Gary McKinnon

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Gary McKinnon (also known as The UFO Hacker and SOLO) is a 53 year old former IT professional and now unemployed porridgewog from Londonistan currently awaiting extradition to Gitmo after years of UK/US wrangling to get him in front of a US court to face charges for a series of 1337 hax in which he single-handedly breached over 9000 super sekrit Pentagon and US gummint websites.

He claims that he did it in search of evidence that the US Industrial Military Complex was hiding existence of lulz the Marcab Confederacy and UFO technology in Area 51, including the reverse engineering of alien spaceships for use in fighting Marsniggers.

However, the following message he left on a US gummint site "US foreign policy is akin to government-sponsored terrorism these days... It was not a mistake that there was a huge security stand-down on September 11 last year... I am SOLO. I will continue to disrupt at the highest levels." made it obvious to ED that he was doing it for the lulz. Also, he claimed he was as high as Amy Winehouse the whole time.

Normally, when someone hacks into the government's secret UFO files from within the USA, he'd be assassinated by the US government the same night and the assassin would make it look like a suicide -- there was an X-Files episode where it happened. But instead he's in the UK so there's an actual trial after which he'll be sent to Gitmo, tortured, and secretly assassinated by the US government and the assassin will make it look like a suicide. Of course, the UK has forbidden him to use a computer connected to the internet, which counts as one of the most cruel and unusual punishments ever devised... even though it's fairly common (see Jake Brahm). If Gary McKinnon were in Iran or North Korea doing the same things, he'd be given a medal and a lot of money by their government.


Who Is Gary McKinnon?[edit]

He shows up to challenge you when you have just done something great and are worn down.

You have just been awarded your Master's Degree in Cancer Research. In ten minutes you are going to have an interview to get the job of a lifetime with a six-digit salary. You'll be able to pay off your student loans no problem. You flip on the TV right before you leave and what do you see? GARY MOTHERFUCKING MCKINNON has just found the cure for cancer.

You're training on Route 22 for Brock's Gym, your Pokemon are tired, and who do you see? GARY MOTHER FUCKING MCKINNON.

It's 1997 and you're downloading Pokemon porn on your 56k modem. Oh boy, this zip file full of Misty nudes only has 10 minutes left. You've been waiting six hours for this. When the file gets to 99.9%, you start unzipping your pants and are getting ready for the fap of your life. At that moment, guess who picks up the phone and disconnects you? GARY MOTHERFUCKING MCKINNON.

You have just fended off a shark, you are bloody and tired but you can climb onto the boat when who shows up to stomp your fingers? GARY MOTHERFUCKING MCKINNON!

You're walking home at night and a mugger attacks you with a knife. You are able to drive him off using years of karate lessons, still sustaining some deep knife wounds. Guess who shows up and asks you for your wallet with a baseball bat? Gary MOTHERFUCKING McKinnon, thats who.

Gary McKinnon just finished owning your ass with kung-fu. He's walking to the hospital to recover from the wounds he got. He's tired. He crashes into a mirror, and ends up in a coma. Why? Because not even GARY MOTHERFUCKING MCKINNON is safe from GARY MOTHERFUCKING MCKINNON.

The Facts[edit]

The US Justice Department claim that McKinnon is responsible for "the biggest military computer hack of all time." McKinnon countered that he's a pretty cool guy. eH pwns the most powerful military in the world and doesn't afraid of the fact they use Windohs PCs on US military networks are connected to the Internet via direct IPs.

Is it a game or is it real

The systems administrator is accused of hacking into 97 US(eless) military and NASA computers in 2001 and 2002. The networks he is accused of hacking include networks owned by NASA, the US Army, US Navy, Department of Defense, and the US Air Force. The US estimates claim the 'damage' he did caused around $700,000 but he has always denied causing any damage and disputes the financial loss claimed by the US.

thizz

McKinnon has also claimed that on many occasions he noticed other crackers unlawfully entering the same systems and suggests that his activities were not unique. The U.S. Pentagon has for example in the past cited as many as 250,000 attacks in a single year. So in other words, the guy did no harm and he's being blamed for all the hacking done by the Chinese government. The BBC specifically said, "The US military's use of Windows let Mr McKinnon in." So they have no one to blame but themselves.

Classified documents he recovered[edit]

He recovered many classified documents detailing how George Bush was a reptilian alien, but these were seized when the party van confiscated his computers. He also recovered classified images of extra terrestrial activity, shown below.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

The Aftermath[edit]

The Appeals[edit]

tl;dr: DENIED! McKinnon will be deported to face trial in the USA asap.

The Aspie Card[edit]

After seemingly running out of options to avoid getting "fried" by the Americunt government when the EU Court of Human Rights turned down his final extradition appeal, Gary Motherfucking Oak McKinnon brought the lulz by playing the self-diagnosed Asperger's card, cos Asperger's syndrome is real serious business and makes people hack the Pentagon instead of getting laid. The jingoistic British media are already eating this up despite not realising Asperger's Syndrome is really just geek/loser syndrome that almost any failure at life can attain, they even go as far as to say that Mckinnon is autistic

Uncle Sam versus Asperger Man. It's on.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]


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Gary McKinnon is part of a series on Security Faggots

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Captain CrunchCult of the Dead CowDavid L. SmithGary McKinnonGOBBLESHD MooreJeff MossKevin MitnickLance M. HavokRobert MorrisTheo de RaadtweevWoz


Try-Hards

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