all of these by working with visuals from one character's dimensions.
- "How do I know how fat or how wide a character is then?" Well, it's simple, really. Just find a part of a cutscene or gameplay where the character is beside another. Then, you go on wikia and find the height of the character who isn't the one who you want to examine. Once you do that, rely entirely on visuals to compare the two characters.
- "Wait, doesn't perspective and scaling mess up visual measurements? Why not just use wikia to look up the height of the character in question anyway?" That's the point, though, you want the calculation to be wrong. The more wrong it is, if you or Matpat can say it with confidence, the more skewed your final measurement will be, and the more the fanboys will say "WOAAAAH :O DAT's not what I was expectin. Ur so smart Game Theory!!!" You don't get jew golds, for being right, you get jew golds for padding out bullshit!
- "How do I find out what this creature is?" It's quite simple really. Since Matpat proves through non-canon appearances and the disregarding the possibility of similar creatures being coincidentally the same, every video game is related. There are games that are based off of real life, so you can use real-life references to explain what can happen in a medium where a spirit within the planet is responsible for all of the power generated in the world, burning, maiming, drowning, biting, and smashing will fail to kill a common puppy, and et certera for ridiculous bullshit. All you have to do is google for things that do similar things to the thing that you want to know about. Again, it's quite simple, really.
- "Wait, what if this point that I'm proposing contradicts the game's entire canon?" In cases where this is asked, the answer is always "You are Game Theory. You are correct." Silly game developers, thinking that they know the games they create.
- "This seems fine and dandy, but what if I slip up and my theory is a load of shit?" Who cares? Who's going to correct you? Who's going to stop you from getting them jew golds?
Method 2: Plagiarism!
When actually thinking seems like too much trouble for Matpat, Game Theory will blatantly copypasta fan theories and observations to fulfill his own jew gold quota. We'd feel sorry for him for needing to stoop lower than your mother every night, but then again Matt's fans are literally too retarded to play the games he's talking about, so we understand that he needs to dumb down his content to the absolute lowest common denominator. It's like when Wikipedians try to read ED, only Game Theory wants this to happen for some reason.
You're Wrong But Also Right
Given his legions of "intelligent" fans, and the fact they can't think for themselves, no one ever tries to tell MatPat he might be wrong. However, whenever someone DOES attempt to correct the great genius himself, they always make sure to either bomb the video or comment with dislikes or try to make it seem like, despite going against MatPat, their theory coincides with his, making it seem like he is wrong but somehow also right. BUT THEN AGAIN, IT'S JUST A THEORY! A FAGGOT THEORY!
Theory meets facts
- Video Games
- FNAF a shitty game that most Game Theory fans masturbate to on an hourly basis
Game Theory is part of a series on YouTube.
Game Theory is part of a series on
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|Featured article December 3rd & 4th, 2014|
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